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I've read a fair few threads on here from those suffering from mental health issues and though I've never discussed any of my issues here I have found support and guidance from many of the responses that have been given.
So I'd just like to post some of my recent experiences that I have found helped me. [/cliche alert] If it helps just one person, just a little bit then it's worth the 10 mins it taken me to write it [/cliche alert]
For background, I been suffering from anxiety and what I now know is probably depression for the last 4 or 5 years. For most of that time I have kept it largely to myself thinking it was just the inevitable result of 'modern life' and caused (largely) by pressure of work. During much of this time I've been a difficult person to be around and 'love'. In turn I have become pretty socially isolated which, unsurprisingly had left me lonely and feeling worse.
Anyway this post is not to dwell on the above it's meant as a little note on things which I've recently done that have improved my life.
First I spoke to my boss (in fact my boss's boss as I know him better - but that hardly matters). It's difficult. But in my case it was massively helpful. Hats off to him. Just discussing your issues with your employer can help. Explaining how work was affecting my wellbeing unburdened me. Helped me to get some perspective. My boss gave me the opportunity to spend 5 / 10 mins with him at the start of each day to share my concerns and worries for that day and what help I felt I needed. It also gave me a way of managing the expectation of what I could get done. He also arranged for half a dozen sessions with a counselor (paid by them). I realise not all companies will do this - but they might surprise you.
Second, today I visited my GP. I really wasn't sure what sort of reaction I'd get. But my GP surprised me. She really 'got it'. She really did seem to understand. After I spoke to her about how I was lacking in energy, focus, motivation, hope and full of anger, frustration and AARRGGGHH (that's the best I can put it!) she followed up with a discussion and questions to which my answers were always 'yes, that's exactly how I feel'. Getting a diagnosis of 'depression', was far from being a hindrance; in fact it was, well a bit 'liberating'. I guess once you know and accept what's wrong you have a better idea of what you need to do to make it right. She has prescribed treatment (which I'm not going to detail) which I'm very happy to try. It's not whale song and mindfulness* 'cos that does nothing for me. I left the surgery feeling better and more positive for the future than I have for some time.
So to summarise:
If you're suffering with any of these issues DO seek out someone at your employer and DO see your GP. I'm not suggesting these are 'magic bullets' but it has certainly helped me.
(* If whale song and mindfulness works for you then fill yer boots. It's just not something that's for me. Not right now anyway - my mind is just too scattered)
Just a PS...
Happy to talk to anyone suffering from this modern malaise. PM me or post here (you'll get a huge 'group hug')
Don't be alone.... because you're not.
Just to say, great post. Simply talking to the right people can indeed open doors and ease burden.
Well done flashinthepan, bold move just to post and now you’ll be on your way to a more positive future.
All the best 👍 ☀️
I totally agree. This is one of the times when taking that step and talking to someone is the best thing that you can do. It took me breaking down before I finally went to the GP and I really wish that I had not waited so long.
FITP,
Thank you for being so open and sharing. I hope that others, if they need to, can learn from your experiences.
I’m not a big fan of your slightly dismissive attitude towards “mindfulness”, though great post otherwise so chapeau. CBT (of which mindfulness plays a part) has helped me significantly, together with anti-depressants, as part of a holistic approach to trying to get better. I hope you give it another go some time in the future - the relief and sense of calm i can generate now just by noticing and appreciating the simple things around me is life changing. Six months ago I would have cynically dismissed this as a load of horlicks, so there is an element of having to suspend your disbelief to give it a chance.
Your description of what it’s like to have anxiety and depression at the same time is spot on. Well done mate, keep talking to people. It’s amazing how once you start talking to people about this stuff it just becomes natural and it’s like releasing the pressure valve.
Good post mate and well done for seeking help. It’s often the hardest thing to do.. to admit your struggling.
I visited my GP last year for a non stress/depression/anxiety related issue and he could tell there was something wrong so he just came right out and asked if I was ok. Well the flood gates burst open and it all came out. How I was feeling, how long I had felt like that and how run down I was, I wasn’t sleeping, could motivate myself, had no patience and was very withdrawn etc etc.
He talked me though some relaxation techniques and asked if I needed anything to help.. I declined medication for personal reasons but read the literature and followed his advice. I was signed off work for 2 weeks and spent some time with my wife and daughter.. it really helped but the thought of going back to work had me panicking again, so I went back to see him and I was signed off again. My boss wasn’t too amused and add in the fact I wanted to go back to driving instead of planning in a busy haulage company meant I had to fight my corner when he tried to blame me. I’m still with the same company as I don’t know what else I could do.. but I’m working on it. Just need to figure out what it is that makes me happy.
I still have bad days (had a really bad few months earlier this year and had some crazy ideas) but on the whole I’m infinitely better.
Looking back on the last few years it’s clear to me now that I was/have been/am suffering from mental health issues, knowing what I know now and where I was and am now has massively helped me accept and realise that it isn’t a sign of weakness or a “made up thing” that people use to get a few weeks off work.. mental health and well-being is a serious issue and if anybody is feeling like the OP or can relate to the above please speak to somebody.. it lifts the burden instantly and helps you move on with finding a happy place.
Sorry to ramble on there folks, it’s the first time I have really written it all down. Well done OP for seeking help and I hope you continue to improve.
1981miked, nothing to be sorry about for the 'rambling on'. It's one of those situations where rambling on is part of the treatment and if more people did it it would be the start of their unburdoning.
Ramble on...
Nice Post. I do wonder if there is something 'more' going on in my head than I realise, given how stressed, angry & frustrated I seem to get these days....
I just put it down to a combination of being constantly busy at work & home, coupled with a fairly long commute & the frustration of never finding enough time to fit things in; whether family time, stuff to do around the house or things for myself.
OP - it sounds like you have an understanding boss, which must be a help.
Thanks all. The positive responses above do really have an impact. Little things make a big difference
@ curto80. Apologies, i did not mean ti be dismissive of mindfullness. I know that a great nany people find it very helpful. And maybe I will too at some future time. Just at the moment I find it hard. Im just too 'restless'
Btw - i just can't type on my phone. Soz fir the litany if typos
Great post! I've suffered a lot with depression and anxiety over the years, sometimes really badly. My mind, left unchecked, can take me to some very dark places.
One thing that I've learnt over the years is that we all, as a society, need to be more open about it. We need to remove the taboo that seems to surround mental health, especially among blokes of a certain age. The more of us who speak openly about it, and refuse to just hide it away any more, the more progress we can make in making us all healthier mentally
Depression is not failure! It is not weakness! Its as much an illness as flu. We need to stop this typically male attitude, remove the macho culture that tacitly endorse these attitudes, and become more female and empathetic. We'd all benefit from that. We need more hugs, basically. Both physically and metaphorically
And we really need to prioritise this! Because the suicide statistics for older blokes are scary! And it doesn't have to be like this. We all need to make an effort to open mental health up. To talk about it like any other illness. So that blokes who' are suicidally depressed have got an avenue open to them to get better, see their illness for what is is, and get answers and solutions
Good post OP.
I should probably speak to my boss, I have struggled to give a single shit at work since my mum carked it a year ago.
Well said binners. I was actually quite surprised with the response I got from some people when I was signed off. I was expecting a lot of “man up” etc but what I got a lot of was empathy and people willing to listen.
I still find it hard talking to people when I’m having a bad day or when I’m in a dark place but I’m hoping that will change over time as I now have a better understanding of how my mind works and when it’s starting to get too much.
I find running helps clear my head and let’s me get perspective on things, I’m even looking to buy another bike and get back into cycling.. Orange Clockwork 137 Evo in medium incase Santa is reading this.
My job takes me away from home a fair bit and the hours are long with lots of very early (like 2am) starts, I feel like in constantly on fast forward with somewhere to be. I’m planning to talk to my boss today to see about being home more often and maybe dropping a Friday every month to let me relax and unwind.
well done on your employer, and GP.
I have tried mindfulness too -- my head spins too hard when sat down for it to have worked at the time. My GP prescribed online CBT but again that was not really helpful. The answers were either too obvious, contrived, or not as simple as made out. Couldn't relate to it.
Great posts well done. A mate of mine is struggling but is not willing to invest any time in herself, so many excuses, no time, too busy to name a few. You really have to want to get better too. I doubt its just me but I can spot the signs fairly quickly.
Look after yourselves.
I know that its probably a strange example of a role model but I've a lot of admiration for Tyson Fury in the way he's been so open about his mental health issues.
https://twitter.com/twitter/statuses/1069164031154507776
I’m the same with Tyson, he was in a bad place a couple of years ago and to come back and get in the ring and perform like he did is admirable.
I have a lot of time for Tyson when it comes to stuff like that.
Well done to everybody who has openly admitted to having mental health issues on this topic. Massive stigma surrounds this but I believe the thought process of people who don’t suffer is changing. I can’t praise my GP enough for what he did for me.
I honestly think (and he agreed) I was dangerously close to a total breakdown when he stepped in. I couldn’t have carried on much longer like that. So I’ll say it again.. if anybody is feeing anxious, stressed, depressed, snowed under, or just feels it’s all a bit too much at times please seek help.
I felt a massive weight lifted off my shoulders when I was signed off, I managed to hold it together to get back to my car then I phoned my wife and just burst into tears.. it was such a relief to know I wasn’t going crazy and that the feelings I though I was having were due to extreme stress, anxiety, burn out and depression.
Absolutely brilliant post OP, very much mirrors my own experience when I crashed this time 3 years ago. Superb support from my GP, work (civil service) paid for some counseling, plus some NHS help and some low level meds.
Many changes in those three years to help get my work life balance and perspective back. Nearly off the meds. Most importantly, I now recognise the black days for what they are, and that they will pass, and how to help them pass.
Big birthday next year is helping me refocus on how I want the next 10-15 years to go and how to start making it happen.
Buried a mate on Friday who was killed in a RTC. Not going well for me since then, Being single sucks when a big hug would make a shed load of difference
, I know its the lack of sunshine, the shitty short days, the shitty weather and the lack of decent riding helping get the endorphins flowing but knowing and doing something are different things.
I have a theory in that every one starts with a level score of 50 out of 100. Good things add to the score.- a blue sky cloudless day , recognition at work , getting out of work an hour early, walking up a great big hill , sub 6 hr century , a few hour down the pub etc all add points
Then there are the knockbacks that knock points off. Car failing MOT , boiler breaking unexpectedly , illness , redundancy etc.
Keeping the points tally up in the top half is good, but continued deduction is bad and when it drops right down is very bad .
Good post OP. sometimes 'MTFU' and keeping it all in is not the way forward at all.
I suffer (is that the right word?.......deal with seems more apt) with depression, anxiety and, because of the first two, OCD
Every day I have to fight the slightest touch of boredom as that's what brings my symptoms to the surface, my poor wife usually has to get some deep soul searching text message because I'm stuck in a loop of "I don't know who I am". I took a couple of days off this week just to use up some holidays and have spent about 90 minutes painting a Warhammer model because that's todays obsession. I wake up some days angry with myself for constantly feeling this way, but then, as I'm my own worst enemy, I do nothing at all to help myself other than chomping down another Citalopram and trudging through the same shit day in and day out.
I've not even been out on the bike for over a year.
I locked myself away for an hour the other night and played guitar and surprised myself just how well I could actually carry a tune, but then ten minutes later the identity crisis rears its head again and the elation wears off.
Everything to me is a black cloud and i'm just sitting around waiting for the next thing to go wrong.
Clearly I have no useful words of wisdom, but if I listened to advice sometimes, i'd probably say singletrackminds points method seems like a good idea and I might try it, sometimes I can have a habit of missing the little things and only concentrating what my mind has decided are the massive things that make me who I am.......which is mostly shite
(sorry, todays a rambling day it would seem)
Can I just recommend that people might want to subscribe to this podcast, I find it fascinating and it does a great job of normalising and de-stigmatising mental health issues as well as educating me on them...
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b006qxx9/episodes/downloads
Great post. One of those in that boat on occasion and I can honestly say that this place is a great space to be open about mental health.
Great post OP. This place needs a like button. I’ve suffered with depression (sometimes very badly) since my late teens. It’s always harder at this time of year when the nights are longer and the weather generally miserable. Sounds like you’re making good progress.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
Good on you OP.
Remember to alway have me time and do fun activities. It’s very easy to get caught up in an anxiety feedback circle.
I suffered from an anxiety disorder following a nervouse breakdown in 2009. Not nice but it is recovarable.
If you need some pointers as to books and websites let me know.
I think the biggest thing for me was asking for help, and you know what, I got it.
GP popped me on some tablets (pain and depression) but the side effects weren't worth it in the end (although it helped through the first rocky months.
The GP also referred me via Physio and our Healthy Minds programme. I've just done a 6 week CBT course, had about 4 physio sessions, and now I've been put on a back rehab programme. I've also lined up counselling.
I'll echo all the points above - step one is asking for help ! It's there.
Great post OP.
I was similar to a lot of the posts above - stressed, short temper, not motivated etc.
Went to the GP and was diagnosed with depression & anxiety - GP has been brilliant. She initially signed me off for 2 weeks.
I've managed to reconnect with my Wife & kids too which has been brilliant - hadn't realised I was so isolated from them.
I've been on meds now for 6 weeks and that's helping quite a bit, getting out on the bike either with mates or on my own has also helped.
I've just started back at work after a total of 8 weeks off - only been the last couple of weeks that the thought of going to work didn't freak me out. Gone back on a 3 day week until the new year as recommended by the GP - with at least one of those days working from home.
Also had my first counselling session last week with another one next week - the first session actually really helped me understand a few things a bit better.
Work have been OK'ish about it - my manager has been decent, but HR are just crap. Not had a call from them in the 8 weeks I was off - despite sending in my sick notes and telling them what the issue was. Still waiting for my call from Occupational Health too....
It seems that GP's are taking this more seriously now than in the past.
Great post. Some of you may remember my post from the summer. I'm on the up and getting back to being me again. There are good days and bad days, and that's ok.
For anyone struggling there is always someone that will listen and help, but they won't know you need it until you tell them. In my experience my GP was great, my boss was great and Mrs G is a legend for putting up with me and being there for me. I know everyone says it but exercise really helps, even if it's just a bit of a walk in the fresh air.
This forum is brilliant if you ever need to unload to a group of strangers who generally speaking are top guys and girls (although I've never met any of you in person) and very supportive.