[Closed] Depression and alcohol

See a professional.

See your GP about the depression.

Medication can work very effectively in allowing you to see things for what they are, and appreciate what you have, without seeing everything as bad and not even noticing the good bits.

Or maybe medication isn't the right route to take, but the only way to find out is to seek help from people who deal with this sort of problem professionally and know what they are doing.

It's not an easy step to take, but things will get better once you take it.

Make an appointment with your doctor tomorrow.

I used to feel that way and I take anti-depressants - they are not a statement of defeat - they just make me feel normal.

At least you recognise its a problem = first step in the right direction!

(Sends a masculine hug)

Will you email me? Address in profile. Been there, done that. Got the t shirt! I feel your pain brother. But it's not an irredeemable situation by a long shot. I'm out and about on the bike at the moment. Ironically in the pub for a mid-ride pint. But I'll mail you back when I get home

ts not a downer, thats a positive thing, i.e.: you are aware of it.

Here's the bad news: Some people can 'enjoy' a just a drink, some cannot. you my friend, along with me, sit in the latter half of that camp.

There's no point in seeking oblivion in a bottle as you will take nothing from the experience but the bottle will take everything from you.

Welcome to a life of sobriety, be a better father to your daughter.

And grow up. that is all.

[antidepressants]...they are not a statement of defeat - they just make me feel normal.

This is one of the biggest hurdles for people to get over in my opinion.

Coming to terms with the fact that medication just gives you the chance to be yourself.

It's not "cheating" or "admitting defeat"

(If that's what is required or recommended, please don't try and resist it for the wrong reasons)

Thanks for the replies. Makes me feel slightly better to share.
I've been sat here staring out the window.
What's done is done, I can't change that.
I don't want to think about the future, I worry so much about the job, money, health, and I see them all negatively. My wife says I "over-analyse". I wish I could think less. I suppose that's why I drink to excess. It turns my brain off. I must try to take things as they come.
I know I'm depressed. I was diagnosed before and treated successfully. But I suppose it never really goes away.
I've just looked up the email of the guy I was referred to previously. I have just emailed him to ask for an appointment, privately if need be.
In a minute, I will take out the ashes, tidy up. I slept on the sofa in my clothes, not changed yet, I need a shower. It will make me feel better.
There's beer, wine and spirits in the house. I thought about tipping them all down the sink, but this seems dramatic. I've decided not to. I must make a concious choice not to drink, and this is easy for me - provided I don't have a drink! I don't crave alcohol, but I can't stop once I start drinking. I guess this is a form of alcoholism, so hello - I'm an alcoholic.
@Binners - many, many thanks for your kind offer. I don't like to impose, but I might mail you later.

First thing is to stop drinking. Alcohol is a depressant so if you're feeling down then drinking is only going to fuel that feeling and you'll feel 10 times worse after the initial high.

Seek help, and also think why you feel the way you do? Somethings about like may make you feel worst and others better, so try and divert your attention to the better things. Medication may help, but may not, so be ready for a long road of getting better, these things take time.

Sounds like you really regret what happened last night, but try and have a chat with your daugther about what happened. Getting these thoughts out of your head and discussing them with others will help you work through them, rather thn bottling them up which just means they will go round and round and grow.

If I was there I would give you a hug, then a slap, then another hug.

You're not a disaster.

You're not a failure.

You are probably a bit of a mess.

I've been through all this. I got to the point of making sure I would have no embarrassing history on my computer, just in case I thought about seeing myself off.

It's an illness, it's fixable, it's manageable and it's not the end of the world.

If you've been depressed you know the way back there, the trick is to avoid going that way.

My personal view is that admissions of alcoholism are a bit of a cop-out, a bit of a label to hide behind. You're just self-medicating your way through a problem rather than facing up to it.

Go give your daughter a hug, tell her you are not Super-Dad, you're just you and occasionally, we get it wrong.

Keep talking on here, you'll get grief, but you'll get support.

Chin up; life is a bit of a roller coaster at times, and you have to get down to start again.

If you're not enjoying riding your bike - start doing some other form of exercise. I rarely touch my bike these days.

As I see it you have already done the hardest thing and have over come the biggest obstacle to recovery..

You have recognised you have a problem, many folks don't, so don't knock yourself out and feel bad, rather give yourself a pat on the back, take a deep breath and when ready take the next step and ask someone for help.

My own suggestion would be to just go without a drink for the rest of today, and when you wake up tomorrow make the same choice again,
Tell yourself ..... Just for today I will not have a drink ....
If you do this each day it will be a start on the road to recovery, when you are ready you will find many many other folk out here doing exactly the same thing and all willing to talk about their own experience,

I took that big decision over 20 years ago and still today I make that choice each and every day, I'm not going to lie and tell you it will be easy ... some days it will but on many it won't but it is worth it.

When you are ready Chances are there is a group of like minded folks meeting some where near you, I would suggest that if you really want help to stop drinking then you should make contact and have a chat, put aside any preconceptions you may have for what ever reason, they will not judge, they will not have a magic pill or cure but they will listen, and when you are ready to listen back you will realise you are not alone, others have been in similar situations to you before and have come through tough times better for it, and you can as well

I have also suffered from depression and know what dark place that is and on occasion I have found myself heading back there but fortunately now recognise what is happening and as I have a great GP I have been able to get plenty of help with that . Talk to your GP and get the help you need and deserve.

one thing I have learned is that for me at least alcohol is not a solution for anything,

Just tried talking to my daughter. I think it will be a long time before she forgives me. If she ever does. I will regret this forever. This is far and away the worst part. How much I have hurt those closest to me. But I must try not to dwell on things and to live in the here & now.

I recommend this Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy by Dr David Burns. It's on Amazon for a little over four quid.

I read a million (exaggeration) self-help books when I was younger, some were good, some were rubbish, I took a few gems from each. But this book, I can say without reservation (and I do get depressive episodes), is bloody brilliant. If you work through it, it's not a comfortable read, but it certainly worked for me at at four quid why not?

there's always a fight over bedtime. I burnt all her magazines to teach her a lesson

I trashed my son's room totally sober over dragging out bedtime and being anti-social in the evening. The alternative was trashing him which would have been illegal, far less effective and upset Madame.

Any man with a teenage daughter is entitled to a drink problem.

Good luck fellah hope you get things sorted. Got no advice just wishing you the best.

Are you me? without the family

My Mum had a technique re bedtimes , back in the day ( 80's) . When we kicked off we were told , in a matter of fact way "The next time you want collecting from XZY at 11pm , it will now be 10.30pm . This is not up for discussion." seemed to work then .

Hope you get some help from your GP , there is not alot I can say to help as I do pretty much the same as you . Dry weekend tis weekend so all good . Its the pressure of work and the industry Im in that don't make it easy .
Having outdoor hobbies helps alot too , long dark nights don't help . I ski which keeps me sane through Jan /Feb.

drunkenidiot - Member

Just tried talking to my daughter. I think it will be a long time before she forgives me. If she ever does. I will regret this forever. This is far and away the worst part. How much I have hurt those closest to me. But I must try not to dwell on things and to live in the here & now.

As you say, curtailing the boozing will make all the difference and give you much more control of your problems.

Mate, it was about 3 year's worth of BBc Good Food magazine. She's a little foodie, and was so proud when we got her the subscription for her birthday. 🙁

GO TO THE DOCTOR.
GET HELP.

There are a shitload of people who have been where you are, myself included, and have come out the other side.

It's ******* hard work, but it will happen if you get yourself the help that you need. Honestly.

Good luck, and don't give up.

Deffinetly go too see your GP asap,i am in a dark place myself at the moment but talking to my GP has lifted a weight a little,carry on confiding with your wife,she sounds like a gem.The situation i am in means my GP is the only person i can confide in,at the moment, I have always beign a strong silent type,but several events came to a head at the same time, and somthing snapped in my mind, perscibed anti deppresents at the moment, but they take a while to work fully. Personally i find riding helps once i drag my arse out.before medication i was riding like a f**ckin loony takin big risks i didnt give a damn. But now just push myself by doing long rides day or night it feels right for me.
Hope this helps, its helped me a bit too.
All the best

Get out on your bike. Exercise is actually one of the best therapies for depression.

You have not ruined your relationship with youR daughter. She will forgive you. Very positive you have acknowledged "the problem" though you probably don't see that at the moment. You will get through this now. But it will take time and help.

Im not surprised your ride was joyless with so much on your mind. But You can still enjoy riding. I'm in Somerset so if that's convenient for you then let's go for a ride one weekend. And if you want, you can explain things and I can listen. Perhaps we won't have beer though 🙂

@karinofnine thanks, just ordered it, can't do any harm
@buzzlightyear appreciate the invite - I'm a long way from Somerset though.
And many, many thanks to everyone else for your supportive comments.
The samaratins mailed me back, but STW is more useful, I think. You people are what makes this the best place on the net! I still feel pretty awful about what happened, but you guys have been a great support through what has been a very difficult day.
As has my amazing wife.
Next steps are to stay "dry", and to see the doc as soon as possible. And to try and take better care of myself, and most of all my family.
I'll check in here after I've seen the doc, hope he can fit me in this week.

Plenty of good advice on here regarding alcohol and depression. Start to rebuild your relationship with your daughter by getting the back issues of the mags you burned. If it was me I would be paying for cookery lessons from Nick Nairn or similar.

I got a Nigel Slater cookbook I never read , its yours if you think it will help build bridges.
Mail in profile , not a problem at all.

How old exactly is your daughter?

Has anyone explained that Dad is not a b***ard, Dad is actually suffering from a serous illness? There is a difference and she will probably understand that.

http://bit.ly/SVrSCb

It's not going to solve your problems, but you can do that in other ways.

Something like this might be a start to building a bridge and letting your daughter know that you want to make it up to her ?

Mate, it was about 3 year's worth of BBc Good Food magazine.

Thanks for cheering me up anyway :). I've wanted to burn my daughters stuff in a similar rage before so I feel your pain. Children don't get it and I'm not even sure that they can. I tend to agree with Edukator here

The samaratins mailed me back, but STW is more useful,

That. I can't add anything better than has already been said

http://www.ebay.co.uk/sch/i.html?_trksid=p5197.m570.l1311&_nkw=good+food+magazine&_sacat=0&_from=R40 ??

She's 14. I feel awkward about discussing these issues with her. But in fairness, I suppose I should
Thanks for the offer singletrackmind, she has plenty of cookbooks. Which actually got tidied away this morning for once.
She's not spoke to me all day, unsurprisingly. But now I feel like a new man - she's just come in from the cimema all excited, and told me all about the film. We seem to be more or less back to normal. I am so glad!

EDIT - just saw the posts re back issues, ta!

PS: she went to see "Paranormal Activity". It's a 15, but my wife is very relaxed about age limits etc. Normally I might have made an issue of this, but realised just in time I wouldn't be very convincing claiming the moral high ground today.

Had a spell of depression last year. Got to the point when I broke down in the Evans cycle shop in Manchester (must have been the prices of cycle shoes) 🙂

Seriously:

Stop drinking, now. It will not help you beyond the very short term feel good factor which will shorten until it has no effect.

Do not feel embarrassed about seeing a doctor, 1 in 10 people suffer from depression which is a disease and it can be treated.

Very best wishes, things can be turned around and a couple of steps (the drinking and seeking professional help) will send you a long down the recovery path.

You're on the right track by recognising the issue.

Just a thought...

http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/Good-Food-and-Delicious-Magazines-100-in-total-/170935431271?pt=UK_Magazines&hash=item27cc8bb067&_uhb=1

Go Speek toadoctor1in 10 people suffer from depression at somepoint in there life Apparantly, however every ones case is different.

My partner is currently suffering from depression and the thing that helps most is the people around her.

Becasue we now understand her issues we can help more, and are more understanding, It shouldn't be Embarasing but it understandably is. And it wont just go away but keep working on it, and it will get better

+1 for go and see the doctor and if he gives you some pills to try, try them.

I did, reluctantly and after too long. Been on them for 4-5 weeks now and I cannot believe the difference they have made to how I feel. Not all happy especially, just normal. Steady. My emotions are steady and rational now. I am amazed how much difference they have made.

You can find and read my original thread if you want, it's the only I've started.

Find the small 'hooks' in your life which will keep you going, and ultimately help pull you forward.

For me, it was just being on the beach with my dog, and seeing her happy and running around. I was so unbelievably down, but at that point in my life it was just enough to keep me hanging on in there.

For you, it sounds like your wife and your daughter - who obviously love you.

Rabbit away on here if it helps, and accept the helping hand from others (Singletrackmind is one of the most genuinely good people I have never met 'in person')

And it will get better, it has for me and countless other people. Have hope and hang on in there.

Oh jeez...my heart goes out to you OP, you sound like you're in a bad place.

Going to see the GP as soon as you can is a very good plan. Depression itself can be a complete and utter bastard, but you can eventually learn how to keep it in a little box, where it doesn't pollute your daily thoughts to such an extent. You seem like you're comfortable talking about depression, which is an extremely positive step. If your wife is well acquainted with it then that's also another positive in your favour. You'll beat it, of that I'm sure.

Depression and alcohol make for really unpleasant bedfellows. Whether you're doing it to self-medicate or to take the edge off the worst excesses of depression is immaterial, you can wind up in some very dark places. The best advice I can give you is that if you don't trust yourself to drink in extreme moderation, then don't do it at all. I promise that it'll make a very big difference to your mood and clarity of thought.

In amongst all this, expecting you to keep an even temper is most definitely an ask too far. Even the most tolerant of us would blow up under the circumstances, raising a teenager is also bloody hard work. The important thing is to find somewhere to let your temper out in a safe environment. Scare yourself on the bike, take a pair of boxing gloves with you to the gym and smack a punchbag around or even find a tree to chop down, it all helps.

Those around you will forgive you and support you, especially so if you make the effort to kick the booze with their help.

Although you may find it hard to see, there are a lot of positives in what you've written. You'll get the hang of it eventually.

My email addy is on my profile page, drop me a line if you want.

Posting on here is a first good step to look at your problems I'd say. Also I'd chuck all the booze out as it is an issue. Anti-depressents may help but please advise your doctor of alcohol issues as some react very badly with alcohol.
You're wife and daughter sound very good reasons to stay posotive. Contact the Samaratins again as they will help. I admit its hard for me to understand such dark feelings but last year I went to an old friends funeral after he lost a similar battle. I think his pain was multiplied to everyone who attended and has caused far longer lasting pain than any of his antics whilst drinking. Realising you have a problem is a very good step. Try and stay posotive and talk to people, those closest to you will want to help. Going for a ride will help both physically and mentaly.
Stay stong, sounds like you have good things in your life. I sincerely hope you can see the posotives looking at you.

My wife says I "over-analyse"

One tip to try and reduce this is to focus on others, in this case your family. I suggest you could apologise to your daughter, try not to get upset and replace her magazines. The other thing is to think about 1 issue/problem at a time and rationalise how you'll deal with it in isolation.

Drinking does make you feel better - the big problem is that this only last for a short time for the 1st drink or two and then there is nowhere to go - you either stop (unlikely to happen by the sounds of things, but then we don't always make the best choices after a few beers) or carry on, which creates horrible situations. I stopped drinking because an hour of feeling good was not worth the hassle and hours of feeling rough afterwards.

The good thing is, the longer you stay off the booze, the less you'll want it.

Speaking as someone very close to a person who has gone through something similar... this is my advice, it's very individual as to what will work for you.

Don't beat yourself up about what is done... think about what will work for you and your family going forwards and concentrate on it.

Your wife sounds very supportive... be honest with her about your thoughts and feelings, she will only be able to give you understanding/support/help if she knows. If you were really thinking about suicide, and I genuinely hope you don't take that route, then talk to someone (your wife/the samaritans/MIND) as they can help. It is scary to hear a loved one talk about suicide, but understanding how far those thoughts have gone helps, and personally I would prefer to hear it and have the opportunity to provide help that to not hear it and loose a loved one. Definitely see your GP as soon as possible (some do telephone appointments on same day, which could be a good starting point). Meds take time to work, you have to be able to give yourself that time.

Also if there is something you can do to make things just a little easier for you then do it, seeming dramatic doens't matter if it helps you get through a few more hours/days whilst you get help. With that in mind if tipping the alcohol down the sink makes it easier then do it.

Most of all remember those that love you don't judge you and will want to help, just let them. One day and one step at a time it can get better. Set realistic expectations that allow you to meet those and feel good about yourself, and base them on today not on what you would like today to be.

Please go to see your doctor and get some help.

You say that your wife is great and you have a daughter - you must always remember this - in order not to do something drastic and to sort your drinking out.

I've never used alcohol to escape - it's always been a bit of a 'rule' of mine, but I did go through a phase of excessive social drinking that got me into mild trouble at work. The reason I mention this is although I would never describe my drinking as problematic, I still used to get absolutely toe-curling depressed and panicky after a big session. I would only regain perspective after a further night's sleep. For me that was proof positive that alcohol's depressive effects cannot be ignored.

You must remove this bar to rational thought before you make any decisions.

Your relationship with your daughter is unlikely to be permanently damaged. You say she is a teenager - you'll probably find she's a lot more clued up than you think, and will respond to an honest apology and a bit of insight into what's happening. Most importantly, she'll probably be glad to hear that you acknowledge what is happening and that you intend to do something about it.

Good luck.

i was in the same boat about a year ago.your drinking might not be as big a problem as you think.are you drinking on your own at home?that's not good.don't chuck it away, your right that's a bit dramatic, i moved mine out, haven't missed it, now i drink socially and in moderation and i started running as well as biking, that really keeps the wolf from the door when i start to feel grumpy, the arguments at home still occur but now i walk away. hope this helps. you're not on your own dude.

Pull yourself together and stop drinking, jesus wept what is this forum coming to?...whingeing middle class i drink too much i'm depressed track world...

....tell your daughter to get a grip too, you burnt some magazines....if this is the end of the world for her then she's going to get a shock when she leaves the safety blanket of school behind her.

not much to add other than, keep the heid, we all go through dark patches, just remember you will feel better.

Stop worrying about the little things and speak to the people closest to you, share with them.

you need to chill out more!! ever tried smoking weed?

you need to chill out more!! ever tried smoking weed?

Because weeds great for depression.... 😐 not

Lots of sensible advice here. Please, please don't sweat it too much about the magazines - that struck a chord immediately. In 1988, when I was 15, I had a massive collection of original Marvel comics. To be plain, I was a nerd. I scoured 2nd hand shops, jumble sales and garage sales (I lived in Aberdeen and loads of American ex-pats' kids brought their comics with them and couldn't be bothered taking them home when they went back to the States).

As a result, I had thousands of Marvel comics - some worth serious money these days. Over and beyond that, they were important insomuchas they were an extension of my personality. I identified strongly with Iron Fist, Wolverine, Odin and all the rest. The organisation of these rare comics also filled the probably fairly autistic need in me to create order out of chaos (I'm cool as flip these days).

So, over the course of maybe six months, I began to catalogue the comics and insert them into archival plastic sleeves - I was very aware of their value, and simultaneously excited by their contents. My mum got sick of the fact that she couldn't hoover in my room and told me she would bin the lot if I didn't pick them up and get rid of them.

One day, I got home from school and discovered she had made good on her threats - they'd all gone in the back of the bin lorry.

At that moment, I knew I'd never forgive her. But I did. We get on pretty well. They were just comics.

I hope this has been as cathartic for you as it was for me.

😮

Hi Drunkenidiot, just thought I'd ask how things are going? I hope things are better for you and talking to your doctor has helped? As many others are, I currently am suffering myself and take tablets everyday which really have helped, I have also spoke to a counsellor which has also really helped. I lost my father to depression 2 and a half years ago and wanted to be sure I did not go down that route so took help offered.

My advice would be to take any help you can and as everyone says it will get better but take it one step at a time.

Regards

Hi, I'm just checking in. Really touched by the concern and by the stories here. Many many thanks to everyone who's made helpful posts here. It has been a big support in a very dark time.

I see the psychiatrist next week. I expect I'll be prescribed some meds.

Family life is getting back to normal. Daughter suddenly gave me a Twix and then ran off. She's a sullen teenager, but she knows I have a weakness for Twix. Her way of saying sorry for her part in the row. I was very touched.

Christmas party season is coming, and there's a big family birthday to be got through this weekend. But I have no interest in drinking. I can't trust myself to drink responsibly. I really don't want to be drunk and risk putting my loved ones through such a fuss again. Last weekend's episode was the most extreme, but not the first time I've kicked off like that. I hope it's the last.

Social events may feel strange, but I will take them as they come. I was worried about how I'd be perceived if I refused drinks. But I decided that I might as well be honest with people I'm close to and who I trust. And why care about the rest of them think?

Maybe one day I'll have another beer (mid-ride pint!) but I'll leave that for the future. No interest in it right now. Take each day as it comes.

I was at a concert on Monday night. Didn't really feel up to it, or that I deserved it. But went anyway as I'd been looking forward to it for ages, and may not get another chance to see them. There was a lot of beer being drunk there. I felt awkward standing there without a drink. Then I realised I'd feel awkward standing there [i]with[/i] a drink. And then pretty soon I [i]would[/i] be awkward. So I just stood at the back and enjoyed the show.

I'm trying to live in the present. Naval-gazing will just make me disappear up my own arse. But I've been getting insights like that one above. Sometimes scary, sometimes exciting. It's like something's changed inside my head.

The first time I was diagnosed with the depression, I was told I was dysthemic. This is an expensive way of saying I'm a "glass half empty" type. Fair enough. But I realise for a long, long time I've been angry about... well, almost everything. I normally repress it - I was raised "seen and not heard", stiff upper lip and all that - and then it all comes bursting out in a bad way. I'm very very frustrated about my job for example, but at least I have one. and it's something I can work towards changing. I know I have to learn to accept stuff I can't change, and change stuff that I can. I've ordered a couple of books about this.

Epic post, sorry. I'll shut up now and get ready for bed, I feel so tired all the time. I suspect there is a long hard road ahead of me, but I think I'm ready to start walking.

TL/DR: sober, sorry, stressed, starting treatment soon.

As my previous post, glad to hear things are a bit brighter for you.
I've just had a turn the corner moment too.
Basicly my wife of 13 years and who i love dearly, had an affair with someone I know and we work at the same company, has ended the marrige.Unable to confide in friends who we both share on a whole or my family I was willing to forgive her and didnt want bias opinion of her (and not been the best husband over last few years due to work stress)
Its strange but she was living with a friend for a while and not giving me an answer either way, but now its definetive i feel a little better.
I will have to find a new job, as i can forgive her, but have nothing but blinding rage towards him,and our paths could cross.
Bit scared of been lonley,after so long.especialy as im off work through depression,and on meds.more long rides methinks.
Rant over