[Closed] Depression Amongst Retirees

Has he any hobbies ? Hill walking or just getting outdoors will help. Do you have a dog ? I’d walk my dogs with my friend who was a bit low last year. Interaction was good.

Lots of us talk about our experiences on this thread (just ignore all the boring financial stuff).

https://singletrackmag.com/forum/topic/retirees-to-the-forum/

Would he be interested in joining a 'menshed' group if there is one nearby?

Might be a route to learn a new skill.

Has he got any hobbies?

I don't have an actual answer but its worth listening to the Hilary Cottam episode on The Spark on BBC Sounds. She talks about how blokes in particular respond better to the idea of helping others rather than the idea of being helped, so you might be on the right track with your plan.

They are all worth listening to.

Local charity/community group such as the Lions? (Just googled, there’s one in Windsor!) Everyone I know in the local one is as busy now as when employed organising stuff, etc plus lots of social activities.

This is *exactly* the kind of work my wife does: helping people deal with and accept change, in whatever form that change takes. She is linked with the local Men's Shed too, so another thumbs up for that suggestion.

Based in Scotland but I can pass on her details if interested - she's done a lot of work over Zoom recently so distance doesn't necessarily have to be an obstacle.

What industry did he work in? Can he do something with that in a voluntary capacity?

Lions is a good shout. Mrs Dubs 80+ year old father has been in Lions for years. He’s been retired longer than he worked and still enjoying life.

Mens Shed is also a good shout if there’s one in the area.

I can't say I've found it life-changing but I've worked from home a lot the last two, feel myself sliding into a sedentary funk of indifference where I can't be arsed to do anything - I've started doing some learning in the last fortnight and it's made a notable difference for me, I'm learning piano for half an hour a day with Yousician and Japanese with Duolingo for probable quite a bit more than half an hour, also dabbling with trying to get a sound out of a trumpet and a bit of guitar too. Only two weeks in but I look forward to my learning time and resent when I can't do it!

Just wish I'd started two years ago! 🙂

Volunteer at Citizens advice? One of the auditors at the accounting firm that my company used went and volunteered for them in their debt management team.

No suggestions for C&H?

If it’s anything like the MIL & FIL she resented him being around after retirement. When he was at work she went & did what she wanted and felt him being there restricted that.

Following this with interest as I have the same issue with my dad.

From your description of him, a role as a mediator might suit.
Not sure what qualifications you need for a volunteer role but perhaps something to look in to.

Does he like to travel? If so, and obviously it's not easy right now, but how about suggesting he plan an extended trip to recharge his batteries? Might trigger some longterm changes but that doesn't necessarily sound like it would be a bad thing.
Or he could look at doing some voluntary work overseas.

Volunteering or mentoring are good and have a look for things such as youth justice ( youth offending teams ) who will have opportunities such as referral panels members (adults) for young people involved in out of court criminal offences, not for everyone but a interesting and vital way to support young people who need additional support.
Volunteering opportunities at food banks, CAB, lions or rotary or other charity based organisations, local football clubs be that premier League or grass roots.
Most will skill match but people wanting a new challenge should be supported as well.

Having had all of my parents / step-parents and relatives retire in the last few years, there is definitely an issue of people being initially very happy for the break from an intensive workplace to becoming a bit lost - particularly going from being (at least perceived) important part of an organisation to having no purpose. But they will have a huge experience and some specialist skills they can put to work.

Citizens Advice Bureau, charity work can be office-based, advice-based like helping homeless people find support, or hands-on like food banks, or if they did budgeting, then helping with accounts or other 'behind the scenes' stuff. Gardening clubs. Volunteering with museums. My Dad now volunteers with Brooklands, my step-mum with some RHS stuff to do with Wisley. Become a fosterer for Guide Dogs for the Blind or assistance dogs? There must be a hundred ways he give his time and use his experience, so have a think. Equally maybe you could offer to do Park Run together, do C25K beforehand if needed, or something else that is routine.

I have a guy volunteering with me after retirement from a high level in the police and he's now busier than before.
He spends a day felling with me, some time delivering for a forest and arb company and has got back into motorbikes after giving them up when he had kids and is getting qualified for blood bike and race marshall.

Don't think retirement means you have to stop. He's still learning and meeting new people.

Have a look at https://www.gov.uk/government/get-involved/take-part/volunteer
The https://doit.life/volunteer website might have something useful.

What industry did he work in? Can he do something with that in a voluntary capacity?

One of my mates dads retired young and started helping out with a charity at the local allotments. They do more than just allotments, there are a bunch of full timer working there.

It got him out of a funk for a while but his outlook- super high power sales- didn't fit with the mentality of the folk working for an eco charity. he said it was an interesting challenge for a year or so.

If he was high powered, what about something like that?

Get an obsessive hobby that involves people?

My dad has played bridge all his life. Now he is playing almost every day. The bridge community went online in last lockdown and he is playing more than ever.

Another mates dad has just got out on his bike a lot more. as in 100's most week in his 70's.

My dad retired at 65 and for a year or so was quite depressed. His job had been something he loved.

He came through it though (we bought him a bike which was a huge help) and along with taking up other hobbies (turns out he was a superb artist, genes I certainly didn't inherit) he was soon happier than I'd ever seen him).

Key is finding a hobby, or doing some volunteering, basically feeling needed. Easy for us to sit here and just type that, I know, but I think it really is the answer.

Spends like volunteering or menyowod be domething he could be well suited for, some of which can be online or socially distanced.

Getting him out the house sounds like it would be key - local walking group, community gardening project, anything like that likely to be of interest?

I suggest path clearing, my mate invited me to a group, heard a bit on here about it so went along. Really enjoy it, a good crowd nice locations, after it's a bit like painting when you sit down and admire your work.

In fact any group activity where you get dragged out in the fresh air.

Jeez, what did autocorrect do to my last post? Volunteering and mentoring it should have said.

Meant to add that groups like Scouting and I'm sure lots of others need people behind the scenes doing the organising, budgeting and oversight type roles just as much as they need leaders working face to face with the kids. I'm currently on four local Scout committees, and if a keen retiree wanted to take one or two off me, I'd be very grateful. But seeing young people develop and achieve, however indirect my involvement, is hugely rewarding.

Brilliant! Thanks for all the responses - very useful - thank again!

@MoreCashThanDash - i did wonder!! 😀

@Esme - i'll check those links out.

I'm just over a year into retirement and perfectly content. Although I was well paid, I never felt defined by my job or the need to be validated by it, so I haven't missed it at all - guess that's just lucky.

I've done a lot of walking and cycling, but also picked up a few volunteer things. The one that's been best in terms of getting out and meeting people is working on the local reserves for the Wildlife Trust - even though that has been a bit limited by Covid. I don't know where in the country your ex-boss is, but there are 46 local Trusts and most trusts need volunteers - find yours at https://www.wildlifetrusts.org/

In the short term, they need plenty of volunteers for the vaccine roll out.

Second volunteering, lots of different options if you look around ( I do barge maintenance on barges for the disabled).

If he likes sport have a look for pickleball, walking football and lots of my mates are doing touch rugby (none were into rugby when younger, but it’s well run, social, and you can get a beer/bacon sandwich and a chat), Oxfordshire promoted lots of sports for over 50s so maybe the local council does something similar as it gives you the option to try new stuff. Local tennis club also does rusty racquets sessions(where we accidentally take flasks and biscuits as we’re currently not using the clubhouse)

Libraries (*see also internet)will usually have a local clubs and societies folder, I did fancy a go at fencing but it’s on my tennis night.

A lot of outdoorsy organisations rely on volunteers - Sustrans and the Forestry Commission are two I've helped with in the past.

A former colleague got into walking football after retirement. He went from being my office first aider worst nightmare with regular angina attacks to being part of a top club and representing England in foreign tournaments.

Some volunteering opportunities in the Windsor and Slough areas on these sites:
http://rbwm.communitydatabase.co.uk/scvs/VolOppSearch.php
https://oneslough.org.uk/
https://sloughcvs.org/
https://doit.life/discover
https://volunteeringmatters.org.uk/

Lots of good ideas in the posts above. He obviously had a big impact on you which might suggest mentoring as an avenue to pursue - this could be of a manager / director of a charity (something I do), with people in long term unemployment or people coming out of prison, or for young people with organisations such as the Prince's Trust.

Again Citizens Advice, and other advice agencies, are always wanting volunteers and because you need to undergo a a 6 month training course it will provide some mental stimulation.

Also lots of free on-line courses you can access on platforms such as edx or Futurelearn.

Just had a long chat on the phone with my Dad this morning who is a bit low. He's been retired for about 3 years now and though there are some complicating factors with both his and my Mum's health, I don't think covid isolation has helped. The Mens Shed looks AWESOME. I have just sent it to him - there are 4 close to him and he loves his workshop. Thanks OP for raising this, and good luck.

He obviously had a big impact on you which might suggest mentoring as an avenue to pursue

Young Enterprise another route

@ahsat There's also Hen's Shed for women. Just in case it's of any interest to your mum.
Not so many as Men's Shed but more and more popping up in different areas.

i have not had the time to get depressed yet.
my 2 youngest grankids have made sure of that.
playgroup xmas party in the morning........... YIPEEEE.