[Closed] Depression

I'll add that I've given up on all I used to love doing. The bikes are dusty and unused. Was a big music lover, but don't want to stir up memories by listening to old faves etc.

How do you tell the doctor?

I'd print what you wrote above and take it in with you. Make an appointment asap. It's the first step and they will direct you from there.

Good luck.

I can't help but talk to a mate someone who has known you and ask for a honest view on your mental state. Don't listen to the ex and the missus they just want to grind you down.

@oldmanmtb I moved away from home when I got married for a better job. I've drifted from my good friends and my social circle is limited now

Firstly look after yourself, secondly some amazing advice will no doubt surface here shortly, this is what STW excels at...

100% rant free!

Firstly, I'm sorry you feel this way.

Secondly, as regards a GP, if you were able to show them what you wrote above it would start the conversation that I'd hope would help them find the right way forward for you.

Edit: Which is what survivor wrote above!

Sounds like you need to talk to someone, if you can't unload on someone you already know, then I suggest you try a counselling service. I've just got back from mine. See a GP ASAP, tell them how you feel now, not all the back history, they will offer medication, it's then your job to do some basic research and decide if you want to try the medication or not. If you are anywhere near Epping forest and fancy a bimble, let me know.

Where are you? Pretty sure that social circle could expand, dust off the bike and tag on a group ride.

Head to the docs and tell them what you told us.

Depending what the queue for NHS counselling is like you could maybe consider private counselling. Some will do a first session for free which may help you identify things to work on and whether you will benefit from counselling and be able to work with that particular counsellor.

Sounds like you've been through a lot in the last several years, not surprised you don't feel good.
I agree with the suggestion that you could print out what you wrote and show it to your GP if you find it difficult to talk.
It sounds to me like counselling could be a good option. You can be referred by your GP or find a private one.

Hi fella, I don't know you obviously, but reading what you've written it certainly sounds like some sort of counselling would be helpful, that or someone who can be a good listener, without judgement or trying to 'fix'. In my experience, talking is certainly the best therapy, however, I'd often be burdened by thoughts of 'keeping up appearances', or, 'no-one really wants to know what I am really thinking'. Whatever your situation, there will be help out there for you, and from me to you, fist bumps...

Question:

I've no idea how I summarise that to a Doctor

Answer:

When I'm on my own, I really struggle, but when at work or socially I'm good.
I'm unravelling inside but can still put a brave face on things. I feel it's all gonna come crashing down soon (although I'm not having dark thoughts), and I'm teetering.

There IS help out there, the hardest part always is asking for it. Sounds like you've already made that step! Keep posting, you will find nothing but support here

Thanks folks. I tried counselling once before but I don't think it was the right one for me. I'm open to doing it again with a different one.

Trying my best not to head to the shop for some wine as I know I'll sit and bubble away at nothing.

The dog is the only thing giving me purpose at the mo, other than when I have my girls

Keep talking, come back on here to do it whenever.

You've taken a lot of punches over the last few years, and one damned thing after another. That's too much to take, and it's leaving it's mark.

Ring your GP, ask for a longer appointment an tell them it's about grief and depression and you need time to talk.

Print your top post and take it with you. Don't be sorry for crying when you get there, sometimes it's the right thing to do, and usually it helps clear your thoughts too to concentrate on what matters.

Ask the GP for a physical checkover too, my stress of trying to cope with the uncopeable has messed me up and sent my blood pressure through the roof, so keep an eye on that.

There are a lot of good people out there in the NHS, Mind and other places ready to help, but it quite often takes several attempts to get the right referral, so get to your GP and get the ball rolling, see if there is a local walk in centre too (Ours on the high street is called Talking Shop). Hang in there, but it's time to think about you, to let the past be the past, and to do the things you do that make you you, so that when you need to be strong for others again you have the resilience to do so.

As others have said, make a GP appointment and take your initial post with you. Whereabouts in the country are you based? If you're anywhere near me (Macclesfield) we can meet up. I'm a good listener if you want to talk, go for a ride, or just unload b at someone.

I've suffered with depression and been through some shit times myself, so can really empathise with what you're going through. Keep posting if it helps. This place is great community when it comes to things like this.

Ive often been out on the bike, cycling around with relentless tears. We often try to keep a lid on it all, when sometimes all we need to do is unload the emotional turmoil thats bubbling just below the surface..do what you feel will help you release this emotion, bikes, a movie, whatever.

@midlifecrashes I sometimes go offshore with my work, and my blood pressure has been high during my last two medicals. I've never made that connection. Cheers

@Palmer77 the last time I was on my bike was last year's Etape Caledonia. In a twist of fate, my wheel got damaged and I had to use the wheels off my Dads bike (he liked campag too). I was crying for most of that ride.

Stay away from the drink. Can you get out on the bike? When I have my moment an impromptu bike ride always gets me back on a level. Drink just temporarily detracts me from the issues at hand.

Sounds like you've had a genuinely rough time over the last decade. Either one of your issues are a legitimate reason for feeling down, but all added up you should be proud that you've kept going. Book an appointment with your GP asap though. The Samaritans are also awesome, give them a call.

Bereavement, divorce, facial scarring and relationship breakdown. I'd say that's enough to make anyone buckle somewhat. [url= http://www.cruse.org.uk ]Do you have a local branch of cruse?[/url] they helped a lot when I found my dad.

As for the rest, keep talking about things, with us, with friends, with medical professionals, whatever works for you.

Its no small thing you've been through, we [modern humans] are sometimes too good at keeping it together, when in reality, as weird as it may sound the most cathartic thing is to accept emotion as we feel it...

Dear The Craw,

I wanted to share something that occurred to me when reading your post. I wouldn't presume to be able to help, but maybe you could help you (perhaps with the help of someone close to you or a doctor or a therapist) if what I write suggests something to you.
You said 'it genuinely wasn't' a provoked attack that left you with scars. This stood out to me. It sounds reading that like that you are in conversation with a voice, perhaps deep in your head, accusing you that it [u]was[/u] your fault. Why would anyone doubt you here?
Now, I don't think this has much, if anything, to with the actual attack or how it came about, but this signifies, at least to me, that there might be an issue with guilt. Following from this, it says to me that what this voice is accusing you of is having violent feelings, perhaps anger?
Dads are not best mates, they are dads, they can be scary, we learn to hold our own by resisting, indeed overcoming, their authority. But this brings guilt and if your dad dies and you survive this can twist things awfully. I am sorry mate, Tom

Although i've never suffered with depression, so unfortunately can't talk from personal experience, my wife suffered with depression and admitting somethings wrong and the first meeting with the GP was her biggest step. Before she went she wrote a letter highlighting everything she was feeling. This really helped because she would have just sat there in silence. Counselling through the NHS was a long wait, but helped also cognitive behavior therapy was quite effective. I will say one thing that surprised me and it was that as soon as she started talking about it, it was amazing how many of our friends nodded and said they had also suffered with depression as well. Hope this helps.

@Tom84 no guilt on my part. It was unprovoked, a stranger stabbed me in the face with a broken bottle and my nose was nearly taken clean off.

Thanks moysey. I feel so alone, yet can see lots of people go through it without it being talked about.

It's a problem many men face this is why suicide is so high in young men, we're taught by society, media and sometimes our parents that to be a man we need to be strong be there to support our family to be the rock that everyone relies on. We're taught not to have emotions not to get upset or cry. So we bottle things up learn how to put thing on the back burner and not really deal with traumatic events in our life. The problem is they don't go away, when we're with people we can hide it to both them and ourselves but when we're alone we can't hide the truth. We need to deal with traumatic events in our lives in a healthy way and go through the greaving process to be able to manage these events weather that be the death of a relative or the loss of a partner.
We need to talk we need to tell our friends how we feel we need to be able to show emotions and as men who've had it drummed into them that we shouldn't its hard to change.

You need to talk either to a councillor or a close friend you need to work out your emotions and what they are.

I recently lost my mum and went to a dark place as well. It wasn't until I sat down and spoke about my feeling and emotions that I was able to deal with it. It's not easy and you'll feel emotions you don't think you should but it the only way I found worked.

We need to change as men and we need to raise our sons to show them it ok to have emotions other than anger and aggression, its ok to cry, its ok to need support it ok to need love and its ok to have problems and issues. We need to be able to support each other as men and be there for each other. We need to be able to tell our friend we love them and give them hugs and not just when we're drunk

If staying social helps then keep posting on here, from wherever and whenever, there's always someone around to listen and chat.
Chin up buddy, it'll come good in the end.

Sounds like you have had about as much fun as me over the last few years. My life has turned around, but I carry a lot of the baggage still.

I don't know how you go about getting help though - it is something I should have done years ago really... but did the "being strong" thing, which I seem to do all too well... without giving myself any time to deal with everything.

Hope you do better than me and work it out though. I met someone who has helped me through stuff enough for me to keep functioning and start to see the light at the end of the tunnel (I think) - but it has been a long and slow process which would probably have been quicker and better with professional help.

Me - I can never admit a weakness face to face though. I blame the public school system for that (and a lot of other things)

There's a book for people like you. Note the sub title.

[img] [/img]

If I can find my copy, would you like it?

Craw, where you at my friend?

@thegreatape please, I'd appreciate that.

@moose funny, that's my old pal's nickname.

I'm struggling tonight. I'm just looking forward to the dog snuggling up. It's all I have left

I'll see if I can find it and report back.

I'm struggling tonight. I'm just looking forward to the dog snuggling up. It's all I have left

Not true. You have a bunch of random strangers on an internet chat forum who clearly care about you. Get a good nights rest and call the doctor first thing tomorrow. It's the first step and an important one.

What type of dog do you have? When I lost my brother, my dog helped me get through it. They are great friends and are always there when you need them.

Take care and please call the doctor tomorrow.

And if random internet strangers aren't enough, there's the Samaritans. 116 123 from any U.K. phone.

http://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help-you/contact-us

Give them a call.

And if random internet strangers aren't enough, there's the Samaritans. 116 123 from any U.K. phone.

http://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help-you/contact-us

Give them a call.

Thanks folks. I tried counselling once before but I don't think it was the right one for me. I'm open to doing it again with a different one.

Always worth trying again, and indeed going for more sessions than you'd like- the real gems, the ones that genuinely make a difference, rarely come out until several sessions down the line 🙂

Morning, I hope you have already been on the phone to your GP.

Morning, I hope you have already been on the phone to your GP.

Morning neilwheel. Yup, ive an appointment sorted for early next week.

Got my kids this weekend, so that should make things easier.

Thanks all.

I'm very sorry but I can't find that book. It's about a fiver on Kindle though.

You shouldn't underestimate the impact grief can have.
let us know how the appointment goes.

Well done, first step is the biggest. Just try to take small steps, not try to fix everything, all at once. Do nice things for yourself every day, enjoy the weekend.

Great news OP and enjoy the weekend with your kids

Evening all,

Just thought I'd post a quick update. Despite bricking it before going to the Docs, he was actually quite good and dealt with it all quite matter of factly. I guess they are used to it. I came away with a prescription for Sertraline. I'll see how they go.

In fairness, and as a father of an 8 year old girl, last night's tragic events have also given me a huge sense of perspective. Absolutely tragic.

Good work on going to the doc. It was something I only just plucked up the courage to do last week. Also prescribed sertaline. Since then I've also sorted going along for some CBT next month.

Is early days, already have a few of the common side effects of the medication, but we've got to try everything, don't we?

Glad you went through with the appointment OP. The tablets will take a while to kick in, but hopefully they work for you. I've been on Citalopram for a couple of years now and they help to keep me on an even keel.

Hey OP. Where are you located?

Glad your starting getting sorted Op.
It's like climbing a mountain at first.
Good speed to you.

Not posted under this pseudonym for a while.
But here goes..

I'm not in a great place. Bikes are no help. Work is crap, no drive to do anything but sit & mull. Used to be that work or home, in any order, would balance out the other when one was crap. Feel like I'm watching myself, slowly sinking. When I was depressed before it was like a fog, triggered by discovering a partner was cheating then her walking out. Slowly, very slowly at first, the fog cleared. Half a day at a time. It's like that in reverse at the moment, This time of year I'm normally full of beans. Christ, I've a Wife, two kids, a well paid decent job with plenty of responsibility, hell we've even got a dog. I should be up there, living the life. Instead I'm wondering how things would run without me. Head is full to bursting but can't talk to anyone. Health isn't great, quite overweight, out of breath a lot. All I want to do is curl up & cry. How the hell do I even start to unravel this one.

Good luck OP. I'm about 3 weeks in to a.course of Sertraline - starting to help I think. You defo also need some talking therapy to process what you've been through though IMHO.

I've been recommended to try the charity MIND - not done it yet though.

It is really worth trying a few therapists if you can - different approaches work better for different people at different times.

@rustler. Please don't think you are alone buddy. I'm struggling my way through this.
I spent a weekend with my kids loving them to bits but feeling detached from them.
If you want to offload, please give me a shout. Life is hard. I picked up my local paper last night to be greeted with a picture of my dad.
Email is available to you.

Steve

Wishing the op all the best along with Rustler. If you are anywhere near Warminster I'd be chuffed to get out for a pedal and brew. Email in profile.