[Closed] Dealing with stress and anxiety

propanalol? 😀

A question for you: What would happen if your percieved worst case scenario played out during one of these events?

Drink through it.

Alcohol or fake death (if can't use the former).

Your post is a bit vague, so apologies if i'm not picking you up right, but social activities shouldn't provoke that kind of reaction, and backing away from social activity as a result is not going to improve your life.
My advice would be to place yourself in the situation that is provoking this anxiety as often as you can till the anxiety subsides. Once it has subsided you can make a rational choice whether it is something you want to do.

How old are you? When you reach your fifties you will find stress more er, stressful.

backing away from (excluding) social activity is not going to improve your life.

The events are booze based and I am not sure this helps at all, but (and now is not the time to argue on this), not drinking is not really an option either, though I do try and drink very little.

glupton1976, I know the answer to this and it is nothing of any significance, however, I never said there was any logic in this!

globalti, early 30's.

I manage(ish)

That's not improving your life tho.
I don't mean to sound flippant, and I realise that some folk really cant cope in social situations, but anxiety doesn't generally get better on its own, and there are huge gains to be made by dealing with it- and huge potential losses if not.

glupton1976, I know the answer to this and it is nothing of any significance, however, I never said there was any logic in this!

Remember your answer to this question when you start to panic and you'll not go far wrong. Method works for me.

My advice would be to place yourself in the situation that is provoking this anxiety as often as you can till the anxiety subsides.

This worked for me.

I had a terrible plane filght as a kid, full on emergency landing, with a broken up plane at the end (Africa).

Could not go near a plane or even think about flying for a few years after that without suffering panic attacks, claustrophobia etc.

Girlfirend booked me flights and I found every excuse not to fly, I knew I had issues and it was effecting my life in a bad way.

So a family friend who used to be a test piliot for helicopters, took me up in his helicopter! We spent hours just taking off and landing, sometimes just hovering a foot off the floor!

He slowly built it up over the day, until by the end of the day, I was hooked, he was doing low flights over the sea, huge altitude drops, where you though you were going to hit the sea and he would pull it up at the last second! Tight turns, where you thought you were going to be sick, flying below tree lines, we did loads of very silly and dangerous things looking back, but it was great fun in the end.

It showed me that chartered flights are like a walk in the park 😉

Never had a problem after that, even when I was on a flight in Cuba which had to do an unscheduled landing because of engine problems, not a problem, just kept thinking, this is childs play compared to that Heli ride 😉

My more tongue in cheek suggestion (not entirely tho) would be drop an e and drink coke.

I suffer from a similar social anxiety. Although its around eating rather than drinking. Its a bit late for tonight but a course of CBT might help. It certainly helped me.

Apply everything that you do when you don't feel anxious to the times when you feel anxious (probably just being yourself I imagine).

Make a list of what makes you feel laid back and apply these to the anxious times.

It could be having a photo of someone who has a calming influence on you - whatever works basically.

But gluptons question about what's the worse that could happen is one to bear in mind in these situations also as the answer is most likely jack-sh!t. Thing is there'll be a few people that probably have the same issues but don't have the balls to say it out loud so good on you for that.

The events are booze based

Well if you're attending 12 hour booze based events then I'm not entirely surprised that you're having some issues.

Feign Narcolepsy.

I agree with sweepy^^....but I suppose it depends on the occassion. Not the best of ideas if its your nans 90th b'day.

Couple of spliffs* to take with you.....when it all gets too much go outside and find a quiet corner and have 10 minutes alone telling yourself you're worrying about nothing

*optional

ernie_lynch, we're not talking 12 hours drinking, we're talking 12 hours of socialising of which the last few hours will be on the booze.

And tempting though the drug based suggestions are, for various reasons from my dark past they are not the best of ideas!

I am a fairly laid back, stress free kind of guy 99% of the time, I deal with most things very easily and am a pretty stable person most of the time.

It's a girl,isn't it ?

🙂

we're talking 12 hours of socialising of which the last few hours will be on the booze.

Ah, right, so not really booze "based" after all ..... the boozing bit is just a minor addition towards the end. It's all too vague and unknown for me to comment, but good luck in sorting it out - it's clearly giving you some serious concerns.

get in some decent exercise in advance - might relax you / take your mind off it / give you positive thoughts during the event..?

read this

http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/d/1905633041

The image of the future is often much worse than the reality

OK then, based on the assumption that very few here know me personally I'll give you some details. Usual caveats about please don't judge me apply...

The situation is based around having groups of people around at my house. We (me and GF) always used to like cooking meals for having what pains me to call "dinner parties". These were fine, I like cooking, I like a couple of glasses of wine, and I like a chat afterwards.

What I have hangups over, and I think where the panic comes from, is people staying around after these events, or even more so, events where there is a large group just round for drinks. I love the company and the people we socialise with but when I get tired and/or bored I like just to be able to make my excuses and leave. I've always thought this was what everyone did. This is fine when we are out elsewhere but when people are at my house or worse, staying over at the house, I feel my point of escape has gone and it panics me. It can also happen when we're out with no easy way home (like when you are replying on other people for a lift or the taxi is pre-booked and the place is to out of the way to rearrange).

I've tried drinking through this so I can just relax and ignore, I've tried not drinking so I don't get as tired but neither work . Currently I have a couple less than everyone else to help me relax but this just means I think even more!

Logically, the worst that can happen is that I loose a few hours sleep which having previously worked shifts for years is not a problem under any other circumstances. I think it may be that I feel I loose control over what I can do that brings the panic.

Sorry again this is so long, thanks for listening. 🙂

See if that was me in that position - I'd just go to bed when I felt tired enough that I wasnt enjoying it any more. If you cant do that in your own house where can you do it?

Don;t have a dinner party? I hate them, so I don;t have them

A mate of mine once dealt with that sort of situation by disappearing for a few minutes and then returning wearing his pyjamas 🙂

Seriously though, can't you lay down a certain ground rule that things wind up before silly o'clock ?

Stuff that, i'd go to bed!

I'd also speak to my Mrs about it if it was giving me serious issues (as it apparently is you)

12 hours though?

Have children - problem will go away one way or another 😉

scaled, the 12 hours comes from when we used to have BBQ's that started at lunch on a Saturday. We've not had one for a while, in fact we've not really had people round for the best part of a year. Tonight is happening main because I feel bad that my GF can't have friends round at her house once in a while. I'm pretty sure this is my problem to deal with not hers to endure.

I would love to say "you can all come round but lights out at midnight" but I'm not sure that is fair on her and our friends at all, seems like a very good way of making people feel unwelcome (which they're not contrary to what I have said above).

Anyway, thanks for your help so far, much appreciated.

For what's it's worth...

Plan a big day of cycling tomorrow, making sure everyone hears how much you are looking forward to it, let everyone know you are planning an early start to get the hours in. Then you can enjoy the evening and make the excuse to go to bed when you need to? Even better is if you actually do the cycling thing tomorrow so you know you have something to look forward to?

But like others I do have to say... why do something in your own home that stresses you and isn't one of those must do things?

why do something in your own home that stresses you and isn't one of those must do things

It's not a must do at all but, my GF likes having people round and to her credit she has stopped inviting them as she knows how it makes me feel. I instigated tonight gathering as I think it only fair that we do something she would like to do occasionally. It doesn't make me feel any better about it though!

the best way to deal with stress is to breath properly. in our culture we don't. look up abdominal breathing,deep breathing, yoga breathing, diaphragm breathing, basically its breathing in, trying to relax the diaphragm. imagine your lungs are like a balloon, and the base of your lungs is your diaphragm, to breath in, keep your ribcage still, but extend your belly. this basically creates a vacuum in your lungs and the air goes in on its own, to breath out push your belly in which has the effect of emptying your lungs from below. it feels counter intuitive at first, stick with it.[url= http://www.healthandyoga.com/html/news/yogicbreath.htm ][/url]

I [i]would[/i] drop the E in that situation, equally the going to bed at a reasonable time idea is good.
And remember, it could be worse, it could be her parents for a week.

to breath in, keep your ribcage still, but extend your belly. this basically creates a vacuum in your lungs and the air goes in on its own, to breath out push your belly in which has the effect of emptying your lungs from below.

That tickles. 😀

www.moodgym.something or other.

If you're motivated, try a form of self directed CBT either online or in books.

You're going the route of setting up a nasty circle of:
-I get anxious about social settings -> I avoid social settings, so they become rare -> I worry about the rare social settings which I am no longer invited to......

You need to a)recognise your fears are irrational or unlikely to happen, then b)challenge these fears and take part in the social situation.
Only then can you realise that the 'fears' you had were mostly unjustified, and you can try to carry on as 'normal'...

The key, which you do seem to show, is that you recognise when you are getting into this 'situation' (not the social situation; the panic situation)

DrP

Hah! I get this all the time, it's just plain boredom anxiety complex, I've dealt with it in several ways..

Drink too much and pass out.

Drink too much throw up on myself (he's getting on a bit bless him)

Done the pyjama thing as well.

Got an early flight going away on business you'll have to excuse me, please don't make too much noise...

Go into the kitchen and set something on fire, let it burn a bit scream and shout then put it out...

Call the police to complain about the noise..

Get some kids to come round and chuck rocks at the window then disappear off to the pub chasing them..

There must be lots of other ways.. use your imagination, it can be part of the fun of the evening, working ways to get shot of them..

glupton1976 - Member
A question for you: What would happen if your percieved worst case scenario played out during one of these events?

CBT?

Just go to bed .
My mates Mrs used to work for Duetschbank in the city doing the whole 12 hr day followed by champers/cocktails .Come fri night she was done in by 9.30 and just used to do one.
How about dont start drinking till abit later, and stop abit sooner?
Blame it on the big ride you have tomorrow.
Dont get nervous, Im sure your gf is a fab host and your house is looking like a show home. Your friends will have a great time, everyone enjoys eating out.

Just Apologise and disappear . No ones going to say anything . Its too easy to get swept in to drinking till 1am and getting proper mashed on red wine . Its the 24hr recovery period thats the problem.

Try serving up at 7.30ish . That way people might be more inclined to leave a little earlier. Maybe get the hoover out at 11ish if they look encamped ? ( joke)

You can either avoid, but that fear will remain, or go there (facing) and just accept you'll feel anxious while you desensetize over repeated exposure. Show your anxiety control centre that this situation is nothing to be scared of by quitting worrying about it.

How did it go?

MTFU..?

I'm a bag of nerves in every situation 100% of the time.. get on with it

Sounds like a control thing. Odds on if you like MTB, you're a bit of a control freak; that seems to be a common theme in the sport.

So, the way through it would logically to be to extend some control, through one method or another. Whilst you may worry about bein perceived a rude for putting a curfew on the evening's festivities, if your social group has any maturity about it, there's nothing wrong in being honest and explaining that you get very stressed out about these evenings, so please don't be offended if you retire early. It's nothing personal etc.

long term though, that is just a coping mechanism rather than addressing the root cause.

Afternoon All.

Firstly, thanks for the kind, reassuring words on Friday, really appreciated.

Second, for those wondering, it went OK, pretty good in fact. People arrived, we talked and drank, I felt my anxiety go up, I went outside for some air and took some time away from the group, rejoined them and got on with it. The bit I was most fearful of was the end of the night (or lack of end as the case is). My GF deserves credit here as at about 12:30 so started yawning and making sleep based conversation which was enough for most people to get the hint and go home. Those staying realised the booze had run out so headed to bed as well.

fizzicist, I feel you may have hit the nail on the head with control as even though I was trying to relax I still tried to control things. Booze levels for example, I had decided that when the booze ran out people would leave/go to bed as long as it ran out after about midnight as there would be few places to but more still open. I made sure I was in charge of drinks and what do you know, the last drink was poured about 12:15am. Anyone would think I planned it...

So in conclusion, it was fine.