[Closed] Dealing with a breakup.

It's bound be tough and there isn't going to be a quick fix.
Enjoy your life for what you've got now. Get out on your bike a lot, enjoy riding every day. I doubt you'll worry or feel upset if you're pushing the pedals.
Try to get out and meet new people, join a gym, socialise.

Learn to grieve. It's a process that will help you in countless situations throughout your life, and also enable you to reflect on past experiences and resolve them too. It's a long journey, so make sure you're wearing decent boots.

I'd also recommend finding a creative outlet, like writing or drawing, to help you balance the negative, and to focus and reflect your feelings.

Change your routine, even if its temporary- try a different hobby or interest- just for a laugh.

Recently I tried horse riding (mental!) whereas normally I'd like to go bike riding or karting. The aim isn't to give you a new hobby, its just to give you something different to think about/changing your routine.

Living at home with the rents = save as much dosh as possible, buy a plane ticket and have an adventure, meeting new people (women) and generally having a top time in a new place.

New doors will open, things that seem painful now will become distant memories and you will have a new outlook on life (possibly)

But a backpack and get some research done, will get you motivated and provide a goal.

I appreciate things never seem that easy, but life is too short to wallow in a situation like this when freedom is now upon you.

I'm going through the same thing but with a few very significant added complications, so you have my fullest sympathy..
It's not my first distressing break up, and past experience is helping me to cope very well all things considered.. In the past I felt that the pain would never end, but the world surprised me in time by showing me happiness and delight that I previously couldn't have imagined..

I'll echo all the other advice here and will be keeping a close eye on this thread to get some tips myself!

I've found in the past that it helps to focus on things that you are now free to do, the pain is acute but work through it whilst you wait for it to fade as it undoubtably will.. Find distractions, perhaps even indulge yourself in activity that you know your ex would frown upon.. It sounds a bit childish but it's good to care for your inner child at these times..
Be good to yourself

I only really ride my bike. I do love photography which has taken a back seat over the last while, perhaps I should immerse myself in that for a while.

I hate being on my own at the best of times, I don't have much respect or love for myself, so I'm really struggling with that part of it. Just being me on my own.

[i]it helps to focus on things that you are now free to do[/i]

Definitely this. If I dwell on what I've lost I go downhill fast.
Thinking about the new stuff I can enjoy now I'm on my own is far more positive.
If you have no resposibilities like kids, mortgage, etc, then you have a lot of positives going forward.

[edit] Try not to be on your own - use this place to find riding/photography buddies. It works!

I'd love to join up with some of you, but unfortunately I live in Belfast. I know there are a few on here though.

St Colin. Firstly you are obviously a good guy - being made a saint before you die is unusual so you must be ace 😉

Seriously though, it does take a bit of time, time to grieve for the relationship and time to grieve for the plans you gave for life - which may be slightly delayed.

You might want as some suggest to try new activities - it gets you out and about at the very least and takes up time - time you might spend moping on your own is best spent doing something.

You will honestly be fine - it takes getting used to your new situation, but you will be okay in a reasonably short time if you don't wallow too long or too deeply (a little bit of wallowing is allowed though!)

Take care,

J

I do love photography which has taken a back seat over the last while...

Photography took over from writing for me. It can be an excellent place for catharsis.

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I hate being on my own at the best of times, I don't have much respect or love for myself, so I'm really struggling with that part of it. Just being me on my own.

How can you expect somebody else to love and respect you when you do not allow yourself to?

I know that I need to work on that. Perhaps this is now an opportunity to do that.

All the feelings and emotions that I struggle with due to my depression are just amplified, especially the feeling of being unwanted, unattractive and not loved.

Yet if that were true, she wouldn't have gone out with you in the first place.

Some relationships come and go, sometimes there's blame on one side or the other, sometimes they just weren't sustainable. I've split up with partners and thought "well, that's me on ready meals for one and frantic masturbation until the day I die now." It's patently not true. There are many fine ladies in the world, and some of them aren't psychotic hose beasts with it.

Take some time, try not to fret too much about being on your own; learn to enjoy your own company and others will too. Ride your bike, watch some horror movies, find a trollop to [nope! - mods], take a cheap holiday, take some photos, carpe diem (kill the fish).

Well it's been almost a week now and it's just as tough, as expected. If anything at least I have managed one good nights sleep. Bike light on charge so I will try and get out on the bike tonight. Changed my hub bearings yesterday and spent most of the time just staring at my tools.

I have been in contact with her through text. We both miss each other.

I have been in contact with her through text. We both miss each other.

Why not contact relate or similar and see if they can help...

Sorry to be harsh does she miss you as a friend or lover ? Do you miss her as a friend or a lover ?

If she's missing you as a friend then you really need to break ties cos when/if she finds someone new its going to really hurt you...

You'll be fine...

You need to allow yourself some time to grieve... the end of a relationship is just like any other loss.
However, as others have said - keep busy, try to catch up with friends you've not seen for a while, get out on the bike, etc.

It will get better, but you can't force it.

I'm pretty sure we both miss each other in different ways. I need to stop thinking that it is just a break from us that she wants and that it will work out in the end.

Expectation is the root of all Heartache - William Shakespeare

May I suggest a bike/living space overhaul? I know its rather glum and rather stereotypical of something to say on this forum but re organising my living space and a full strip and regrease of the bike always really cleanses my soul 🙂 why is it that you dont feel attractive/love yourself?

Make time with your friends! They'll be great support through it and take the time to appreciate that their there for you at this difficult time!

I'm pretty sure we both miss each other in different ways. I need to stop thinking that it is just a break from us that she wants and that it will work out in the end.

It maybe an idea to actually find out in what way she misses you ? If its as a friend well you know the answer, that cant work at the moment maybe when you have both moved on and are happy with each others situations.

Im sure you know all this but you gotta be strong...it will work out in the end for you...and the old saying plenty more fish in the sea is true...but you have to let the old fish swim away...

Good luck and be happy

I'll probably get flamed for this but I geniunely found that heavy drinking and casual affairs helped a lot. Not for everybody obviously.

You'll be fine. It'll seem like the worst thing in the world now but it'll be easier as each day passes. Been there a few times. My advice:

- Stay off the heavy frequent drinking / self destruction stuff... it doesn't help.

- Don't have any contact, it just makes it miles worse and you're just putting off what you'll have to deal with until later.

- Meet up with your mates... this is exactly what they're there for.

- Do new things. Travel, sport... knitting, whatever is going on... that's for you.

- Try internet dating when you feel up to it... it'll help no end with the feeling rubbish.

hora - Member
Recently I tried horse riding (mental!)

This image just popped into my head while reading that... 😆

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Watch out for a donkey in the classifieds.

She has told me that she misses my company. If the relationship is platonic, then it's missing the physical side of it. We had been spending good time together, went through Christmas as normal and for that I took her away for 2 days between then and new years. We even brought the bikes with us and we had a great time.

No two stories are ever the same, but don't be needy, be there if she wants to talk but let her get on and get on yourself.

I rode a similar train several years ago, keeping in contact and always holding out hope. After about 15 months I decided to move on, found a new girl and was feeling happy and confident in myself.

Next thing...

Yup, the ex suddenly wanted to know, suddenly realised that if she didn't do anything I would be gone forever. So she seduced me, the temptress that she was.

So here I am, 14 years later (almost to the day), we are married and have two great kids.

So the moral is - love yourself and get on with *your* life...

I've heard quite a few stories of couples breaking up and ending up stronger together. Can I deal with holding on to that hope? Not sure. But I will get on with my own life.

I think she's being a bit mean and unkind to you, telling you it's platonic then keeping in touch with these sort of messages. I really think you'd be better off without being in touch in the next few weeks (and months). As you know yourself you need some new things in your life combined with solidity of friends and family. I can fully understand the concern about going down the medicine route but a visit to the doctor isn't a "prison sentence" you can get information and you can decide to avoid medication. Good luck and stay in touch with STW

st colin - Member

I've heard quite a few stories of couples breaking up and ending up stronger together. Can I deal with holding on to that hope?

Don't worry about what other couples have done/may do, that was their relationship and it worked for them, this was yours...

By telling you she misses you as a friend is STOPPING you moving on...you want more but hey you gotta move on....I don't know your age etc but life is way to short and what seems like the worst thing now isn't...this is one of lifes lessons...

I'm 31.

st colin - 8pm group ride in Bangor tonight if you are at a loose end. I would agree with your idea of getting on with what you enjoy.

Thanks for the offer sv. The Meta is currently out of action as I'm sorting new wheel bearings for it. Hoping to get out on the rigid instead.

I totally understand the not liking being on your own. I also totally understand not liking yourself. Been there. Am still there to a certain degree. But, and I'm sorry to say it, she's not coming back. As hard as it sounds you need to stop texting her. It'll cause you more heart ache in the long run. You can't keep hanging on to it.
I really want to say it'll be fine. I really do. I am a hopeless romantic. I may also be wrong but you need to start believing I'm right. The alternative will only lead to more pain and anguish.
My advice would be to talk to someone. Anyone. (Email in profile) The more people the better. I would recommend cognitive behavioural therapy. It has helped me no end. Especially this time last year when I was stuck in a particularly dark patch.
The advice above about finding something out if the ordinary to do is also good advice IME. It ties in quite well with cbt. It's all about breaking habits and cycles.
I hope you understand what I'm trying to say? Even if you don't like it I'm just trying to help you find a more positive frame of mind. But I know it's not easy and the hard work is up to you. Like I say, email is in profile if you want a chat or to just call me a prick. 🙂

Thanks toppers.

I'm currently going through CBT. This was mainly to deal with my anxieties and worries/ruminating. I think that's about to change.

st colin - its a more 'winterised' route that doesnt involve the tower or mines and I will be riding a rigid singlespeed...

My issue is that the rigid has Conti fighters on it, semi slicks.

luckily never been in that situation, so not best qualified for advice, but ill still give my thoughts anyway 🙂

theres nowt more attractive than someone who's confident in who they are and what they want out of life. reading that you dont love yourself is a big problem. who are you? whats your goal in life? you dont have to be good looking to be attractive. btw, why [i]dont[/i] you love/like yourself? whats the problem?

its also going to be better to break contact. hanging on and being needy isnt good. for either of you. a confident "sorry, i love you and would like to stay in contact, but i dont think its doing either of us any favours, so id like to just stop the contact and concentrate on getting on with my life now" will maybe make her think a bit. but mean it, no drunken phone calls late at night. let her sit wondering what youre doing rather than the other way round.

get out and do something. if you dont like yourself cos of body image for instance, lose/gain weight, join a gym, buy some new clothes...

you got good friends? use them. obviously not [i]use[/i] them just cos you broke up, but use them, if you see what i mean 🙂

Sadexpunk, he talk sense.

He does.

I can't list 3 things I like about myself, easily. I'd need to think for a while. I hate how I look, and hearing that the relationship had gone platonic made me feel even worse about myself. Pretty much all the things I hate about myself are physical. The others are a sense of being a failure, having not made a career for myself and failed at college too many times. That's it in a nutshell. As you can imagine, there's so much more to it.

I'm 6 2" and if anything, underweight for my height. I would like to be fitter as I am looking to race the Irish enduro series this year.

I was a serial monogamist and went from relationship to relationship. I had a really bad split and realised I didn't know who I was. It took me a long tome to learn who I was and like who I was as well as throwing myself into my career. Grieving over the relationship is natural so don't rush into a new one. Stay off anything that you may feel will help you, alcohol, drugs. Occupy your time, work, gym, ride.

[i]its also going to be better to break contact. hanging on and being needy isnt good. for either of you[/i]

Agree with this - you need to look [i]forward[/i] and keeping in constant contact will keep you looking back thinking "what if?"..

think thats the crux of it, you hate how you look. that will come across to others, who wont find that attractive.

the college stuff, failing at careers etc are small asides that wouldnt matter as much if you looked in the mirror each day and liked what was facing you. they can be rectified. think about it, theres a difference between a confident, 'attractive' bloke telling his mates how sh*t hes done at college and everyone laughing at it, and a miserable so and so moaning on to people about how sh*t life is and how its treating him. not saying thats you by the way, just trying to put things in a bit of perspective.

if we can get you confident and smiling, it wont even matter to you (much) about your current loss, as youre facing the world and everyone out there with a smile and youll find therell be no shortage of opportunities.

i like to think that out of everything bad, something good will come. its worked so far for me. miserable during and after my first marriage failed, but.... i wouldnt have met my present wife if that hadnt happened.
jobs. ive been so p*ssed off with jobs ive jacked them in for something else. which has turned out to be better, and if i hadnt done that i wouldnt have met x or y, etc. some of my best mates have been made through working with them in jobs that i wouldnt have taken if i hadnt had something 'bad' happen to me in the previous place.

hard to believe right now i know, but...... something better will happen because of this. whether thats meeting someone new, or getting back with your ex who now has a new found respect (and possibly lust 🙂 for you.
or dealing with the things youre not happy with in appearance. "look at me, i look great now, i wouldnt have done that if i hadnt broke up with x"

rambling on a bit, hope its of some help 🙂

Not trying to talk you into it or anything 🙂 but its nearly all gravel paths and tarmac (exciting eh!). Decent route through the country parks etc. Keep it in mind for future weeks if not tonight.
All the best.

Career? Bollocks to that. Do something you like. What are you good at? There must be something? What would you do if money didn't matter? If you don't like you, change you. YOU are amazing. YOU can do anything if you set your mind to it. Anything. You don't need other people to validate it. If you want to do the enduro series then that's a goal. What do you need to do to achieve that goal? Do you know others who have the same goal? Hook up with them and that helps your motivation.
3 things off the top if my head:
1: you're clearly a nice bloke ( or a lucrative career in deception/acting is on the cards)
2: you can string a sentence together.
3: you're a good looking guy and attractive to others. ( if you weren't you wouldn't have an ex!)

And I've never met you. They may seem insignificant but they're stepping stones. I'll guarantee you're not bad to look at either. But if you hate the way you look change it. Go and get your hair cut. Just go somewhere new, walk in sit down and say I want a new look. Go with what they recommend. Go and buy some new clothes. Ask the shop assistants (female preferably) for advice. The lasses in my local Gap always helped me before I got married. Walked in feeling like a tramp walked out feeling like a million bucks. And all I brought was some new jeans and a shirt.
You have the power to change everything. You really do. Stop saying you can't because you can. Really.

Thanks.

I'm certainly not a moaner, far from it. I was never the center of attention either, usually somewhere in the middle. I like to think I have many of the good qualities people look for, honestly, kindness, loyalty, sense of humour, outgoing etc

And apparently I have nice eyes.

Listen to Beck - Sea Change

Best break-up album going,
You'll wallow, You'll grieve, You'll accept, You'll learn to function again, You'll start to live life again.

Sea Change my friend, Sea Change.

Now we're talking. If all you ever do is look for negatives all you'll ever find is negatives my friend.

Maybe I need to buy and Audi and go singlespeed?

Wow there tonto. Life's not gone that wrong has it?

toppers ^^^

+1

I guess not!

Thanks again for the replies today, it has definitely helped.

Take a bit of time to build a buffer between one chapter of your life and the next. For now, embrace everything in your life that didn't involve the ex.
I went through a tough time 20 years ago and finally got out of it by telling myself to take a break from looking for a relationship and giving it a bit of time for one to find me.

Companionship is what I will miss the most, it sums up that bond you have with the person. Even though I want that, I wont/can't go looking for another relationship.

get a dog. its the future!

Her parents had a boxer dog, I'll miss those big slabbers!

😯

That didn't sound like it should have....

Hey, you're 31! Loads of time to meet someone great. I spent nearly ten years with the wrong chap (loads of reasons and mostly my head not letting me leave someone who treated me badly) and didn't get out 'till my late 30s. Have a great bloke now who got me into mountain biking too 🙂

st colin, go for a ride with sv

tonight: don't put it off

consider it your 1st step of your rehabilitation

even if sv turns out to be a git (which seems remarkably unlikely as he's made a generous offer), you'll have made a positive decision and won't be sitting at home moping

(... but if he starts talking about your pretty eyes, don't eat any of his "sweets" 😀 )

This is my story on the matter, take from it what you will.

My ex dumped me after almost 10 years when I was about your age. I was so devastated I couldn't function enough to work, so I resigned after 2 months. I then languished alone most nights in a bedroom in the houseshare I'd moved into before I decided to go backpacking to Australia and New Zealand for a year because I couldn't bare to stay in London with her around and dating others. We stayed friends, we even started shagging again till I left, but I held out hope for about 2 years even though she returned back to Argentina while I was travelling.

Backpacking alone pushed me to socialise to avoid being alone and so I made loads of friends along the way, had great times and experiences, a few flings, experienced some bigger crushes. There were lonely times travelling too, and I remember still feeling desperate and suicidal at times back in London, such as wanting to turn my work scooter onto oncoming traffic.

I quit various jobs and felt like I'd failed to establish a career despite my supposed potential and education. I read loads of self help and spiritual books, which helped me mentally, but frankly, what helped the most was lots of casual internet dating (back when people were embarrassed to admit it) which helped me feel much better about myself. Eventually I met the woman who became my wife, partly on the strength of having Australia in common.

Now I live in Australia and have a family, home, and career. My ex and I still email occasionally, she has a family too now, but I'm totally over her. While breaking contact probably would have been quicker, it's good we're still friends after sharing so much together. I reckon I've done alright, it just takes time. Some people suggest half as much time as you spent together.

I need to stop thinking that it is just a break from us that she wants and that it will work out in the end

That's it in a nutshell. It will happen naturally, and sooner if you take the good advice given here.

About self-esteem: it's hard not to take rejection personally and that resentment is the main cause of your hurt. It's not you, it's not her; it's the situation. This too will pass.

The main thing is not to worry about worrying; What has happened cannot unhappen or be undone. There is only the future. A vast, unwritten future of possibilities and adventures if you open yourself to it.

Some great advice here, I know what you're going thorough and I'm sorry to hear whats happened but you will be fine.

The quickest way for you to regain control over your life is a clean break. Don't worry about being alone there is alway someone to talk to somewhere. You just need to get yourself out and about.

A lot of the emotions you're feeling is just your depression screwing with you, it's so hard to make a positive influence on your life while depressed so little steps but you must do things.

So get out on your bike tonight, its not hard to change tyres so get the rubber off your Meta (great bike by the way) and get it on the rigid. Have a nice cuppa and out for a ride. You'll feel loads better and thats good enough for today 😀

Someone significantly cleverer than me once said if you can change a situation then there's no point worrying about it. If you can't change a situation then worrying about it won't change that. This has served me well.
Do, or do not. There is no try.

Not wishing to repeat to much but there is a lot of sense here. Ten years ago I got together with Mrs W and it has been wonderful. She tells me that the thing that was attractive was that I was comfortable with myself. (and I had been in some dark places)
I sorted myself out by doing much of what has been suggested but had realised that it was very easy to drift (even when doing nice things) The key to me stabilising was to create a structure.
Everyday/week putting some set points in. Work/physical/domestic/social. It meant that if I hadn't ridden in the week I had to go out no matter what the weather on a Sunday even if I'd been on the booze/pull the night before. The structure stopped me from indulging myself and continuing to spiral down. It helped to focus forward. Doesn't matter if the proportions get moved a bit. But achieve a bit of what you said you would.
Good luck doesn't come till you've made the effort to deserve it.

Makes sense wingnuts.

I have so much I can be getting on with, riding my bike, photography, seeing friends. Might even spark up the Xbox again, it's not seen any action in a long time!

I'd make sure I was only doing that with mates. Say to them lets do it on whatever day rather than just sitting down and consuming 12hours! The contact with others is important even if you don't talk to them much.

St Colin, first. Don't blame yourself relationships fail for all sorts of reasons, and happen to happy beautiful gorgeous looking people, and it happens to the rest if us as well 😆

When I split up, we did the whole casual thing for a bit and its rubbish, trust me, it was just icky.

So, dumped properly no going back, did some rubbish dates, got drunk, laughed ( even if I didn't feel like it) then got off my bum, painted my room, did loads of cycling with my dad, got a job. Very very content

Saw Ex over Xmas with her new partner... Not bothered, happy for them both, no one was more surprised than me!!

Absolutely, fill your time with things, there are so many cool things to do.

In a perverse way what has happened could be the thing you needed. Treat this as a massive learning curve. Learn about yourself, what you need, and learn to be comfotable with yourself. You can't go through something like this without it changing you. It is a long hard road but worth every bit of the effort.

It changed me for the better, I think I appreciate life much more now and I have certainly lived more since. I had lots of fun and adventures, met a great girl and really enjoy myself but never take anything for granted. I'm still learning about life, myself and others and won't ever stop.

St Colin - get those tyres changed pronto big man! No excuses - you wont regret it!

Unfortunately If I'd had notice I would have made it tonight. I will definitely keep in touch and get down for a ride soon.

Twenty years this year since the first love of my life dumped me - for my then boss, as it turned out. Thank goodness she did.

Just celebrated 15 years of marriage to the REAL love of my life, whom I met a couple of years later. They were somewhat self destructive and unhappy years but what doesn't kill you makes you stronger and all that.

I'm now happier than I ever was before and life is great - really hope it turns out this way for you. I've had all the negative self image stuff, too, so I understand where you're at, but believe me, life can change when you least expect it.

Got married at 34, so a couple of years ahead of where you are now...

Good luck and try to stay positive!

Colin I'm just up the road near Antrim and normally ride Cavehill most weekends if you want to join us anytime. Or if you just want to let off steam feel free to email me. Addy in profile.

Went through a dark spell myself when an ex dumped me...for the 16yr old who was giving her guitar lessons.
Hit me hard. Even thought about you know what...
But, I'm still here. Grabbing a few mins whilst listening to two monkeys playing up in the bath. Life is good.

Things that got me through...
Exercise. I know it's tough to get out, but it's a good tonic.
Stay busy. Do stuff. Anything.
Be around people. I'd often grab a book & just sit in a cafe. Anything to avoid being alone.
Nowadays, I see people sitting alone & look on with envy....!!!

As for moving on, only when you're ready.
Women are attracted to someone who is happy with his lot.

Listen to Beck - Sea Change

+1,000,000.

Dunno why, but I gravitated to a wealth of depressing music when I went through a very painful divorce two years ago. It was counterintuitive but found it helped a lot. And I actually enjoyed finding new and more bleak music. And angry music. Angry music was brilliant. Turned up to 11.

Anyhoo… my point:

It *WILL* get better. I promise.

Sounds easy but deal with it and move on.

You are NOT the shmuck you think you are. Take some quality 'You' time. Treat yourself. Put yourself first for a while. Get out. Do stuff. Meet people. Keep active. Ride your bike, ride your bike, ride your bike.

Chin up, etc *jokey arm punch*

I should probably add that after 22 years in a relationship with the woman I had blindly convinced myself was the love of my life and that I couldn't possibly live without her, I now find myself with someone I wish I'd met 22 years ago instead. It's only now I see what I had been missing all those years.

Hindsight, eh?

*another jokey arm punch*

Thanks again for the further replies.

My solo bike ride was good last night, did clear my head for 90 minutes. Then went for a short walk with a friend. It's the alone time that is hardest.

Thinking about cutting ties on Facebook/Twitter too, as seeing posts (though neither of us are big posters/users) only makes me think of her.

Absolutely unfollow/block.unfriend etc.

I've been there, the temptation is always there to check in on someone and then you see flirty stuff on her wall from some other bloke and it's not a great feeling...

On Facebook you can just choose to hide all posts from someone, if you want to avoid her asking why she's been unfriended.

tis a good idea to stop the social media contact. rather than just do it tho, id probably drop a text first just to tell her why youre doing it and moving on. short, sweet and polite. then once sent, smile to yourself and get on with the rest of your life. theres lots of good things out there just waiting for you to experience.

My solo bike ride was good last night, did clear my head for 90 minutes

Thank goodness, I was fearing a "what tyre for break up thread?" 😀

Turns out, semi-slicks with about 50psi in them did the job just fine*

*Apart from a few sketchy moments on a trail center run

Life sometimes deals you a bad hand but you've just got to try and get over it, as hard as it might seem. Suffice it to say, you're not alone, I feel your pain - my wife decided we should separate just before Christmas but I still love her the same as the day 10 years ago we met or married 8 years ago. There's a lot to it but whole sorry saga's [url= http://singletrackmag.com/forum/topic/update-anotherfailedmarriagetrackworld ]here[/url], you may find some comfort in reading, you may not, that's up to you. I've had some very dark days over Christmas and New Year but my family and friends have really pulled it out of the bag for me. Do the same, speak to them, spend time in their company - just being around people helped me enormously.

Above all, remember, things WILL get better one way or the other.

Dude, stop feeling sorry for yourself, find someone in a worse situation than you, (there are gazillions) and help them.

http://www.charityjob.co.uk

Change your life, go help others.

Those eyes of yours, use them to wink a bit more, learn to make folk laugh, cheer them up you'll find it has the same effect on you. 😉

The secret to keeping women happy (other than the obvious) is to make them laugh.