[Closed] Dating someone who earns waaay more

I think there are some "honest" conversations to be had and expectations altered.

Not worth it

Holidays in Dubai?

Dump her. Now.

She's obviously dating (hypothetical person) because they are a nice guy/donkey willy/splendid in the sack.

She won't be expecting (hypothetical person) to be throwing cash about.

EDIT: If she is, she had zero class.

Is she fit?

Tell her.

Phew! That was difficult.

If, after she has been told the guy can't afford that life, she continues to expect to be treated in this way then its time to trade her in for a girl who loves you for what and who you are.
Edit: Hypothetically speaking that is.

a girl who loves you for what and who you are

Where would I find such a short sighted, easily impressed perverted freak?

Holidays in Dubai?

Dump her. Now.

This

Whats your expectation for the relationship ? Just a fling ? or more ?

Dubai ain't that bad, been there ? Great sailing location.

Earn more money?

Just be honest and tell her to pay.

not living upto your moniker then.

Been married to someone who earns more than me. It's never been a problem as my self esteem is not related to my income so don't feel my masculinity is not under threat.

I was in Dubai last weekend. I wouldn't go on my own money for certain!

Lived in abu Dhabi and visited dubai multiple times with work. It's a fake cesspit of a hell hole which unfortunately attracts loathsome people. I dread every visit.

Dump her now!

CaptainFlashheart - Member
Holidays in Dubai?

Dump her. Now.

Dubai not on the holiday destination list then...

Seriously though, MrsJulianA earned more than I did when we got together (perhaps not 3x though, but her earning potential was much greater) and we've been together eighteen years and counting.

Feelings should matter much more than money - if that's not the case then maybe it won't work. Sorry...

My gf earns double my salary. For the most part its fine, I get to drive round in her nice fancy car and I live in a house that I couldn't afford to live in if my partner earned the same as me.

We do have monthly conversations about what I can realisticly afford to spend on stuff that not the mortgage, sometimes she forgets! So she buys alot of the furniture etc that she likes because theres no way I could lead a normal life if I was trying to keep up with her.

Just keep forgetting your wallet and ride the wave for a few months

this includes the fella paying as this is what she's used to.

A touch old fashioned. If you told her you expect a woman to have your dinner on the table when you get home every night and afterwards she can spend her evenings darning your socks, how far do you think you'd get?

Dump her. Now.

Not so hasty, goodbye shag first. No, her not me you idiot 🙂

MSP - Member
a girl who loves you for what and who you are
Where would I find such a short sighted, easily impressed perverted freak?

Sadly I think hora's in a relationship now...

She needs to be told that if she's expecting [s]you[/s] the fella to pay for her expensive lifestyle then she needs a reality check. What does she spend her 3x salary on if [s]you[/s] this fella is paying for everything?

hmm

my gf earns 3x what I do, loves cooking, handy at clothing repairs, and usually pays for the hols. (She's even bought me a bike)

Does make me wonder wtf she is doing with me

I'll not say anything

Piemonster - does she have a sister?

She doesn't have any taste if she's holidaying in Dubai. I'd run a mile just based on that fact.

What did you tell her you did for a living?

I dated a woman who earned ten times what I did. She paid for almost everything, with me making a token gesture here and there.

I was 25 she was 39. I made up for the difference in earnings in others ways, primarily by giving her plenty of great sex and by being charming and funny.

It didn't last and I was genuinely heartbroken, as she was lovely and I would have been with her if she was poor as a church mouse. In the end it was the age difference that got in the way and not the money.

How would I play it in your situation? Give her the best sex she has ever had, but mention you are broke and see what happens. This will include getting hold of some viagra and brushing up on how to please women.

Don't underestimate how far being the best partner she has ever had can go.

Realistically though it doesn't sound promising as she sounds like a princess and if so you are flogging a dead horse no matter how good in bed you are.

Why the hell wouldnt you be honest?

IF you're that worried about face, the relationship doesn't sound too good!

I earn a lot more than 3 times what my wife earns and did do when we first met. We're both fine with this.

As for the other stuff, manage her expectations, if she's not happy with that then say bye amicably.

Where does everyone find these rich women?

Personally I'd steer clear of someone who was that materialistic...
+ if she's loaded and you're not, what does it say about her that she expects you to pay for everything?
Personally I don't think it's healthy for there to be a significant difference in wealth in a relationship, in can potentially lead to the lower-earning partner becoming dependent on the one with the money, which doesn't bode well for a healthy relationship, it's well open to abuse, let alone getting used to a life you won't be able to afford if you split

You may want to remind her that feminism was, in part, about emancipating women from financial dependency on men and she how she responds. If she doesn't take it well, you may have your answer 🙂

What did you tell her you did for a living?

she emailed him 😉

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CaptainFlashheart - Member
Holidays in Dubai?

Dump her. Now.

^^^ this

Nothing wrong with dating someone on a different income, but you need to tell her that you can't afford to pay for the stuff she wants. If she complains, dump her. It's not worth the hassle. If that's the way she rolls, she'll suck you dry, then find someone else with more money.

If that's the way she rolls, she'll suck you dry

Win.

Currently seeing a girl who expects me to pay for almost everything. I don't mind treating a girl but when it's expected from her all the time then it doesn't feel special any more, for me or her. We get on well and have lots of fun but to be honest it's wearing a bit thin now, particularly when she's on the cocktails at £10 a go. The great sex and the fact she's really hot are the only reason why I'm still hanging in there. Can't see me putting up with it for much longer.

Sorry, but to repeat

Holidays in Dubai?

Dump her. Now.

I dated a girl in a similar situation once, turns out on inspection of her credit card bills, and her expectation on eveything being shared in a relationship, that all was not what it seemed.
I soon saw the light, then my cloths, then the door, then the car etc etc

So when a meal out is half your weekly wage, and a holiday has to be in Dubai at 2k how would one play it?

OP she's no good, if she wants to go to pricey places she cannot expect her boyfriend to pay if he earns 1/3rd of her salary.

@agent, as you say it's up to you but her behaviour is not cool at all. She should pay for time to time or say buy/cook dinner some nights whilst perhaps you pick up the tab for the big nights out.

@agent, as you say it's up to you but her behaviour is not cool at all.

Nope I'm not that comfortable with it to be honest which is why I know the relationship now has limited shelf life. She said I made her feel awkward in the past by hinting that she should contribute towards hotel, meal, taxi etc. So now I normally pay for almost everything because it's just easier and avoids the awkward moment when the bill arrives and she just sits there looking at me.

Like I said the sex is amazing and we have great laugh otherwise I'd have run a mile months ago, but because unfortunately because of the above then she's not a keeper.

My wife earns more than me.

We've had arguments about most things in the decade + we've been together but never about money.

Mind you, salaries go into a joint account and she's often joked that if something happened to her, I'd have to borrow money until I'd figured out how the cash point works and what our pin numbers are... 🙂

People going to Dubai for a holiday is beyond me.

Work yes, transfers yes but holiday? Beaches are everywhere and wheres the cultural angle?

Does she work in sales/pharma/drugs or something? Everyone I know who goes to Dubai for pleasure seems to be^

Hey, Agent -

because it's just easier and avoids the awkward moment when the bill arrives and she just sits there looking at me.

If you find that awkward, they you're not a keeper. Retrieve your testicles and say: "How shall we pay for this one? I paid last time so this time it's yours"

If women want equal pay (as is only fair), then they should pay a proportioonal amount of costs.
So the OP should have his richer girlfriend paying for at least 2 out of 3 meals 🙂

Im lucky, I met my wife when we were both broke as fk
She now earns significantly more than me so she's actually used to me having blown all my cash on bike bits 🙂

yep get out, if you want to give it a go have the honest conversation that as much as you like treating her it's only going to end up with you being broke. If you want to be together do it together.

No need to discuss the difference in salaries - just tell her how much you earn and what you can afford - let her figure out what she should do.If she doesn't then she is not worth the forthcoming gtief.

As for Dubai - may well give an insight as to her values?

A good friend of mine has been going out with a much younger and apparently completely skint boy for quite a while. She earns a worthwhile fraction of a million a year, I suspect he turns about fifteen grand.

As I understand it, their deal is that she organises stuff she wants to do, and if she wants him to come, she pays. He organises things that he can afford. So they will go to Paris for the weekend together at her expense, and will have a romantic picnic in the park at his expense.

That appears to work well enough for them, although admittedly she is the nicest, smartest and most sensible woman I know, so it may not be scaleable.

I earn more than 3 times what my girlfriend does and she hates it if I try to pay for everything.

I'd say you're being taken for a ride so tell her how it is and if she doesn't like it you're better off rid.

When i met my current GF, i was skint, skinny and couldn't walk for 2 months. She would come pick me up on her bicycle, i'd sit on the pannier rack and we'd go out. My gf was/is brilliant. The OPs sounds unsustainable.

I get paid a lot more than my wife.
So I only work a couple of days a week so we earn the some money!

I do end up doing the cooking and cleaning though since I have more time.

Sounds like the OP might be better off flogging a dead horse.

HansRey - Member

When i met my current GF, i was skint, skinny and couldn't walk for 2 months

Waggles eyebrows.

Irrespective of income I would not date anyone who expected me to pay for everything. Its not 1953 anymore and we are equals.

I would also not go to Dubai if they paid.

As for who earns most who cares.

Footballers wives!

My girlfriend (of ten years plus)* earns a decent wedge and it's probably double what I earn each year. She does work as a freelancer in an industry with short contracts though whereas I am very much a steady eddy on PAYE with a long term office job. So it kind of works in the sense that despite earning less, I do bring the insurance of a regular pay-cheque to the table, albeit not a massive one.

Money has never been a massive issue though it's fair to say she often subsidises me on an informal basis- sometimes paying for meals or buying the last couple of rounds if we're out somewhere. I've always been careful never to accept any 'capital' gifts (new bikes, trainers or whatever) though I'm sure she would happily buy me these things if I ever asked her. We're practically married for all intents and purposes and have a mortgage together so there's probably nothing wrong with accepting gifts really but I just never would.

I would actually like to formalise our finances more to be honest- I pay half of all bills, outgoings etc and I suppose a good way to offset any difference would be to calculate our total income, work out each as a percentage and adjust each others share of the bills accordingly. I guess we've just never actually bothered as money's never been a massive issue. Probably not much help to the OP if he's just starting out dating said girl, but it often seems that whatever pattern is set at the start of a relationship is likely to become pretty entrenched for the rest of it.

*length of relationship, not her age

are you sure this woman earns that money? If she likes you, you would think she would want to spend it on you.

I would be walking away

So basically you are paying through the nose for good sex,and she will probably walk when your cash runs out? There's a name for people like her.

The ex-wife.

So hypothetical question here.

You start dating a woman who earns a good 3x what you do and has the tastes to boot.

Hint that you want a top spec Orange Five for your birthday?

Hansrey why dont you walk funny 3mnths+?

Sex is routine and punctual now?

Seems strange to me.

The whole 'gentleman always pays' is an anachronism based on the idea that the man is the breadwinner whilst the little woman sits at home hoovering and squeezing out babies.

It's always nice to be treated by a partner, and nice to be able to treat one, regardless of gender. I've been in relationships where I've been the richer one and where I've been the poorer one (indeed, I've been in both of those situations at different times within my current relationship) and in either case it's a compromise to play to each other's strengths at that moment. One of is more flush than the other, they pick up the tab (usually). We're both a bit short, nice home-cooked meal. I have a hand-made birthday card from a few years ago made from an A4 sheet of paper folded into four, and it's more precious to me than any Hallmark special.

I'd like to say that I hope it's reciprocal, and the hypothetical lady in question is hypothetically tending to the hypothetical OP's hypothetical preference for expensive bikes, weekends away in hypothetical gentleman's clubs with his hypothetical mates, and enthusiastic horatio three times a day. Hypothetically.

But really, keeping up with someone's 'expectations' at the cost of half a week's salary for dinner sounds like a shortcut to financial ruin to me, followed swiftly by bachelordom.

I wish you more power to your hypothetical elbow, but I can't see it ending well unless you "manage expectations."

Irrespective of income I would not date anyone who expected me to pay for everything. Its not 1953 anymore and we are equals.

True that - times have moved on... seems to me this lady wants to have her cake and eat it... she has the cash, why's she keeping it to herself?

How do you know how much she earns?

Oman on the other hand is fabulous.

100% correct.

I would actually like to formalise our finances more to be honest- I pay half of all bills, outgoings etc and I suppose a good way to offset any difference would be to calculate our total income, work out each as a percentage and adjust each others share of the bills accordingly.

Joint account (I'm assuming from the sounds of things you don't have one) with each of you paying in the same % of your salary would be a lot simpler. Good luck with that if you're currently earning less and paying half though 😉

Question- if she earns way more than you, why are you having to worry about keeping up with her spending habits? Surely you need to question your own motives?

I had a long term G/F who had a great job a year before we met, but due to redundancy was in a low paid job but hadn't stopped buying stuff. It was clear that she wanted me to bail her out and provide for her in the style she had been accustomed to, the extent of her logic was "other people just cope, don't they?".

She's someone else's problem now.

Sounds like the OP might be better off flogging a dead horse.

Or ditching her and spending his evenings 'flogging the sausage' instead, whilst spending the money he's saved on bike stuff and beer.

I would actually like to formalise our finances more to be honest-

I have recently realised that the Dummy family finances are far more "formalised" than those of almost any other couple we know.

I earn vastly more than MrsDummy. It all just goes into a joint account. Except for the stuff that goes into her sole accounts. And stays there....

😕

@bigdummy 😆

I think natural selection will sort this one out.

I don't think I've ever done a date when we didn't split the bill. Mind you not done many dates

I remember someone telling my sister and I that they gave there son more money per term at Uni as he would have to pay for dates. His sister got less as she wouldn't have to pay for dates and could expect a certain amount of free meals

We were told this in the 1980s and really couldn't believe anyone behaved like that. It felt like a step back to the 1930s

Plenty of times in my life that my wifes income has been zero. It feels like we went from splitting the phone bill item by item to most of my salary going into her account over night. She has never asked for a holiday in Dubia

I think you have two choices

1. Tell her, not at the end of a meal, that it needs to be more equitable

2. Set a budget and carry on paying (buying) the relationship until you've spent all you can afford

We were told this in the 1980s

I've heard someone explain exactly this last year - her kids are at uni at the moment.

Given you know her, intimately, and have access to her details just obtain a credit card in her name and pay for the meals etc with that.

Simples.

What does this floozy actually do?
For work, I mean.

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[quote=ampthill ]It feels like we went from splitting the phone bill item by item

With your wife? 😯

thestabiliser is the winner though - you appear to have experience of this sort of situation.

dated a very fit woman who had a few years earlier divorced a rich, very rich bloke. As part of the divorce he had to sell one of his Lambo's. Poor guy. She was loaded and I'll be honest, we had great sex, lots of fun and even tried living together. I tried my damnest to make it work. Liked her and she wasnt over the top with her bling and then she suggested maybe going on holiday. She asked her son (about 10 yrs old) to check prices online like their last holiday...

... he did, it came back as a week at 28 grand for four people.

It wasnt why we split but it really just floored me.

In the end we split because despite being very close she had some deep seated issues and some of these related to the fact I wasnt a millionaire, she couldnt get over it, I'm very glad she dumped me.

The answer is down to who you are and who she is. Good luck.

Indeed, posting from Strangeways. Working a similar gig in here but using 'snout'. "No more lone-ly nights, never be another..." 😀