[Closed] Dating in your 30s are only mad ones single?

You wait until your 40s: that's when the real mad ones come out.

could be the same person? forget it, block them, move on. If you start worrying about things like that you're basically putty.

The old choose 2 things we have come to love on here applies

"fit, sane, single. Choose any two"

You have obviously gone for fit and single. How on earth can you expect her to be sane then....

Definitely not the same person, and the one I went on the date with definitely lied about her body shape as well, she was not athletic...

The one on the date was sane and single, the one I messaged I think was fit and single...

are only mad ones single

I seem to remember it can feel like that. But then, are *you* mad? And are you single? Furthermore are you mad for being single? Or single for being mad?

*Edit

"fit, sane, single. Choose any two"

This makes it easier - ask yourself 'so which two am I'? Then seek similar in a date 😉

So what are you then princejohn, single and.....? 🙂

"PrinceJohn" Trim your beard, sort out your leaky valve and get back on the horse. People are all slightly crazy or very dull, just hope you find your kind of crazy one. Good luck.

Ha ha, a cycling buddy of mine went on that Fitness Singles thing and met up with a woman who certainly turned out to be fit, an obsessively competitive triathlete who lives on carrots and fruit. Unfortunately her attention to the "systems" around her was zero, meaning everything including her bike was permanently broken or worn out, her car absolutely disgusting, worse than a farmer's Land Rover inside, her time-keeping hopeless and her personal habits somewhat odd. He said riding with her was a nightmare because you were always struggling to keep up with her relentless pace - I know because I met them out on the road and got dropped. I think it was when she swam along the beach off Blackpool with him paddling behind in an inflatable dinghy that he realised she wasn't the one and the relationship cooled down and she moved out of his house.

Not sure it's evidence of madness - more ladies protecting their own. Bit mean though. Unless you suggested there was more potential with the first lass than there was, I don't think you've done anything wrong. Perfectly fine to see multiple prospects - and you can bet they will be doing the same.

You are more likely to come across seemingly mad 30 something single women in my experience. Many will either be jaded, and/or keen to settle down and have babies. If you are in your 30s, it might be worth looking for a lass in her mid/late 20s.

Just date younger women

Yes, mad as a box of frogs and judging on my friends efforts it doesn't matter which sex or sexual preference by the time people get into their 30's the old love game takes a turn to the surreal - it's not madness per-se though it's a combination of being mature enough to actually be themselves instead of trying to be who they think people are looking for and baggage, So. Much. Baggage. Most people in thier 30's are wearing the scars of at least one failed long term relationship, and that's before you get into the bitter divorcees with kids - want to be in a constant state of war for the rest of your life? - that's the way to go!

I've no intention of being single again, but if the worst happened id stay single, because as someone else said - 40's single hold up 30's singles as an example of sensible level headed sanity.

"fit, sane, single. Choose any two"

But then, are *you* mad?

It's probably worth just pausing to note that the idea that there's something the matter (psychologically or physically) with any woman who is dating in her 30s is one of the most blatant bits of sexist tosh we all habitually spout. Malvern Rider's corrective question is important to save it from awfulness.

I'm not currently single, but my answer if I were would be that I'm not too shabby, not insane as such, but that For Reasons I'm single in my late 30s because the first long-term relationship of my life ran out of steam after a decade, and another one would be quite nice. Presumably most women could say the same. Except the ones who [i]actually[/i] boil your pets, of course.

😉

Bit of a self-fulfilling prophecy, I would think...

An associate is back on the market in his late 40s

If you think single women in their 30s are nuts... 😯

Having been married for ten years, I have to say that I rather miss fit, 30something mentalists.

Presumably you are familiar with this:

I stopped that vid after 10s, I make it a rule never to take relationship advice or advice on women from a man wearing a gun.

To answer your question, no.

Online dating is all a bit strange really, strange process, strange behaviour. It is however increasingly the norm.

I remember a woman I worked for on a job: graduate, doctorate, brilliant engineer, then looking for serious company, who said 'single men (of her age) were all wimps, wallies or rejects'.

I wondered if she might justifiably have added 'winos and whiners'.

I stopped that vid after 10s, I make it a rule never to take relationship advice or advice on women from a man wearing a gun.

I've never been sure whether that berk is a piece of performance art or deadly serious. I mean, he's an overweight, bespectacled douchebag wearing a gun with chinos and making a tiresome and deeply misogynistic youtube video about how horrendous women are. Where does he think he scores on the Hot/Crazy matrix? Intuitively, it's about 3/9, which puts him in the zone where you Just Don't Go. No real person can have so little self-awareness, which leads me to believe he must be performance art. Or maybe he's operating on an entirely different matrix of male attractiveness where his gun, his chinos and his marker pens put him in the "drown a toddler in my panties" zone. Who knows...

🙂

wimps, wallies...rejects ... winos and whiners'

Love it.

It's probably not [i]strictly[/i] true either. 🙂

Similar anecdote, have a friend of roughly my age (34), cracking lass, very easy on the eye, has worked her little socks off, owns several properties can hold a well-informed conversation on pretty much any topic you choose, she is an all round brilliant individual, however....

She's been pretty much constantly single for a good 8 years and counting, not for lack of trying. Trouble is she tends to like quite old fashioned blokes with a taste for wooing and chivalrousness and that kind of man tends to get deeply intimidated by women who are both wealthier than them and can run rings round them intellectually, they want a nice placcid little wifey.

The quest continues...

Oh, and no, I'm not going to make any introductions, did that once before and have yet to be entirely forgiven for it.

Damn you Hatter!

From what I've found the pretty ones on internet dating are there because they have very little other than their looks. They have the depth of a teaspoon.

the "drown a toddler in my panties" zone

You wait till you're in yer 50's, that's when all the sexy, wealthy, divorced ladies come looking for some fun n frolics 😆

😉

😉

Being newly single after 9 years, I encountered a few proper mad ones via online dating.

The one that pulled my mate instead of me on a double date

The one that dumped me literally during sex

The one that asked me if I wanted to have children with her on the first date

etc

Thankfully I've met an absolute cracker now. Completely 100% sane and normal. I think she may be the only one out there.

Clearly all you blokes using internet dating have the looks and body of an adonis and the charm of Bond.

permanently broken or worn out, absolutely disgusting, worse than a farmer's Land Rover inside

So you sampled some goods you'd rather forget about?

Drac - Moderator
Clearly all you blokes using internet dating have the looks and body of an adonis and the charm of Bond.

and a favourite line from a mate was I could have been her in the pics or shoe could have eaten them

Went on a date with a girl last week and got in fine ...

So you got on well enough, but didn't message her back to tell her you weren't interested, just leaving her hanging.

This to most girls is an insult, girls talk and you found her friend, she's already against you as she wouldn't want to be left hanging.

I've never internet dated, but I have friends who have (who are female) and just knowing where they stand is the thing they are looking for a lot of the time, not really mad - just imagine it's a bike company sending you parts, you want to know the status of your order don't you?

more Clooney meets Bourne

Matt Damon figures.

I mean, he's an overweight, bespectacled douchebag wearing a gun with chinos

lol. What we [s]really[/s] don't really need to know is does he:

1. Remove his glasses (s l o o o o o w w w l y, m a i n t a i n i n g e y e c o n t a c t) before entering the fun zone (sic)?
2. Re-fit the gun-belt after removing his Chinos before entering the fun zone (sic)?

'fun zone'? m'keh.

more Clooney meets Bourne

's a good job I'm married.

I'm more Bourneville than Bourne.

The one that asked me if I wanted to have children with her on the first date

I was warned about this by a female friend who pointed out that a lot of single women are at the point where it's now or never for getting kids booked in, so they prefer to weed out those who won't tick that box early.

The one that asked me if I wanted to have children with her on the first date

Seems fair enough, If she wants kids and you're certain that you don't then that relationship isn't going anywhere. Would have been better to have made that clear before a date but if that was the first opportunity then fair play.

I remember a woman I worked for on a job: graduate, doctorate, brilliant engineer, then looking for serious company, who said 'single men (of her age) were all wimps, wallies or rejects'.

I've found that women who say things like this fall into three categories

A) Have been abused/maltreated and saying things that emasculates men makes them feel empowered.

B) Have been abused/maltreated and generally enjoy still being smacked around and spend the rest of their waking lives in idiotic on/off relationships.

C) All of the above rolled into one giant hilarious ball of various clinically significant personality disorders.

Avoid like the plague.

Have you inadvertantly joined "30-something mad girl dating" ?

Who me? Nahh my wifes just turned 24.

😀

Have you inadvertantly joined "30-something mad girl dating" ?

[i] PrinceJohn - Member

and the one I went on the date with definitely lied about her body shape as well, she was not athletic...[/i]

Sumo?
[img] [/img]

Aye, I've met those who have been, how shall I put it? [i]"Imaginative"[/i] when describing their physique. Others use pictures from >10 years ago and one even openly confessed, after a few messages, the picture in the profile...... Wasn't of her but was actually her friend 😯

As for "mad" they may seem that way to us, but Men are often viewed by Women as being "mad/crazy/weird" also.

My [i]adventures[/i] in online dating seemed to have me constantly under suspicion of being a "player" which was tiresome.

I've had a year out from the dating site merry-go-round, as above, finding reasonable late 30s, early 40s Women isn't easy and most if not all come with "issues". Some issues are quite common, across age groups, ime. The perfectionist is a good example. This strange expectation that everything they and their BF say and do must be perfect, without end? For me that gets real old, real quick.
😆

Meeting someone you can make an effort with all comes down to chance, so just be yourself and carry on.

Its threads like this that make me determined to hang on to my marriage no matter what, I'm not equipped mentally to be able to socialize with new people, let alone the fairer sex, in my 40's.

hear, hear stewartc.

These threads keep me on the straight and narrow! At least until I'm 60, by when sex will be little more than a memory and once again something that other people do while I watch.

I will also take up pipe smoking again, assuming it hasnt been outlawed. In which case I will move to France, there's no way they'll ban it 🙂

Everyone's a bit insane.

People looking for love in their 30s are likely to be fussier and/or have more baggage and/or a bit quicker to make up their minds about things.

Knowing a couple that split after one wanted kids and the other didn't (I don't think this was the only reason), I can see that asking that (as long as you're not talking about trying straight away!) isn't as mental as it sounds - though it wouldn't be on my first date list of priorities.

Specifically to the OP though, the woman that said you should be texting her friend sounds best avoided. Usually you have to wait a month or two to get that level of vague passive aggression.

Its threads like this that make me determined to hang on to my marriage no matter what, I'm not equipped mentally to be able to socialize with new people, let alone the fairer sex, in my 40's.

Have you not read about the sunk time fallacy?

OP, it's a numbers game. If someone you're dating exhibits behaviours your uncomfortable with then talk to them about it and see if you can resolve it. If you can't, then move on. This doesn't stop being true at any stage of a relationship.

it wouldn't be on my first date list of priorities.

Sorry to disabuse you, Stoner, but those urges and activities seem to carry on to well beyond 60. I know, it's distressing, isn't it?

FWIW, my aunt met her current man when she was 78. I haven't asked about the physical side of things 🙂

Seems fair enough, If she wants kids and you're certain that you don't then that relationship isn't going anywhere. Would have been better to have made that clear before a date but if that was the first opportunity then fair play.

It wasn't

"Do you want to have kids?"

It was specifically

"Do you want to have kids [b]with me[/b]"

That's a bit much for a first date.

I had mentioned it on a post a couple of months ago

http://singletrackmag.com/forum/topic/agony-aunts-to-the-forum-break-up-advice/page/4#post-7228119

Psycho

eeeewwwwwwwwwww!
[img] [/img]

Its threads like this that make me determined to hang on to my marriage no matter what, I'm not equipped mentally to be able to socialize with new people, let alone the fairer sex, in my 40's

Amen, brother - better the hormonal nutter you know......

[url= http://www.spectator.co.uk/2015/12/my-part-time-boyfriend-and-i-bonded-over-the-tooting-honey-toilets/ ]Essentially, I need a boyfriend for two weeks in July or August and two weeks in December. I’m flexible as to which two weeks, but I’d prefer the lead-up to Christmas inclusive of Christmas Day. By Boxing Day I’m over it. I’m happy to be unhappy again once the big dinner is over and I can get on a horse and go hunting.[/url]
#NotTheMash

Amen, brother - better the hormonal nutter you know......

@BoardinBob
Doesn't sound like not wanting to have kids was the reason you didn't see that lady again to be honest 🙂

Some people are a little bit broken. There's nothing wrong with you not wanting to fix that and holding out for someone who has their life a little bit more together. If you accept it may take time and a lot of effort on your part then it gets easier. Granted, it must be tough to be older and be on your own, especially at the holiday season. Being single is a choice you make though. Own it.

also...
your mates (including those in here) are meant to tell you that it's not you it's her, her mates will do the same. Rationality doesn't get near the situation.

... and she moved out of his house.

They moved in together in the first place? 😯

It wasn't

"Do you want to have kids?"

It was specifically

"Do you want to have kids with me"

That's a bit much for a first date.

I misunderstood and I agree that is strange behaviour. it makes sense to find out whether or not you wanted children but surely nobody makes their mind up on an actual partner before coffee and mints.

but surely nobody makes their mind up before coffee and mints.

[quote=stewartc ]Its threads like this that make me determined to hang on to my marriage no matter what, I'm not equipped mentally to be able to socialize with new people, let alone the fairer sex, in my 40's.

It's threads like this that make me stay here where I at least have the company of my kids, despite not currently having what would normally be described as a relationship with a member of the fairer sex. That and to be honest I'm pretty broken, and can imagine the scathing comments from those unfortunate enough to agree to a date with me.

Essentially, I need a boyfriend for two weeks in July or August and two weeks in December. I’m flexible as to which two weeks, but I’d prefer the lead-up to Christmas inclusive of Christmas Day. By Boxing Day I’m over it. I’m happy to be unhappy again once the big dinner is over and I can get on a horse and go hunting.
#NotTheMash

What the everloving f$%k 😯 ? That has to be trolling.

no. That's Melissa Kite. She's clinically batshit cuckoo. But very funny to read.

gypsumfantastic - Member

What the everloving f$%k ? That has to be trolling.

Being single is a choice you make though. [b]Own it.[/b]

You're either a human resources type, or Shia Labeouf - either way, we don't take kindly to your kind round 'ere.

@ Tom:

[i]I've found that women who say things like this fall into three categories[/i]

- does it apply to men also?

- the one I wrote about seemed sane enough. If she were ten years older, and I ten younger...

It's threads like this that make me stay here where I at least have the company of my kids, despite not currently having what would normally be described as a relationship with a member of the fairer sex. That and to be honest I'm pretty broken, and can imagine the scathing comments from those unfortunate enough to agree to a date with me.

aracer you are not the only in that position, I'm in exactly the same place. I'd like to stay with my wife of 20 years but it's not what she wants. Still I like the fact that I see my kids everyday and my wife and I actually get on fine. I can't really imagine going on a date and explaining that I live with my wife and kids and overall quite like it. It's pretty obvious that I'm going to be the one looked at as totally mental.

MoreCashThanDash - Member
Its threads like this that make me determined to hang on to my marriage no matter what, I'm not equipped mentally to be able to socialize with new people, let alone the fairer sex, in my 40's

Amen, brother - better the hormonal nutter you know...

Agree with this. If I ever divorced it'd be to a bachelor pad that has enough room for my kids to stay over and store my bike kit. I can't be bothered with the female partner rat race again. I imagine the rest of my life would consist of one off/short social endeavors with members of the opposite sex from a biking, work, or internet background.

I quite like girls that are daft as a box of frogs,they're usually quite fun.
But crazy one's no thanks.

We're all crazy. There is no such thing as normal. All we're looking for in others is compatible crazy.
You just haven't found your compatible crazy yet.

1 year (dating) anniversary today.

She's 24, I'm 32.

No, I don't have a point. Just showing off.

No, I don't have a point. Just showing off.

it wouldn't be on my first date list of priorities.

Don't know. Some people really don't want to waste their time. Nothing wrong with being straight up with what you want is there?

Nope nothing at all - on its own it would not put me off someone, were I to be on the market.

Edit:
Ah, but I see...

It wasn't

"Do you want to have kids?"

It was specifically

"Do you want to have kids with me"

Yeah, unless it was going really well and just sort of slipped out in a "I WANNA HAVE YOUR BABIES THIS IS SOOOO MUCH FUN!!!!" sort of way.

I've just remembered that my climbing buddy, an extremely staid and sensible Yorkshireman, somehow fell into the clutches of a woman in her 40s. All went well for while with plenty of rampant sex until she began pressuring him to join her sect, the initiation consisting of a long weekend at some hotel in a remote place that the sect would take over. You had to remove all your own clothes, watch, everything and wear the "uniform" and then initiates would stand up and admit to something shameful they had done, be reduced to a wreck then be rebuilt by the members who would bombard them with lurve and make them feel one of the group. Classic brainwashing technique in other words. Then it emerged that she had done the same to her previous BF and afterwards he had committed suicide. For about ten minutes I was quite worried about my pal until I got him on the phone and he told me he had already seen the light and kicked her into touch. Nuts, altogether.

BoardinBob - Member

The one that dumped me literally during sex

We're gonna need the rest of that story please Bob.

@Tom_W1987
YESTERDAY YOU SAID TOMORROW!

[i] curiousyellow - Member
Being single is a choice you make though. Own it. [/i]

Accept it ain't quite like that, is it.
In my case, I chose to no longer be with the Woman I was with. I didn't choose to be single, but that was the unavoidable result. Hence why I would seek to be with someone again. When I can be arsed to re-enter the game.

[i] globalti - Member
join her sect, the initiation consisting of a long weekend at some hotel in a remote place that the sect would take over. You had to remove all your own clothes, watch, everything and wear the "uniform" and then initiates would stand up and admit to something shameful they had done, be reduced to a wreck then be rebuilt by the members who would bombard them with lurve and make them feel one of the group.[/i]

The local indoor bowls club?

The two week BF thing, while amusing, also reminded me of a recent conversation I had with a woman in her mid 30s, separated, with two young children. The lady had just returned from 10 days in Ibiza, while husband had the children with him, on hols in another country. Judging by what she was saying, I got the impression she was intentionally or otherwise happy to be a single mum for 48 weeks in the year, using her hols to then "party" somewhere "hot".

During the conversation I began to feel a little sorry for her, as I got the impression she didn't quite see what she was setting herself up for. I thought if she carried on like that for another 5-10 years, then that would be time lost which could have been invested in a meaningful relationship. It also made me wonder what percentage of single 30s/40s Women there might be, leading such a lifestyle, effecting consigning an entire generation of similarly aged single Men to the scrap heap? While these single mums chase late 20 something Men around the clubs and beaches of some sunny holiday destination.
But Ho-Hey, you pays your money, etc, etc.

BoardinBob - Member
The one that dumped me literally during sex

We're gonna need the rest of that story please Bob.

He gave her one and she gave him one out of ten 🙂

The one that dumped [b]on[/b] me literally during sex

We're gonna need the rest of that story please Bob.

I'd rather not hear this story.

Went on a date with a girl last week and got in fine

Got in [i]what[/i] exactly.....

They're all batshit crazy

Especially if they have some white wine

Everything just becomes surreal

Why didn't anyone warn me of this 5 years ago??

During the conversation I began to feel a little sorry for her, as I got the impression she didn't quite see what she was setting herself up for. I thought if she carried on like that for another 5-10 years, then that would be time lost which could have been invested in a meaningful relationship. It also made me wonder what percentage of single 30s/40s Women there might be, leading such a lifestyle, effecting consigning an entire generation of similarly aged single Men to the scrap heap? While these single mums chase late 20 something Men around the clubs and beaches of some sunny holiday destination.
But Ho-Hey, you pays your money, etc, etc.

It gets worse when the women are well educated and earn a decent amount - because women in their early thirties seem to be invariably earning more and are better educated than men in the same age bracket now. So the choices narrow even further because they are still wedded to the idea that their man should earn more than them. Sex and the city syndrome - but hey.

I've also had some women get really uppity because I married a foreign woman.

Life is so different from when I was a teenager. I guess there are lots of immature misogynistic men though, I just don't see why there are - if you are halfway successful then the field is stacked in your favor. That's probably why there are a fair amount of bitter women to be found in their 30's, a lot of successful men weren't great with the other sex during their teens and then they spend their 20's and 30's playing the field in retaliation.

[i] boltonjon - Member
Why didn't anyone warn me of this 5 years ago?? [/i]

Because:

a) You wouldn't have believed someone telling you about the things you have subsequently discovered for yourself.

b) You'd of just gone ahead anyway.