[Closed] Dating - am I playing with fire?

It'll be fine. She'll want someone to talk to, you can say 15 words all night, she won't stop talking, and think you are amazing for just sitting there listening.

Date? To both of you?

Sounds like a concerned workmate unless you were more overt.

Either way, have a shower & pack your toothbrush just in case 😉

Does she think it's a date?

Probably most honourable to avoid anything physical, and be a good listener. But you'll have to play it by ear and see what she needs.

There's [i]going for a drink[/i] and there's [b]going for a drink[/b].

If she's still signed off work after her husband died I'm not sure she thinks it's the same kind of evening you're thinking of.

It came about by her saying men were hardly forming a queue these days, later turning to her asking my current gf status..

So I dont know what it is..

She might not be thinking of it as a date but as social event and a step of getting out of the house. If she does start coming on strong I personally don't think you should reciprocate. If you like her you should take it slow as she may still be vulnerable and it would not nice to take advantage. Just an opinion mind you, your the man on the ground.

[i]mightymule - Member
Does she think it's a date?
[/i]

Exactly! The person has lost their partner. Ask yourself why you are there.

[i]LeeW - Member
If she's still signed off work after her husband died I'm not sure she thinks it's the same kind of evening you're thinking of.
[/i]

Plus one.

Please post on EDL later 🙂

If she's still signed off work after her husband died I'm not sure she thinks it's the same kind of evening you're thinking of.

Plus one

Gooseberry.

She might not be thinking of it as a date but as social event and a step of getting out of the house.

This.

[i]CaptainFlashheart - Twaat
Plus one
Gooseberry.
[/i]
😉

She's got her eye on someone else and is using you as a stepping stone towards getting out and about again.
Pretty sure she's not going on the same date as you are.

It came about by her saying men were hardly forming a queue these days, later turning to her asking my current gf status..

So I dont know what it is..

Am I the only person who saw this? Sounds like a date to me.

Probably best to ask her right at the start of your evening, rather than relying on spurious presumptions and guesstimates from an Internet forum, especially this one. 😉

Listening is good, very good. Irrespective of any ulterior motives.

Enjoy 😀

Boinking is very much playing with fire. How would it go for you at work if it got messy?

Dear me, you lot!

It came about by her saying men were hardly forming a queue these days, later turning to her asking my current gf status...

She's thinking more of it being that kind of evening than you are by the sounds of it! Whether you think that it's the right thing or not depends on you and what you know about her (that we don't).

Just have a good evening and as long as you're happy she's happy, have a ball and go with the flow.

She's had a shit time and quite possibly is ready to move on, have fun and be with a bloke on a date. All perfectly normal 🙂

Given her situation I would try and curtail any shenanigans even if she instigated it. Friend zone only.

Every chance that she's feeling lonely and hurt and unlikely (although possible) that she's thinking with a clear head after such a short time since the death of her husband.

Alternatively she might have done him in for the insurance and is wasting no time lining up a new mark.

Play along, see how it goes - and if you get an offer rely on chivalry and say "I think anyone would need time to get over what you've been through, and I think the worst thing in the world would be for me to take advantage if you were still vulnerable, but if you still feel the same when you are properly over it, then I'm here for you"

win-win

read ninfan's post in a Terry Thomas voice and it make a lot of sense.

😀

So, looks like we're all agreed.
Best save this for a second date at least.
[img] [/img]
[img] [/img]

If there is a hell, you will be going there if you put the bite on her!

Is it crass to ask how her husband died?
Did it involve him tumbling into a steel bath of sulphuric acid?

I *so* would!

Experience tells me you *so* shouldn't...

Establish early on if it's a proper date, or two friends/ work colleagues having a drink. Then all good, act accordingly. You must know in your own mind if you asked her out because you fancied her or because you wanted to be a nice friend. Tbh, whilst I accept I make most drink spillages look deep, if you are just meeting up to offer a shoulder and talk about the deceased and how she has adapted, kill me now!! But being blunt, someone's going to get there first if you don't, and if you fancy her fortune favours the brave in my book. But if you just want to be a mate, steady on the booze and knock one off before you go. Just don't be a prick.

Establish early on if it's a proper date, or two friends/ work colleagues having a drink

DTF?

"toyboywarehouse.com"

Still signed off work?

'Skin hunger', apparently. I am told by a friend who was widowed a few years ago. She says 'google it', but describes it as a craving for lost intimacy as a sort of sticking plaster. Itch that needs scratching. But not necessarily in a... anyway, google it.

[i]duckman - Member
If there is a hell,[/i]

[b]If[/b]?....

See you there.

Ding dong......

Has she got massive....sorry I won't go there. Just see how the night goes. Chat/listen and be a friend. What will be will be. We are all adults and it's not for others to judge

From you say, it does sound quite date-y.

Basically, I think the worst you can expect is that you have to be completely responsible for your own feelings.Even if she does give out mixed messages. She won't have the emotional bandwidth to understand what she is doing to you.

Might also be worth thinking about the potential reaction of friends and colleagues shared by you, her and the deceased......

[img] [/img]

I n R a t s

Going on a recently widowed colleague, who's signed off work, what could possibly go wrong?

Seriously nobody has asked for pics?
But honestly don't shag your colleagues unless you really want to find another job.

Life goes on. I know folk that have lost partners. There is one I should have pursued with hindsight. And others that were just right for each other at the right time.

**** the gossipers and relatives. They can get right up themselves if they think it's," too soon" x" wouldn't approve" etc.

Seal the deal and post back. Nudes minimum stealth video ideally you know 😉

Don't dip your pen in the company ink.

Dammit, I was hoping that was an OP update

andy4d - Member
Has she got massive....sorry I won't go there. Just see how the night goes. Chat/listen and be a friend. What will be will be. We are all adults and it's not for others to judge

This - play it by ear fella 🙂

Responsibility and Decorum. On at least one level- if it goes tits up and she subsequently has a breakdown at work. You'll look like a great bloke wont you.

It is possible to support someone and be friends. Why do most blokes think with their dicks? This is coming from me and I'd still use my head and look after her. Not myself.

Maybe she just wants a FWB. Can you handle that?

hora
if it goes tits up

Internet high 5 sire

Well I was a good boy to the end. A couple of drinks, a chat, a turned down offer of a chinese and I went home.

Shes totally DTF though...

Better to let that one go. Never play where your mortgage/income depends on. A nasty breakup and seeing each other daily wouldn't be fun

[img] [/img]

Grant earlier tonight

Had to google DTF 🙂

I think as you get older you just don't pussy about so much and she's in a strange place.

Grant_Richards - Member
...Shes totally DTF though...

If that's your actual name, I hope she's not googling you right now...

Also had to goodle DTF - a new acronym will now be inserted innapropriately into corporate blah blah meetings.

Well you couldn't have DFS as you'd just have people interested in sofas 8)

DTF = davidtaylforth??

Makes you think.

Ok... So if she is an adult, and knows what she wants, and you play by the "campground rule", doesn't she get to take these decisions? Isn't it a bit condescending and even slightly sexist to be overprotective?

Having said which, depends on how big your workplace is, and the risk of anything making life there tricky in the future. But that sounds like something which you could have an honest discussion about with her, if you wanted to.

what he said

the issues are
1. IS she vulnerable re the death or is she just "enjoying a new lease of life"- marriage may not have been happy etc

2. What are the work implications if it goes all wrong?

Makes you [s]think.[/s] do a little sick into your mouth

Slightly sexist?she's on bearevement leave from work when a colleague decides to crack on. On a very basic level how would you see this? The fact that she's still off work suggests it wasn't that long ago or she's told work that she is still struggling.

Creepy?

Gooseberry

People seem to be excluding the possibility that she has a say in this.

Reverse the sexes and think about it.

Have we checked that there isn't a parallel thread running on this on Mumsnet? 😕

Have we checked that there isn't a parallel thread running on this on Mumsnet?

Where "going for a Chinese" is akin to Centreparcs?

YOLO?

Sorry.

I once dated a widow, a good 18 months after his untimely accidental death. I didn't know him but a few good fiends did, these friends set me up with her.

I only visited her house a couple of times. But when I did it creeped me out a little. There were photographs of him everywhere - a small shrine in the hall with candles etc.

He was spoken about every day by her and her friends - all her family still lived back in Asia but when they spoke on Skype I'd hear his name mentioned.

If there was a spark between us I think I'd have tried to stick it out a little longer than the few dates we had. But it was just a bit too much for me.

On the one hand she could be ready to move on in which case you've just got the usual pitfalls of dating/sleeping with someone you work with to worry about.
On the other hand she might think she's ready to move, then (after you've slept together) realises she isn't then you've got the usual pitfalls of dating/sleeping with someone you work with x100
I'd certainly be taking things extra slowly for a while...

MAybe she's just wanting to get laid.... women have desires too.

People seem to be excluding the possibility that she has a say in this.
Reverse the sexes and think about it.

weeksy - Member

MAybe she's just wanting to get laid.... women have desires too.

I agree, but I don't think I could cope with the potential emotional fallout after the act, especially as it seems so soon after the death.

No updates from OP?
Wonder how it went?

Nothing more and have a good line sorted

I don't think drugs are the answer.

You could have worked harder on your alias, too.

bigyinn - Member

No updates from OP?
Wonder how it went?

Pay attention at the back.

I've reined it in. She's been off since Jan and says she won't be returning. I weighed up the pros and cons and without knowing her expectations decided to do not a lot. I'm not interested in a relationship I don't think, partly due to her 3 young kids. So I think that's that.

She's incessantly messaging me at all hours. Maybe she just wants a root. But without knowing, I'm doing nothing.

Those seem good reasons to step back. But good you went out with her once.

You are both grown ups, you can find a diplomatic way to ask - you can be a friend with benefits ?

She's incessantly messaging me at all hours.

you can be a friend with benefits ?