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We need to come together.
Real meaning: I f*** hate everyone, literally f*** everyone around me and would sooner use heat rub on the old todger to knock one out with than even think of being in the same room with these arse holes.
I thought the real meaning of that phrase was the biscuit game.
I only just heard of cisgender.
I am so out of touch and bloody pleased that I am.
Lets deepdive... How about you do an in-depth review instead you shitehawk??!!
moving forward
Metrics. I hate that word almost as much as 'Ciao'.
One of my scruffy climbing and outdoors mates is a Scrum Master (I still don't know what he actually does) and talks about agile delivery and uses all the bollox speak you expect from Londoners, doesn't get out of bed for less than £800 a day, 5 bedroom detached house in Beckenham and yet he's as ordinary modest and down to earth at home and around his pals as you could ever wish for from what on paper should be a complete city tosser. I love him for the fact hes remains exactly the same bloke he was when he was poor and thumbing lifts to get to climbing weekends in North Wales. He now makes those trips in a very ordinary car and still great friends with, by his standards, a bunch of total Northern losers.
Off topic nana but I still like the story bud.
He sounds like one of the good guys.
One of my scruffy climbing and outdoors mates is a Scrum Master
I had to Google that.
https://www.scrum.org/pathway/scrum-master
As described in the Scrum Guide, the Scrum Master is responsible for promoting and supporting Scrum. Scrum Masters do this by helping everyone understand Scrum theory, practices, rules, and values. This Scrum Master learning path provides a structured guide to help you understand the role of the Scrum Master with a way to continue learning on your journey as a Scrum Master.
The learning path is organized by a set of Professional Scrum Competencies which each contain a number of focus areas. Resources are laid out in a prescribed order, however it is your journey, so follow in the best way that helps you learn.
I do that...got a certificate for it as well.
One of my scruffy climbing and outdoors mates is a Scrum Master (I still don’t know what he actually does
I quite like using Agile for project management, but it suffers from the usual bollocks so people can make money out of consultancy and training.
I both like and hate AGILE. I like what it’s supposed to do, but hate that it’s pushed onto every situation by managers who don’t really understand its limitations in small teams.
I both like and hate AGILE. I like what it’s supposed to do, but hate that it’s pushed onto every situation by managers who don’t really understand its limitations in small teams.
Too true.
Thats why we use a combination of Waterfall for the Strategic stuff and Agile for the Tactical and Dev stuff.
Agree on some PM’s not understanding the methodology. My CISO has no idea what Agile is apart from “working more flexible and multitasking”
🤷♂️
People are generally promoted to levels of incompetence and the jargon helps them believe their self delusions and justify their existence.
Some may say that’s harsh, it is however true.
I have no ****ing idea what anyone is talking about in here. Are you ringfencing unicorns?
but hate that it’s pushed onto every situation by managers who don’t really understand its limitations in small teams.
Or large teams, for that matter.
The ironing in this thread is strong. WTaF are you all on about?
I have no **** idea what anyone is talking about in here.
+1 . It feels like sitting at the bar next to some people who are on the awayday from hell.
At least we now know which members talk bollocks for a living.
People are generally promoted to levels of incompetence and the jargon helps them believe their self delusions and justify their existence.
Some may say that’s harsh, it is however true.
Bullseye Slackers !!!!
The big company I work for has gone from waterfall to agile delivery of everything and I mean multiyear longterm investments. Quite how the hell that works is beyond me. I kid you not they are actively searching for unicorns, wtaf.
Everyone in the company has attended agile training and you need to conform or your marked as a non believer. They are trying to make a very traditional company (oil operator) more flexible but hell it's funny. I work from home now mostly!
The ironing in this thread is strong. WTaF are you all on about?
That's the only post I've understood.
The SW team at work is Agile, but they still seem to follow the waterfall work flow, plan something completely inappropriate, spend years working on it and then deliver a broken crock of shite which doesn't do anything useful. They have scrum masters and everything.....
All too many companies think they are doing scrum by going through the motions of the ceremonies. When you actually look at it they are still basically in a waterfall world.
Agile needs trust and competence from both product owners and the delivery teams for it to work. As soon as you don't have that it will fail to deliver.
Don’t go chasing waterfalls, just stick to the rivers and the streams that you’re used to.
Scrum-diddly-umptious.
And this is why we are absolutely screwed as a species. Rather than tackle things with straight talk we feel the need to go around the houses talking shite.
Reach out
It just means 'ask', so ****ing say 'ask'!
And this is why we are absolutely screwed as a species. Rather than tackle things with straight talk we feel the need to go around the houses talking shite.
Brilliant 🙂
Naaah.. that's all total bollocks to me ..
My pet hate ( face to face ) is anyone starting a sentence with..So..
I've already lost interest and have completely switched off and Im looking for the quickest exit..
‘Slackers’????! 😳 Thank you for your agreement and recognition for my post @cheekyboy, bit familiar though 😉
Pfft you lot need to touch base with the movers and shakers to leverage the interdepartmental synergies and pick off that low hanging fruit before getting your ducks in a row to tackle the elephant in the room.
My son said I was “sick” on a bike.
Obvs,I was stoked.
🙂
Brexit means Brexit...
I want the UK to leave the EU, but I can't think of a single beneficial reason to do so for the population at large. 😉
Agree on some PM’s not understanding the methodology.
Methodology, there's an oft misused word.
I read that bit on scrum masters. It’s obviously in English, I recognise all the words, but I have no comprehension of what the words, as laid down in that order, actually mean!
Is it ‘cos I is stupid, innit?
Ever since Agile came along nothing works properly. Every piece of software that we use for running our e-commerce companies feels like it's half finished, despite the fact that we're paying significant sums to use it.
JP
Whenever I hear someone say "deep dive" I always reply, in my head, " I'd rather muff dive". One day I'll forget and say it out load.
Latest bollocks phrase that everyone's started using where i work is "in this space".
One of my scruffy climbing and outdoors mates is a Scrum Master (I still don’t know what he actually does) and talks about agile delivery and uses all the bollox speak you expect from Londoners
I've been on a fully "agile" project since xmas, and tbh it's great. We tell our client how much work we can realistically do in a "sprint" (4 week development+delivery period), we do it, and then we start again. Happy client with regular deliveries of software with new functionality, happy developers with realistic targets and realistic delivery dates. There's a bit of marketing/management bull**** to live with, but the overall experience has been very positive. YMMV of course 🙂
I'm lost and I'm a Chartered Accountant. I assume this is all techy bull, as all the consultant's deliver is crap systems. Our place has a new super fantastic system, that doesn't work. Farkin great, as it's lost us a shoot load of money as it doesn't work. Guess who has to look after the 'losses'....
Something i see in thread titles on here
What blah blah blah "du jour" ?
Obviously the more plain and simply term "currently popular" simply isnt high brow enough to sound "on point"
bunch of cock.
Journey is a popular one at my place to describe customers going from buying something to checking out. The word works, but just seems condescending somehow. Like the customer is off searching for lost Inca gold when in fact they are sat at home in their underwear clicking a mouse button.
How can we improve the customer journey = Our website is a bit shit and needs improvement.
"Road Map" - to describe a set of pre-planned, cast in stone, organisational changes.
Something i see in thread titles on here
What blah blah blah “du jour” ?
Obviously the more plain and simply term “currently popular” simply isnt high brow enough to sound “on point”
bunch of cock.
I think this has almost become a meme here, like "[something]trackworld" and "this [object]? why yes, yes it is".
what's the "go to" annoys me infinitely more
Agile works when everyone understands and does it properly which is almost never.
Even we brought a PM to a 12 week proof of concept which we did with Agile, and she just kept producing status reports and asking how things were going when the Kannan board was up in the office for everyone to see.
I’ve been on a fully “agile” project since xmas, and tbh it’s great. We tell our client how much work we can realistically do in a “sprint” (4 week development+delivery period), we do it, and then we start again. Happy client with regular deliveries of software with new functionality, happy developers with realistic targets and realistic delivery dates. There’s a bit of marketing/management bull* to live with, but the overall experience has been very positive. YMMV of course
This +1
It needs to lose a lot of the *y language though Scrum master (really!) Sprint - what about sustainable pace you ****tards?
And don't get me started on ceremonies - ceremonial they are not.
Having said that, look at the agile manifesto, stick to some of this, add in a couple more values
Leadership over management
Mindset over ability to use a framework
and there is a lot of good stuff
“Road Map” – to describe a set of pre-planned, cast in stone, organisational changes.
Sounds like an efficient use of language.
Iconic - it seems that every article on the radio has to reference those little Russian paintings.
Reach out - As has been said before, OK If you're in the Four Tops
In and of itself- Uh?
Just get on with it - it's like saying "I'm a stupid person".
It needs to lose a lot of the * language though Scrum master (really!) Sprint – what about sustainable pace you *tards?
And don’t get me started on ceremonies – ceremonial they are not.
😀
A few months ago i came across someone who used these....
Metadata Universe (A single software platform with lots of data in it) and;
Metadata Multiverse (two or more of the above that connect with each other)
Needless to say he was a consultant.
Look guys, if the scrum master can just organise a stand-up meeting we can all get with the programme.
"You do you" - I can't tell whether the people who use it are unwittingly or intentionally sounding passive aggressive by using it.
Ive just in-boxed an email with the phrase ‘commencement of our coordination engine’.
"In-boxed"? Is that a verb?
slowoldman
“In-boxed”? Is that a verb?”
Keep up grandad.
I quite like using Agile for project management, but it suffers from the usual bollocks so people can make money out of consultancy and training.
Get out.
Agile is bollocks speak from PM's that simply means taking on too much work and under delivering on everything.
This is the reaction of everyone I know when a PM comes into a room and talks about agile.
Agree on KPIs/Metrics as well, too often they are an excuse for piss poor managers not to actually show any leadership or critically appraise a situation - they just fall back on KPI's in lieu of doing any actual thinking.
Not management speak, but one I hear too often these days which really annoys me is "Curated". A radio playlist, curated by X... most moving film sequences, curated by Y...
What's wrong with "chosen", FFS?
From a grump old fart who works in the museum sector (where actual Curators actually Curate).
I get the : “...just go to the client’s site and report back on the art of the possible”
Energy projects by the way, we’re not producing watercolours of unicorns.
#prick
“Road Map” – to describe a set of pre-planned, cast in stone, organisational changes.
Sounds like an efficient use of language.
if its cast in stone... how are you supposed to fold it?
Metadata Universe (A single software platform with lots of data in it) and;
Metadata Multiverse (two or more of the above that connect with each other)
🤣
Thanks, I'm totally gonna use this at work (analyst in a scrum team that's not really agile but we like to pretend it is when it suits us)
Wow, just wow.
Most of this unnecessary word origami comes from the US initially I take it?
Keep up grandad.
Sorry, I still use "received".
“Curated”
Or indeed "specially curated". To quote another mad phrase "get in the sea".
Agile is bollocks speak from PM’s that simply means taking on too much work and under delivering on everything.
If you say so grandad.
I get the : “…just go to the client’s site and report back on the art of the possible”
English not as a first language, perhaps? Sounds like it's out of the same stable as "please do the needful."
Metadata Universe (A single software platform with lots of data in it) and;
Metadata Multiverse (two or more of the above that connect with each other)
That quote ^^ makes a lot of sense..
The big company I work for has gone from waterfall to agile delivery of everything and I mean multiyear longterm investments. Quite how the hell that works is beyond me. I kid you not they are actively searching for unicorns, wtaf.
The big problem with waterfall, which anyone using it for long projects seems to have forgotton/ignored, is that it is pretty imposible to completely specify everything you will want in a piece of software, almost certainly impossible to specify the best way to provide that functionality, and by the time the software is delivered there may no longer be a requirement for that functionality.
Hence with agile/xp/similar you basically come up with a prioritised list (the 'backlog') of functionality you want and then iteratively build the piece of software, with regular releases so people can examine what has been built and confirm that it is what is wanted or whether there are actually better ways to do it, whether some impending bits of functonality from that list are not now required or should be modified, whether there are new bits of functionality that have been recognised and are required, and whether the reprioritise items currently on the list.
It is the business that performs this review and can regularly reprioritise the list of what is to be delivered in the next iteration, and the development process is 'agile' in that it can react to this and redirect itself.
It is up to the business to not get carried away changing requirements and therefore keep to budget, but the premise is that at the end what is delivered is what is actually required, even if that has morphed from the original vision of what was going to be delivered, so even if you have gone over budget it will be a lot better than having just delivered a load of dysfunctional software that doesn't meet the requirements and nobody wants.
In terms of the software development process then applying the agile delivery processes to even something that externally has to follow a waterfall delivery for contractural reasons is still beneficial because the regular, short, delivery increments force things like a constant development velocity, constant testing of deliverables, etc.
To do this successfully though involves a lot of expertise in setting up automated testing (ideally there is no manual testing) and expertise in writing the correct tests at the correct level.
This is not easy - we've just had a greenfield development which has still ended up with problems in this area.
And it's compounded by young developers reading blogs of the internet and thinking they know best and ignoring any prior 'art' - even though lots of the principles behind what they think is state of the art can be tracked back to the late 60s...
The ideas behind it are simple but there are, as said, a lot of people trying to turn it into formal processes that they can sell books and consultancy on. e.g. scrum masters...
Read 'Extreme Programming Explained' to see how simple and successful it could be.
Read 'Organizational Patterns of Agile Software Development' to see where it came from.
If you say so grandad
I’m 30. Grrrrrrrrrrr
The big problem with waterfall, which anyone using it for long projects seems to have forgotton/ignored, is that it is pretty imposible to
Not get soaked through and damage your hearing?
I too am a scrum master, although this time they are calling me an agile delivery manager.
Preferred working @ the 7-11 in Whistler in 2003 tbh...
The big problem with waterfall, which anyone using it for long projects seems to have forgotton/ignored, is that it is pretty imposible to completely specify everything you will want in a piece of software, almost certainly impossible to specify the best way to provide that functionality, and by the time the software is delivered there may no longer be a requirement for that functionality.
Hence with agile/xp/similar you basically come up with a prioritised list (the ‘backlog’) of functionality you want and then iteratively build the piece of software, with regular releases so people can examine what has been built and confirm that it is what is wanted or whether there are actually better ways to do it, whether some impending bits of functonality from that list are not now required or should be modified, whether there are new bits of functionality that have been recognised and are required, and whether the reprioritise items currently on the list.
It is the business that performs this review and can regularly reprioritise the list of what is to be delivered in the next iteration, and the development process is ‘agile’ in that it can react to this and redirect itself.
It is up to the business to not get carried away changing requirements and therefore keep to budget, but the premise is that at the end what is delivered is what is actually required, even if that has morphed from the original vision of what was going to be delivered, so even if you have gone over budget it will be a lot better than having just delivered a load of dysfunctional software that doesn’t meet the requirements and nobody wants.
In terms of the software development process then applying the agile delivery processes to even something that externally has to follow a waterfall delivery for contractural reasons is still beneficial because the regular, short, delivery increments force things like a constant development velocity, constant testing of deliverables, etc.
To do this successfully though involves a lot of expertise in setting up automated testing (ideally there is no manual testing) and expertise in writing the correct tests at the correct level.
This is not easy – we’ve just had a greenfield development which has still ended up with problems in this area.
And it’s compounded by young developers reading blogs of the internet and thinking they know best and ignoring any prior ‘art’ – even though lots of the principles behind what they think is state of the art can be tracked back to the late 60s…
The ideas behind it are simple but there are, as said, a lot of people trying to turn it into formal processes that they can sell books and consultancy on. e.g. scrum masters…
All very good if you're developing software. Not so good at all when you're building the infrastructure for a new factory on a multi-year project moving through design, construction into the deployment of office/meeting room equipment and machine tool integrations.
All very good if you’re developing software. Not so good at all when you’re building the infrastructure for a new factory on a multi-year project moving through design, construction into the deployment of office/meeting room equipment and machine tool integrations.
I've used it successfully on large infrastructure projects. Because requirements on those change too.
Not so good at all when you’re building the infrastructure for a new factory
Thats the fun though of the trendy methodologies. Find a nice square peg which fits nicely into that custom hole used in one sector and then use the biggest sledgehammer you can find to smash it into the round hole of every other sector. Take six sigma and various other previous flavours of the month I cant remember right now.
I am sure agile works right in certain situations but so far in my experience its mostly used as an excuse for not having the faintest idea of what the business actually wants and to just stumble along week to week in the hope might get somewhere.
I'm still not wholy convinced by the Agile stuff even though it had worked in my last place of work, went on a conference and everything (when it was XP). Required a huge huge amounts of trust from players and managers as well - pair programming was very difficult to get head around.
At least I have tried to take some of the key bits in my current job but one part in Agile TDD and the rest in standalone waterfall method is tough sell. It does help having the unit test philosophy though.
Other stuff that was very valid was always present client, short sprints, always buildable code - I reckon a lot of that is very valid.
I’ve used it successfully on large infrastructure projects. Because requirements on those change too.
+1 £90 million water treatment plant design and construction
Look at Project 13
Agile is great but it seems to have little to do with "scrum" which is awful and what most people mean when they say agile.
Answers on a postcard please, or if you prefer, reply 😉 - all used in a meeting at work today:
"...this gives us our North Star..."
"...in the space of..."
"..colleague immersion sessions..."
I am sure agile works right in certain situations but so far in my experience its mostly used as an excuse for not having the faintest idea of what the business actually wants and to just stumble along week to week in the hope might get somewhere.
Sounds perfect for the mining industry!
"Business as usual, maintain good behaviors"
=
"We're going to tell you to do the most effective thing whilst actively incentivising things that harm the company as a whole."
just go to the client’s site and report back on the art of the possible”
Funnily enough I've just been watching a 1985 World In Action documentary about a charity car race across the outback in which the narrator refers to the 'art of the possible' in relation to outback ingenuity so its not that current or vogue-y
from 28.39
I'm just imagining trapping up to some manky building site portacabin for a site progress meeting and the reaction I would get if I said some of this stuff.
The company i work for has Sector Directors, not a clue what they do but sound like they should be in some SciFi or war film .