[Closed] Cultural thing - help me out

I'm with you. A chain of emails flows like a conversation. Just explain to her thats how you treat every similar chain and there's no disrespect intended.

Or invent some ludicrous title for yourself and insist that she refer to you by that title at all times.

Stop calling her X... You damn racist. 😉

Stop calling her X... You damn racist.

Stop emailing her and write a formal letter every time.

(I don't think it's cultural tbh, X is just being weird.)

Dear X, Wind your neck in... The proud nail gets hammered flat etc.

Just take the piss for a few days by addressing each email over-formally like a letter, with address, date, salutation and valediction. Should get the message across.

use messenger (or whatever chat function you have) instead of emails?

Communicate only via post-it notes tied to flaming arrows.

[i]addressing each email over-formally like a letter, with address, date, salutation and valediction.[/i]

This is the British solution.

Never mention her email.

Of course danger is you'll be accused of racism or cultural insensitivity for misunderstanding/overreacting to her request but that's not stw's problem 😉

Why don't you try talking to her and ask her what she felt the issue was and how she prefer to be addressed in the future?

Novel idea I know...

[i]Why don't you try talking to her and ask her what she felt the issue was and how she prefer to be addressed in the future?
[/i]

[img] [/img]

[I'm not racist but mode]

I have a deep distrust of Chinese people. For millennia, they struggled with chop sticks... Fair enough, they thought they'd cracked it but, bless 'em, they persevered even though they're sh*te.

Then, us Westerners came along with those new-fangle-dangle knives, forks and spoons, CLEARLY better tools for the job, but the stubborn b******s flatly refuse to switch!

It's just sheer bloody-mindedness!

[/I'm not racist but mode]

I'd just email her a link to this thread.

Why don't you try talking to her and ask her what she felt the issue was and how she prefer to be addressed in the future?

No need. She sent me a pissy email outlining it and asking to remember to address her by name in future. Which is OK, I'm interested in whether she's just pissy or whether it's actually a cultural thing.

actual text from her response: "Btw, if you want to talk to me please address my name"

use messenger (or whatever chat function you have) instead of emails?

Hahahaha...... there are people in our IT dept still using abacuses (abacii?) - the idea of a messenger service!!

An email to HR complaining about her cultural insensitivity demanding that she be referred to by name at the start of each and every email in a conversation and her aggressive attitude.

That'll learn her.

I'm interested in whether she's just pissy or whether it's actually a cultural thing.

If you used as form of address that revealed emotion - for example, talking - you'd know.

Can you copy/paste her message? For the shits and gigs, like.

ah nvm just see above, that was anti-climatic.

theotherjonv - Member

actual text from her response: "Btw, if you want to talk to me please address my name"

So she wants you to be more formal in how you address her in e-mails, but then uses "btw".....?
Just comes across as a bit of a moron......I doubt it's anything cultural.

theotherjonv - Member
actual text from her response: "Btw, if you want to talk to me please address my name"

Well now you have to reply saying,

"Was this meant for someone else? My name is Barry*, not Btw"

*substitute for your own name, or don't for extra confusion.

Sounds like an item for your next dept meeting entitled 'departmental communication protocol' or something similarly pretentious. A broad ranging chat about how you all communicate, what needs recording and whats gash the moment its read, about how unnecessary email can be cut out (being cc'ed into every to and fro of a conversation where I only need a summary of the decision and action taken at the end is my pet hate) and how informal chats over email are like written quick comms and after the first in a thread the others don't need top and tailing for the sake of time and brevity.

If she still has a problem with that it can be explained that culturally (I'm talking within your team, not anything broader) that's how it is and it's nothing personal. That if she does not like it she is free to look elsewhere for employment to find somewhere that she is a better fit.

I mean if you want to be REALLY awkward you'll go over and ask her face to face if there is an issue or how she would like to be addressed.

I mean if you want to be REALLY awkward you'll go over and ask her face to face if there is an issue or how she would like to be addressed.

If you do, don't look her in the eye or turn your back on her...

Oh hang on, that might be queens, not Chineses...

If you used as form of address that revealed emotion - for example, talking - you'd know

Or, I could ask a broad ranging group of people, some of whom may even be chinese for all i know, but many of whom deal with China regularly. Then i can find out without putting her into an embarrassing situation in case it is just her being pissy.

But you're right, verbal is always better, face to face better still (but given we're in different offices not practical). I'll give her a call. Is this OK?

Dear X,

I'm very sad that you seem to be upset because i didn't address you by name in my recent email. The thing is, I view email as a written conversation, not a series of formal letters and hence treat follow up emails as follow ons from the original - I ask, you reply, I reply to that, and so on. I have not had anyone take issue with that including your colleagues, Y and Z. So now i am concerned and seeking clarification - have I been unwittingly offending them as well, but they have been too polite to complain about it? Or is it in fact no issue at all, and you're just being pissy?

Firstly, it's not a cultural thing. My team is spread across Asia, and they are fine with "modern email communication conventions". The exception is the Japanese.... but how you address them in an email is the least of your problems tbh.

It is possible that she's just a bit of a dick

But you're right

Thanks for putting that in writing 😉 😀

Kryton57 - Member

Thanks for putting that in writing

He had his fingers crossed, so it didn't count.... 🙂

The problem is that you're calling her by her real name X. Give her a western name and use that as is common in the east/west business mix. I'm sure that will make her happier. 😈

When this happens to me I apologise profusely regardless. It's better to keep colleagues happy.

Surname then given name OR title/position would be usual. But here, I imagine a first name would be informal by comparison and nothing at all might well be rude.

What you need to do is consult a fortune cookie for the answer and then discuss this with her. Trust me on this.

Btw, if you want to talk to me please address my name

That makes it even better - you can intentionally misread her request

"Dear [u]Ms X[/u], desk 57, fourth floor, Nakatomi Plaza, (or wherever she works)

Or is it in fact no issue at all, and you're just being pissy?

It might be easier to ask someone else at X's office [i]their opinion[/i] of your usual protocol, then you can decide whether to use the same for everyone at the office or just for X

Em, her slats are in the same place as every other woman's. Insert hoof.

^ dammit, i scrolled through this entire thread hoping to toss in the ol' "hoof her in the slats" joke...

😡

Em, her slats are in the same place as every other woman's

Must.....Resist.....

Is she your now new "X" colleague.

Or maybe, she works for Mi5, secretly planted to keep an eye on You.

"Btw, if you want to talk to me please address my name"

"By the way, if you want to talk with me, please use words."

Better yet,

Whenever you speak with her face to face, use her name in full at the beginning every time it's your turn to speak.

She's pissed off because you asked a question, which she answered and then you asked another question (with the possibility that she has interpreted the tone to be "...you forgot to answer this bit..."). If you had asked the question you meant to ask in the first email (when can the client expect to receive this) then you'd have avoid the issue!

Nothing to do with culture. I deal with Chinese people all the time and they're fine, way too polite to correct you or be pissy with you - I get names wrong all the time, call them by their family names etc and they never correct me and are always super polite. As soon as I realise my errors i'll apologise and they are almost embarrassed you've apologised they're so polite. In fact unless you know them personally then they'd prefer to keep things more formal, but once you get to know them you can relax and converse with them as you would a westerner, have banter, pull their legs and have a laugh and a joke with them. She's just being daft, nothing to do with her being Chinese. Understanding works both ways, it's as much her responsibility to not get all over sensitive and haughty taughty and to just grow up. You're damned if you do and damned if you don't. If you're too over friendly in emails she might get the hump with that and accuse you of creepy sexist behaviour.

You are being a bit sensitive too. It's not pissy, it's direct.

It would be polite to do as she requests/demands.

Given one example of her not using a name in the salutation of an email, then open up a full, jumbo size can of whoop-vindictivebehaviourcomplaint-ass on her. 😀

Go team grievance!

[i]If you had asked the question you meant to ask in the first email (when can the client expect to receive this) then you'd have avoid the issue[/i]

Hold on there... Have you tried asking more than one question in an email??
I've done this quite often and have noticed that the vast majority of people cannot, will not, are incapable of, or are too stupid to ANSWER MORE THAN ONE QUESTION in an email!!

In fairness, you could say she answered exactly what i asked; but in the context of other messages in that chain it was pretty obvious that even though the question was mildly ambiguous it was easy to understand what the actual question should have been and / or also extrapolate it slightly to impart some additional info that would be useful.

But she was just being pissy about that too, I think.

(akin to the hot air ballonist joke - excuse me, where am I - you're in a hot air balloon; 100% correct, 0% useful)

No doubt I'll be accused of racism here, but Im going to ask anyway.
Is she native to the UK or China. If she was born and brought up in the UK then she's being pissy, if she isn't native to the UK it may be a cultural thing.
But I thinks shes just being a bit of a bitch with an over inflated view of herself.

I usually apologise then keep doing whatever the hell I feel like doing. Civil Servant though.

It could be that there is a mismatch between the English that she has been taught and real English.

This occurred between my boss and I. I address emails to her "Anja,...". She thought I was being formal and distant and very slightly rude/shouty because she had always been taught that "Dear Anja,..." was the right way of starting an email. She took a bit of convincing that starting with Dear suggested more formality and that "Anja,.." was being more friendly. To a German, just the first name sounds wrong.

The organisation I work for has 3 working languages and staff from 35 countries all bobbing along with each other and its own slightly strange sounding form of English that you don't see in the UK.

This occurred between my boss and I. I address emails to her "Anja,...". She thought I was being formal and distant and very slightly rude/shouty because she had always been taught that "Dear Anja,..." was the right way of starting an email. She took a bit of convincing that starting with Dear suggested more formality and that "Anja,.." was being more friendly. To a German, just the first name sounds wrong.

To be fair it sounds a bit wrong to me too. I mix Hi XXX.... and Dear XXX..... to senior management depending on context and Hi XXX.... to everyone else on internal emails. Sometime a 'Gents....' or just a 'Morning....' to mix things up a bit. Would never just write XXXX.... Second response in a thread never gets header but I mostly finish it with the single letter of my first name for no explicable reason.

To and from information is contained in the email header, so it's always there and should never need typing into the email body.

The exception is the Japanese.... but how you address them in an email is the least of your problems tbh.

10 quid says the OP mistook her for being Chinese when in reality shes from Japan.

I sense a chat with HR coming, the racist bastard.

Just send back two words; "my apologies". You're both apologising and winding her up at the same time. 😈

As a child of the 70's playground, I have no trouble telling the difference between people of China, Japan or Thailand.

Or indeed people with dirty knees, or breasts.

(that probably is about as racist as i get in reality)

I'm also fully versed in the location of the various dispensers for milk, lemonade and chocolate (round the corner)

....but can you play the hairy banjo?

not in a workplace setting

Just send back two words; "my apologies". You're both apologising and winding her up at the same time.

+1 😀

I always annoy people by walking over to discuss whatever they just e-mailed me about. Thus making more work for them when they feel the need to follow it up with another "to confirm what we just discussed" e-mail, which they then CC their/our/my boss in on, which makes me look busy.

blank her. Prissy people can piss off. Don't get her a brew. Don't say good morning or goodbye to her. If you pass her in the corridor stare out of the window. give her another chance in a year or so.

Lick her chop sticks...

FFS why not just give her a call?

What's wrong with calling people or talking to people nowadays? Even if she is in China the call will not cost much ... FFS.

Just apologise, explain the reasons why you responded the way you did then add it's the result of a corporate decision to reduce the time spent typing internal emails.

Add a PS along the lines of, if you'd have given me all the information in the first place there would have been no need for your follow-up email.

wee in her shoes ?
whilst shes wearing them .
I am with you ,I send an email " Hi, blah balh blah de blah "
Reply reads " Hi , Yes Thursday 2 pallets"
I will then ping back " Lamberts ?"
The reply will most likely be " Y "
The end
No time for prissy 'pants wedged right up there' " Please address me formally" tosh.
How about sending on liners contained in the content box ?
See if that goes down like The Titanic
Otherwise its a full on Word template you could C&P across then fill in the middle and always send the guff above and below

So glad I dont work in an office. I spent today fitting a glycol chiller unit and wooden framework and planning the piping runs.

FFS why not just give her a call?

What's wrong with calling people or talking to people nowadays? Even if she is in China the call will not cost much ... FFS.

because I don't need to, or want to. Because thanks to folks on here, I've clarified that it isn't a cultural thing, and it's just her being difficult.

As a result I have no particular desire to waste time on people that are difficult, or pissy, or indeed people who think it's my problem. I'll make sure I always say Hi X, at the start, because that's polite, but I'm not going to 'apologise' to her for her problems.

That also means you Chewk, in case it doesn't translate well.

perchypanther - Member
Em, her slats are in the same place as every other woman's
Must.....Resist.....

As someone who lived in China for a few years I would say it was more cultural. The Chinese education system teaches that there is a right way and a wrong way and I imagine she has been taught that all emails should begin with a name in English so she probably thought you were being rude by not using her name. HTH.

Start crying and offer to resign and live the rest of your life in a slum for retired racists, that will teach her 😉