[Closed] Criminal record disclosure question...(not mine)

  the temptation to acquire the information from him “more directly” is high at this moment in time

I can't really help on any of the rest of it but I can strongly suggest that, in the context of ongoing custody battles, this would be a very, very, very bad idea.

You probably can't, but if they are placing a restriction like, your ex can only see them when he's not there, won't they also specify a way of ensuring that, such as she has to come to your house or her parents??

(no actual experience of this thankfully)

<span style="color: #444444; font-size: 12px; background-color: #eeeeee;">I’m not a violent person at all but the temptation to acquire the information from him “more directly” is high at this moment in time</span>

Definitely don't do this.

They're clearly prepared to keep your kids away from people with some kind of 'history', so don't get yourself one!

On the 'figuring out what he's done' front, google him?  His court case (if there was one) might be in the local papers.

Edit: Dear god, why doesn't the quote button work?!

Not quite in my area of expertise but it must be something related violence (physical domestic or worse) or children as any routine criminals history is unlikely to have invoked that type of response. Suggest you talk to you kids and ex

Very unlikely but there are other ways to check if someone may have been prosecuted if you know there name and where they live/lived.

No direct experience of this situation but Internet searches can throw up lots of information about things. But I'd tread carefully.

I’m not a violent person at all but the temptation to acquire the information from him “more directly” is high at this moment in time

This sounds like a great way to make a right hash of it.

As Drac says - even just Googling his name a bit might throw something up if he has a record and has been in court.

I’m not a violent person at all but the temptation to acquire the information from him “more directly” is high at this moment in time

I think people have maybe said that this might not help.

If it was something ridiculous (i.e. your worst fears), I would imagine he wouldn't get access to his own child, so you could wait it out and find out that way.

Calm the **** down. You'll do your children no favours if you get a criminal record to add to your ex's fella

You HAVE to appear as a rational, sane, normal, agreeable Dad to get the outcome you want. Let your Ex and her new bloke arse about and make idiots of themselves, make no comment on it, don't argue, don't raise your voice. Don't get involved with it. For this period you NEED to be Mr Calm.

Asking the police these types of questions may help:

"what is the specific law preventing you from telling me"

"If he was a sex offender could you tell me"

"If he has previous for violence against children could you tell me"

"is the information you cant tell me available elsewhere"

"is X his real name"

Just to be clear I am Mr Calm and my suggestion was just what it makes me want to do not what I actually will do. The while reason they live with me is because I'm the calm rational one.

Googling thing is a good idea... I'll have a look think I have his old (parents) address as his mum submitted a statement in the court case

Lots of good advice here.

I would also say that the best thing you can achieve is to be completely squeaky clean; don't give the ex/courts any ammunition. Stay calm, be a paragon of 'by the book', but more than that: be seen to be calm, non-confrontational and steadfast. Tell your solicitor how you'd like to know more about your ex's partner but just don't want to risk a mark against your name.

Trust that your children are being cared for by law. The Ex's situation is not reflecting at all well on her, and is in your favour.

EDIT: Just read the post you posted about being calm. My point about being seen to be steadfast still stands tho.

Devil's advocate......

Friend of mine was a bad lad in his youth. Drug and violence charges. That was 20 years ago though and he's a saint and a family man now. Couldn't get into the ambulance service because of these marks on his record though.

In other words this guy could of done something stupid when younger and unfortunately you can't get rid of it no matter how long it's been out how much you've changed.

Beyond Google, private investigators can be very reasonably priced.

Yeah but in the words of the social worked that called me "we do not think it is safe for him to be around your children or any children for that matter"

Doesn't really sound like someone who was a bit of a trouble maker in their youth does it?

Yeah but in the words of the social worked that called me "we do not think it is safe for him to be around your children or any children for that matter"

Doesn't really sound like someone who was a bit of a trouble maker in their youth does it?

Just make sure you go about anything in the correct and legal way - otherwise you'll end up having to explain your actions in family court.

For all you know right now - the PNC might be wrong and it's another bloke with same name who lives nearby. I'm not saying don't worry; just make sure you don't do anything that they can use against you/ you come to regret. I've seen this type of thing go BADLY wrong in the past.

I’ve pm’ed you.

Isn't there something called Sarah's Law that allows you to ask the police directly if you are worried about sex offenders etc having access to your children ?

I have no experience of this, but in your shoes I would be equally concerned, although as said above it may well be unwarranted. You say your ex won’t tell you, have asked her?, because even if things are not good between you, she may understand your wanting to be reassured re the children. Naively, if she wouldn’t tell me, I may well ask him. ( Saying that, someone on here probably lives three doors down and knows enough to put your mind at rest.)

I guess it's not a case of she won't tell me more that I don't trust her to tell me the truth so I'm not even going to ask as she might tell me something to put my mind at rest that turns out to be totally untrue.

Ah, fair enough. Hope things go well.

http://hub.unlock.org.uk/knowledgebase/inf

Have a look at that link.

MrsMC works in this field - I will ask her when she gets in from dealing with today's random group of societal oddities.

Thanks for the suggestions guys, I just want to know so I can ask the kids if anything might of happened but obviously don't want to bring anything up that isn't relevant/needed

I raised my concerns months ago as didn't have any reason to think he was actually a danger just thought it strange that someone would be so quick to get involved with looking after their girlfriends kids....

Blimey what a scary situation, like others have said, stay calm (very hard I'm sure). If I've read this correctly they aren't allowed to be with your ex whilst her partner is about? If this is the case then they are safe at the moment, this is a positive. I wouldn't suggest you speak to your children directly a professional will have ways of asking questions the right way which should be relevant to any concerns they have. Children can be very perceptive and asking things the wrong way will lead to them asking questions your might not be able to answer. I imagine the separation itself is something they are coming to terms with.

You will be entitled to answers somehow and really if they won't tell and you can't find out via the police of a private investigator (i think personally that is a great idea if no luck with the authorities).

The very fact they have said "<span style="background-color: #eeeeee; color: #444444; font-size: 12px;">I got a call yesterday to say “something” came back on his and the children aren’t allowed to go to with her tomorrow as they need to speak with them and likely she will only be able to see the kids alone from now on</span><span style="font-size: 0.8rem;">" demands explanation of that situation changes.

Someone will know his story and I'm sure this forum can assist to ensure your children are safe and you get the information you need.

</span>

https://www.gov.uk/guidance/find-out-if-a-person-has-a-record-for-child-sexual-offences

Overview

The child sex offender disclosure scheme allows parents, carers and guardians to formally ask the police to tell them if someone has a record for child sexual offences.

The aim of this scheme is to keep children safer.

Just to bring some closure...

I have been told today what the offence is as it was concluded that it was going to be in the reports to the family court so I was going to find out soon anyway so the legal team cleared them to just tell me.

So what was it? 😳

He was a serial Troll on STW 😉

I'm not allowed to tell anyone let alone post it on the internet!

Ah! Did he dare to take action the weekend off?

The jist is he (as far as I'm concerned) will never be allowed anywhere near my children again and I'm concerned about the time he has already spent with them. This view is shared by social services and I imagine they may well get involved regarding the pregnancy/new baby they are having together...

My ex doesn't seem to think there is any risk so is basically ignoring it which is not unexpected but she is essentially choosing him over her kids and is not allowed to see them until something is resolved as a result...

"I’m not allowed to tell anyone let alone post it on the internet!"

Ah yes, the 'human rights' bollox.

IF he's a nonce, he shouldn't have any rights.

Glad you at least know what the issue is mate.

Sound like he will NOT be a part of your children's lives.

Any mum or dad that puts a partner before their children is a very poor parent in my opinion!

"Ah yes, the ‘human rights’ bollox.

IF he’s a nonce, he shouldn’t have any rights."

Well no, it's not bollocks. We're a civilised country - if you fancy a bout of vigilanteism perhaps you can head to one of those middle eastern regions where they stone women who have the misfortune to be raped.

The true test of his convictions will be what will social services do when the child is born.

I've had a lot of professional dealings with social services. In the past I've known them to say if you stay with this man  we will take the new born child away from you.

If ss let the newborn baby live with him then the chances are it's not sex related, more violent behaviour.

I agree with that really I don't want to go shouting from the roof tops about it but equally it shouldn't have taken so long/been so hard for me to find out considering they are my children and I'm main carer so their well-being is my responsibility and without proper Information how can I know what the right thing to do is.

I'm always amazed just how many women choose a man over the children even when social services explain the historical convictions.

But them some women marry convicted criminals who will never be released from prison so I guess nothing should surprise me anymore.

Personally, I would be opting for supervised visits with ss or invite her into your home to see the kids.

You may not be able to stand the woman but you have to think of the bigger picture.

Also whilst she is away from him and probably his controlling influence you may over time be able to talk some sense into her?

Nah that's never going to happen, she (quite ironically) after I kicked her out after finding out she was seeing this guy and neglecting the kids to be able to see him told him all these stories about how I'm such a bad person and did all this made up stuff in the past so I can't be in the same room as her for fear she will make up some false allegation again and she won't to maintain her facade of being scared of me...

I honestly think this could be the end where she just gives up on the kids and doesn't even bother to try and see them anymore

As harsh as it sounds her stopping seeing the kids might be a good thing. Kids need stability and it sounds like you’re the only one that can offer this. I genuinely hope you get full custody for their sake.

"Well no, it’s not bollocks. We’re a civilised country – if you fancy a bout of vigilanteism perhaps you can head to one of those middle eastern regions where they stone women who have the misfortune to be raped."

Oh yes wer'e civilised alright. As I said...'IF' he's a child sex offender he should have no rights. Wer'e not in the middle east (thankfully) & I never mentioned vigilanteism, but some offenders should really be locked up for an awfully long time.
Good luck Wiggles, hope you & the kids are always ok.

<span style="color: #444444; font-size: 16px;">I honestly think this could be the end where she just gives up on the kids and doesn’t even bother to try and see them anymore</span>

Its a little judgmental of me to say so, but going on this thread that might very well be the best possible outcome.

All the best with getting it all sorted out anyway.

[b]esselgruntfuttock[/b] :

[size=12]but some offenders should really be locked up for an awfully long time.
[/size]

Sure. But they're still humans and thus should have their rights protected, doubly so if there's to be any hope of rehabilitation.

And if not for vigilanteism, why else would anyone not connected with the case need to know their identity or what they'd done? It's worth noting that those that need to know, Wiggle included, do know what happened and who he is.

You are right that it might be for the best if she just cuts her ties and ****s off...

Not what I wanted but I wasted 8 years of my life hoping she would change and stop being abusive and controlling. I realise now it's never going to happen but I thought she could at least manage to be their mother for a few hours a week