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The missus has decided that now is the time to have sproglets. Bit of a leap of faith and what not. Anyway, just wondering if any of you did anything different to usual and how long it took until you’d conceived?
Couple of minutes, same as normal.
As far as advice goes, I'd suggest waiting until your banjo has healed.
It depends what your usual is.
Jesus Christ, do you need advice on shagging your wife?
Just get on with it you bloody snowflake.
Some nice scented candles might help to get you in the mood.
https://singletrackmag.com/forum/topic/all-the-best-things-sell-out-so-fast/
Go to the cinema a lot. You won't be going again for about 20 years.
Try and use this time to remember what you did before little accident arrives...
Drink loads of booze, masturbate a lot and hit yourself in the balls regularly. You won’t regret it.
Download an app that tracks your wife’s fertility cycle and use the info to up your masturbating at the dangerous times.
Download an app that tracks your wife’s fertility cycle and use the info to
..... Avoid her at those key times.
Bike ride? Business trip? Pub?
The planet is on it's arse because of over population, just get her to give you a good ole hand shandy instead.
Or give her the hand shandy...
1) full coitus every other day. keep levels topped up.
2) spermicidal lubricant. extend the every other day for as long as possible.
Have the snip without saying?
Just put your lack of drive down to a cycle injury until you are confirmed as a jaffa?
The planet is on it’s arse because of over population, just get her to give you a good ole hand shandy instead.
Plus 1
As I’ve said previously, stop it! They're “little ones” or “babies” for a very short amount of time. They’re people. Who you will have the responsibility to introduce into the world as well adjusted, balanced personalities. Here’s a clue, there’s 7billion people on this planet and none of us are balanced and well adjusted.
Don’t do it.
End of thread.
Ignore the politically and ecologically opinionated internet warriors and enjoy yourself, your about 9-12 months away from another fantastic period of your life.
fantastically expensive period
Fixed that for you
while I agree that the planet is on its knees, (as shall you be with all the shagging that you'll have to do), if we all stopped procreation immediately then no kid will be born after October 2020 and the population will die out in around 2100.
This is bad for several reasons, not least because I've just bought a 1kg tin of putoline chain wax and if it lasts as long as TJ says, I need descendants to pass it down to, otherwise I'll be guilty of the overconsumption that has the planet on its knees in the first place.
So i favour a policy of controlled procreation, and need you and the Mrs to undergo a series of deep and probing tests to see if you are appropriate as future populants of project earth. It's a work in progress, but as a starter....
Is she called Louise?
(more seriously - just in case it doesn't work out, go and see Rhod Gilbert's show "Book of John" https://rhodgilbertcomedian.com/ - he does a section on his and his otherhalf's difficulties in conceiving and subsequent clinical experiences..... just to say I never knew Rob Brydon would be capable of such things)
Iirc you'll be needing a cup of water beside the bed for after.
Fixed that for you
I was trying to be positive. With two of my own though, I’m not not going to disagree...
Forget timings, obvs avoid the painters but otherwise as above keep the levels topped up, we were advised every three days, your swimmers last up to five in the womb. More importantly, enjoy yourself and turn up the passion, do not make it mechanical/duty. Research shows that the more 'horny' you are, the more likely conception is. The pressure eg - 'tonight is target practice darling' makes it less likely.
Take zinc.
oh dont worry she has already worked all this out.
Ignore all the miserable doom mongers and just crack on with lots of sex. Do go to the cinema lots though and practice your bewildered face as it will become your most used expression.
+2 for don’t have them. Perhaps the greenest thing you can do
Lots of sex.
Was the advice the Obs and Gynae consults gave to us, they suggested at least daily if not more. make the most of it as it’ll practically stop once your crouch fruit arrive.
And as mentioned if it’s a passionate when you nut off there’s more of the baby gravy so increases your chances.
Are you sanctimonious "dont have kids they are bad for the planet" types all living like child free eco warriors? Hope so.
Nope - we’re people who’ve had kids hence being able to categorically say to NOT have any kids to others!
Love mine but I would not have them if the option to do it over presented itself.
Just think of all the bike gear/trips you could buy instead, while having considerably lower stress levels! 😆
Olly
Yes. A large part of the reason I have no kids
In.
Out.
Repeat if necessary.
The out part is only necessary so you don’t have to walk around like 2 post copulation dogs.
Go to Torquay.....worked for me.
You have to have one because someone has to inherit your house, money, bikes etc although having said that mine isn't getting the car because he always turns them into some sort of fairground attraction.
Add more romance?
Music?
Candles?
🎥 🍿
Massage?
What Crikey said.
Personally do not want kids and enjoying not being a parent.
Go out for dinner a lot. You won't be able to enjoy a meal in peace for the next 10 years
This thread is peak STW condescending arsehole central.
Bravo.
we went to Norway
This thread is peak STW condescending arsehole central.
Bravo.
Isn't it.... Just a weird weird place at times this... Sometimes amazing, sometimes i despair, not because these lot think i should, but because of their actual thoughts.... I'm like the Anti-STWer at times.
Are you sanctimonious “dont have kids they are bad for the planet” types all living like child free eco warriors? Hope so.
Nope. But given procreating is the biggest single impact you can have on the planet I'd suggest that we are entitled to consume a little, it's you breeders who should be living like eco-warriers to offset the mess you're making.
Anyway, to the OP, based on at least one of my friends actions, take a pile of intoxicants and then have some of the worst sex he's ever had whilst on a horrible comedown.
I believe blue Wkd is an aid in situations like this too
we went to Norway
Is this better than the OXO tower for the OP's purpose?
This thread is peak STW condescending arsehole central.
And rising.
You could be lucky first time, or it could take years and many failed (and really sad) pregnancies. The worst part is not being able to really influence the outcome in any way.
Just be aware that pregnancy/kids do not help bring couples together. You need to be solid as a partnership before starting on the journey because, in all likelihood, you're going to be stressed AF during the process and tired and stressed for a long time afterwards. It can, and does, change people and expose parts of their personality that you never knew about.
Good luck though, I hope you get a BanjoJnr (ukalele?) that will make both of you happy for years to come.
You could try spending all your savings on IVF the f the natural cause and effect doesn’t work.
Assuming the mechanics all work (and be prepared for possible dissapointment there) it might be an idea to sit down and work out if offspring will be a) affordable or b) resented forever.
Go for meals, go to the cinema (back row?), go on holiday, lie in on a saturday/sunday morning, go on holiday, leave the house without having to plan it, ride your bike, have free time and go on holiday
All those things are fine and dandy but having kids is better.
Watched my lad run the mid-field and score a wonder goal at the weekend, he overcame his fear of tackling in rugby and then did a brilliant brilliant no look pass at basketball.... That's entertainment !! ...... While is big sis got a merit in school for selflessly helping a classmate... made us feel we're doing something right
Good luck
Have fun 😉
Oxytocin. Preventing infanticide since the beginning of time
This thread is peak STW condescending arsehole central.
And rising.
And did anyone expect anything else?
10 Pence
10 Pence
50 Pence
Pound.
Go to Torquay…..worked for me.
France worked for me.
Avoid Center Parcs though. That won’t work.
On a vaguely sensible answer.
Read Sperm Wars
https://www.academia.edu/31191375/SPERM_WARS_Infidelity_Sexual_Conflict_and_Other_Bedroom_Battles
How the subconscious works; learn to read when she's fertile etc.
And on a slightly too much detail front, it helps if she has an orgasm afterwards. All to do with the cervix dipping in the pool of semen, and drawing it up into the uterus. https://www.sharecare.com/health/gynecology/biological-reason-female-orgasm
Told you!
I read the news and decided against it. Can't say recent news has changed my point of view at all.
Each to their own though.
given procreating is the biggest single impact you can have on the planet
True that - your child may be the one who solves the problem of building a nuclear fusion reactor and hence unlimited free power without polution and the ability to reverse global warming.
Damn good chance OP your good lady has mentioned "its a good time" as she is already 'enroute' and was testing your reaction... Well, that was my experience anyway 🤣 🤣
First one took 2 years next time it was 2 with the first shot!
Ignore the above. Kids are great. To maximise your conception chances, it helps to try when your partner is most fertile, and it’s not as long as you think (but mercifully not the day or so a year for pandas).
It could be first time or it could be never happen. After a year of no success, seek medical assistance.
They take all your time, space and money, and your life is never the same again. It’s much better. My two have survived to adulthood and they still seem to like me.
There was much discussion with Madame. On balance we thought that we could cope with one, and that just one would add more to our lives than it would take away (the selfish bit). Then we considered the life the child would have, would it be a happy life and a contribution to society. We thought that where and how we live that was possible (the non selfish bit).
We cleaned up our act, no drink or medication of any kind for a while and then stopped using condoms, and it was literally first time lucky, he's 22 today.
£1.70
Another vote for 'don't do it from me'.
Mine are ace and I wouldn't be without them but deffo makes your life far, far worse. (Makes your wife's life far worse as well, not sure why they can't see that.)
If it has to happen there are some amazing times so don't be too despondant, but basically, avoid it.
Another vote for ‘don’t do it from me’.
Mine are ace and I wouldn’t be without them but deffo makes your life far, far worse. (Makes your wife’s life far worse as well, not sure why they can’t see that.)
If it has to happen there are some amazing times so don’t be too despondant, but basically, avoid it.
I find this perspective amazing. No matter what our kids have "taken away" from us be it money, sleep, material objects etc, I love them and their impact on us to death and wouldn't consider my life being worse with them - YMMV of course. I cannot understand this attitude at all.
he’s 22 today.
Happy Birthday to Edukator Jnr!
The missus has decided that now is the time to have sproglets
None of you clever know what right for other people and the planet etc types have mentioned the obvious... it should be equally desired by both parties.
Can we just check this is the case before we go on?
What nobeer and weeksy said , you don’t want kids , fine but why comment on a thread where a guy is asking advice on having kids ?
For what it’s worth OP my mrs laid on her back for 20 mins after the dirty deed , old wives tail maybe but we were lucky that it seemed to happen quite easy for us
Don’t listen to the doom mongers. To increase the population you have to have 4 kids, 2, replace you, a third to maintain the population to make up for those who don’t have kids and a 4th (well actually part of a 4th) to grow the population - how many people do your know with four or more kids? I know one couple so it’s hardly rife. As more and more of the world is coming out of poverty as more and more countries are becoming developed those in the birth rates in the developing. WOrld is dropping off dramatically as people do don’t need to have lots of kids and can’t Afford them. So overpopulation Is not a risk at all so if you want kids have ‘em.
For the folk saying "don't have kids" I'm quite interested in the reasons for this.
Are they fundamentally misanthropic?
If you have kids and you raise them they are quite likely to be a lot like you and your partner. Do you think that you and your partner have a net negative impact on society? If so then fair enough, don't have kids.
For those who don't want kids because they are bad for the planet - for whom are you saving the planet?
Thanks Kryton!
In terms of adding:
I got to meet lots of good people: his school mates, their parents, his university mates and their parents, his girlfriends, his clubmates - and we do/did interesting stuff with them
I skied more than I would have done as he started racing.
We did more cycling - kidiback tandem across Europe, then VTT then he joined our club
We went to more concerts, because he was playing
In terms of headaches:
14 to 18 was challenging
Madame will no doubt work a bit longer to pay his rent in expensive places but she likes her job and refuses the idea of early retirement and making do on savings.
Love mine to bits, be prepared for a rollercoaster. See https://singletrackmag.com/forum/topic/16-year-old-son-smoking-weed/page/6/
It's a shame the world isn't a better place to bring kids up, and every change seems to add more complications.
fine but why comment
Two sides to every argument/discussion innit.
Even some of those who have had kids recommend not having them, some of those without kids recommend not having them and vice-versa.
Like anything in life, always opponents and opposing views.
Just passing on the realities...
But you knew all that, didn’t you.
A question for the " Don't have kids" brigade....
Who's going to care for you when you are no longer able to care for yourself?
Mine are ace and I wouldn’t be without them but deffo makes your life far, far worse. (Makes your wife’s life far worse as well, not sure why they can’t see that.)
MAkes life worse ? What the holy F.... Couldn't be any further from my experience
Feels like your request for advice may be a little, ahem, premature.
Good luck. For something which starts off as fun it can get surprisingly stressful but is worth it in the end LOL.
moonsaballoon
Subscriber
What nobeer and weeksy said , you don’t want kids , fine but why comment on a thread where a guy is asking advice on having kids ?For what it’s worth OP my mrs laid on her back for 20 mins after the dirty deed , old wives tail maybe but we were lucky that it seemed to happen quite easy for us
Cause they've got the time to browse the forum to do so instead of picking food off the walls and killing the planet like the rest of us wrong 'uns.
I find this perspective amazing. No matter what our kids have “taken away” from us be it money, sleep, material objects etc, I love them and their impact on us to death and wouldn’t consider my life being worse with them – YMMV of course. I cannot understand this attitude at all
Isnt it. It's the worst job at times but ultimately fulfilling and I love living vicariously through my climate damaging sprogs. High chance that if you love them like they love you then you'll probably not die alone either.
As for Op: just bang away. Our first 8 kids took about 3 months each to conceive. It'll happen when it happens.
Great thread this 🙂
The planet is on it’s arse because of over population, just get her to give you a good ole hand shandy instead.
You can have up to two kids and still not be contributing to overpopulation.
But another (somewhat more arrogant) perspective is that the kind of conscientious values that are held by people who are worried about their impact on the planet are exactly the kind of values we need to be propagated in society in order to save it.
A question for the ” Don’t have kids” brigade….
Who’s going to care for you when you are no longer able to care for yourself?
That's a joke. Isn't it?
A question for the ” Don’t have kids” brigade….
Who’s going to care for you when you are no longer able to care for yourself?
An economic migrant most likely. If I had kids not sure I’d want to balls their life up looking after me (I currently have a dad with early dementia and a Mad Irish Mother (this an actual thing rather than a descriptor))
Who’s going to care for you when you are no longer able to care for yourself?
I think that's a bad reason to have kids.
That’s a joke. Isn’t it?
Do I strike you as the type to make jokes?
Two sides to every argument/discussion innit.
Does there have to be ? The OP was asking for advice and experiences of conceiving yet he got a load of responses from people justifying their life choices and people who don’t know him trying to convince him not to have kids .
but you knew all that, didn’t you
I always imagine responses like that said in a kind of nasally whiny voice
Don’t expect it to be easy; after 5 miscarriages I was ready to give up as the emotional toll on my wife was almost too much to bear and it wasn’t easy on me either. Sex became a chore; following the calendar and thermometer. It almost broke us.
We persevered though and our son is 21 this year.
That’s a joke. Isn’t it?
Hmm... who typed it?
Another question for the ” Don’t have kids” brigade….
What if you need a kidney, eh?