[Closed] Craving solitude.

I know that exact feeling. Sick of the rat race.

Suppose it depends on where exactly you live and how busy certain areas are. I'm lucky that within 5 mins from here on the bike, I could be in the town centre or the other way, sat on my own near a pond with no one around apart from the odd dog walker.

I still get bored riding the same routes. Yesterday, I put the bike in the van drove out somewhere quiet and set the Garmin for a 20 mile round loop. Nice to see things I didn't know where there before.

Just about to drop kids off at school then have the day to myself. Best time of the day is when I get back in and sit down in garden with a coffee.

Bliss.

I get my solitude most days as kids and wife are out all day. Don't think I could work in a full time job anymore. I am naturally solitary by nature and mych prefer my own company (wife and kids excepted).

Is this normal?

It's normal for you and to an extent for me. I think the question you need to ask yourself is whether it's a problem for you leading your current life and, if so, whether you need to change your life to suit or try to adjust the way you're thinking to make your life more pleasant / amenable. Counselling maybe?

Fwiw, as an ex-Londoner, I like a bit of background bustle in day-to-day life, but like riding on my own away from other people. Something like Cut Gate, at night, solo, in deep winter is paradise.

I guess the fact that you're posting this means that it is, in some way, an issue for you. In which case you might want to look at it more closely. But 'normal' isn't necessarily a helpful term. There's so much noise and buzz and information overload in our lives, that it makes a lot of sense that you'd want to avoid it.

Have you considered meditation?

Maybe get out on the back roads on a road bike. They are virtually empty most of the time. I know what you mean by riders and walkers. So much so that I normally now link up all the country back roads with the odd bridleway round where I live. 29er on semi slicks. Only see the odd roadie usually.

I'm surprised you find it so hard to find solitude. Do you live somewhere particularly densely populated? I live in a city but it can still be peaceful and empty in places and I don't have to go far into the sticks, especially on the bike, to be completely alone. If you really are struggling to find it then maybe a long weekend and a bivvi

Don't know if it's normal but it's how I am too. I work in a college too so pretty much have folks 'on' me all day.

It's also very difficult when in a relationship to get some alone time without hurting feelings, very difficult to convey this need to people who appear to need the opposite.

I'm struggling an awful lot with it lately op so I know where you're coming from.

Have you considered meditation?

I've tried this with Headspace but I get quite a short lunch break, loads of studenty noise going on around me and very difficult to get any sort of privacy.

Difficult 😐

Stick with the 20 minutes by bike. It's just taken me 1 hour 45 to crawl the 21 miles to work thanks to an accident on the M60. It's garbage commuting.

Boys gone to school, wife away to work, house guests all off out for the day... and I am not working today.

Absolute bliss!

May take a walk up the hill in a bit to get a Photo a Day project shot in, but the main plan is to have a bit of a time out and relax. Got a head cold to shift, and a couple of jobs on tomorrow!

solo nightrides
start extra late

does it for me

I'm very similar, it's normal for me. Being around people seems to drain the life out of me so I need to manage it correctly.

It's also very difficult when in a relationship to get some alone time without hurting feelings, very difficult to convey this need to people who appear to need the opposite.

My girl's mad at me
I didn't wanna see the film tonight
I found it hard to say
She thought I'd had enough of her
Why can't she see
She's lovely to me?
But I like to stay in
And watch t.v. on my own
Every now and then

I love beautiful solitary places - but I need to be there with a friend or partner to enjoy them, but with no one else around to ruin our world.

I suspect this is a weakness, and admire my normally sociable mate who will go off and wild camp for a few days in Scottish mountains.

I suspect he knows himself better than I know myself.

Being around people tiring me out sums it up I think!

As for quiet spaces nearby? I live in Cardiff so every park and woods within a 15 mile radius seems to be full of dog walkers and runners, the popular local parks are always busy in even remotely good weather. Getting to somewhere remote is always a hassle as it involves fighting through the traffic to get to the Gower for example, even that is busy!!

I'm not depressed, went through that a few years ago. It's the constant erosion of any green space to be built upon at any cost, the way everyone is in a rush to get somewhere at the expense of everyone else, the whole the whole consumerist ideal I suppose too. Maybe I was spoilt growing up in the countryside where it was easy to escape in 5 minutes by bike, but even there it's getting harder to do so.

Good to know I'm not the only one to feel this way :-).

Oh and when I say I want to be somewhere remote, I mean enough to not see a soul for a day or two!!

There are always quiet places. Just need to find them

I live in Cardiff so every park and woods within a 15 mile radius seems to be full of dog walkers and runners

I also live in Cardiff and hardly ever see more than a few people on my bike rides. PM me I'll show you what I mean. You have tons of choice.

I mean enough to not see a soul for a day or two!!

Again easy if you have a weekend.

I definitely crave my alone time to varying degrees (more in winter, when SAD comes on) and have done for at least 20 years, Xmas week is far too sociable! As the years have gone by, I've gone from wanting "everything" on my doorstep to really loving the idea of living somewhere rural, away from the rat race and all these people and buildings.

There's a theory that extroverts gain energy from being with friends, whereas introverts expend it. It's probably navel-gazing twaddle, but I certainly find myself "peopled out" quite often.

It got particularly bad a year or two back. I was working in a noisy open plan office, and spending a lot of time looking after sick relatives. I barely got a minute to myself, and it was sending me quietly spare. Ended up grabbing a tent and sodding off up a hill for a night, did me the world of good just to do something selfish for once. The pretentious buzz-word for it is "micro-adventure" I believe.

I like that theory - fits for me.

And of course, there's:

Dante: "But you hate people!"

Randall: "Yes, but I love gatherings. Isn't it ironic?"

I live in Bromley and work in Basildon - so busy daily commute over the Dartford crossing etc.
I rarely get any quiet time as have a wife and two young daughters.

I guess I'm lucky as I manage to find the odd window of opportunity to get out for a ride, and can be on quiet country lanes within a couple of miles of my house.
There are a couple of nice spots I often stop at, just to soak up the surroundings.

As the kids get older (they're currently 6 and 9) I hope to be able to escape for the odd overnighter (and maybe more) my wife is pretty independent and has her own stuff to do, so won't mind me doing my thing.

so, yes, I crave solitude and enjoy the odd moment I get.

[quote="milky1980"]Is this normal?

Yes, i hate people as well. So does my wife.

We emigrated so we could get more empty space and still have decent paying jobs with a reasonable commute, and somewhere nice to live.
All but impossible in the UK, especially in my field.

It's now 50 metres to the treeline and 5 minutes walk to get out of earshot of the village, such as it is, and far enough away that you could go for several hours without seeing anyone.

My Mrs has always reckoned that without her I'd become a hermit.

I do need the occasional time away from folk and that's not hard living where I do. I used to live in London but can't cope with it for more than 48hrs now.

I'm also happier in small groups. Large gatherings freak me out and I tend to recede into the background. It probably doesn't help that my hearing makes it difficult to follow one conversation amongst many.

It's normal for you and to an extent for me. I think the question you need to ask yourself is whether it's a problem for you leading your current life and, if so, whether you need to change your life to suit or try to adjust the way you're thinking to make your life more pleasant / amenable.

This for me.

Quite recently a reevaluation has revealed there's a lot I can do for my own well being and contentment whilst still living the corporate "dream". Its relatively easy to exclude your self from the news, social media - here even - and focus on whats important for you. Take more time, counselling, study mindfulness, and find simple ways to alleviate the "rush" - I'm even mindfully brushing my teath / making coffee of late.

Its also important to realise as human beings we are inherently selfish, and if you don't control your own life & ambitions then others will do that for you whilst pursuing theirs.

According you Myers-Briggs* I'm an extrovert.

But I do go through periods of time definitely wanting to be an introvert. And, in fact, the more time I spend alone the more I want to be on my own.

For me, it's slightly odd: I live in Lancashire and work in London 3-4 days a week. I'm in the world's greatest city (according to commentators), but because I'm not spending time with friends and family I tend to lead a slightly solitary existence. By the time I get home, rather than wanting to immerse myself into home life, I continue to crave solitude.

Partly it's because spending time away from home means I can;t engage with the things I want to do at home. But also I think that solitude craves solitude.

Maybe OP you should actively engage with other people. That way, when you do get quieter moments, you'll notice the relative peace and quiet much more.

*make of that what you will.

I used to live in London but can't cope with it for more than 48hrs now.

Funny - I identify strongly with some of the things on this thread, but not others - I quite like London, for example.

I think I crave company of just one or two other people. I ride alone mostly, and I love to ride with one or two others, but I find group rides pretty difficult usually (with the exception of the MNPR which I really enjoyed).

Like OMITN I am often away, and whilst I do really miss my family, I also appreciate the peace and solitude of my hotel room. Problem is that when I'm home I feel obliged to pay lots of attention to my kids which means I don't then get to head out far into the hills, which I also want to do!

spot - Member
start extra late

Half 9 start for me, which is great, miss the 8 to 9 carnage! 🙂

 Being around people seems to drain the life out of me 

I'm the same. Haven't got a stressful job or anything but just the day to day stuff like driving to & from work and dealing with idiots on the roads and then dealing with people at work all day just leaves me drained.

All I want to do when I get home is have tea when I feel like it then chill out and either ride my bike, listen to music, watch tv etc

None of this is possible with a girlfriend and a toddler in the house though 😆

I massively got this when I lived in London, and I could go for days without ever being more than, say, 10m from the nearest person. It wasn't interacting with people that tired me out, just the constant physical proximity and inability to create any distance. Running on Hampstead Heath normally sorted my head out.

following this thread with interest.

Feels like I am at the point where going back to living alone is the only option.

At the moment I virtually live with my girlfriend but still rent a room in a house where I also keep my bikes.
It means I normally get about two nights a week on my own which I frikkin love.
I think it's very important for some people to have this space but seemingly, it's never been a high priority for any girlfriend I've had.

Bagging a night on my own for my head space (not the app) usually takes some sort of half truth, followed by regular update texts to try to ease the guilt I feel but know that I shouldn't... 😐
Difficult to maintain that level where you can keep the one you love happy, but also yourself...

I think it's very important for some people to have this space but seemingly, it's never been a high priority for any girlfriend I've had.

I think this can often be a security issue, I've had it with a couple of (ironically) now-exes. "I'm not coming over tonight, I've got xyz on." - "Oh, and xyz is more important than me is it?"

Your girlfriend might be the most important thing in the world to you, but unless you're Party McPartington they need to understand that there are other less important but still interesting things in the world too and it might be nice if everyone just pissed off and left you alone for five minutes occasionally. Living in each other's pockets 24/7 to the detriment of spending time with friends or on your own isn't healthy.

Having your own space is important. It is that down time, contemplating time.
I really struggle, as work in school is manic all the time, then when I get home the OH is always in. She struggles with depression in the winter months and does not go out much, and sometimes all I crave is to sit on my sofa, put some music on and relax.

I feel kinda bad for saying this, but she starts a new job in Yeovil at Easter, so will be living down there for 4 days a week, but I am looking forward to it in many respects.

I've always found fishing and night rides to be my downtime.

Me and the Mrs often end up sitting on the sofa, watching three episodes without saying much in the evening. But it's downtime, and we are still sharing space and activity.

(But we are discerning about what we watch and don't watch junk)

I reckon the reason I'm a solitary person is cos I'm an only child and have always been pretty independent. I like the theory above about extrovert/introvert theory. Really resonates. I always thought being relatively solitary was a flaw when I was younger but as I got older I was happy to embrace it. There wasn't enough space in my life for wife and kids, solitary time and friends so one had to go. Of course, being lifelong friends, it'd be easy to reintegrate myself in the future should I ever need/want to.

I just enjoy my own company too much.

I did a lot of walking on the canal when i was in uk. Full of nature and v peaceful, also i reckon everyone else is there for a bit of peace so generally respectful. After c 30 mins you get q lost in your thoughts. Even in big cities you can search out a quiet spot

I am happy with my own company, usually ride alone and like the solitude. Happy to be in a group at pub/restaurant and talk very little. Depends on the group. Much happier in the countryside (was brought up in small villages mainly) than a city (bizarre really that I have worked primarily in London, NY, Singapore - was never my plan)

It's probably navel-gazing twaddle, but I certainly find myself "peopled out" quite often.

Ditto that.

[img] [/img]

Somewhere in the Pacific 🙂

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Laysan

That's definitely no Virgin Island.

Fayu... looks nice

[img] [/img]

https://www.google.co.uk/maps/ @8.5510928,151.3392233,8374m/data=!3m1!1e3

I ride alone a lot of the time, safety aspect aside, most people don't get it. The first question someone usually asks me when I say I've spent the day in the Black Mountains or wherever on my bike is "Who with?".

I think some people see it as a bit weird, but I just don't see that I need to do everything in a group, or with anyone else, I'm quite happy in my own company. I like the solitude normally, also I don't like waiting for people on bike rides much.......

As a slight aside I work remote from our main office, either from home or in a shared satellite office most days, with a big chunk of the day driving around visiting various customers, so I'm used to being on my own most of the time really.

Weirdly, or perhaps not, I seem to like solitude less when it isn't of my own choice.

I need solitude in my life - being around people constantly tires me and leaving me feel very claustrophobic.

For the last 5 or so years (up until last year) I've taken myself off sailing on the west coast of Scotland - take a pile of books, a good few hours worth of podcasts and a bottle of whisky and disappear for a fortnight to the remote crinkly bits.

Absolute bliss.

Unfortunately my new partner doesn't understand this need at all, she just cant comprehend spending more than a couple of hours alone through choice.

We've came to a bit of a compromise in that I have been doing a bivvy a month for the last year and continue to do so - it provides me with much needed solitary time to recharge the batteries...

Ah good, everyone on this thread sounds perfectly normal to me. And to the 25%* of the world who are like this. I like you all already. Even if you are a bunch of serial killers you o appreciate the value of quiet.

Although to about 75%** of the world, we're solitary weirdos.

It's problematic in relationships. I am finding. I need time alone, every day, at least a couple of hours. I don't get it, I get wound up. With two kids I often don't get it.

* might be a made up number but you get the idea
** as above

Not fond of people and much prefer riding a mountain bike or motorcycle on my own, I probably need 2 hours a day on my own. My missus just hunts me down in the house,workshop, garden, 8 acres of land to see if I am "all right"

Partners tend to see it as a rejection..

Partners tend to see it as a rejection..

+1

Whenever I say I am heading up stairs to do my airfix, tie flies or play xbox, the OH gets the arse as it appears I do not want to spend any time with her.

[quote=oldmanmtb ][b]Some [/b]Partners tend to see it as a rejection..
FTFY

Surely there have to be loads of paths/trails up in the Beacons/Black Mountains where there are few people around?
I've ridden up over Pen Y Fan with a couple of mates before now, and there were hardly any other people around, and I can get out for walks in lots of places not far from where I live in North Wiltshire, up on the Marlborough Downs, various woods, etc, and while there are some people about, often I hardly see a soul. Most people rarely venture further than about half a mile from the car park!

Surely there have to be loads of paths/trails up in the Beacons/Black Mountains where there are few people around?

There are all sorts of deserted places, just not the places most peopel have heard of, hence why they are deserted!

As the years have gone by, I've gone from wanting "everything" on my doorstep to really loving the idea of living somewhere rural, away from the rat race and all these people and buildings.

This has been going on in my head too, although I never 'wanted' to be near everything, I just moved here to follow where the work is. I have managed to find myself a relatively quiet bit to live in but it's still too busy for my liking.

There's a theory that extroverts gain energy from being with friends, whereas introverts expend it. It's probably navel-gazing twaddle, but I certainly find myself "peopled out" quite often.

I wouldn't call it twaddle, I suffer from that a lot. So does my mum! I do find I have a certain amount of time I can dedicate to others every day, once it's gone I get rather reclusive. Like the battery is dead if you know what I mean.

I'm also happier in small groups. Large gatherings freak me out and I tend to recede into the background.

This^! My sister calls me a 'people watcher'. Hopefully not in a creepy way 🙂

Maybe OP you should actively engage with other people.

I do that all day with work, 20-30 customers a day is normal. I'm all peopled out by the end!

It wasn't interacting with people that tired me out, just the constant physical proximity and inability to create any distance.

I get this a lot, especially on my days off where I have to go into town for something. I especially get it in places like London when I go there, I like to visit the museums every 2-3 years and get a bit of culture into my brain. I normally manage 2 days but any more than that and I just [i]have[/i] to escape!! How people live there is amazing to me, I would go mad in a week.

I think it's very important for some people to have this space but seemingly, it's never been a high priority for any girlfriend I've had.

I've lost girlfriends over this too, they just can't understand why I would want to be alone for a bit.

I ride alone a lot of the time, safety aspect aside, most people don't get it. The first question someone usually asks me when I say I've spent the day in the Black Mountains or wherever on my bike is "Who with?".

I think some people see it as a bit weird, but I just don't see that I need to do everything in a group, or with anyone else, I'm quite happy in my own company. I like the solitude normally, also I don't like waiting for people on bike rides much.......

My non-biking friends have got used to me being like that, riding alone in the middle of nowhere is just 'my thing'! I really do have to concentrate on being sociable and waiting whenever I'm out for a group ride with friends too, doesn't help that I'm usually one of the faster riders (not because I'm awesome, more that they don't get to ride anywhere near as much as I do!). I have no problem doing it for a day at BPW for example but I do struggle on a big day in the hills. Despite me getting out on the bike 2-3 times a week I always want to go and get over the next hill ASAP, I'm like a kid full of Skittles and Cola 😳

Surely there have to be loads of paths/trails up in the Beacons/Black Mountains where there are few people around?

I know of a few as I grew up there! The trouble is that I know how much more empty it used to be, the place is filling up fast or seems to be. I think the rise of ride/walk sharing sites on the interweb has made these hideyholes more known so they are more likely to have someone there now.

It is really good to read all your thoughts on this subject, means I'm probably not going mad! I must be reacting to the constant bombardment of everyone seemingly being on a treadmill of working flat-out so that they can go shopping all weekend, plus socialising. Add in the near-constant destruction of green spaces to build more houses/roads/shopping centres/offices and it feels like the world is leaving me behind the second I take a different path.

I think mrmonkfinger sums it up nicely for what my brain is processing it all as:

Ah good, everyone on this thread sounds perfectly normal to me.

I would say that we should all meet up for a celebratory ride somewhere but that would be somewhat missing the point 😆

I would say that we should all meet up for a celebratory ride somewhere

So long as we all rode in differing parts of the country, fine!

So long as we all rode in differing parts of the country, fine!

I'd be up for this.

Oh, and OP. Get yourself a copy of Robert Kull - Solitude: Seeking Wisdon In Extremes

I would say that we should all meet up for a celebratory ride somewhere but that would be somewhat missing the point

Introvert here. But lots of noise and people didn't bother me so much when young. Now it does get to me, although spending too much time on my own can make me depressed. A balancing act.

Never done the riding with anyone else thing. I think I've ridden with someone other than me on maybe 4 occasions in my whole adult life (being out with the kids excepted) and if I've ridden somewhere where lots of people about I'll often just sit off for a while until they get some distance away or just go somewhere else. Riding is definitely an activity best enjoyed alone. Since became a dog owner last summer being out walking dog alone is another great way to pass the time. Surprising how easy it is even in the city to get away from people.

Works both ways I feel, with a little effort it's easy to get some quiet time even in a city. A bit more and you canget some space and time to youself. However when out in the country if your being introverted it can be isolating. When everything is an effort to get to and to do it means that it's easy to cut off a lot of contact.

I did the move away from the city 20 years ago nearly. Moved from Leeds out into the Vale of York. Went for the close enough to commute - it's about 30 or 40 minutes to get to most bits of Leeds or York.
Didn't go full on lonely rural house, still live on an estate of about 80 other homes in a village setting, but it is quiet and friendly.

Pretty much got to drive to even go to a shop, GP is miles away, but it does mean prescriptions are easy as I can collect stuff from the GP Dispensary as I live too far from a pharmacy.
It's a 2 mile walk to the train station, but that just keep me fit if I have to use the train.

It's cost me a fortune in cars and fuel, usually just laugh when the car dealers try to offer a 5000 mile a year personal lease plan.

Can't stand cities now, been into Leeds once in the last year, even York is crowded and horrible.

Certainly had the difficulties with the other half, she still wants to go out late night partying but won't learn to drive or expects me to seeing as I don't drink and she wants to. Can't get public transport easily and last trains are usually about half an hour after the clubs open.

Love the riding though, no hills so it's CX bike and farm tracks or drive to a trail centre\bridleway.

Find social riding tough anyway, I'm really slow, have to keep stopping, some days the pancreas doesn't want to play and no matter what other people say about "social" rides or "beginners" rides or "slow" ride, it's never been that and no one has enjoyed waiting, I get a bit angsty in a group about holding it up so stick to solo now and really enjoy it. Probably the good thing about getting my bike nicked at Cleeve Hill a few years ago 🙂

Don't know if I could recommend moving out of the city, it does cost a lot more in travel and it isn't getting cheaper. I find it was worth it though, just getting home to quiet clean air has been worth the downsides.

If I don't have time outside I get a bit of "cabin fever" however I almost always go with my partner. After a couple of days out in the wilds I feel much calmer and content.

I think its because you get reminded / remember whats really important. somewhere warm to sleep, food and water. Nothing else matters ( at tha point) so your mind is clearer

Well I moved to a small village at the end of a fjord in Western Norway to get away. Its 30km by bike or car to work but only 15 mins by boat across the fjord. So am lucky. I have also got a small cabin in the mountains to hide away in with the family. I totally understand all the introverts on this thread

Am also totally in for the (Non)Group organised ride

I think its because you get reminded / remember whats really important

I think it's deeper than that. The outdoors is hard-coded into our brains on an evolutionary level. It's fundamental to what we are, not just who.

Anyway - to the OP: go to ST 1920 8596 and stand on the bridge for a while and look around. You won't see anyone all day. Then try and clean the tricky climb on the other side of the stream 🙂

For the organised ride - how about we all go for a ride to somewhere solitary and post up pictures?

I like this concept ^ and was going to post it myself. We all set off at a roughly similar time, alone and go from-to wherever we want, then share the details/photo's later?

I'm born and raised in Herefordshire, never left to go to Uni, never been 'travelling' for an extended period, and I don't mind admitting I can't cope with cities for more than a day or two, actually just anywhere busy to be honest. The City of Hereford only has a population of about 60,000 and we rank as the 3rd least densely populated county in the country. I've spent a lot of time all over Wales for various hobbies and have Welsh roots too, so am drawn to the isolation of mid wales in particular, love being out in the middle of nowhere, it just suits me.

Don't get me wrong, I've done all the nights out and group weekends away etc, but these days I'd rather spend my weekends riding my bike on my own or with only one other and be ideally spend the night in a cabin miles from anyone else.

#stwlonersclub

I grew up in Herefordshire too. I felt pretty stressed out when I first went to Cardiff as a student. Took me a while to get used to cities. Still haven't managed to move back to a small town, which is my plan.

One of my closest friends describes me as a failed misanthrope. I always thought I wanted total solitude, but I actually really like seeing people - just not all the time.

As an only child I was used to keeping myself entertained for hours on end and I still have that capacity.

Having lived in London for twenty years my wife and I moved to N Wales three years ago and I love the opportunities we have here for solitude. I take myself off on remote and quite often bleak and brutal bike rides and runs out of the door and I really enjoy them. When I start out on these things my mind is normally buzzing with thoughts and by the end, if I've pushed myself, my head is empty. For me this seems like a perfectly normal and necessary thing to do.

I am lucky that I am married to someone who understands and shares my desire for such things. That said, with the limited self knowledge I've accumulated, if I had a partner who was not supportive I think I would still do these things as I know the long term wellbeing benefits to the relationship would outweigh the conflicts (probably).

I still love seeing friends and visiting cities, and sometimes I crave a crowded place, but in the knowledge I can always head back to the hills.

In summary, you're perfectly normal, but that's being said by a man who ran 15 miles on Sunday, 4 miles of which was through a knee deep bog. Make of that what you will.

There's a theory that extroverts gain energy from being with friends, whereas introverts expend it. It's probably navel-gazing twaddle, but I certainly find myself "peopled out" quite often.

Not sure it's 'twaddle', I get completely exhausted by company, especially larger groups. After an hour or so of it my ideal space is aboard a small boat bobbing in the Celtic sea just beyond the horizon*

On the flipside I have a friend who quite simply goes crazy without company and so surrounds self with people. I mean, they literally despise even an hour's solitude, so much so that I've never seen or heard of them go and do anything alone. (Edit: Wait, once, and only then for an hr or so. And they never shut up about it afterwards)

I cannot begin to understand.

*With options to dock once I feel like mixing again. It could be a week.

I do. Living in a city with family it gets tricky to achieve.
Luckily, I have a few spots within cycling distance that can be peaceful and free of people.
I had the whole of High Barnet High street to myself ,very early yesterday morning.
Not a car, nor person.
It lasted two or three minutes but was a little slice of bliss. 🙂

Just sat reading through this in my break at work and Whitesnake Here I go again came on the radio 😆

Some Partners tend to see it as a rejection..

Indeed. I'm fortunate enough to have someone now who gets it. I'm sat there feeling all guilty about wanting time on my own and she'll go, "will you just bugger off for the weekend?" After clingy exes who saw it as a personal slight if I didn't want to spend every waking (and sleeping) moment with them, I still can't quite get used to it and we've been together over ten years now.

I especially get it in places like London when I go there, I like to visit the museums every 2-3 years and get a bit of culture into my brain. I normally manage 2 days but any more than that and I just have to escape!! How people live there is amazing to me, I would go mad in a week.

Yeah, ditto. I like visiting London, but it does make me feel very claustrophobic. Literally, like I can't get out. I can pick a direction, drive for an hour and still be in London, what's that all about?

Never really thought this in depth but i can understand so much of what is being said above. I think most of my friends would see me as quite outgoing but i really struggle as i simply get very little "alone time", I crave just the occasional few hours here or there where i could just go and work on bike or maybe watch one of the films or documentaries that i have saved on the Sky box.

Despite the fact that i live in a very rural area i am always on the go, my wife feels that if i disappear for the day i am not wanting to be with her and my daughter, plus as my daughter is Type 1 diabetic and is also very full of life (constantly talking and singing, which i love but is wearing) I feel I am dropping the ball and leaving her to care for her.

But my wife is very homely, she grew up in this area and she sees her parents and relatives every daily, its just what they do, no-one locks door, you just walk into each others houses and what she loves. I suggest that maybe if she wanted to do a hobby or activity, then there could be a trade-off, but any free time she has involves seeing them.

I really struggle to find some time to myself, i love the hills and love riding my bike and being around the few friends i still see occasionally on the bike, but what with work, the 3 hours of commuting from the sticks, fulfilling my duty as a husband and father (often having to be up 2-3 times a night to my daughter) i struggle to find any time alone, especially time when i'm not tired.

I find myself taking the occasional day off work with some excuse, just to have a few hours to myself, usually with the dream of going for a long bike ride, but when i occasionally do get a bit of time to myself, i'm often so knackered i just wanna sleep.

I wouldn't change it and love my wife and daughter more than anything, but i do need that bit of time to myself occasionally for my own sanity, but it is difficult to justify that to my wife.

Anyway - to the OP: go to ST 1920 8596 and stand on the bridge for a while and look around. You won't see anyone all day. Then try and clean the tricky climb on the other side of the stream 🙂

Go up there regularly, even though it's a footpath 😳 Never cleaned that climb! Usually see a dog walker or another biker up there though. The ridgeway is one of my best rides locally to get away from people, I go from Castell Coch to Cwmcarn and back usually. Still see a lot of people but it's the best I can find without travelling a long way away.

For the organised ride - how about we all go for a ride to somewhere solitary and post up pictures?

A solitude ride photos thread? Will take one when I'm next in a suitable place and post it up.

Find social riding tough anyway, I'm really slow, have to keep stopping, some days the pancreas doesn't want to play and no matter what other people say about "social" rides or "beginners" rides or "slow" ride, it's never been that and no one has enjoyed waiting, I get a bit angsty in a group about holding it up so stick to solo now and really enjoy it.

molgrips - you said to PM you about quiet spaces round here, we have a PM function on here now!?! How does that work?

Grew up in a small, isolated, friendly town in Cumbria and hate big cities, crowds of people, all the hustle + bustle, went into shock when I went to uni in little old Lancaster! Love family get-togethers + being with close friends, but struggle with parties with folk I don't know well,as it seems hard work + I revert to wallflower mode. Totally understand being "peopled out" + needing time alone to chill. I'm happy being outside with hubbie, being indoors with mogs, meeting in a cafe with friends + living in a rural village, close enough to a decent town, but far enough away to feel like we're away from it all!

molgrips - you said to PM you about quiet spaces round here, we have a PM function on here now!?! How does that work?

We do, but I dunno how it works. My email is also in my profile so that might be easier 🙂

Go to a profile and there should be a huge green button for the messaging.

Never used it so don't know how the notifications and stuff work.

Also in Cardiff here. Different for me as I grew up in Manchester so the sheer amount of "not city" that's local is bloody excellent in my head. Roads out into the vale of glam in the week = hardly anyone around. Taff trail up into the beacons = pretty much noone around, especially once you get up around talybont etc.

Gower is amazing for bike/surf. I drive out there in the late evenings in the van. Park up somewhere. Watch the stars. Get up early, ride or surf. Helps if you can do stuff in the week of course.

This is all sounding familure. Spend all day at work being approachable to people then get home wanting to sit in silence, now drive home with the radio off and quiet car helps. Girlfriend is brill and understands/ demands on holiday i take my bike and bugger off for a few hours to "come back happy".
I dont mind social rides but tend to treat them as an exercie forcing me to talk to stangers, which i'm not to good at.

Strangley i find London quite soletry (sp?) The green spaces just of the main streets are supprisingly quiet and there is a certain solitude from everyone ignoring everyone else, having said that i couldn't live there.

Currently in a rural location in the Scottish Highlands. Unfortunately a seminar/workshop type thing, I'm having to get up at 5:30am for a run in a desperate attempt to balance things out.

Out in the forestry and open hillsides still in darkness I do feel far more at ease than when at breakfast in a communal dining area.

I took the Dog out at 1.20 this morning and there was no one around, no traffic for at least 10 mins which round here is a massive gap.

Just being able to see about a mile down the road to the next curve is a weird view that you just don't get any other time due to the sheer amount of traffic.

Amazing how different times of the day can change places.