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I was made redundant this week and am totally overcome by emotion. I feel sick, pressure from every angle, can’t sleep and struggling to eat properly, I’ve lost loads of weight in a very short time. I really don’t know my path forward right now.
My wife is amazing and we have money in the bank that will keep us going for at least 6 months, so it could be a lot worse, but although I tell myself that I can’t take any comfort from it. Next week I’m updating my cv, will get all over LinkedIn and recruiters but the demons in my head are saying “look at the economy”, “you’ll struggle to get another senior role so you’ll have to make do with much less”, I’ve worked really hard to get where I am now and have been really fortunate to be able to afford to send my kids to a nice school, have nice stuff but that means this may change. I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders thinking I’ve failed, I need to start all over again.
I know everything I saying is not new, I just feel so Lost. Not even sure why I wrote this.
Not even sure why I wrote this.
Because venting to strangers on the internet (especially on here where, in spite of the bickering, there is a genuine sense of community and support) is a great help!
First time I was made redundant I felt like that and I had no savings to fall back on either. It worked out for the best in the end though. The other two redundancies I had were the opposite - relief at getting out and a decent payoff!
Start a Universal Credit claim (can do it online via gov.uk) - even if you're not entitled to any benefits due to the savings you / your wife have, it keeps your National Insurance and tax stuff up to date.
If you've genuinely got enough in the bank to last a bit, it's worth taking a month out to get your head in some sort of order, talk it through with family and so on because it could be an opportunity for a change of career, a new location or all sorts. Also, trying to write CVs while you're stressed out isn't going to work well.
Best of luck!
Two things -
1) You WILL come through this. So why worry?
2) These things have a habit of bringing out the best in a person. You could be going on to something amazing.
3) You get to have a lie-in on Monday you lucky sod.
4) You're probably better at counting than me.
It's happened to me a few times now and it's tough. I'm still upset about one about 18 years ago. It also happened to 4 of my staff at Xmas without me being told. It's awful.
A few things that helped me
It is upsetting. Even people actively leaving can find it very upsetting. That's ok. Let yourself go through the emotions and the process.
Remember if it's redundancy it's not personal. It's about the business and you are a cost on a spreadsheet. In many ways if that's the climate then you might be better off out.
For me at least, each time is happened it's ended up being an experience that's ultimately left me stronger.
Take time, ride your bike, take stock and focus on the important things - family, friends, spare time, there great outdoors. Good luck and embrace this opportunity, as unsettling as it feels right now.
You will get through it, being told that doesn't help. You will feel loss, dont beat yourself up over it. Senior positions are less affected by the economy but you do need to put yourself out there to get picked up by the recruiters. It's a numbers game and is pot luck but the more you do the sooner your odds come up.
My last role ended badly, compounded by unfair dismissal in the previous role (the big layout was nice but didn't help restore what I'd lost). After loads of applications I got no where and then my current employer found me. Best role I've had some it can all come good.
we have money in the bank that will keep us going for at least 6 months, so it could be a lot worse,
You're not going to starve to death, you just might not be able to buy new shiny stuff for a while. I've been through the redundancy thing a few times. With hindsight, I was better off moving jobs, but it was extremely stressful at the time. Go for a bike ride to burn off the stress, this is just a pothole in the road.
Stress is your body's response to an uncertain or threatening situation. It worked really well way back when the uncertainty came from being chased by wolves and trying to make it through the night, but is a crap response for the modern world. From what youve written there are a couple of things bothering you
-getting another job (at the same level). First off you can almost certainly get another job if you're not picky, then while that's keeping the wolf from the door (see what I did there) you have breathing space to find your dream job or sort things out in another way.
-the way you support those around you may change. Have you spoken to them about that? "sorry kids I've been made redundant so we might have to be a bit more frugal in future, that might mean changing school or cutting down on other activities" - I bet they are a lot more understanding than you are fearing.
-you've been made redundant. Or rather the job you did has been made redundant - its about the post rather than the individual. Don't take it personally,
You will get through it and it's your actions that will get you there. Make a plan for next week, talk it through with someone else then get on with something else - nothing external is going to change until Monday morning at the earliest.
I was made redundant this week and am totally overcome by emotion.
This week is very recent. It is perfectly natural to be totally overwhelmed by a sudden change in circumstances, especially if it is unexpected.
It will take time to take stock of the situation and figure out a way forward, in the meantime it is (very unhelpfully) completely normal to see everything from a totally negative perspective.
If you are struggling and 'totally overcome by emotions' then talking therapies will be able to provide you with support:
I hope you've discussed this with the wife, and keep the kids informed. There's lots of good advice above, so go for a walk or ride your bike, you're not ill and you're not going to die. You will also get another job, and maybe it will be the same , or better, or worse. You're not only your job and you're not going to cease to exist.
Are you in a sector doing good, or one that's struggling. This might be a good time to change if you've had any thoughts in that direction.
Shiny stuff doesn't matter. Good luck, it's normal to be stressed, and it won't last forever
Read on the 5-2 breathing technique
Then at night, go for mindfulness by repeating sleeeeeep as you breath in and out.
Fretting will not help the situation
Look on it as an opportunity.
Write lists of jobs to do at home that you have been putting off.
Get your head around any redundancy package and double check the tax implications.
Not only do you get a relaxed start to the week but once the CV stuff is out of the way you can ride your bike during daylight hours. That's a win.
Also do you want to carry on at the same role/industry or is it time to take a different direction?
Redundancy save my marriage & family life in 2008. It was shock at the time but a blessing in the long term.
It seems bad now but this too shall pass. Good luck.
Understandably, you feel raw and upset but...now is a good time to clearly and fully identify your skills set; understanding your transferable skills should help you broaden your job search.
Don't forget, redundancy is not personal even though it feels like it; it's business and impersonal.
Take every bit if help your employer is offering.
I know it's very recent but have you considered becoming self-employed?
Sounds trite, but mindfulness, meditation, call it what you want is a good shout.
You're going to need to shut up the stress demons in your head at regular intervals.
You'll feel a plonker at first, but at the very worse it may give you some head space for 10mins here and there.
Hopefully there's some compensation involved and sounds like you have some breathing room, so make the most of that.
It's really really hard to get it into your head that work isn't everything, especially after years of commitment to it.
Good luck fella. You've got this.
Sorry to hear this.
First of all, well done on having the buffer in the bank, that will hopefully ease some of the immediate issues.
Been made redundant twice, and since had one forced redeployment in the civil service. All opened up opportunities to try different things or take chances I wouldn't have done before. Once the shock and disappointment has worn off, let yourself and your other half have a proper reset.
Work and money are not everything. We had to relocate to make the most of it, but my last redundancy gave us the chance to have a family and a lifestyle to enjoy it.
Getting sacked / unfairly dismissed was the best thing ever for me and my perspective. I was a proper corporate player. Not any more - they don’t give a shxt about you so why worry about them. There will be loads of opportunities don’t panic go ride.
As above, if you've got a few quid in the bank use this as an opportunity to take stock and decide what you want to do next, also: bike ride.
Where Ernie said about talking therapies, if you need some extra help. One technique that route taught me is ‘worry time’. You write down the things that are eating you as they crop up during the day, but you don’t let yourself get wrapped up in them until worry time. Then you set yourself a 20min or half hour slot in the day (try and make it regular) to work through the worry list. Figure out which ones are actual things that have happened /are happening that you could do something about (that gives you a focussed to-do list to work on that should make you feel productive and more positive) and then the worries that are hypothetical ‘what ifs’ you try and tell yourself’it hasn’t happened, it probably won’t, let’s deal with the realities’.
- that’s the brief summary of it! There are whole courses/books/therapies on it. But it’s worth a shot if you’re feeling overwhelmed.
Hope you feel better soon, it’s still early days, I’m not surprised you’re knocked for six.
Fella, no rush. Get out ride, camp, play. You’ll need headspace for the next move so give yourself time to find it.
Don’t bother with LinkedIn, agents etc until you are ready to engage.
Give yourself the week off with the kids for half term.
Call it half term - try to treat it like a break. Plan to start up again Nov 1st.
Happened to me a few years ago - first person I called was a best mate who works in management. He had lots of good advice but I will never NEVER forget his closing note. "I've had to let a few people go in my time, but every single person I know who's been made redundant has ended up better off". It was absolutely true for me - I have no doubt it will for you, too. 🙂
He had lots of good advice but I will never NEVER forget his closing note. “I’ve had to let a few people go in my time, but every single person I know who’s been made redundant has ended up better off”. It was absolutely true for me – I have no doubt it will for you, too. 🙂
So true!
If you’re good and have skills employers need recruiters will be beating a path to your door. My wife (in insurance) gets offers weekly through LinkedIn.
Find better recruitment companies.
" thinking I’ve failed " oi you, that statement can get in the sea where it belongs!
Perfectly natural to feel beaten up at the moment, don't be afraid to have the feelings, but don't let them have you as it were.
Early days, keep talking on here fella 🙂
Stick in mate. I’ve been there and churned out !!! Things always get better 🙂
In my 35 year ‘working’ career I was made redundant 3 times and was at risk numerous times, but every time the eventual outcome was better than my previous position.
Keep in mind that it was your job that was made redundant because of the circumstances of your employer and is not a reflection of you as as employee/individual - try not to take it personally.
If your redundancy includes access to coaching or employment advise, take it use it to take stock and re-evaluate what you want to do next.
Whilst the economy is taking a hit, in many sectors they are crying out for skills and desperate for people - it might be an opportunity for a change?
6+ times for me (it’s hard to keep count 🙁 )
It’s rubbish and you will feel pretty poor for a while.
I found it useful to know what mattered most. Until the last time, in my case it was getting a new job ASAP and I focused on that. As you have some money set aside it might be worth taking a week or two off to think it through.
-Don’t take it personally.
-As above, take any coaching, CV service, counselling offered.
-‘Sign on’ now (or whatever it is called). It takes ages, so it’s worth doing it now even if you don’t think you qualify (eg you still get NI credits which are valuable even if not ‘cash’)
-Talk. To your friends/wife/family/strangers
-your outlook on life/work may change. Don’t let that consume you.
Feel free to PM me if you think I can help or you just want to talk.
Thanks. I’ve read each msg 2 or 3 times. Went out this evening, met a friend who helped me reset a little. I’ll report back on Monday, but thanks to everybody for taking the time to talk to me, I really appreciate it.
I was in your situation 2 years ago, my first time being made redundant and the first time since I was 16 that I had been out of work! (now 41).
It is scary, it is worrying, it is a trying time but something will come along. I had the worst timing for mine, right in the middle of the pandemic when no-one was employing whatsoever and my chosen retraining was delayed and delayed and delayed again but thankfully I had a very good redundancy package that kept me going for the intervening 18 months between knowing I was losing my job to getting permanent work again. Without lockdowns etc it would have only been 6 months at worst.
Happened to me a few years ago – first person I called was a best mate who works in management. He had lots of good advice but I will never NEVER forget his closing note. “I’ve had to let a few people go in my time, but every single person I know who’s been made redundant has ended up better off”. It was absolutely true for me – I have no doubt it will for you, too. 🙂
I haven't quite got to the stage where things are better yet but I'm not too far away from getting back to a similar position if you ignore the inflation issue etc. It will get better at some point though!
I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders thinking I’ve failed, I need to start all over again.
I know everything I saying is not new, I just feel so Lost. Not even sure why I wrote this.
Everyone does, try not to dwell on it. As someone else said, you're just a number on a spreadsheet when they make the decision. It's not about you as a person, it's a plain cold decision that you have no control over. In the company I was with for 12 years there was redundancies happening every 2-3 years and every time they got rid of, on the whole, the wrong people. They have even admitted that they got it wrong for my redundancy, they closed the wrong depot down and are really struggling to cope as the work has come back.
Above all though don't look at it as a bad thing, look for the opportunities to find a better job, realign your work/life balance and make things better for you and the family overall.
Happened to me after a huge project in which there were some 50 of us contractors throughout Europe who all are specialists in a very specific ERP system SAP. So the scramble for UK roles was was something only Attenborough would understand. I burnt through my cash reserves and felt a little worried.
But you need to realise that you have transferable skills and you can reinvent yourself.
I did. You can.
Good luck don't worry.
Thank you again. I won’t lie, I feel terrible today, woke at 4am so I’ve had getting on for 4 hours of demons in my mind.
Weather permitting I’ll take my kids out on their bikes today, I’ve not yet told them the news, and don’t plan to do so for a few more days as I don’t want to break down in front of them.
My wife is as strong as an ox, she’s amazing, but I can see cracks there too, we had a cry in each other’s arms, I need to be strong.
Have been made redundant twice and changed jobs 4 times since 2017, I was in the same company for 20 years before that. Easy come easy go for employer and employee these days… now after all that messing around I have as brilliant job in a totally different sector, something I never thought possible, especially as I approach 50!
There are still lots of jobs out there and when you see the one you want invest time in it, you want to sit in front of the interviewer as a better SME and with an action plan.
In practical terms the best investment I made was developing my presenting / interview skills.
Focus on the future, you can’t change what happened, have a vision and set yourself goals of how to get there
Sorry to hear all this.
You have not failed. Life has thrown you another bend in the road. Your stress is understandable and your bodies reaction to fear and worry.
You will find a way, it's just going to take some time.
Your wife sounds amazing, and sounding off to the internet can be a good thing.
Weather permitting I’ll take my kids out on their bikes today, I’ve not yet told them the news, and don’t plan to do so for a few more days as I don’t want to break down in front of them.
Unless your kids are arseholes why would you worry about breaking down in front of them.
It happened to me, albeit 30 years ago now, right in the middle of a Tory recession. And ****all redundancy payiff as I was young and cheap to didtch.And whilst I'd got a degree I didn't have much experience (or ££ banked), so was stressful at the time.
Now, in hindsight (it defo didn't feel like it at the time) it did me a favour. Though I still think the Co who did it (after a reverse take over) are total ****s.
But it did do me a favour - maybe by luck, I went into another industry and that has been much more fruitful and (nearly all) enjoyable too. Certainly with many many great people who were/are trying to do what is right.
Make sure you nail them down for as much redundancy pay as you can, inc. All the notice period. It may not be a lot, depending on circumstances. But for me at the time wringing even 5p more from them was a moral victory.
Along with the money/notice there’s an obligation to offer training/courses to allow you to head in another direction.
Try not to be too enraged when that stage of grief kicks in that will frighten the kids more than daddy being sad. Don’t hide being sad from the children that will do more for them than the “stuff upper lip “.
Uncertainty is something that causes me anxiety. So in your position I'd be anxious too.
I would take a few days to let things settle down; any decisions you make right now will be based on some distorted feelings.
Something I've done to give me perspective is to ask myself will I still be concerned/upset in 12 months time or will things have worked themselves out. So if there's going to be nothing to worry about then, there's nothing to be worried about now. A plan will emerge.
What field are you in OP? Plenty of posters on here from a huge variety of backgrounds (who am I kidding, it’s all IT). Might be worth putting the feelers out once you’re ready. I’d feel the exact same way you do under the circumstances. It’s natural to be concerned but there has been some brilliant advice on coping mechanisms posted above. Take care and tell the kids ASAP. They will know something is wrong.
Take care and tell the kids ASAP. They will know something is wrong.
Although it's easy to frame it more positively:
Hey kids, I'm off work for a while so we can do [insert relevant activities here].
funkmasterp
Full Member
What field are you in OP? Plenty of posters on here from a huge variety of backgrounds (who am I kidding, it’s all IT). Might be worth putting the feelers out once you’re ready. I’d feel the exact same way you do under the circumstances. It’s natural to be concerned but there has been some brilliant advice on coping mechanisms posted above. Take care and tell the kids ASAP. They will know something is wrong.
I think you are right, and why is there no section for "Looking for work/workers"?
I am off at the moment, I try to mix it up, job hunting, riding bikes, stuff with kids, helping with kids (more than normal to take pressure of my wife), house chores, diy/fixing up the house, reading etc
I have had a few occasions off and really enjoyed them. I stress less about the money as my lady tbh
Thank you again to one and all for the advice, suggestions, support and offer of a chat, I really appreciate it.
Had to tidy up some stuff with my solicitor today and have started work on the CV - I couldn’t do that till now as my head was just not straight. A chat with a few friends to try and gain some perspective and a session at the gym did the world of good, forgot all my problems and felt normal, if just for a little while.
Not much else to say, I’m trying to eat, as I’ve lost a ton of weight, and I slept for a 4-5 hours, hoping for longer as the demons visit me in the middle of the night.
What do you do / what part of the world do
You live in?
Likely people on here recruiting. Always good to save on recruiter fees. I will be in Jan.
We should set up some kind of Airtable or Google sheet for MTB’ers that need jobs or have been made redundant.
Sillysilly, I’m in sales/leadership, technology, engineering and maritime. Based Scotland.