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What have been yours?
Cooking a Lasagne last night and making a cheese sauce. Was doing it with Corn flower and wandering why it wasn't getting any thicker. Oh well, best keep stirring. Oh what the hell, will bung all the cheese in now, sure it will start to thicken soon think I. Hmmmm, something's wrong, quick taste for seasoning........rollocks, that will be icing sugar I'm adding.
No more cheese left, had too much beer to drive to the shops. Raining so can't be arced to walk. Chilli it is then 😳
Not a catastrophic as such but misreading rice pudding instructions ( proper stuff, not tinned) and ended up going out for more milk, twice!
Ended up adding over 6 pints of milk for the two of us.
Honestly, it was like the magic cooking pot. I'd never seen so much rice pudding.
Just been making my marzipan for The Cake, and put the almond essence, vanilla essence and lemon juice in the egg whites (separated for the icing) instead of the yolks - a trip to the shops to get more eggs and lemon juice was required.
Whilst making a pot noodle I went above the make line for the water. It made it a bit more watery, couldn't be bothered to go and get another one.
^^^Amateur.
Saw Jamie Oliver making a giant waffle in a grill pan that looked good. Couldn't find the recipe published anywhere but had the program recorded and jotted down the recipe as he demonstrated it.
Theres a reason it hasn't been published. Following the recipe to the letter you don't get a Giant Waffle, you get a Giant Awful.
On a drinks front have managed a few horrors. Ruined a lot of very decent cognac trying to make Brandy Alexanders from memory (I say from memory, its not something I'd ever made, drank or even seen) - I'm pretty sure its not Cognac, condensed milk, and lumps of nutella that refuse to dissolve
Its also easy to confuse muscavado sugar and other dry goods when the bulb has blown in the kitchen - and treat everyone to cups of tea which turn out to be half full of now cooked couscous.
And, not me, but I was working in a big share workshop / studio facility and on a tea break one of our number was moaning that someone somewhere was working with resin and the fumes were worrying him and really whoever it was should be using proper extraction as the whole place stank of the stuff. We thought he was being a bit oversensitive about it as we could smell a faint aroma but nothing to get in a tizzy about. He sups the last of his tea and in the bottom of the mug is an inch of delicious, aromatic, carcinogenic, unset polyester resin.
Many more years ago than I wish to divulge, my brother and I were home alone and thought we'd have a go at making custard. Seen mum do it, seemed very simple.
Put some custard powder in a bowl, added a bit of milk, made a paste....,all good so far.
Heated some milk in a saucepan, when it got hot added the paste and sugar, stirred, and stirred ....and stirred. Why wasn't it thickening up ? Added more custard powder, nope, still not thickening. Added more sugar....still nothing.
At this point we actually read the instructions on the tin. Oh, you need to reboil the mixture!
Great, did that.......and you could then stand a fork upright in the resultant sticky, sickly vanilla glue we had made.
Still ate it though, we were seventeen and hungry
I used to be quite experimental with my cookery in my student days, and not in a good way.
I think my worst offence was egg noodles, tinned mackerel in green peppercorn sauce and stir-fried veg. It was just utterly wrong.
Actually consider myself a competent cook with a degree of flair regarding taste combinations nowdays, but it didn't come naturally!
Just remembered the time, camping in the woods as teenagers, that my friend's little bro brought along a frozen pizza to cook on the fire.
He gave it a go despite our mockery, bless him.
I used single cream instead of double in the custard base for my ice cream. It wasn't quite as smooth as it should have been due to lower fat content.
Total disaster. I was devastated.
A former boss of mine once confessed that her first attempt at a romantic meal at with her husband-to-be was ruined by the fact that she left the pizza on the plastic tray when she put it in the oven....
My lass once made a ham joint. Boiled it, marinated it with all the shizzle, baked it then served it only to realise she'd bought a pork joint! Bloody minging.
Cheesy peas with prawns.
Don't fry coucous.
It
Don't
Like
Being
Fried
😆
Bread.
I'm making quite a lot of [s]bricks[/s] bread at the moment 🙁
My wife is way better at cocking food up tbh.
The best one was when she spent most of the day making chutney from surplus marrows and green toms I'd grown.
Managed not to burn it, but her face fell when I asked her what she'd done with the seeds and pith so I could put them in the compost.
She just assumed they must go in the pan as well, obviously.
A former boss of mine once confessed that her first attempt at a romantic meal at with her husband-to-be was ruined by the fact that she left the pizza on the plastic tray when she put it in the oven...
I have a mate who cooked a pizza still on the plastic tray, he still ate it! I think that my biggest mistake has been making something in the slow cooker and adding the rice at the beginning, what I got was basically slime. Learnt that lesson!
I tried to make cheese and toast in the toaster once. Couldn't understand how to get the cheese to stay on. Made a bit of a mess of the toaster.
I was only about 10 to be fair.
Mixing up harisa and tomato paste is a bad mistake. Still ate it though. Spicy
While making a sherry trifle, I thought to myself "this doesn't seem to smell like I remember sherry trifle smelling"
This was followed by much swearing as I realised that I'd poured half a bottle of wine in it, instead of sherry.
Came back late from the pub a few nights ago p1ssed as a fart and decided to do some toast, three attempts later i get nicely browned toast, next morning didn't have enough bread left for sandwiches for work.
Made beef stir fry once and I was concentrating on making the veg small enough for the boy, who was just over 18 months at the time, that I didn't put the beef in. I didn't realise until it was pointed out to me by the other half.
My uncle once tried to make a fried-egg sandwich, with that 'broken shell, in a glass in the fridge' spare egg.
When it wouldn't cook after ages, he discovered it was half a tinned apricot!
APF
[quote=butcher ]I tried to make cheese and toast in the toaster once. Couldn't understand how to get the cheese to stay on. Made a bit of a mess of the toaster.
I was only about 10 to be fair.
Put toaster on its side