 You don't need to be an 'investor' to invest in Singletrack: 6 days left: 95% of target - Find out more
Just started binge watching the latest series, and heard Greg Wallace repeat the above statement ad nauseam.
This got me thinking, how would you make cooking 'tougher than that'?
I would personally get one of them big wild monkeys, one of them with the blue face and big red arse. I would tie it up, and whist wearing a Greg Wallace costume, punch it repeatedly about the head and face. I would then release the angry beast into the master chef kitchen, and enrage it further by making as much noise as possible (I'd probably use a one man band set up for this). Let's see how you like them (enraged monkey shaped) apples, Greg and John!
Naked whenever you have to use a frying pan - that'd make it tougher.
when i was a cook it was quite tough, so I'd recreate those conditions. no sleep for days, high on various narcotics, drunk, Paranoid, very loud reggae, that should do it
Whenever they want a knife someone would have to throw it to them from the other end of the kitchen and if they dropped it the next one would be red hot as well as razor sharp.
Or I'd get a self opinionated slightly overweight fella to dibble his fork in their cooking and make slightly disparaging remarks about it. Yeah that'd be proper tough.
no sleep for days, high on various narcotics, drunk, Paranoid, very loud reggae
Reads like a snapshot of my life...
when i was a cook it was quite tough, so I'd recreate those conditions. no sleep for days, high on various narcotics, drunk, Paranoid, very loud reggae, that should do it
Yep, sounds familiar - worked in a restaurant kitchen when I was a student.
Long hours, always boozing while at work, occasional 'recreational' drug use, loud music, poor pay... and my Dad owned the restaurant!
I like Masterchef. As the sound of a heavy knife hits the board clumsily mixed in with a house music beat, here is a translation guide:
'I'm doing a deconstructed ....':
a pile of bits on the plate that are usually constructed for a reason
'I really hope he can balance those strong flavours':
he can't
'It's my version of the classic':
lots of people have made it the same way for years but I know better
'I'm doing steamed pudding and custard':
I'm playing up to fat bald one
The other week one of them even made a buttery biscuit base, although he spoiled it slightly by not being able to say it without smirking
I said it before and got flamed but FFS, it is just food, we all eat, most of us can cook what we like and it all ends up in the same place!
I cant believe how seriously they all take themselves, no different to a celebrity plumber, IT engineer or builder.
There are celebrity plumbers? On TV?? Dammit, I'd watch that.
Masterchef isn't bad, but it's obvious who has a talent for cooking food that tastes nice and looks nice. I mean, why the hell did that young lass cook curried bream with apple the other night?
Now that the heats are over we should start seeing some high quality cooking which, I believe, does not get tougher than this. Although I may disagree given that I've seen some meals being cooked in PBs and FOBs which taste just as nice but with far less posh kit and no Waitrose larder to help them out. Nor are they being mortared. Or shot at. So not really that tough.
I would really like to see a TV program called MasterITEngineer but I don't think it would have broad appeal.
😆
[img] 
[/img]
Ever seen the Junior Masterchef on CBBC?
9 year old kids knocking up considerably more appetising meals than I can manage with 30 more years on them. 😯
Whenever they want a knife someone would have to throw it to them from the other end of the kitchen
Chefs do that.
Whereas when I cook a steak, we say "Cooking doesn't get more juicy and tender than this"
We went to the hairy bloke from thegreatape's video's restaurant the other night. Bloody good it was too.
It's better than when Lloyd Grossman used to do it, I mean look at this, it's ridiculous:
Toughest way to cook is with a shitty oven in a tiny kitchen with one work surface taken up by the kettle. Like what I used to have in the rented bungalow I was in last year. If I had ever had those 2 Masterchef arses overlooking me while I was trying to do a Jamie's 15 Minute meal in there, I would have gone (even more) mental.
I'd take your angry mandrill over that any bloody day.
Very easy to make it tougher, stage the rounds in a caravan or narrow boat. Or mass catering army style but gourmet food, that can't be very easy.
I've changed my mind about the enraged ape. I'd get a leopard, set it on fire, then unleash it on the fat bloke and his Aussie mate. That'll learn 'em.