[Closed] contacting a never met parent.

Yes, definitely. Good luck.

Yes, but I would not expect it to be easy.

I would, too. In fact I helped an ex contact her natural mother as she had been adopted as a baby. In her case it was only through letters as the mother didn't want to meet but for my ex this was enough for her to quench her curiosity.

Met my sister for the first time recently; I'm 50. It's a bit weird. We were friendly, and got on well enough, but there's still a fifty year old void that can't be filled. I did it out of curiosity and family duty - yet nobody else in my family bothered. Good luck with it!

Yes. Also if you had met. Don't be me and leave it too long.
Don't expect any help from any public services, use a private location service.

I know someone who waivered on making contact with a parent.
When they eventually did decide to make contact, it was too late.
The parent died a couple of months before. 🙁

My Dad (the youngest of three) has never spoken to his biological farther who left when he was still a baby...

My aunt made contact with him a few years ago apparently, and my Dad was still not interested in knowing him, in his words [i]"I had a Dad"[/i] (Who married my Nanna when Dad was about nine and we all knew as Grandad) [i]"Why would I want to meet this person"[/i]... My Aunt dropped the topic straight away, I'm not sure what my uncle (Dad's older brother) chose to do.

I'm assuming my biological Grandfather is dead now, otherwise He'll be well into his 90's, My Dad doesn't seem to regret that choice not to meet his biological Dad, Obviously the rest of us were pretty curious but let the topic go.

I will say this, I love my Dad, He turned out to be a great parent IMO, soft as shite and truly loves his own family. But I do think His own Dad leaving triggered some life long issues, still not dealt with today (He's 64 now). whether or not meeting him might have helped address some of those, or indeed made things worse I really don't know.

But I think everyone is different and the questions you ask yourself have to be:

what do you hope to gain from meeting?
Are you still Angry?
Are you prepared to be let down/disappointed?

My late father's family got in touch when I was small. The families met up. It didn't lead to much more, and contact was lost, I don't know the details. Indeed I barely remember, but it's good to know that contact was made.

Definitely try. Have no expectations. Be prepared to be disappointed. But probably better to try and be disappointed than spend the rest of your life wondering.

(No personal experience BTW, but I seem to know quite a few people who have been there)

Not sure!

I was adopted as a baby and have never traced my biological parents. I'd always said I'd do it when my parents had died, but they seem to keep going.

I think my main hesitation is I have enough to deal with with the trials and tribulations of my own family without adding another set into the mix.

I'm in this situation with a half brother. He could be an utter tosser like me but you never know until you talk to someone/too late when your dead.

Just over half of my cousins are adopted (7 out of 12) and 4 have met their birth parents with mixed results (one came to their wedding and one didnt want anything to do with another cousin) and the other 3 didnt want to know who their birth parents were.
Very individual issue - personally I would want to but then I am a nosy bugger
As Cash says :

Definitely try. Have no expectations. Be prepared to be disappointed. But probably better to try and be disappointed than spend the rest of your life wondering.

All advice above is good, don't know you Ton but your input here suggests you are a good man so all I will say is good luck.

Do whatever you feel is right but decide either way before its too late.

My ex's mother was adopted at birth. She decided to hunt out her biological family when she was about 50.

She was fairly disappointed with how things went with her birth mother, there was nothing between them and she didn't really learn much about herself, but she did get to meet her sister and they are very close now, so it was 100% worth it in her eyes.

Worth noting that it did cause some issues with her adopted parents. They were in their 80's and although they were supportive, they found it quite difficult. I remember it being quite an emotional period generally, lots of highs and lows.

Worth noting that it did cause some issues with her adopted parents. They were in their 80's and although they were supportive, they found it quite difficult. I remember it being quite an emotional period generally, lots of highs and lows.

My Grandmother was separated from her brother after their parents died during the Flu Pandemic after WW1.

He was adopted but she had TB so they wouldn't take her too so she grew up in a children's home.

She would never try and trace him in case 'he'd turned out to be a bad lot'. I think the fear of him not meeting her expectations/bringing shame on her family overrode the desire she had to meet him again. It was her choice and it was a different era - people wouldn't have that concern now.

Personally, I'd make tentative enquiries and take it slowly - I think there's a danger that it all gets too emotional and expectations set too high.

My wife says no - both her and her sister were adopted. Her feeling is it would probably upset her parents and she can't see the benefit (apart from the medical history)

I would just like to add, it is not me approaching my dad. he died 10yrs ago, although I never knew him. he left when I was 1.

I'd say No too. Clearly I'm not in that situation nor do I know what it would be like to spike curiosity. However I do feel that the parent that gave up a child isn't someone I'd really want to know nor get to know.

Whoever involved here I'd suggest that they think long and hard about the meeting and the outfall afterwards.

😕

I would just like to add, it is not me approaching my dad. he died 10yrs ago, although I never knew him. he left when I was 1.

However I do feel that the parent that gave up a child isn't someone I'd really want to know nor get to know.

[i]I think now it is presented as the parent walked away, but there maybe more to it [/i]

There's *always* more to it.

my wife would love the opportunity to meet her father.

long and complicated story, the crux of which is that her mother will not tell her who her father is and she is the only one who knows.

what do you hope to gain from meeting?
Are you still Angry?
Are you prepared to be let down/disappointed?

These are appropriate questions that require serious reflection before acting.

It could open up a huge can of worms. You shouldn't feel obliged to do it but everyone's different (I'm adopted and, although I've considered it, I haven't felt the need).

My mother in-law was a social worker and worked at an adoption society for many years. She has very enlightening perspectives on adoption, fostering, broken/blended families. It's never straightforward, despite the best of intentions.

you have to for closure at least