[Closed] Constipation (I'm so sorry) - what to do?

Guinness and liquorice allsorts.

It's like a maths problem.
Work it out with a pencil.

When our 4 year old doesn't go for a couple of days, we bribe him with a sticker. I can send you one in the post?

Not sure pushing for an investigation would be a good idea.
Might get a prolapse.

Sadly in times of lockdown my favored solution wouldn't work, but have always found going for a swim helps gets things moving

Have you considered salmonella?

I tried it once and shat myself inside out for a solid week.

Lost half a stone too.

Porridge with raisins, prunes and dried apricot.

I thought the STW answer was Picolax?

I can confirm that eating a large bag of dried apricots will get things moving

Don't mess about get the experts in.

Are you allowed coffee? Espresso does the job for me.

Otherwise, sag aloo will make you poo always seems good for clearing out the system.

I knew that this wasn't a good idea; at least it eases the mood. 🙄

Right, I do have a certain degree of sympathy with this. I've recently started on what is basically going to be a lifelong drugs for MS and one thing that I've noticed is that I go to the loo a lot less often that I used to. Whether that is medication related or condition related I don't know but it is something that I'm going to bring up with the nurse next week.

Other than what you are doing with the Fruit and Veg (and I assume no booze) is there any other way of upping the fibre content of your diet and maybe reducing the meat a bit. would taking some over the counter laxatives be a bad thing? Obviously you'd need to check for interactions. If the pain isn't too bad and isn't getting worse then maybe waiting a bit wouldn't be the worst thing in the world. Realistically though is this really the cause of your mood? What I mean is you've clearly had a hell of time over and above what everyone else is feeling so maybe this is just the straw that has broken the camel's back?

Hope you get a resolution soon.

Prunes.

In the spirit of keeping everyone's spirits up, and oversharing, I had terrible constipation while pregnant. I recall a particular occasion when I was in really quite an important meeting but the urge to poo (after days of not) became too great. I excused myself and said I needed to go out for a minute. On the loo, birth was simulated. A Dr with forceps would have been a welcome sight. It would not 'complete'. It wouldn't go out, or back in come to that, and it couldn't be pinched off by sphincter alone. Fun fact: no matter how solid your poo feels like it is when sticking out of your arse in a standoff between bowel and bowl, when you try and snap it off with toilet paper wrapped fingers, it will reveal itself to be quite spreadable. This is not easy to deal with in the comfort of your own home, let alone some posh offices while wearing a suit and with mobility hindered by a small human hitching a ride on the front of you. Some 45minutes later I had achieved sufficient closure to return to the meeting, my tentative sitting, pained face and long absence explained away by me saying that I'd felt faint and headed out for a walk.

After the commute home, upon arrival in my home town, I bought a bag of prunes and ate them all on the walk home. I only just made it there. I recommend eating prunes at home.

Also: don't strain, or you'll get piles. But that's another story.

Olive oil and a length of hose?

Half a page and no mention of the P-word? We're slipping.

Have you considered salmonella?

I tried it once and shat myself inside out for a solid week.

Lost half a stone too.

I'll see that and raise you glandular fever. It was unstoppable from both ends, imagine The Exorcist meets The Human Centipede. I lost two stones in a week and I was only 11 stone to start with.

Hope you feel better soon, PJ.

Hannah, that post might just have elevated this thread into "STW Classic" territory.

Thanks Hannah. Possibly the most horrifying thing I've ever read on here.

Just to clarify, was the small human hitching a ride a baby or another reference to the object of your struggle?

Half a page and no mention of the P-word? We’re slipping.

You're slipping!

I assumed Hannah meant she was pregnant at the time.

Develop IBS-D

Strong coffee and a Marlboro

Half a page and no mention of the P-word? We’re slipping.

ahem... look up

Mrs P ordered me some sugar-free (specifically isomalt, accept no imitation) boiled sweets to help curb my choco craving. I can suck two of them (rhubarb and custard, or a chocolate lime seem to be the best)

As it turns out they can apparently aid digestion. Look up isomalt. Also apparently - if I exceed a couple of them and head into the unknown with say, three or even (sweating profusely at the memory) four of those tasty ‘would-melt-in-your-mouth’-looking little sweets, then all of a suddenness it goes completely Blitz up. And with little warning. A small seismic shift. Then air-sirens. Evacuation. Running, shouting, thunderclaps, all hell begins raining down.

Highly recommended. What’s to lose? The worst that can likely happen is you enjoy some sweets.

IANAD. I give no guarantees. YMMV. Etc.

Hope you feel better soon OP.

I don’t eat much meat, but for my DofE volunteering 20 years ago I did a week on canal restoration. Put up in a village hall, 3 meaty meals a day for a week. Let’s say I got value for money out of the train toilet on the way home after a week of no ‘action’.

When our 4 year old doesn’t go for a couple of days, we bribe him with a sticker. I can send you one in the post?

I hope you mean a sticker!

Just to clarify, was the small human hitching a ride a baby or another reference to the object of your struggle?

Yes, the baby, which proved slightly easier to get out.

You know the answer, I know the answer, we all know the answer.
https://singletrackmag.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/the-picolax-thread-returns/

Chapeau Hannah 🙂

And Hannah's prunes thing is kinda like my dried apricot thing; after a weekend of MTBing in Garrigill, on a diet of beer and flapjack, we stopped in at Tebay services. I thought "my diet's been terrible this weekend, I'll get that big bag of apricots cos that's healthy". Said apricots were all eaten in the next three hours of M6 and M5 between Tebay services and Gloucester. I *just* made it back to the house on the outskirts of Gloucester, up the stairs, into the bathroom, but not *quite* fully sat on the loo before it started...

Oh and antimalarial pills, whilst not making me go more, do make me have *massive* poos when I do go. Like a good three inches sticking back out of the water massive.

Definitely prunes. And lots of them. In my younger days when I was desperate to hold on to my youthful good looks, I heard prunes were good for your skin and ate a whole tin of them. Several hours later I passed pretty much a gallon of pure prune juice. I was on my lunch break from work and only just managed to make it into a Waitrose toilet. Would have been mighty embarrassing otherwise.

Going for a run always made me go too. A number of times I had to make a deposit behind a tree or wherever I could find that offered at least a little cover mid run. Don't know given the circumstances if running is appropriate here.

Last one is linseeds. Back in the day I had a partner who was frequently constipated. We'd go out clubbing on occasion. While she seemed to enjoy the music and dancing and so on, it was having a shite that really did it for her. So disco biscuits might get things moving but again probably not appropriate. Seriously, she was recommended linseeds. Whole linseeds and to seriously up her water intake. She was allergic to seeds so I can't say if they are effective on not but lots online about them.

after a week of no ‘action’

A week? A whole week without a poo? My god that's unholy.

Oh, and, MrsIHN was once on codeine for a while after an op, which bunged her up something rotten. Her first 'go' was the following weekend, coincidentally when I was away on a MTBing trip.

I got a text from her saying she'd been, and that she'd had to go into the garden to find a stick to mush it up with as it wouldn't flush. I definitely didn't share that with my riding buddies, who definitely didn't find it hilarious 🙂

It can help if you use the correct pooing technique.
Sit upright with a very straight back, otherwise you are putting an unwanted bend in your colon. You might try raising your feet up on something so the knees are bent too. Then do slow, deep nasal breathing into your back with width expansion of the chest, slow and controlled in and out breaths whilst trying to keep as relaxed as you can. Little or no pushing and be patient.
As well as eating the prunes or whatever else this might help.

If you can't stand prunes, then them little sugar-free kets they have at the checkout at Aldi are riddled with xylitol.

Someone I know had a whole pack and became more "mobile".

I suspect that the contribution from @cheese@4p is in earnest, but I'm finding it conjures up a mental image that is making me laugh heartily.

A few glasses of salty warm water? Not salty enough to make you sick though.

Any sugar free sweets? like a pack of sf polos Will have me cleared out pretty sharpish.

Bowl of all-bran every morning,let it soak a little to lose its barbed wire like consistency then add a little honey so that it tastes of something.

Double hernia repair plus lots of drugs left me unable to trouble the porcelain for 4 days.
Had to resort to inserting suppositories up my arse with my middle finger.
Thought nothing of it for about 15 minutes, about the time it took to scrub my middle free of the particularly nasty smell of matured shite

Then O. M. G. Full throttle discharge without any need to push the offending Richards down to the pool. Which having had the hernias wasn't really an option

Even when i thought i was empty, there was an encore, which thudded down onto the ever growing volcano of poo.

Would it flush, would it hell. First go had the water swirling up by the seat and an eddy currant of Mr Henky the xmas poo dancing in a sombre, mocking possession around the bowl

5 or 6 goes and all was clean and tidy

Doesnt help you im afraid, but be aware my dad died of a twisted colon that started out as you described with not alor of return for the effort involved, then a gradual decrease to just brown water. Hospital tried surgery but post op infection got him in the end.

@cheese@4p

@stwhannah

Since this is going downhill , here is my contribution

I was in hospital last year for a operation. Anyway the combination of the anaesthetic plus pain relief meant that I was seriously bunged up. Discomfort was being replaced with pain and I was getting very stressed. I was due to be sent home but that could not happen until I had passed a stool.

So the nurse made an executive decision and two glycine suppositories later I found myself making a swift (or as swift as I could) sprint in the direction of the toilet. After an initial pause, I had the longest ever dump in my life. No control it just flowed. From my point of view I was glad it was someone else's waste system

The only real indignity was having a nurse stuff the suppositories 'up there'. But by that time any dignity had gone, 4 days in hospital gowns will do that for you!

A cod liver oil capsule and then nip it in the bud.

If it is hard enough could you not use a corkscrew to get a grip?

After my good lady's not so good purchase of 'low sugar' Heinz Tomato Soup, I'd recommend a couple of tins of that and you'll be flowing nicely.

Or the more medical approach, try some Cosmocol. I use it occasionally when I need a couple of days on co-codamol for back pain.

Isn't the instant bomb of pure laxative, more like it allows for easing out over a couple of days.

Amazon reviews are good for sugar free gummy bears.
It started subtly at first, almost like a slight tingly sensation in my lower abdomen. I thought nothing of it, assuming my intestines were just doing their thang. Little did I know that my intestines were trying desperately to warn me of the horror that was on the horizon.
By question 9 it happened again, but this time it was followed by a sharp pain, as if those infernal hellions had orchestrated an attack upon my colon. I fought to contain the groan that tried escaping my lips. It was at this point I began to panic; something was going horribly long, and I needed to get through this test before it got any worse.
By question 14 my worst fear was upon me; the Satan bears' burning, hot, liquidy dark magic crashed against my anal sphincter like a tidal wave. I was able to close the hatch just in time, but those relentless, toxic bears beat against it like Orcs breaking down the doors of Helm's Deep. I knew I wouldn't be able to so much as shift in my seat without risking a breach.

Having read Hannah's post a couple of times I'm still chuckling. Just wish that I'd not had tea a few minutes beforehand.

My sugggestion for the OP is to pop into Aldi and buy a couple of packets of their sherbet lemons. They're usually on the impluse shelf near the tills. I love sherbet lemons and Aldi's are quite nice. If you read the carton they mention a laxative effect if you consume too many. What they don't specify is how many are too many. Sadly, I only found this out later.

The packs are quite small and I popped a couple in the car. Feeling peckish, but not wanting to break my journey home from my visiting my sister, I remembered the sweets.

I must have sucked my way through a pack anf a half prpbably fewer sweets than if I'd bought a quarter lb (113.5 grammes for our younger readers) of the rascals from the sweet shop.

Very nice they were too. Within an hour it felt like the bottom had fallen out of my world, when in fact it was the other way around.

A good clear out for £1.98. Bargain.

Develop IBS-D

No don't IBS is overrated, I can vouch for that.

I came to recommend sugar free gummy bears. They should airdrop those things in to war zones. Troops could wander in the day after and just see the enemy combatants curled in to balls, covered in their own poo, crying whilst bitterly regretting eating the free sweets that fell from heaven the previous day.

I’m in the midst of my second dose of Covid. Wouldn’t recommend it, but it’s definitely cleared me out when I’ve had the audacity to attempt to eat anything other than dry toast.

Since this is going downhill

It's not, that's the issue!

Increase water intake. Take Vitamin C. Take Magnesium Citrate.

Agreed @gordimhor !

Stay hydrated

(But lol at the pencil gag!!)

Get some glycerin suppositories from the chemist - about £2 a box.

Shove one up and lie down until it literally feels like a thermo nuclear reaction is going on in your backside - then shuffle to the nearest bog ASAP and prepare to be amazed. You may wish to put some loud music on to save others from hearing your distress.

Whatever you do, DO NOT wait for them to work more than 10m away from a bog. Anything more than a shuffle will have spectacularly bad consequences - including trying to walk up the stairs.

The problem is that it’s really affecting my mood & mental health (possibly exacerbated by the rapid decline in heart health) and I’m finding myself incredibly low.

This for me is one of the real issues. Being in a similar place, these things can have a huge negative impact. Take care dude.

I was in hospital for a week after breaking my spine. Plenty of painkillers, which didn't seem to do very much except bung me up completely. For most of that week I was very glad that I had no urge to do a poo, on account of the fact that I couldn't sit up never mind get to a loo. By the end of the week, though, s**t was getting real.

I'd been trying various low grade laxatives, but in the end agreed to a suppository. I tried applying it myself, but, you know, broken spine, quite tricky. So I had to ask a nurse to do it. One of several non-fun aspects of that week. He reluctantly agreed, and it eventually took effect, though luckily in a not-too-exciting way. I made it to the loo via my zimmer frame. Managed to sit down and do the deed, but then couldn't get up. Waited a while, tried a few times but holy crap, broken spines hurt. Eventually I pulled the alarm cord thingy for some help. But nobody came. Took about half an hour before someone came and helped me off the loo. Not my finest hour.

A few years later I was visiting a friend in the same hospital, and I recognised the nurse but couldn't place him at first. Then I remembered! I'm not sure if he remembered me or not, might have just had a good poker face, or might not have been desperate to chat about "that time he stuck something up my bum".

On a serious note constipation can be a symptom of colon cancer.

When i worked in the NHS got told by a nurse freind that a patient they had at A and E, suffering from constipation, it appears he had been told to get some Mentos, mint sweets as they acted as a laxative, or some suppositories, he got the 2 mixed up and swallowed the laxatives, and then inserted a whole packet of Mentos up, his bum, wrapper and all.

He made a good recovery she said.

Love the Picolax thread, remember when it was unfolding (emptying out?) as a thread, used to read it on the throne 👍

When on on my low carb diet I get pretty bad constipation.

I also have an "anal fissure". I keep meaning to take a selfie of that but can't cope with selling a miniature grand canyon so haven't as yet.

Suffice it to say that when laying down a major tarmac A road it's really painful.

I've often resorted to rolling up the hand towel to bite down upon as I push. I'd like to day im exaggerating but I'm really not.

I go industrial for relief and buy Ducolax from the shop/chemist.

Dear God poopscoop, that adds so many levels to your username.
Sounds awful

To counteract the effects of oro-morph (good stuff), paracetamol and other analgesics after my recent TURP I was given Lactulose and Senna-kot regularly. It worked very well with 3 doses of Lactulose and 2 of senna daily. You really don't want to be straining with a metre or so of catheter in your nether regions.

Develop IBS

This - hardly had a solid dump since the early 90s.

but it is something that I’m going to bring up with the nurse next week.

U'r doin it rong. 🙃

chuckling at several of these.

From my side, when getting ready to go out on the bike, the one thing that's guaranteed to get things moving is

- not the first cup of tea

- not the bowl of porridge

- not the cup of espresso

but pull the straps of my bib shorts over my shoulders and put a jersey over the top..... and guaranteed 5 mins later I'll be getting undressed again. It doesn't matter if it's 5 minutes or an hour since the last intake, there must be a nerve in my collarbones that gets triggered!

Honorary mention for dried apricots, as long as they are packaged in a protective (sulphide) atmosphere. My farts can then strip wallpaper.

After 3 lots of being taped to a bed and fed various morphine based snacks and iron tablets along with various other sweeties I can feel your pain.

1st one was my back. Couldn't go lieing down despite assistance. Was admitted Monday by Friday I'd had enough. So the doc agreed if I got up un assisted I could go home. So I did.

Lift home from my mum (I was 21) in rush hour traffic was a test by the time I reached the bathroom it was coming. It was like chemical warfare. It was unspeakable.

So so bad.

Any way had a shower and went the pub. Guinness wasnt the smartest idea. But hey.

2nd stay was when I did my pelvis. Again lying down with your right hip in fragments wedged on a bed pan isn't conducive to getting your balloon knot to loosen.

Had to beg the ward nurse for crutches and I hobbled to the loo. That was about 9days bed bound on a diet of looseners plus iron tablets and other stuff. I sort of knew what was coming. Made my 1st experience feel like a nice day out. It was green and corrosive.

Not helped by the fact I couldn't actually wipe proper as I couldn't bend.

Anyway.

Try sugar free sweets

At the risk of providing advice rather than hilarity:

Go see your pharmacist (some are better than others so if you get crap results (boom boom!)- try another one. Don't go in an ask for laxatives, or saying you've got constipation. Take all the details of your meds and go and ask them for advice. They love to feel that patients recognise their expertise rather than being fancy shop assistants. Most (all?) have a little consulting room - not sure how they are doing that with covid, but ask if you could have a proper chat even if you have to come back (they'll not want to delay the methadone punters!). A good pharmacist should be able to listen to the issues you have, look at the meds you are on and either suggest some changes (perhaps moving from one drug to a very similar one with a different side effect profile) or suggest some over the counter or pharmacy only fixes for long term or short term use or tell you that its very unlikely to be caused by the meds and then you can go see the doc.

We vastly undervalue the expertise pharmacists have, often assuming they just dish out what the doc writes down and therefore the doc is the expert. Speak to any pharmacist and they'll tell you they correct prescribing mistakes every day (wrong dose, wrong meds, incompatible meds). Thats not to criticise the docs, they've had to learn the whole body, diagnosis, treatment, surgery, medication etc whilst the pharmacists "just" have to do meds - so really do it in depth. Go to a hospital and in the more specialist medical departments, you may find that the pharmacist is on the ward or clinic helping the docs make instant prescribing decisions.

It’s like a maths problem.
Work it out with a pencil.

You need a piece of paper too. The paper you'll find a use for afterwards.

but pull the straps of my bib shorts over my shoulders and put a jersey over the top….. and guaranteed 5 mins later I’ll be getting undressed again. It doesn’t matter if it’s 5 minutes or an hour since the last intake, there must be a nerve in my collarbones that gets triggered!

The collarbone nerve theory is a definite possibility. Even if I've already been. Sometimes needs a second outer layer to go on over the bib shorts.

but pull the straps of my bib shorts over my shoulders and put a jersey over the top…..

Oh this. Sooo much this

I find that making a huge mistake has bowel clearing effects.

Conspiring to cock up the booking of the registrar for my wedding very nearly caused me to turn inside out.

As it happens it wasn't my fault, but it took a good 10 minutes of frantic email checking to verify this, by which time I was well on the way to an express weight loss situation.

If you can't manage that I would suggest roasted onions.

@STWhannah. Thanks for sharing.

@STWhannah. Thanks for OVER sharing.

Genuinely made me laugh, particularly, 'doesn't matter how firm you THINK it is' 🙂

Goji berries don't seem have had a mention on here, my wife had a big handful once and spent a while regretting that.

For me almost everything works, Cabbage, Beetroot, beer, coffee, beans nearly kill me, lentils don't even go there, grapes the list is endless, as is the amount of time I spend in the loo!

Am thinking this thread should appear on the stw Facebook group.
Go on stw dare you....

Okaay,

Last summer I started having a great deal of difficulty producing anything other than wind and the occasional little pea sized poop. I assumed I had IBS so started changing my diet....I even cut out beer for a while. Then I went to the pharmacist who recommended Senokot tablets. Anyway, nothing worked and after a few months of trying different remedies I reluctantly folded (didn't want to bother the NHS during the Covid crisis), and contacted my doctor where I was quickly diagnosed with bowel cancer.

Now, I'm obviously not saying that's your problem, but I'm still suffering bouts of severe constipation (Trevor's a bit of a whopper and causing a fair blockage), even during my current chemotherapy, and the one over the counter remedy that does seem to help is Senekot. Even when I've been on the hefty co-codamols and liquid morphine, which are notorious butt-plugs, it's still allowing me to squeeze something past the bugger.

I'd contact your local pharmacist, explain what you're currently taking and why, and see what they recommend. But Senekot, for all it's a natural remedy, works very well for me, the current King of Constipation.

Oh, and get well soon buddy!

Craig xx

Oof.
I hope your treatment is going well craig.
Fingers crossed for the future

STWhannah:

It would not ‘complete’. It wouldn’t go out, or back in come to that, and it couldn’t be pinched off by sphincter alone.

Just to say that the technical term for this situation is: having shitten off more than one can poo.

over and out...

Go to a hospital and in the more specialist medical departments, you may find that the pharmacist is on the ward or clinic helping the docs make instant prescribing decisions.

My wife is a lead pharmacist in a large hospital and does exactly this. To a lesser degree now due to Covid19 restrictions on the wards.

Good luck

https://ourcommunitynow.com/local-culture/hysterical-amazon-reviews-of-haribo-sugar-free-gummi-bears-are-just-what-we-needed-right-now

^ that Euan gif is disturbing...

Not me but while on a "gentlemans" holiday in Spain in the 1980s a friend ate about a square metre of pizza while drunk...

Got bunged up for a few days but didn't stop drinking, eating etc so went to the pharmacy with our best Spanish.. "i is bunged up Por favour" and got what appeared to be a laxative with the instructions of 2 a day.. three days later nothing, so he doubled up the dose.

We found him that day in the bathroom, he was sat on the pot giving it a big push and had blacked out, fell off the pot hit his head on the shower and "relaxed" the bathroom floor was inches deep in shit. He had shit himself unconscious