[Closed] Colleagues past and present with odd habits

Elliott the tree man - You could tell the day of the week by counting the sweat rings on his armpits.

The puffs of cigarette smoke over the cabinets that told you the regional manager was at his desk.

Good to know you're still alive Derek.

A guy who worked in a foil tent under his office desk to escape wifi and microwaves

Then there was a guy (contractor too) who discretely built model aircraft, working under the cover of his desk; hands whirring away and popping up for glue.

Hate to break it to you…

There was one bloke whose [edit, redacted as some people will be eating]
Eventually got the hint after leaving the bog brush on his desk a few times.

This is all fairly run of the mill apart from tinfoil man.

One colleague was a lovely chap BUT there had been an office move. His main house was back in Yorkshire and his flat was not well appointed. Anyway he clearly always had a bath on Sunday, and you could tell how far through the working week we were by the smell (sniff sniff THURSDAY!!).

One guy not only was careless with personal hygiene, but ate tuna for lunch, and would leave the half eaten remains in the office all afternoon IN SUMMER. The rest of us flinging open windows never registered with him.

Whoever picked their nose and slick the bogies to the back of the door of the single.shared.loo.

The guy who did pullups holding on to the roof of the covered parking - much to our amusement as our windows overlooked.

I *was* Fyffes Stickers but it was apples/clementines and my computer.

The unisex changing rooms at work were a bit spartan and the hair dryers were useless so one colleague would book a meeting room and dry her hair in there. Enterprising I thought!

One bloke asked if he could bring his swords into the office. Funnily enough everyone said no.... Sorry, NOOOO.

Colleague who I shared an office with had a severe OCD cleanliness habit. Opened doors and touched stuff through 'tissue' must have gone through loads. Made you feel dirty as she'd not touch anything we'd touched. I even got sent home because I had a cold - really shocked me as I'd never had this anywhere else. She married a guy in the office, then, like you do, became pregnant. I just thought, well, baby will clear her OCD pretty quickly.

Plenty of places where folks personal hygiene and toilet antics were shocking. One instance, a shared loo had been left with large amounts of splatter, no tissue in sight. TBH, I cleaned it up as that wasn't fair on the cleaners, and as I was pretty senior at work, fired an email round all staff saying please leave the loo as you'd like it to be found - that was in a construction company. This still goes on in a Uni in staff loos where I work and even in 'ladies' loos, according to my colleagues - some right tramps about.

[i]One colleague was a lovely chap BUT there had been an office move. His main house was back in Yorkshire and his flat was not well appointed. Anyway he clearly always had a bath on Sunday, and you could tell how far through the working week we were by the smell (sniff sniff THURSDAY!!)[/i]

Sounds like Elliot the Tree man apart from Elliott was at his main home but still only needed to shower on a Friday night before going out on the pull where apparently he never failed but had always dumped them by Saturday as they were just slags

I used to work with a bloke that always had a tangerine during lunch.

Whatevs, I hear you say.

Well get this, his wife(presumably) would always pre-peel his tangerine then wrap it in clingfilm for him.

Wtaf

It's people like that you just know do really freaky things behind closed doors.

Tbh when I worked in the uni, at least 50% of all the staff were unhinged. And yep I know which half I was in.

My old boss had loads of little tics but the one I like the most is that he signed literally every card at work with "Hang loose". Birthday, wedding, leaving, "hang loose". Congratulations on your child? That's, uh, are you sure you want to say that "Hang loose" oh well. So one year we wrote him a birthday card where everyone wrote Hang Loose and he was massively, epicly offended.

(the same guy got me a birthday cake and a beer one year because I was working on my birthday for a big event. Nice thought. He knew I was coeliac, but just in case, I asked him "is this gluten free?" "No", he says, "So, you'll have to be careful". Careful- like, drink around the gluten? Maybe pick it out of my teeth and put it back on the plate? So I gave the cake away to some of the students that were working for me and the beer to one who was also having a birthday, and he was massively, epicly offended about that too.)

This still goes on in a Uni in staff loos where I work and even in ‘ladies’ loos, according to my colleagues – some right tramps about.

Having worked in various restaurants and retail as a young impressionable youth I learned that women can destroy a toilet as competently as any man, some folk were clearly dragged up 🤮

Just remembered Dave - or Pumpkin as was his nickname due to the size and colour of his head.

He worked in the reprographics room (only a %age are still with me) and one day decided to bring in his .44 magnum Ruger Redhawk revolver and 30-06 Marlin hunting rifle. Legally owned and brought into work sans ammo. He did upset poor Jane when she looked up from her desk to see him pointing the Ruger at her and making "peeeowwww" sounds AND simulating recoil...

would always pre-peel his tangerine

Where he did buy two-skinned tangerines?

Some of the stuff here!! - https://generallucifer.wordpress.com/

Richard.

Richard once cut his own hair at his desk with a pair of paper scissors and looked like a concentration camp victim.

When I left the job, Richard signed my leaving card as you would expect but also cellotaped some toe nail clippings to the card.

Place I worked at a chap cut his nails at the desk next to me.

Same place of work had weekly emails to all staff complaining about the state of the women’s toilets (won’t go in to detail) this was healthcare/NHS!

Amazing Dave

I remember smoking in offices and boozy lunches, lots of folks did that but it seems unthinkable (illegal in the case of the former) in most work places today.

I worked with a bloke who would pick his nose and eat it. He did this while you were there with him and either didn't care or didn't realise how gross it was, or perhaps he did it unconsciously.

I worked with a body builder who ate a tin of fish every lunch time and put the tin under the seat of the van when done. Pretty honking by the end of the week and we soon got him out of that habit.

And there was an old gardener at one of my summer jobs who whistled constantly, only stopping when he was speaking or doing something particularly energetic. He'd lied about his age to get into the army in WWII and ended up in North Africa. I turned 20 while working there and when I told him he stopped whistling long enough to tell me he'd spent his 20th birthday 'chasing Rommel across the desert'. Put me in my place.

Thinking about it though the genuinely quirky are few and far between in my recollections. Nice people, funny people, total nonentities, arseholes, bullies all the usual cast of workplace characters but few real eccentrics.

his wife(presumably) would always pre-peel his tangerine then wrap it in clingfilm for him.

My mum did this for me at school - knew she had to remove obstacles to me eating fruit.

We've had the OCD lady. She'd leave for the day, get as far as the lift, come back, check her desk, leave again... So of course the office scamps but wait til she left, rearrange her desk and watch her fluster when she came back. Bit cruel.

And the old boys who fall asleep at their desk, that's always amusing. Oh, reminds me of another one - the guy who gets shunted around departments because he doesn't fit in anywhere. That'll be because he falls asleep, snores, and in slumping on his desk manages to wheel his chair backwards until it goes bump into something / someone. Also, in falling asleep, his fingers would rest on a random key. So you'd find emails and documents from him with just a string of letterssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss. We called him Wolfbag for some reason I forget.

Hey there,

Great thread. Oddball habits ahem I work in Software engineering. There are two types of software engineers. Ones with a personality and the others. One guy wore shorts and t-shirt no matter the weather or even time of year. I've had some sandals and brown jumpers and trousers.
My personal favourite was one that always drunk Absinth on nights out, complete loony 😉
The best one was the one that got a written warning for talking to tit5. Even on his interview he got a warning for doing it. In the end his was fired for something else.
I did like one of my ex colleagues that had model soldiers on his desk and he used to play war games with them during the day.

Sadly now software engineers are becoming more normal so less chance to take the piss ;-(

JeZ

Ricardo - Ric was a party boy. Ric regularly did a couple of lines of coke on a Thursday and Friday lunchtime. Ric was very hard to manage towards the end of the week.

Donna - Donna had the nickname "Floater", I don't need to elaborate.

Ali - Ali never, and I mean never turned up on time and almost always left early. Ali was never fired or so much of a warning. It turns out Ali regularly slept with the married MD and so could do what the hell she wanted.

Matt - Matt was a lovely fella, but Matt used to run 5 miles into work. And not shower when he got there. Matt stunk.

I fear someone will pop up soon with the story about the caretaker who periodically disabled the flush in the female toilets......

🤮🤢🤮🤢

United supporting Scouser who used to hover around and just join in a conversation I'd be having with someone else. Wondered why I didn't like him.

20 something lad who wore a neck scarf everyday.

50 plus Scouse boss with a SpongeBob obsession.

Wolfman - probably posts on here. 😉

Regional manager who would hold epic grudges for the slightest of things. Leeds based orienteering arse.

Another regional mgr had various dietary needs and always complained despite me bending over backwards to accommodate. Had a complex about her son who earned far more than her.

Sorry these are more therapeutic rants 😝

used to work with a guy (he was a good lad) who used buy the daily star every day thinking it was a real news paper.

Chap drives into work car park and switches off ignition to freewheel 50 foot to park under same tree for 6 years i was there.

another chap, would suddenly do some work when management where around, didnt do anything any other time,

Industrial setting, every morning at 07.30 chap would go to the bog, despite only starting work @07.00 hrs.

Eccentric bloke used to cycle 15 miles each way to work dressed in lycra and a cycling top and wolly hat every day,got advised by a fellow lady management wouldnt be to happy if seen, a few weeks later management turned up at home time, and said you look fit, bet to get home now to avoid the rush. Thats me eccentric.

Industrial site, fellow worker, far and unfit sweated like a leaking cullender full of smelly pooh, every summer was a nightmare, as i think he only had a shower on his day off.

I worked with Mr Derek Starship (of this parish) for 20 years, albeit on a different floor as Sales were kept away from the animals in Engineering, and can confirm that The Belcher was an absolute disgrace.

However, I had the dubious misfortune of having to work with him for weeks on end at one of our German offices and he was a different bloke. Polite, courteous and on the brink of charming with none of the explosive burping. Therefore his vile antics back home were clearly a statement of the contempt he had for his colleagues. His jacket did look like it was made out of cockroaches.

Also there was the complete piss pot who would down 2 litres of booze cunningly hidden in a Lilt bottle everyday. I used to have to do customer trials in the lab with him and we would shut him in the plant room where he would sleep it off.

And the Service Manager who delighted in telling tales about hookers and punch ups whilst working away.

Also the guy who would chain smoke cigars that I had to share a drive from Manchester to Aberdeen with whilst listening to him explaining how to fiddle my expenses so that it wouldn't make his claim look out of place.

Sadly* these characters are now long dead**.

* not really

** The Belcher is still alive apparently

We had a poo artist who would leave well formed stools perfectly positioned on the sinks or window sill of the toilet. Never found out who, found in both male and female toilets.

A former boss had a very odd method often when drinking a hot beverage- a very much two-stage process of sticking the tongue out and placing brim of mug onto tongue, then raising the whole assembly extravagantly.
I often mimic this for a laugh at home or in the pub with a pint.
He had loads of mileage in him.
He enforced a particularly quiet 'no chit-chat' working environment in the open-plan office but would regularly have personal related calls with his girlfriend about their failing relationship more than loud enough for everyone to hear...

I worked with a body builder who ate a tin of fish every lunch time and put the tin under the seat of the van when done. Pretty honking by the end of the week and we soon got him out of that habit

Umm... did he eat rice cakes with it?

When I moved to London from Fish and Ricecakeshire, I was that colleague. I worked with a load of Italians who couldn't understand a word I said. I'd never had olives before and got addicted to them, and would buy a kilo of kalamatas from the Greek grocers on the way to work and finish the lot before going home.

Office manager who had toys (sorry, models)  of various road building and earth moving vehicles (Cranes, back-hoes, that sort of thing) which were arranged carefully in colour coordinated displays around his shelves, we would go into his office before regular meetings and move them about...Then bet on how long it would 1. take him to notice...and 2. get up and move them back.

Umm… did he eat rice cakes with it?

🙂

I worked with a guy who would always answer the phone in about half a second stating the company name and department in a formal way, then transfer the phone to the person on the team they wanted to speak to. If the person calling wanted to speak to him he would put them on hold for a few seconds and then answer the phone again in a different voice. We think he wanted to make it look like he had a secretary.

The same guy also got a wireless headset and would wander around the office whilst he talked on the phone, including into the toilet and take a piss.

Is this one of those situations where if you you can't think of a colleague with odd habits, that person is probably you?

I'm unable to fully contribute to this thread as I still need a job, but nothing lasts forever.

Anyway, I've never formally worked with any real freaks or geeks at my other job.

Once we had a stand-in Manager, always mad keen to please everyone, always offering a pub lunch for an outstanding "days work" at about 10am, tuned out to be a recovering alcoholic who'd been off for 12 months to dry out, lapsed 2 hours back into work. Really sad story actually, he was a nice guy, but the job was just too stressful to be compatible with his sobriety. I wish we'd known.

Mostly though I liked hearing the stories from the old boys, they'd be late 40s / early 50s at the time (20 years ago) they all retired at 55 so they'd be 15 years retired by now, with another couple of decades left if they look after themselves.

One infamous guy I never met was actually the Dad of one of the old Boys, the best manager ever apparently. He used to ring the office between 10am and 11am every day say "How's it going? Okay, I'll have a shit and be down now" He'd work midday to about 4pm. Inflation corrected, he was probably on £75k a year, plus bonuses and shares.

Another Guy who I really liked was a 'sly old Dog'. We were based in Cardiff and our 'patch' was the bottom half of Wales, There used to be an Office in Haverford West, when they closed that one, the Boss got pensioned off, and my Mate was appointed the interim Boss for 3 months to keep an eye on things whilst it was being closed down and manage the two others who were being paid off. That was in the early 1990s. Fast forward to 2005, he's still being paid a managers salary (£75k in todays money). He works from home, 100s of miles from anyone else. Does about 30% of the workload of anyone else. Rumour has it, he worked about 2 hours a day at most. He had a decent set of repeat clients, who give him enough business to make a couple of multiples of his salary, if not even close to his target. He was all but unmanageable and all but unsackable. Finally in 2008 when the Banking world was ending and we were being swallowed up by another part of the bank, who was in turn being swallowed by another, it was almost like he'd be suddenly noticed by higher ups desperately looking for savings, or at least on-paper savings anyway. THEY MADE HIM REDUNDANT. So, he's 55/56 at this point, had been working for the Bank since he was 21, he's earning a managers salary and they lay him off. Our Redundancy terms were 3 weeks salary for every full years service, it might have been capped, but if it was it was WAAAAY more than the £30k tax free cap. His protentional pay out of was around £140k, plus he was due for retirement anyway. To give you an idea of who generous the Bank pension scheme was, I worked there from 2000 to 2009, my Pension from that job will pay me £700 a month if I retire at 65, the Nest pension I joined when auto-enrolment started will pay me £400 a month after 25 years of contributions.

Then there were always tales of late-night repossessions involving a Lotus Eclat, hitting a dead sheep at 100mph in said Eclat and nearly destroying it. The losing a Terex Excavator worth £250k that got tracked to Eastern Europe, Court cases with local Car Sales owners over fictitious Ferraris.

I'm sure if any of my former colleagues were on here they'd have some stuff to stay about me.. I peel my own oranges [i]every day[/i] though 🙂

Used to work with an ex-army guy, would get very angry if anyone suggested he was former TA. His desk always covered in photos of him holding guns and in camo gear. His nickname was actually Captain America because he used to arse lick the yank teams to within an inch of their lives. Amazingly he used to say he was the "morale and humour officer" of the dept, even though everyone hated him and he was the least funny person I've ever known.

Funny bloke, this was back in the 90s, used to pretend he was a real ladies man and then go on chat boards (early days of the web) and chat up gay guys giving them big fake stories about his life. Quite sad really, but we thought it was amusing to set a capture programme running so we could check his online activity. He was a sweet chap really, but quite bizarre and a habitual liar.

I worked in an in-house publicity dept once and a bloke used to come from head office a mile away just to have subsidised bacon cobs from our little cafe/food hatch at the end of the office. A big fat horrible guy who didn't change his shirts very often and they got worse with every greasy bacon, mushroom and red sauce cob he'd stuff down his gob (10 a week that we knew of). He'd suck and lick his fingers clean when done, then rub his hands on his trousers before whipping out his fags and drowning the office in fag smoke - just the thought of him makes me recoil. He bragged to a few of us once how 'I was banging this bird that hard I broke my cock'. From that point he was forever (secretly) known as Splitter Murray 🙂

Butcher I worked with a number of years back had a habit of talking to himself in the chill, only it wasn't just talking, it sounded like he was having a conversation. Freaked suppliers out something crazy, they'd bring stuff in and he's in the chill muttering away.

A mate told me of a guy he worked with in the plant hire game, mate was the manager. Anyway, he got a lift one cold and frosty morning and the guy pulls up in the works van and my mate is about to jump into the passenger seat when this guy said 'watch the heater' The "Heater" was a saucepan full of methylated spirits he had alight and sitting on the passenger footwell. Needless to say my mate sacked him.

I'm more worried about what colleges past and present would say about me... 🙉🙊🙈

Many years ago the company I worked out got a new operations manager. Seemed reasonable, a bit boring perhaps. After a week he started talking about his hobby, film making. Mainly to the young women. He was quite upfront about the films involving taking your clothes off. Strangely, he was let go rather quickly.

Same as Stripeysocks I also had this -> One bloke asked if he could bring his swords into the office. Funnily enough everyone said no…. Sorry, NOOOO.
Same guy also brought a huge (live) snake to the office in some kind of canvas snake sack.

I had a colleague at a reserach institute , who was a scouser out of water in rural cambridgshire, he was always getting into altercations on nights out, jovial at first, steadily got worse, everyone was always wary of taking the piss in case he snapped (his hobbies were speed & weighlifting)

one day he went to the local market town at lunch and got in a fight with an old guy over a parking space

in his own words 'this guy got all excited about over a parking space, so I tapped him on the nose, he fell back in his car, but this didnt calm him down and he started shouting at me again, so I tapped him on the nose again' then he shut up

his (soon to be ex) girlfreind (also worked with us) was with him and mortified, police got involved, she refused to lie for him , it was quite sad really he ended up ****g everything up & moving back to liverpool

I had a girl working for me that was nicknamed Metal Gear Solid. She was Italian, and permanently in a world of her own, and if you ever did manage to get her attention, she uttered a slightly startled "Huh?" Like the guards in Metal Gear Solid when they spotted you.

In finance there was Woody. A woman who for some reason dressed like Woody from Toy Story. She also used to dry her hair every morning in the stairwell next to the lifts. Utterly bizarre.

I was working on a railway geotechnical site in Oban in 2010, it was pretty cold over night (-18°C) and the water in the portacabin toilet froze. None of the manky f***s seemed to mind and there was soon a cone of s**t poking out above the seat. The next night there was crap sneered down the cistern lid. I complained to the site supervisor who stormed into the drying room demanding to know who it was. Up stands XXXX who matter of fact states he used the cistern lid as an elevated device seat her then returned cistern lid to its rightful place. Luckily I was on a different site after Christmas.

Of all the places I worked, nothing beats the local branch of Burger King for craziness.
One total nightmare of a guy stole the scooters we delivered burgers with (signwritten). If that wasn't enough, also robbed a weeks cash from the safe in full view of the security cameras. There was a drug dealer who's customer nearly died in the toilets. A 'Manager' who caused utter carnage on a daily basis, setting fire to the grill twice in a week.
Most of the female colleagues had an eating disorder.
Company went bust in the end.

Alcoholic purchasing manager who always wore dark glasses because his eyes were a combination of red and yellow. Collapsed one afternoon in the office after a lunchtime session and received emergency liver treatment. Signed himself out of hospital to go on hols to Spain. Died from alcohol poisoning. They had to whip-round to pay for his body to be repatriated as insurance wouldn’t cover it.

Doug ‘the rug’ because of his hairpiece - never knew his real name.

Worked for an MD known as Santa as Christmas was the only time he came out of his office.

The bloke who spent most nights in the Printworks casino. He'd kip on the sofas in there then come straight back to work in the morning. He'd buy a new shirt, socks and snappers on the way in if he'd won.

The bloke who died at his desk.

The mad fantasist/fascist Pole who reckoned he fought private Judo matches for audiences Russian oligarchs. Also, most amusingly, turned out to be a bigamist.

Currently, we have the guy who lives in a camper van on the works car park, the guy on £18,000 a year who drives a Roller and the ex top Man U hooligan who's banned from every football ground in England.

Worked for a guy who insisted on him driving to every meeting even when a train or a plane would’ve been a better option. Not so bad, however, he had a driving habit of not seen before or seen again since. He would drive up and slightly over the speed limit, put it in neutral, then coast down to 20mph under the speed limit, find the closest appropriate gear, and repeat. He insisted his modern efficient Audi (early 2000’s) was much more efficient if he did this regardless of it adding 30% onto travel time. If you’re reading this, you Sir are a total mentalist.

Back in my restaurant days I worked with an amazing guy who had no boundaries shock-wise. He thought it was funny to run around with a pineapple ring on his todger - and he was right!

Many years ago had a girl on site universally known as BJ. Very popular - and very good 😉

He was quite upfront about the films involving taking your clothes off.

One of our "if restarting doesnt work then lets reinstall the OS" team did specialist photography as a hobby for a while but managed to both turn it into a job and married one of the models.
Had a manager who randomly fell asleep which always improved their performance. Although seeing them go for a run one lunchtime was special. It was like a new born giraffe being chased by a tiger.
Also had someone who managed to acquire a spare door card and use to disappear half the day to go and visit a Buddhist monastery to meditate or something. Probably helped they had the manager mentioned above.

I currently park my bike at work near a guy who has completely wrapped his bike (very neatly it must be said) in inner tubes. Even the forks. I can tell that it's an MTB, has a 2x setup and hydraulic brakes but that's pretty much it. He's a nice enough guy... but i can't bring myself to ask WTAF are you doing?

Not person specific, but a few years back we had a bit of a fly infestation in an office area out the back of one of the hospitals i work at. I figured they were fruit fly, but did think it a little odd that they were always present. For weeks. Eventually someone worked out (shudder) that the contractors that collect the feminine hygiene bins at the hospital weren't coming to the office.

Most annoying was the prick Tim who would offer to make me a cup of tea and then stir it with the same spoon that he used for his coffee! Still consider him a mate.

he started talking about his hobby, film making. Mainly to the young women. He was quite upfront about the films involving taking your clothes off.

A colleague told us about a friend of his who had made such a (solo) video as she needed some money, and to avoid her friends finding out by accident she had a special premiere of the movie at her flat. He realised he was sat on the sofa that she was performing on.

A few weeks later his friend joined our sales team. No way would I have wanted to see what he'd seen....

I worked with a guy who never wore shoes. He'd just cut about in socks all day. One day I asked why, and he said it was comfy. I tried, and it was indeed comfy.

I now work somewhere else, and the occasional confused look from a visitor reminds me that now, I'm that weird guy who doesn't wear shoes in the office (need boots on the shop floor, because swarf etc)...

Kenny the cleaner. Lived with his sister and on his early finish day he would get a bottle or two of cream Sherry from the barrel in the off licence. He was always ashen faced the next morning and had the shakes.
Another chap died first day of his holiday in the local shop. He never did get to do his 50 years. The pension arrangements were good enough that he should have retired when I started.

Had a woman on site that featured in a Readers Wives section of a porn mag back in the day. Scary sight I have to say but she didn't seem to care.

A guy in our office left his wife and had nowhere to live, so he worked late and then hid when security came round, and had smuggled a sleeping bag into the boiler room. He lived in the office for a month before he was found out, and only them because people noticed that someone was nicking coffee overnight.

Being a cycle commuter person, it was always annoying when, every few weeks, the factory's shower used to fail to drain. Water was ankle deep by the time you'd finished washing.
Then one day someone caught Alfie the computer operator doing his weekly clothes wash in the shower stall! His contract was ended pretty soon after and the shower drain returned to normal funtionality.

If that wasn’t enough, also robbed a weeks cash from the safe in full view of the security cameras.

An old boss of mine used to be an assisstant manager at John Menzies. He had a manager who brought in and set up his own till and took the cash home at the end of the day. Apparently it took them ages to work out what was going on.

The bloke who spent most nights in the Printworks casino. He’d kip on the sofas in there then come straight back to work in the morning.

We had an office alcoholic who would often spend the night on trains. Having been in the business for years he got taken out loads by clients particularly over Christmas. He lived south of Glasgow and it was the Carlisle train he caught. He would wake up in Carlisle having missed his stop, kick around Carlisle until he could get a train back north, straight to Glasgow and back into the office. Really nice and interesting guy, he had loads of great stories about Glasgow in the 60s.

I’m that weird guy who doesn’t wear shoes

It's an office not a plane Mr. McLane! Do your feet not get cold?

Some of these stories are funny others are really tragic.

Had the usual of a guy that didn't wash, was told3 time by manger that he need clean cloths and to wash daily. This was his first month in the job. Wasn't made permanent.

Another guy was know for having washed his bits in Dettol after having sex with a prostitute.

I think I have been the odd one frequently as I sit there swearing at my work.

Somebody up the corridor has the routine of eating his (assume it's a he) packed lunch in the toilet cubicle in the gents. That's not a euphemism by the way.
We're closing in on a couple of suspects but nobody wants to be seen hanging around outside the gents watching who goes in carrying their butties!

Angus- huge guy who looked like a prop forward. Liked to make jam, bake cakes and go cycling on the weekend. Would get very angry at bicycles as he kept pringling rear wheels. Hated mobile phones and didnt' have one until smart phones came along and you could have a computer in your pocket. Lovely fella, if quite odd.

Ian - extremely well spoken and well educated legal counsel in a glasgow based demolition business. Obviously got them out of a lot of scrapes as he was worshipped. Very english and pompous, especially given the general surroundings. Annually would do a Christmas lunch for the whole office which was actually a curry and was delicious. Good times.

I used to enjoy lunchtime power naps at my desk, that probably counts as odd. These days i just go back to bed if i feel a bit woozy after lunch - 20 mins later I'm a new man.

He lived south of Glasgow and it was the Carlisle train he caught. He would wake up in Carlisle having missed his stop

Ah yes. That used to be my train home to Kilmarnock. It went Glasgow, Barrhead, Stewarton, Kilmaurs, Kilmarnock then beyond that Annan, Gretna Green and Carlisle. Many people, including my best mate, have fallen asleep wrecked on the train and ended up far south of where they should be.

I used to work on a military base, there were a few oddballs but one stood head and shoulders above the rest. He used to keep blackpowder explosive in pringle tubes in his office and I was asked to store it safely for him, which I did. Having made his aquitance I found out that he wore a watch on each wrist "in case one stops" wore a radiographers lead apron whilst driving his car "to protect him from the speed camera radiation" and flooded his office when investigating the ballistic resistance of soggy newspaper!! The armourey saw fit to issue him a crossbow, but ammo branch wouldn't give him any bolts to fire it with, so apparantly he used pencils. The stationary department then got in touch to ask what on earth he was doing with hundreds of HB pencils.........

Mind you, I used to draw a single shot pistol from the armourey for a Friday afternoon demonstration, the armorer however finished early on a Friday so I was told just to hang on to it until Monday. Not having a locking cabinet in my office (or even a locking door to the office) I'd take it home for the weekend, usually tucked into my barbag, but if I forgot the barbag it would just about fit in a jersey back pocket. Good job I never became involved in any road-rage incidents.................

Many people, including my best mate, have fallen asleep wrecked on the train and ended up far south of where they should be.

It's a funny story as a one-off for young folks on the way back from a night out but sadly it was a bit of a regular occurrence for this guy in his late 50s. He's one of those characters who pops into my head from time to time, a real gentleman who just couldn't get on top of the booze. He died a few years after I left the company, probably 61 or 2.

There was another guy in the same office who presented as a bit of a Glasgow hard man, not a fighter but terse and uncompromising. He had some odd turns of phrase, incorporating biblical language and metphors. I asked him about this one day and he told me when his first child was born he read the bible cover to cover to 'thank God for sending me a son'. He did the same when his daughter was born. Whatever you think of religion I have a lot of respect for that kind of commitment and it was a good lesson in not judging by first impressions.

I worked with a right chump who saw himself as a cheeky chappy and morale booster. In an Ofsted inspection in a girls' school (in Northampton) he gave an assembly on a Lancashire rugby league team he was keen on. At least it produced a useful example for defining the terms 'baffled' and 'bemused'.

17 year old me got a holiday job in a large office.

Young lady in the next department down had won a national Sam Fox lookalike competition*.

Oh my......

*context - this was 1986

Surprised no ex colleague has dobbed me in it.

Central London head office had a car park underneath that charged 1 quid to enter, no timed ticket you just drove out when you wanted. So I kept my classic car in there....all winter, for 1 quid. Car park was on a few levels so car didn't stand out.

Except every few days I used to go down there to move the car, turn over engine, no flat spot tyres and polish it.

Used to keep car cleaning stuff in my desk, but as I cycle commuted I used to say it was for the bike.

I got away with it for 5 years, funnily enough no one ever said anything.

There was a guy called Ewan who had convinced himself he didn't smoke even though he'd sneak into trap 1 two or three times a day to smoke a Silk Cut.

His V-neck poly/wool mix jumpers hummed of tobacco smoke as did his breath. But no, this guy was a non-smoker.

Somebody on the shopfloor asked him for a light one day and he said "why you asking me for a light - you know I don't smoke."

It was funny but a bit sad too.

His boss was a character too. A big fan of lock-ins at his local and playing pool for money. He lost his nearly new Merc 190E to a game one night.

Many people, including my best mate, have fallen asleep wrecked on the train and ended up far south of where they should be.

30 years ago I worked in central London. My colleague and friend Phil would do this regularly, often ending up in shunting yards in Kent, etc. He once woke up to find himself asleep lying in the aisle of a train, with peoples knees around him. He woke once to find the train pulling out of his station, jumped from the door and caught some clothing on the door and got dragged along the platform. He was very often hungover in work.

He had been a motorbike courier, and massive druggy before starting work in cancer research and gaining a PhD. That was his only qualification - no O or A levels. He'd managed to blag his way onto a PhD! His stories about being a courier were as interesting as his drug stories. He'd attended every London court at one time or another, for motoring or drug offences.

His brother was even more of a character. Also biker, a road block was set up by the police to stop him - he didn't realise until he got to the front of the queue of traffic. He bought a caravan and basically lived in some disused wasteland, while driving a six wheeled ex military vehicle and was the first person I ever met with a mobile phone (with the huge battery in a satchel) which he left on the roof of my Beetle as we drove through central London one night. He was also a campanologist.

Both very clever and very odd. I often wonder what happened to them.

He once woke up to find himself asleep

Now that is clever.

I worked on the door of the Plaza ballroom in Glasgow and the manager actually lived there.
He slept on the sofas and had his food in the main kitchens.
There was a car in the back garage but he never once drove it. It sat there and rotted till he died. The place was shutdown a few years later.
I got robbed while working in the cloakroom one night about Christmas. A young team from the Gorbals pretty much jumped me and stole the takings and a load of leather jackets. They were all armed with straight razors so I wasn't going to interfere with their caper. The cloakroom is lower ground and quite far from where anyone else was working so shouting for help wasn't an option, and there was no way I was getting slashed by even attempting to resist.
I got dogs abuse from the manager for not fighting them, but on my lonesome sod that.

Thankfully they ignored the 3 camel coats that were in there at the time and belonged to the gangsters who frequented the place most weekends. I dont want to even think how that would have went.
I worked the door, but that was with about 6 of us and the fights we were supported by each other, but sat down in that lower cloakroom, its you against 8. I think I was seen as the oddfish by this manager for not steaming in. He was just nuts, in his 70's and still mad for it on the front door..

His boss was a character too. A big fan of lock-ins at his local and playing pool for money. He lost his nearly new Merc 190E to a game one night.

The same guy punched Jacques Cousteau at the check-in desk at CDG after the latter had flounced to the front of the queue and pushed in with a "Do you know who I am?".

Back in the late 80s I worked in the computer department of a bank. The big boss was John, he was the best manager I've ever had. This is was the days of Greed is Good and every morning he'd negotiate (have shouting, stand up arguments) with self entitled traders who wanted everything now, no excuses. He protected us and made sure we could deliver.

He was also the worst manager. At 12:00 he'd go to lunch at the Conservative Club across the road and drink. If he came back to the office he was useless, it was just embarrassing.

His drinking finally came to a head and work paid for him to go to a clinic and dry out. After 3 months he came back sober. Sadly, he'd lost his zing, he was very average afterwards.

I had a gap year contract at a local defence research place in the early 90s.
Worked for a guy who was probably on the spectrum somewhere (obviously undiagnosed) with all sorts of habits, and a lovely tight perm.
Great VAX programmer, nice bloke, just not mainstream "normal".

We had another bloke with an immaculate, but fairly lowly spec, BMW 3 series. I remember rocking with silent laughter overhearing him on the phone trying and failing to order M badges from the local dealership who were having none of it.

"No, no it isn't an M"

"Why can't I buy the badges then?"

"But it will look like an M if I do!"

He used to wash the damn thing almost daily, even during a hosepipe ban during which he had to resort to doing inside his garage.

My old boss had loads of little tics but the one I like the most is that he signed literally every card at work with “Hang loose”. Birthday, wedding, leaving, “hang loose”. Congratulations on your child? That’s, uh, are you sure you want to say that “Hang loose” oh well. So one year we wrote him a birthday card where everyone wrote Hang Loose and he was massively, epicly offended.

One of my ex-bosses used to sign every card twice (Apart from condolence cards). Once in the normal way, with his own name and an appropriate message, once with the jaunty note “I love you, Nigel xxx (The name of one his peers). The reason this was funny was because Nigel took himself hugely seriously and had no sense of humour. As a result, he always made sure that Nigel had signed the card first - apart from one memorable time...

This time, he failed to do so, Nigel noticed. Nigeltook offence. Nigel made a huge commotion in the office. Nigel complained to HR with who then investigated. Everyone else was in on the joke and denied all knowledge. There was even an ‘I’m Spartacus’ moment in a departmental meeting. HR had to close the investigation without a result. I still smile when I think of Nigel.