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So, another year, another MoreCash mental health query.....
Having another little wobble and the GP is considering 10mg of this as an option, but has given me a couple of weeks to think about it and to see if the counselling arranged by work helps at all.
Any real world experiences? Seems to have a similar number of possible unpleasant side effects as the mirtazapine I was offered last year, and declined.
It's so good to be back having conversations with medical people that always include the question "Have you thought about harming yourself recently?"
And I'm in awe of the number of mental health apps and websites that GPs have stored on their private smart phones.
Cheers
Oh yes - I'm already looking into a higher dose of MTFU and yes, I have got out this morning for a ride.
At one point I was up to 60mg a day of it. For me, it never made a difference. Made me really hot, raised core temperature.
I heard someone once say depression is a consequence of MTFU too many times before, which i thought was quite good.
You GP knows you better than anyone on here. Seems like you'd be better to listen to his/her advice.
Felt like a zombie on that at uni, also completely lost the libido which didn't help! Think I was on 20mg to start with then went to 40mg then weened myself off over 4-5 months as it was seriously hampering my Uni work.
Sister was also on citalopram too but she didn't notice any effects what so ever so the doc changed her over to something else.
I wouldn't touch this shit. It's treating the symptons, not the cause.
I use citalopram after some heavy duty life changes a couple of years back..
I'm against taking pills for your mood in principal, but after years of struggling with depression and anxiety, and nearly going under during that difficult time, I'm being a bit more pragmatic about it..
I find it makes me slightly less irritable and subtly more positive about life without any real side effects..
That said, the first couple of weeks can possibly feel a bit weird as your serotonin levels shift about..
I experienced a similar sensation to taking ecstasy, but without the nice bits..
Think excessive yawning, a slightly strange rushing in my ears and slight eyeball flutter, but it passed very quickly, and the reduced anxiety more than made up for it..
I've tried Mirtazapine too, but that was a lot less subtle and left me feeling very lethargic and drugged
It's treating the symptons, not the cause.
That may be true, unless the cause is clinical depression 😀
Been on citalopram for years, I find I sweat quite easily , sleep has been disturbed a bit too but overall it keeps me sane.
Anyone who tells you to mtfu has obviously no idea.
It sounds like you have a good Dr, as 10mg is a sensibly low dose.
(i've seen a few friends knocked for 6 after being prescribed 40mg...)
You shouldn't have too many problems adjusting to, and ultimately coming off, a 10mg dose. Both of which can be tricky. I'm told that withdrawal can be worse than the original symptoms...
(it is of course possible that you end up *increasing* from 10mg, but it seems your Dr wants to proceed slowly)
Been on it for 7 years IIRC.
Started up to 40/60mg (can't recall), been on 20mg / day for last 6 years.
Personally I love the stuff - probably dependant / addicted now though, although I intend to just keep taking it for life, so not really a problem.
worked well for me for 9 months when suffering depression - weened of it gradually on my own no problem after a year, would take it again if required
It didn't help me, made me feel unwell and made me more anxious...but there are other medications out there so find what works for you.
Mixed reviews but interesting reading. Couple of weeks still to think it through anyway.
Nothing works straight away, it takes time and can feel worse to begin with before it helps. Mind you, having said that, the same is true of counselling - maybe a couple of weeks really isn’t enough of that to knwo if it is helping either?
Rachel
It's treating the symptons, not the cause.
the idea is that treating the symptoms can give you the energy and drive to address the cause(s). It's not an either/or situation.
there are other anti-depressants around and you can find comparison tables on t'internet explaining how long they take to kick in, likely side-effects etc. There are differences even between drugs in the same class.
I totally agree with the suggestion that depression is a consequence of MTFU too many times before
There's no one size fits all approach, 10mg may be all you need to take the edge off things for a while.
There are other alternatives, Sertraline is one amongst many. It's worth keeping a diary charting your mood and any positive vs negative effects.
Good luck OP!
I know people for whom it really works. I would suggest given it a go but with regular appointments at your GP, as I said there are other medications available and it's about finding what works for you.
CBT and counselling also have their place.
Nothing works straight away,
That was conventional wisdom with SSRIs, but recent studies have shown changes in cognitive and physiological behaviour within very short periods (hours).
Personally I found Citalopram 'cured' my anxiety / insomnia in 2-3 days, way faster than I was expecting, like a switch in my head had been flicked....
oh - that’s interesting, footflaps - ta
Sorry to hear it Cash, give the Mrs a call if you want another opinion, whether she is any use or not is another matter, you're slightly older than her normal patients
recent studies have shown changes in cognitive and physiological behaviour within very short periods
I certainly found that to be the case
I was [i]extremely[/i] stressed when I started taking it and noticed the effects immediately
Has your vit d been tested?
I dabbled with a some different SSRIs a few years ago. The two I started with (Fluoxetine, and then I think it was Citalopram) were awful. That's not to say it won't work for you though; give it a whirl.
Currently take Venlafaxine (Effexor) which I have done since then; seems to do the trick.
What about some 5HTTP or St Johns Wort? Might be enough to get you through a rough patch whilst the weather is lousy.
Has your vit d been tested?
+1
go for the canadian RDAs, not ours...
wifes on a small dose of citalopram, but she is a bit lazy and doesn't exercise a lot (just pays the gym fees).
I remember when she used to swim a lot and she was much more upbeat naturally.
Maybe there is another form of exercise other than cycling that might help you more.
Provided a very useful helping hand for a while 1-2 years. Gave me headspace to get my stuff together and address the causes.
Oh and watch the numb lips when you come off it, mine wasn't a textbook taper but it wasn't cold turkey either.
I've been on it twice, once when I was still at school doing my GCSEs and again when I had a bit of a funny turn back in 2008.
I never got on with it at all. Both times made me feel zombified, have troubles staying awake, and thus worsened my depression.
I managed a couple of months on them both times but soon stopped taking them as the side effects were worse than the original depression.
Having said that, I haven't had much luck with any of the Dr prescribed meds for long term depression. What has worked for me over the years is a combination of self-help, a few sessions with a psychoanalyst (the couch and "tell me about your father" routine), good diet (avoiding alcohol, caffeine, and anything artificial where possible) regular exercise (one of the reasons I took up cycling) and a loving family to pick me up when I have difficult days.
If you feel you need meds then do a little bit of research into 5-HTP. I've taken it in the past during bad periods and found it worked really well for me. I had no side effects and managed to come off it without any troubles once I was back on my feet. Be careful where you buy it from though as some brands contain valerian extract, an unnecessary additive which can knock you out. Lamberts / Nature's Best 5-HTP tablets are the best in my opinion.
I took this for a while after a tough year took it's toll on me. It wasn't a night and day improvement, but seemed to even things out - got rid of the very worst days. That gave me some breathing room to sort my head / life out without my negative outlook clouding my judgement.
The downside was the impact of coming off it, which I did as soon as I felt ready - I don't like drugs. Even with a gradual cutting down over 2 weeks I got vertigo, dizziness and (importantly for someone struggling with depression) could not ride my bike for 2 weeks. 😯
Still - overall I think it was of net benefit.
Still - overall I think it was of net benefit.
😀
It helped me get back on a more even keel. I was concerned about taking anything but after a rough start with side effects (which was pretty rough for me) suddenly you start to see things much clearer, its quite odd.
I took it for a year or so then weaned myself off it gradually and have replaced it with Yoga and more exercise and some counselling.
It was what I needed but i couldn't see it at the time
More excellent feedback.
Current and previous conversations suggest that the causes of my confusion (possibly the right term?) are fairly specific beliefs and behaviours and mainly triggered by a change in job role last year. Hopefully counselling will give me some head space to sensibly sort out options and directions with someone who has no actual involvement in the final outcomes.
A couple of friends have been zombiefied by anti-depressants recently, and that is why I'm keen to avoid them if possible. Riding is the only thing that has been consistently good over the last few months, and I don't want to lose that. I've also started the Couchto5k running thing to keep things moving in the rubbish weather.
Alcohol, and especially caffeine have really made me jittery and anxious, so I've had to cut right down on them. Which is depressing.... 😉
Magnesium - use Epsom Salts in the bath. Interesting reading here especially re neuro transmitters:
http://healthasitoughttobe.com/without-this-mineral-youll-die-early/
Magnesium - use Epsom Salts in the bath
I accept the value of minerals in the diet but I'm interested to know how much you think will be absorbed through the skin. Do you have a reference to bathing in substances instead of ingesting them via the normal route?
Anyway, andyfla - whats a good day for a meet up and a ride in the next two weeks - silver linings and all that!
works wonders for me 20mg a day
I would say the only way you are going to tell is by trying it. Citalopram is a different beast to Mirtazapine, working on a different set of neurotransmitters. Everyone is different and everyone reacts differently to the various types of antidepressants.
Good info here:
http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/Antidepressant-drugs/Pages/Introduction.aspx
The worst experience I had on citalopram was when I Googled the side effects after taking my first dose (20mg) - that made me acutely aware of every tiny feeling in my body and so I barely slept. Once I realised that the vast majority of people don't suffer anything I relaxed and got on with it. I didn't really notice any major shift in my mood but it did reduce the anxiety that I wasn't aware I was suffering with. For a while I went to 40mg but found that wiped me out, so went back down to 20 and stayed there for a couple of years.
As for all the bs about it treating symptoms rather than the problem, that's exactly what pain killers do when you're recovering from an injury. They give you the ability to do the work to rebuild your damaged body. I found that citalopram did the same for my mind, I worked through cbt, mindfulness and with a local MIND support group and they all helped me to come to terms with myself again.
Ask your DR for Escitalopram. It has less side effects and works as well, if not better than Citalopram. Essentially a more selective version of the original drug.
I had citalopram about 10 years ago. It made me more anxious to start with, and then helped my mood but exacerbated my migraines. I've tried virtually every antidepressant there is, and can't tolerate any of them. I'm on a waiting list for CBT and in the meantime I'm doing an insomnia treatment programme to help me sleep better.
Cash, no riding at the mo - just had my knee cut into !
Always happy to have coffee and cake here though 😀
Ask your DR for Escitalopram. It has less side effects and works as well, if not better than Citalopram. Essentially a more selective version of the original drug.
How well they work is more to do with the individual than the drug.
It's not more selective, it's just a tweaked version designed purely because the patent on Citalopram has expired, so they need to keep coming up with new variants to make money.
Not tried Citalopram but I did have Sertraline, for me it was awful and I decided that anti depressants weren't for me. I also had a few sessions of CBT therapy on the NHS but I found those of limited value. What really helped me witgh my depression was Transactional analysis therapy. Unfortunately not cheap (£50 a session) and also not currently available on the NHS, but it did work for me.
It's not more selective, it's just a tweaked version designed purely because the patent on Citalopram has expired, so they need to keep coming up with new variants to make money.
The patent on escitalopram expired too, over 18 months ago, and generics are freely available.
Worked for me, and I was incredibly wary of taking it. Didn't use it for long - just long enough to get my head straight and into some useful CBT.
Mrs North took it after seroxat made her very ill. Citalopram also worked for her - though she said CBT was the life saver for her.
Hope you get well soon MoreCashThanDash.
It works for me. Reduces feelings of anxiety and lifts my mood. I did get more anxious initially, but that died down within two weeks. I do suffer side effects: -
- reduced sex drive by a degree
- less sensitive to initial sexual stimulation
- occasional restless feet
- I am often tired
- some sleep disturbance
On the other hand - I don't prefer the idea of being dead to being alive. This as far as I am personally concerned is a huge positive.
The patent on escitalopram expired too, over 18 months ago, and generics are freely available.
Surprisingly, they don't have another SSRI replacement under Patent...
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lundbeck#Key_products
Maybe there isn't much money in SSRI now as so many are out of patent.
EDIT: They're also naughty boys...
On June 19, 2013, the European Commission imposed a fine of €93.8 million on Lundbeck and fined several producers of generic pharmaceuticals a total of €52.2 million after Lundbeck made agreements in 2002 with the other companies to delay less expensive generics of Lundbeck's citalopram from entering the market. In return for the ability to maintain a monopoly on the drug's manufacture, Lundbeck offered payments and other kickbacks.
I've only been on it for 6 weeks but I think It's kicking in. I'll stop taking it as soon as I don't do the job I'm doing at present, as that's the root cause of my probs. 😕
-
I'll stop taking it as soon as I don't do the job I'm doing at present, as that's the root cause of my probs.
That sounds very familiar. I'm now worried I have multiple forum personalities.
Can I ask if you tried anything else before getting to the medication?
Been working for my (now ex gf) well. 10mg but she is 8 stone drip wet.
Without it she was a Jackal and Hide character I walked into the house wondering who I'd be living with that day (she worked nights I worked days).
With it I was able to live with her again without the thought of a new patio. I could tell instantly when she had missed a dose though as clear as black and white.
Can I ask if you tried anything else before getting to the medication?
Stella or McEwans Champion ale. (7.3%, lovely)
she was a Jackal and Hide character I walked into the house wondering who I'd be living with that day
That's mental health? I thought that was marriage!
😆 @ essel
Maybe there isn't much money in SSRI now as so many are out of patent.EDIT: They're also naughty boys...
SSRIs are a fully generic market now, no point launching a brand when there's 10s of different super-cheap options out there. Yep, pharmaceutical companies have been known to do bad things sometimes. But let's not derail the thread.
Citalopram and other SSRIs are very effective medications for a large number of people and allow huge numbers of people who suffer from depression and anxiety to function in the world more easily. Yes, many find that antidepressants are not for them, but on the other hand many people find they make their lives significantly better. Individual anecdotes are interesting to read, but they don't tell you anything about how you personally will respond to a drug, because everyone is different. The people who can help best with questions and doubts are medical professionals, and the OP would be best advised to listen to them and take their advice, rather than soliciting opinions from randoms on the internet.
I was on it for a while last year. Never noticed any effect (either good or bad). Dr said that he usually starts with citalopram as it has the fewest and least severe side effects in his experience.
He switched me to another drug, and still nothing after a month. So raised the dose. A couple weeks later, POW! It kicked in overnight like someone flipped a switch. The doom, gloom, and haze was gone. However, its creeped back in for me so the Dr upped the dose again just today as I may have become a bit acclimated to it.
With these types of drugs, they usually start on a low dose (maybe even too low to be effective) in order to see if you have any sort of adverse reaction. And it may take up to a month of use for it to build up in your system to a theraputec dose.
And as stated above, it depends on what is lacking in your particular brain chemistry. Different drugs work for different people and the only way to find the right one is trial and error as tests are still under development.
It worked for me. I spent 18 months on it about ten years ago and it (along with a divorce) allowed me to change quite drastically. My mother claimed it allowed her to get rid of the angry man abd get her little boy back.
It might not be for you if the above is what will happen!
On side effects, I found I dreamed very vividly for the first few weeks, then dreamed normally. Previous to starting on it, I rarely dreamed at all.
On the other hand - I don't prefer the idea of being dead to being alive. This as far as I am personally concerned is a huge positive.
Ain't that the truth.
Yep.
I was started on citalopram in ~2000 having finally accepted that suicidal thoughts and endless crying wasn't just teenage angst and not normal. For me, it was like a lightswitch. Within 3 or 4 days I felt substantially better. I went up and down the dosage and came off a few times, but found I would inevitably go off the rails after a few months so finally accepted I'd probably be on them forever. Side effects weren't dramatic - the main ones were a moderate loss of libido and a very dry mouth. I was never really offered anything in the way of talking therapies.
For some reason, I seemed to stop getting a benefit from the tablets in ~2014. No idea why. I took ~7 months off work, during which time I weaned off citalopram and went onto Mirtazapine which felt like having a trapdoor opened underneath me. Horrible stuff. Came off that and onto Sertraline, and was on cloud 9 for a couple of weeks (mainly from the relief of being off the Mirt I think). It seems to give me an element of stability, although I've been doing some talking therapies alongside it.
In my experience, neither drugs or talking therapies on their own are a fix. If it's proper clinical depression, both are needed.
Comments like:
I wouldn't touch this shit. It's treating the symptons, not the cause.
really just show ignorance of the subject, and it's attitudes like this that mean mental health still has a stigma in society.
If you're lucky enough to have health insurance with your work, they usually have some pretty good talking therapy things available. I'm still a bit of a mess with anxiety and low mood, but I hope I'm making some progress.
I wish you all the very best. Remember you're far from alone. Happy to talk offline if you need/want.
Thanks frazzledbrain - was prescribed Mirt last year and decided against taking it.
Work (civil service) can get me 6 counselling sessions, which I hope will be better long term than the group CBT my GP got me last time. That seemed to be more about coping mechanisms rather than individual support to deal with the root causes of the anxiety. Suspect my problems really need some support to make a couple of life changes - whether I need medication to calm me down while I do that is something I need to discuss with the GP.
Seems to be a lot of people who have tried it and been on it a long time/ever since.
Sorry to hear you aren't feeling too good MoreCash.
There is also an online CBT course, which a GP can direct you too. It's free under the NHS, they give you a password to access it.
The last few years I had a really hard time as some of you might have read on here.
If you open a medicine book anywhere, I've probably had medicine from that page. SSRI's, Antipsychotics, Lithium, Mood enhancers, you name it I've been prescribed it. I was sectioned twice after suicide attempts. I've had CBT. None of the above really worked for me.
What did work was mindfulness.
The other way I felt better was through music. Think of a time in life when you were happy. Really happy. Birthday party, wedding, birth of kid, when you finally lost your virginity, bike trip with crazy friends, whatever and think of the music playing at that time. Go on spotify or whatever other music streaming and make a playlist of that music from good times. Play the aforementioned music as loud as you can, either through speakers or headphones and dance round the house like a lunatic. This releases some kind of happy endorphins that bring you back to a good place mentally.
Call old friends and arrange to meet. When you're down I can guarantee meeting friends will cheer you up. I hated that idea but was forced to go to a wedding against my will. I had so much fun with friends there it just brought me back.
I am now on zero medication, my life is great once more, I have a woman I love dearly and am in the process of buying a beautiful home in Austria.
It might sound like a clichè, but it really does get better. I am proof of that.
Mail in profile if you want to talk whenever.
On your original question Citalopram made me fat, lose interest in everything including sex. That just made me even more depressed than I originally was. I would highly recommend you try everything possible before medication or you will find yourself trapped for a while.
Mindfulness was a big part of the group CBT course. Have to say, despite previously doing quite a bit of "meditation" type stuff in the past, I just never got it, either on the course or online stuff. My mind just filled with stuff on repeat loop. I am giving it another go though.
MCTD mindfulness is just learning to notice that your mind is full of stuff and what that stuff is, then accept it and move back to your focus. If the same stuff comes back, just notice it again. It's like standing on a beach watching the waves, you can see each one and be interested in its height, the white horses etc but you don't have to surf on them or get swept away. Some days the sea is calm, some days it's stormy but you can always stand on the beach and watch. You'll never be able to calm the sea by watching it.
I've noticed a few depression threads on here the past couple of days.
It's reminded me how valuable this forum can be in terms of sharing insights and information.
Time for my tea, but look after yourselves, all. 8)
Been on citalopram for more than a decade ..only 20mg though. Felt awful when stopping but ....one weekend I was away on my own and forgot the stuff .normally I know within a few hours when it's missed but on this occasion I was doing meditation and being mindful without distractions. For some reason as long as I kept mindful I seemed to have no withdrawal or unpleasant symptoms .Lasted several days like that.
Meditation is so helpful for me . harder work than taking a pill maybe but find a simple technique ..do it regularly and soon things will change for the better IMHE
People who come off it abruptly instead of tapering off get problems - a colleague used to stop abruptly, get panic attacks then concluded he had better stay on it for life. For some reason of his own he refused to ever cut down in small steps which is how you are supposed to do it. He is now stuck on it with a number of side effects (digestion, blood pressure) which he has to take additional pills to counteract.
If you decide to go on it, get CBT counselling or change your life to treat the cause of your problems. Definitely set a time limit of how long you are prepared to stay on it, doctors seem very keen to put people on endless prescription renewals.
Most of all dont use such stuff as a way of merely enduring a crap life instead of actually changing your world and getting rid of situations and circumstances which stress you or make you unhappy or sad. Its easy to take a pill, numb out and just continue endlessly in the same situation, I have seen that with other people way too often, scared me away from any pills and into counselling, best choice ever.
I tapered and felt so awful I went back to the 20mg ...probably permanently
Most of all dont use such stuff as a way of merely enduring a crap life instead of actually changing your world and getting rid of situations and circumstances which stress you or make you unhappy or sad
I think that is one of my concerns, apart from side effects, that I might cope with some medication, and not actually resolve anything
Haven't read all the replies, sorry. It did nothing useful for me either - though on the plus side I didn't have any noticeable side effects. But then like many others I need to fix my life in order to get better. About the only "drug" I have found which worked for me is natural endorphins from exercise - though that's easier said than done sometimes as I'm fighting a balancing act between getting the mental benefits of exercise, and getting depressed by it because I'm nowhere near as good as I used to be (and never going to be). Though strangely I'm feeling about as good as I have done in ages today (having been about as low as I've ever been in the last month or so) - I'm fairly sure I know why and it's totally unrelated to exercise.
"meditation" type stuff in the past, I just never got it
Meditation comes in many forms!
It can be prayer,colouring,calligraphic handwriting even base jumping.
It's a technique for concentrating the mind,forcing it to be quiet if you like.
Mindfulnesses is only one vehicle to take where you need to go.
It's very subtle and effective and works for a lot of people.
However some minds are more stubborn and need different techniques.
Zen meditation is a step above and requires more gumption.
The mind and body needs to be in harmony,when this harmony is not in synch then depression rears its ugly head,however its not ugly at all!
It's to be welcomed as a natural invitation to pay attention to what your body and mind is telling you.
It's an opportunity for spring cleaning if you like.
I know it's not easy but if we can quiet the mind,it then gives us the chance too see what is behind the dark door,it's not that scary,you might also find some light!.
This course sorted most of my shit out!
It's not easy by a long haul.
Life sucks sometimes!
https://www.dhamma.org/en/index
All the best Mr Cash,I mean that 🙂
Was on sertraline for 18 months for severe anxiety. First two and last two weeks are less than good. Random urge to burst out crying in the street etc. Beyond that the only noticeable side effect was increased appetite and resultant weight gain. Other than that it was a completely positive experience and coupled with CBT they both sorted me right out. No regression since I came off them around September last year.
I tend to read more on here than I post (unless I'm selling something). Posts like this remind me why the forum is so great. I've been having major issues for months and after reading the experiences and honesty of many on here I will be getting booked in for a chat with my GP next week to see what's the best course of action for me.
I always thought I didn't need help and that tablets won't do anything for me, time to man up and make that phone call.
Thanks all.
Scott B - this place is amazing for advice and support. Come back and ask if you need anything. I can't believe so many people I've posted with over the years on different things have popped up on here and some of the other "down" threads having gone through the same sort of thing.
i normally steer clear of these threads as i have just been through it my self, and it was all pretty raw...
i have had 2 serious breakdowns in the last 12 months which has lead me to be ill health retired from work. it all came about after taking shit for too long and just giving it the MTFU. i am now on a 40mg dose of the citalopram after having some very long chats with the GP, who is bloody brilliant. i never wanted to take anything, but after counselling and cbt did nothing but make things wors i went for it. bloody glad i did ads its helped no end. i am, after 9 months, getting back on track, sleeping, being more sociable even with my family. i am also starting my own business and looking forward to the day, instead of looking out and wanting to cry. im not saying everything is peachy but its definately getting there. anyone having issues feel free to give me an email. if i can help i will as i have been there and know how shit it is.
It's taken me a few days of knowing about this thread to post on it as I always prided myself on being 'mentally tough' and 'depression is just a formal diagnosis for needing to MTFU'. In short, I am probably still in a bit of denial and taking citalopram is my 'dirty secret'. I have been taking this for about ten months - 20mg dose.
My issue was more what I would call acute and chronic anxiety rather than depression. It is 100% work-related. I applied for a promotion, got it and instantly regretted it as I was (and still am to a certain extent) out of my depth work-wise. I tried mindfulness and it did help - but not enough and not at the right times. It also became too onerous as it went on. Realistically I could not just 'go to the cinema' on a whim as I have a real life with a full time job and two kids. My wife dragged me to see the doc.
I didn't think I had too much of a problem, but he seemed pretty concerned - almost as though he was glad that I had gone to see him early, but sounded like I was in a bit of shit state. I literally couldn't function at work. Even if I could have worked out how to do stuff by being logical and looking how it was done before, I couldn't concentrate for the blind panic. He offered to sign me off for two weeks, but I didn't take this option. It seemed like going out and getting pissed. It would feel great while it lasted, but the guilt and apprehension would build. So he gave me the option of citalopram - I was wary (I have never liked taking medication unless absolutely necessary). But I agreed.
So, the first three to four weeks were hell. I couldn't sleep. The sweat pissed off of me most of the time. The really worrying thing was that although I knew that these were side effects, they were real. It wasn't like a bad hangover when you can convince yourself that the paranoia and depression are temporary. This was real in my head. I wouldn't wish those first few weeks on my worst enemy. I let riding buddies down because I couldn't face seeing people who would expect me to be 'normal'. Gradually, though things got better. Not a lot, but enough.
Looking back, there was a longer second phase. I wasn't on the bottom any more, but not much better than before. The anxiety would come in fits and starts, but it wouldn't last. I would say this lasted four or five months.
After this point I think I really started to feel the benefit. Anxiety still comes, but I can calm down and focus. I don't spiral uncontrollably any more and I am more able to relax when not at work. In short, the anxiety I feel is proportional.
In terms of continuing, I am going to see the doc again soon. I don't want to be dependent on this stuff to be able to live a normal life. I have no idea of how to go about this, but if the initial few weeks are anything to go by the one lesson I learnt was not to underestimate the effects. It is no wonder that prescribing this stuff to younger people is taken very seriously.
The one other thing that this stuff has really helped with is not feeling guilty when enjoying myself. I used to be very down on myself. If I was laughing at something funny I would check myself and think stuff like "you shouldn't be laughing - you're shit at your job, you should be taking it more seriously". Now I have learned to appreciate the moments when I am wrapped up in the moment and forget about my work troubles. Riding my bike helps. Riding uphill gives me time to mull, so I go into 'bloody-minded' mode. Riding fast downhill doesn't give me time to think about anything else.
Hope this helps and that no one I know thinks any the less of me for it.
Dannyh - thank you so much for posting up on here.
acute and chronic anxiety rather than depression. It is 100% work-related. I applied for a [new role], got it and instantly regretted it as I was (and still am to a certain extent) out of my depth
I literally couldn't function at work. Even if I could have worked out how to do stuff by being logical and looking how it was done before, I couldn't concentrate for the blind panic.
I don't want to be dependent on this stuff to be able to live a normal life
This is all me. Really interesting to read what you have been through. I've been astonished how many familiar names I've seen on the forum for years have spoken up on this thread.
No one thinks any the less of you for this - those of us who are there, or have been there, no how tough it is to face up to it and tackle it. What you have done is admired, not looked down on, and being willing to talk about with those of us still "in it" is really, really important.
Hit rock bottom April last year, made the call to see the doctor and just broke down.
Was prescribed Citalopram and like many did not want to be dependent on pills, diagnosed with anxiety and stress, Dr was outstanding with the care he provided and continues to do so.
Many people seem ashamed they are suffering from this and try to keep it secret, my advice is dont. You will be surprised by how many people feel similar to you in varying degrees and how many people want to help not just telling you to MTFU.
Take it one day at a time, there is light at the end of the tunnel.
Jason
I have been on them now for three months during a hard patch...and the realisation maybe I have had a dark cloud over me for many many years effecting my judgement.
Weaning off now and going onto fluxotiene (sp?) as I have been tired and very unmotivated which doesn't help positivity. Physically weird feelings too like a tingly sensation over the top of my scalp (very similar to a sensation I got smoking some strong herb at uni)....usually during a period when I would be down like returning to my empty home...very odd. Oh and muscle weakness...physically fit but would lift a shovel and feel instant muscle fatigue! odd
Echoing others here, this is why I love the forum here...lots of real people happy to help and discuss with others.
Physically weird feelings too like a tingly sensation over the top of my scalp
Ant in my brain was how I described it - quite like it as it was a sign the pills were doing something - don't get it any more, which is a shame....
Thanks to MoreCashThanDash - it took me a while to post on this thread as I outlined above.
The other thing I ought to mention is my wife. To be fair to her she has been superb. During the first fortnight or so she saw me in a state that would have totally freaked me out if the roles had been reversed. At the weekends I was literally hiding under the duvet. I can say I reduced her to tears on at least one occasion - I still feel like I was tapping into a collective pool of goodwill and so reducing her enjoyment of life to marginally enhance my own.
Anyway - on the proper topic of this thread - if you do opt to start taking these you need to be committed to it. If the early days are anything like mine, you will want to flush them down the toilet at some point. Be aware that it is not an instant miracle cure. However, if you give it a chance, you may well reap considerable benefits. This sort of stuff is not now 'exotic' for GPs. I'd be willing to bet it is one of the most common things they deal with.