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Just had child number 1 start secondary school and along came a phone to "keep her safe" we have a feeling that actually it might be doing the opposite but because she uses whatsapp, rather than text, it's hard to monitor without blatantly checking her phone.
Wife wants phone removed, I would prefer an app which monitors like MM Gaurdian and sends a text when an inappropriate word has been used.
MM Guardian works great with texts but not whatsapp, before I remove whatsapp and make my daughter hate me, any apps that can monitor it in the uk?
I trust my daughter saves a lot of hassle.
How old is she Drac? The shit I have seen from others and the fact she deletes messages, it makes it hard to be so relaxed.
[quote=Drac ]I trust my daughter saves a lot of hassle.+1
Do you think the stuff on her phone is any worse than she says/hears in the playground?
I trusted my daughter at that age. It went reasonably well.
The supplied phone has the wherewithal to restrict app installation and use? If so enable the controls and away you go.
She will hate you for it and will attempt to circumvent the controls. Do you really want 6 years of escalating software wars?
Scotroutes it's the inability to escape from influence of others be it friend or foe that is the worst thing about unrestricted phone use. We had to train ours that it is ok to switch the thing off and not to be constantly available.
Have a very honest discussion with her - I trust my lad with his phone, but my wife works in child protection and sees what happens when it goes horribly wrong as well.
We have just gone for the blunt approach with our daughter, and told her...
- Anything you post on the internet- bullying people, racist comments, whatever - lasts forever and might come back to bite you so think about what you're doing.
- If you send dirty pictures to boys they WILL save them and they WILL show their mates and they will probably go round everyone at your school.
- If anyone sends you dirty pictures and you send them on then you might get in trouble for doing that.
- There are loads of dirty old men on the internet pretending to be teenage boys or girls so don't make friends with anyone you don't know in person.
- Don't forget Dad's a policeman and can find out what you've been up to 😀
Up to her after that.
EDIT - Although wifi for her goes off at 11pm until 7am. And this...
Do you think the stuff on her phone is any worse than she says/hears in the playground?
Definitely trust is the way forward, with a healthy dose of education about online perils thrown in.
How old is she Drac?
12 but she's had a phone since about 9.
She's been told the rules, she breaks them every now and then; kids do, bullying existed before phones, she knows how to block those that she doesn't want.
MCTD We had an incidence of it going badly wrong for Ms Sandwich. Thankfully she stepped back from the edge.
I guess what we are wrestling with is the fact we allowed the phone in the first place as a 'safety aid' actually, was it just a comfort blanket for us?
It seems to cause more hassle than comfort tbh and at 11 i don't want her worrying about anything.
Drac, how do you know she breaks the rules?
Because that's what kids do.
Not to dwell on this too much however you did say you didn't monitor her and then suggested she breaks the rules from time to time. Just interested how the rule breaking became apparent, was it fall out from the situation?
why didn't you get a phone that just does texts and calls?
I said I trust her, which I do. On rare occasions I'll check her phone just to make sure nothing bad is going on. It rarely does and certainly no more than what happens in the playground, if not less so because she can block or not give out her details on her phone.
As a pastoral leader in a secondary school the number of issues surrounding phones is disproportionate. Snap chat, kick, whatsapp, Instagram and Facebook chats. Not as simple as monitoring texts any more. Only way to manage imo is to monitor the phone and accounts but to develop trust. Your daughter needs to be able to come to you WHEN things go wrong and you need to be able to give her the tools to deal with the issues.
I trust my daughter saves a lot of hassle.
...I'll check her phone just to make sure nothing bad is going on.
That made me chuckle. The aggressive inference of the first statement followed by the rank hypocrisy of the second is just perfect.
OP:
A fully functioning smart phone isn't something I'd personally give to a 11/12 year old 100% access to freely. Yes trusting her is great, and despite what others say, choosing to restrict something like this doesn't mean you don't trust her, it's that you feel it's not appropriate or needed at her age.
WhatsApp though specifically? I think that's fine and wouldn't monitor personally unless I thought there was an issue and intervened. As long as she knows that she won't be in trouble if others abuse it (and send her things) and that she should come to you, it would actually build trust.
Good luck with it. It's a challenging request for a lot of parents. Everyone parents differently and it's fantastic that they do. Take the "everyone has WhatsApp, my world is going to end" line with a pinch of salt.
That made me chuckle. The aggressive inference of the first statement followed by the rank hypocrisy of the second is just perfect.
Well it would if you deliberately misquote me by missing a part out.
I do trust her. That's why I don't look for an app that will txt me if she was to use a naughty word. Can you see the difference? Why was it aggressive? Oh it wasn't.
Do you check your daughters phone?
Where did I say I didn't?
Although wifi for her goes off at 11pm until 7am
tried that but the 4G is faster than my wifi.
Trust and education is the way forward.
I trust my daughter saves a lot of hassle.
I don't think you're aware, but this kind of statement comes across as passive aggressive, arsey, and inferring that the OP doesn't trust his child.
To then follow that preachy tone by actually saying you do check your daughters phone makes you look a bit foolish.
Funnily enough, I agree with your second part about giving access with loose oversight!
I don't know if you are aware but the OP didn't seem to take offence by this, probably because there wasn't any meant.