[Closed] Child maintenance costs... a bit of assistance please..

Ahh  mate, you're ****ed

It's a ridiculous system, assuming that she's put in the claim for child benefit (which she kinda has to do if she wants to take mat leave and keep her NI topped up) then she can claim for maint off you, even if you have the kids more than half the time.

Do the calculator and get ready to get shafted. The only thing you can do is offer to pay for everything, get that all in writing and agreed to, then put in a claim for the child benefit demonstrating that you're paying for ht emajority of the costs. It's dirty but it's the only way to win.

>£350 a month here on a 6/8 split

IIRC, neither parent pays the other when care is (officially) shared 50:50. It makes no sense to do that when the child is living with both parents an equal amount of the time.

If one parent has full custody however, and you have your child say, 3 nights per week. The recommendation is something like 10% of your wages. There's an online calculator.

Hi Dr P

try this tool  https://www.gov.uk/calculate-your-child-maintenance

One of you will still be "parent with care" even if you're sharing 50/50.

Stick to what the tool tells you to pay and you're covered. everything over and above that - paying for uniforms etc, is up to you.

Well, I just spoke to the 'child maintenance options' people, who said the online calculator is a very basic tool, and not legally binding>
He listened to the circumstances/ 50:50 etc, and said that if it goes through the child maintenance people, it'll come out with a 'null cost' outcome i.e no-one pays anyone.

Will she listen??!!!!

meh!

DrP

Just a thought...  Does your ex know about this site and it's general usefulness as a sounding board?  May she check on here for things you've posted?

Some of the (understandable) comments you've made about her, while not overly nasty, might come back to bite you if she does...

Just get the CSA/whatever they are called now involved. Then it’s legit.

Hmmm yeah 50:50 split, both parents in work, I don't see why you would be paying maintenance. As your solicitor agrees, you'll have to use this as your starting point in any negotiation with mediators or through lawyers.

Based on my experience, some man hating evil witch(es) will be poking her into making stuff harder for you than there's any possible justification for. Not that this helps to do anything but understand what's perhaps going on.

I'd do it all through the CSA/CMS (whatever they are these days). Then it's all legal, above board and 'official'.

She will be in for a rude awakening though, if you are going to be sharing them on a 50/50 split, she won't be getting anything.

This unfortunately then causes a chain reaction, as the sisterhood behind her will be telling her to have your balls on a plate & will be going in hard, for everything else they possibly can, as recompense.

Also worth noting, you're in a slightly exposed/dangerous position with her owning her own business/self employed, if she is sneaky & uses that to her advantage, you will find out all of a sudden she is earning minimum wage and taking everything else a dividends.. You might be in for some pain there for maintenance.

^+1 to the min wage dividend thing.

Any chance you supported her while she set up the business? If so can you in a claim for that? Might make her calm down and accept the null outcome.

see towards the bottom of page 29 in this useful Child Maintenance Service guidance booklet...

https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/how-we-work-out-child-maintenance

"Q: What happens if the day-to-day care of a child is equal between a
paying parent and a receiving parent?
A: In this situation, the paying parent does not have to pay any child
maintenance for that child." 

I am a 50% shareholder in 'her business'....

But i really don't want to be mean or an arse, and use that against her in any way. Just stating a fact.

And yes - in terms of support for setting up her business, my sole wage at the time bank rolled the whole thing. Which, again, I was happy to do as we were married!

I wonder if my idealistic view of the world, and general attempt to be nice,  is going to to get me shafted from my moral high ground!

DrP

I am a 50% shareholder in ‘her business’….

But i really don’t want to be mean or an arse, and use that against her in any way. Just stating a fact.

It'll have to come up when you negotiate the divorce settlement. Nothing mean about that, just a fact of life.

When I got divorced the other half got half of a small business I had. I had to sell it to pay her out. pretty sure it would work the same way for you. IANAL. It was a long protracted and bitter divorce. Try to avoid it because only the lawyers benefit.

I wonder if my idealistic view of the world, and general attempt to be nice,  is going to to get me shafted from my moral high ground!

I think if she's being like this already, in the situation of 2 high earners, the only people who will win in this situation are your respective solicitors.

But, I can almost guarantee you will come off somewhere between slightly & significantly worse, depending on how far she's prepared to go.

I wonder if my idealistic view of the world, and general attempt to be nice, is going to to get me shafted from my moral high ground!

I would suspect it could be heading that way.

I would seriously advise getting a decent lawyer, giving them all the information and following their advice.

Even if a lawyer costs you 5/10/20k, if they save you 100/200k etc its worth it.

If she is becoming a bit nasty now, imagine what things are going to get like when it gets down to the final spit of assets, from your other thread;

stating she wants to stay in the house, that ‘the woman always has teh right to the house’.

I would want it sorted officially, not just an agreement that might come back and bite you.

Sell the house and split proceeds, or one can buy the other out etc.

Take lawyers advice on things where you have contributed, eg supporting her business

Based on my experience, some man hating evil witch(es) will be poking her into making stuff harder for you than there’s any possible justification for. Not that this helps to do anything but understand what’s perhaps going on.

I sometimes struggle to comprehend the motives of others...

I COMPLETELY get it, that if i f'ed off and only saw the kids once a month, then OF COURSE I should pay for MY KIDS 100% of the time...
But i'm giving them warm beds half the time, feeding them half the time, taking them places half the time...
'shrugs shoulders'...!

I'm also offering to pay indefinitely for all school trips and activities and school clothes.

To me, this seems to come down to "I want money" rather than "I want to maintain the children"... I dunno...

DrP

To me, this seems to come down to “I want money” rather than “I want to maintain the children”… I dunno…

More like I want to punish you. My ex was like that. It wasn't the money for her. It was getting back at me. And I wasn't the one who had the affair. 🙁

as said above, go to a good solicitor who is used to dealing with divorce proceedings involving independently wealthy people. They will have dealt with all of your questions hundreds of times before and won't consider any of it unusual. Potentially also worth taking some advice from a financial adviser about control of the trust funds after divorce.

The saddest thing about this is that in the 8-10 minutes I had to talk with Dr P as we met during a bike race, he was one of the nicest people I'd ever met on a bike, the kind of chap you wouldn't hesitate to give your last gel to.

I can't really help but offer you the best of luck Dr P and I hope it goes well for you and your kids.

When I split from my 2nd wife our daughter was almost 3 and we agreed to a 50/50 slit for parental duties. Worked quit well as each of us  had time as a parent and time as a singleton. I never had to pay maintenance. We just split clothing/uniform costs  etc. That was a few years ago my daughter is now 20. Don’t understand why you would have to pay maintenance to your ex if she has a reasonable income.

The saddest thing about this is that in the 8-10 minutes I had to talk with Dr P as we met during a bike race, he was one of the nicest people I’d ever met on a bike, the kind of chap you wouldn’t hesitate to give your last gel to.

I can’t really help but offer you the best of luck Dr P and I hope it goes well for you and your kids.

Cheers dude x

DrP

I'd recommend formalising the child benefit situation as that was the initial determining factor for who was the resident parent. In a 50:50 shared care scenario you need to ensure you retain 50% as anything less can lead to the resident parent exercising power over access, maintenance etc to punish you rather than putting the children first so prevention is better than a cure.

IME you should plan for the worst so the sooner you have a solid and understood legal framework, the greater the stability going forwards for all.

Good luck.

Nothing of any real use to add. Just hope everything works out for you and that the kids are doing okay.