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I don't mean your cheesey "get your coat, love" stuff
I wanna hear you're awesome techniques that have proven results?
Also ones where you don't have to be lousy drunk. I'm thinking ice-breakers in a supearket or train platform...
Just outbid interest like, absolutely not gonna try any of them...
Almost by definition anything formulaic is less likely to be successful, though I'm far from being an expert at talking to women I fancy, so probably best to ignore me.
Having been married for nearly 20 years of my just over 40 years existence, I cannot remember, but must have been awesome, as it seems the first attempt worked... 8)
I'm thinking ice-breakers in a supearket or [b]train platform[/b]...
"Please let me look, I happen to be a doctor"
One of my mates, who is a good looking fella, achieved 'Legend' status when his now-girlfriend revealed that after a flirtatious evening when they first met, he'd walked her home to her house and been invited in.
She nipped to get drinks. He made himself comfortable. When she returned, he'd got his kit off, and as she walked in he delivered the killer line....
"Climb on"
😀
Used on, not by, me;
"I'm going home for a shower and you're joining me. "
Lovely lass from Leamington Spa. Ahhhhhh, happy memories.
I once asked a girl in a shop if she wanted a ... well, you know.
Aah, those were the days!
One of my mates
liar...i bet it was you really!! 😉
When I was in uni I rented a room in a shared house we called the dinosaur room. It was obviously a kids bedroom previously and had muriels of dinosaur landscapes with stickers of dinosaurs on the walls and a dark blue ceiling with cotton wool clouds and glow in the dark stars. Twice I lured girls in after telling them about it and using the phrase 'do you want to see my dinosaur?'
In all honesty, nothing is more alluring than confidence in your own skin. Likewise if you can talk normally and hold a conversation thats good too. The initial start is tricky and depends where you are. Supermarket, notice something they are buying like chocolate, ask them if they have tried something similar. But body language and tone will give away more than words alone.
I'm thinking ice-breakers in a supermarket
Wait for a woman you fancy start to inspect the cucumbers,... sidle up next to her, pick up a bigger one than she has and say "Mine' bigger than that"....
"So, Pinot Grigio or cider oblivion"
Was the bet I made to someone who shall remain nameless 😆 still, the bucket in the bedroom sort of took the edge off
Gonzy - I can only dream of being possessed with such self confidence. Too high risk a strategy for me, my friend 😀
Well in the spirit of @cfh
Got into a cab with a girl to go back to the hotel, the taxi driver turned round and asked where we wanted to go and she said "I'm going to heaven". I just wish my mates where around to hear it as frankly none of them believe me. This evening had followed standard UK dating practice as the girl was totally drunk, why else would she be in a cab with me 😐
I can't say I have any magic lines but I think it's best to think of an interesting question to ask so they get to talk about themselves
If you just want to get your end away then by far the best technique is to walk into your local pulling joint with a smile on your face and look as though you're really enjoying yourself without trying. People will want to talk to you.
Otherwise, if you're looking for stimulating conversation and companionship then going for an amazing chat up line never really works...you either have to follow up with something equally amazing or you end up having to explain it to your baffled audience. There's nothing worse than discovering that your jaw-dropping Princess from the planet Venus is actually a humourless moron.
Does hello not work as an ice breaker these days? The other problem is everyone seems to be either obsessed with looking at a device with a little screen or have earphone things in.
Does hello not work as an ice breaker these days?
a friendly cock-slapping works better, certainly leaves no unbroken ice
The other problem is everyone seems to be either obsessed with looking at a device with a little screen
It's possible to use this to your advantage. Wait until your chosen prey has stopped in her tracks to fiddle with said screen, and then simply walk in to her. Instant ice-breaker 🙂
She nipped to get drinks. He made himself comfortable. When she returned, he'd got his kit off, and as she walked in he delivered the killer line...."Climb on"
9 months for sexual harrassment nowadays.......
muriels of dinosaur landscapes
Was your English teacher Hilda Ogden?
"The train's late again today. Fancy a shag?"
by far the best technique is to walk into your local pulling joint with a smile on your face and look as though you're really enjoying yourself without trying. People will want to talk to you.
Does this work in Sainsbury's?
Does this work in Sainsbury's?
'I'm glad your here, mind if I hang my coat up?'
Only works next to the chiller cabinet.
Once, when I was much younger, much fitter and much more handsome, I had what would now be described as a [i]Cougar [/i] introduce herself to me in a club with the line 'would you like to see some puppies?' 😯
My jaw fair hit the floor!
To my eternal regret (and because I was young and madly in love with my girlfriend) I didn't take her up on the offer
Nor did I manage to respond with a witty line like 'my mum told me never to go anywhere with strangers' 😥
still ranks as the best chatup line I've ever heard though 😀
"sorry, i have lost my phone number, can i borrow yours?"
nailed it every-time.
My happily married mate literally has women hanging off him on tours... He's quite a character anyway and has a pet sausage dog called Branston which he has literally hundreds of photos of on his phone, all of which are shown with amusing narration. After about 50 photos he'll eventually get to one of his stunning wife, at which point he'll go 'ah and this is my wife, I love her dearly' and kiss his screen. The looks of disappointment on the ladies' faces is a sight to behold.
you: "have you heard that one of the planets is about to be destroyed?"
her (or him): "really? which one?"
you: "Uranus"
--------------------
you: "it would be great if you were my washing machine... i've got a dirty load that needs taking care of"
--------------------
you: "what's the difference between jelly and jam?"
her: "bla bla bla..."
you: "i can't jelly my penis up your §$%&/"
on a more serious note....
on second thought... nah...
a friendly cock-slapping works better, certainly leaves no unbroken ice
Careful, you get jailed for that these days...
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A gentle complement in a nontl threatening way is a good start. Such as you has da epic wobblerz
Me " do i have to"
Her "yes"
I am not giving any more clues
TBH i doubt there is anything beyond formulaic crap. there w as a programme on Radio 4 explaining how pick up artists do it and it is largely about confidence and having a standard delivery and then relying on being yourself.
Apprently the opening line was something like
I am sorry and i done normally do this but i could help but notice you and there is something i really like about you its your { insert thing here nothing rude- hair clothes, smile etc.]. Whilst they are please with this compliment you then say you look kind of South america, european spanish whatever and ask if they are from there - they then feel obliged to answer and then you chat
There are websites dedicated to this shit and i forget the name they used
Seems really really disingenuous to me
I always assume nearly anything will do s an opening gambit and if they like you they will chat back.
For the more older woman who must know she's not what she once was - You must have been gorgeous when you were younger.
you: "it would be great if you were my washing machine... i've got a dirty load that needs taking care of"
This is gold.
alpin, going for the sublte approach then 😀
The one and only time I tried - I walked up to her and said 'I really don't know how to do chat up lines but I couldn't pass up the opportunity to speak to you'.
She looked the spit of
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[/img]
She said no because she had a boyfriend but she appeared genuinely flattered and I am sure she'd have gone for it if she was single. (Or so I like to think).
Does this work in Sainsbury's?
(stood infront of an empty chiller cabinet that had previously housed some Ben and Jerries)
Me: I'm ot sure what's more dissapointing, the series of events that lead to me wanting that icecream, or the fact there isn't any.
Her: It's alright, I've got some in the freezer, want to come over?
Guys, Guys, guys...it's not the words that matter, it's the delivery, the timing and the attitude...
watch and learn, watch and learn... 🙂
Background - Timing is key, be 5 mins behind her.
Rule 3 - We pursue that which retreats from us.
A gentle complement in a nontl threatening way is a good start. Such as you has da epic wobblerz
nah, you need to be more sophisticated than that, like "wooooah, they look like a photo finish in a zeppelin race"
THEN slap her in the face with your cock, telling her it's ok, you'll be out in time for the birth.
There are websites dedicated to this shit and i forget the name they used
Seems really really disingenuous to me
Indeed there are. i found one or two and the advice seemed to be to be complementary to flatter her, but be slightly insulting as well to throw her slightly off balance. The solution seemed obvious but
"You're ugly but you'll do" only works if you consider a slap in the face and a drink poured over you as a form of sexual gratification.
I was chatting to the girl in hobby craft at the weekend about how its almost impossible not to spell out rude words with the decoupage letters, I did think about rearranging the numbers to my phone number, but TBH I wasn't feeling the vibe
You guys can use that though
THEN slap her in the face with your cock, telling her it's ok, you'll be out in time for the birth.
Shit, you can get a girl pregnant like that 😯
I was stood on a plaform at Woking station recently. This girl came up and asked me the time. I looked around there were screens a clocks everywhere so I thought 'ay up' I said "it's business time" assuming everyone in world knows Flight of the Conchords. She said "what?" I nodded toward the big clock above us, she said "I have left my glasses at work, I can't see it." So I said "it's five to seven" then she walked off.
Is that a mirror in your knickers ? 'Cause I can see myself in 'em...
It worked as well*
*As long as call getting slapped across the face a success* 😕
The classic from HEBS.
Always worth another listen though jaffejoffer 😆
Bastard Internet
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My favourite - and it works 😉
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Worked great when a french girl asked me - "do you mand slipping weeve me?"
but no matter how hard I've tried "veux tu se couchez avec moi" just never seems to cut the mustard 😕
"Can I shit on your chest?" Not one of mine but apparently it had a higher success rate than you'd think!
Empty pub on quiz night - "Can we sit here, there's nowhere else to sit?" Quiz night is a massive obvious bonus!
"What's your mates name? She's fit as ****!" Women are jealous...
"Are you as good in bed as Leanne?" Friend of a "friend".
Written on a piece of paper (back of a till receipt if you're in Sainsbury's!) and handed to the lucky lady:
Date?
Yes = smile
No = backflip
Roses are red
Violets are blue
I've got a knife
Now get in the van
"I'd love to give your Sigourney Weaver some attention"
Said by some Essex get to a six foot, perfect 10, redheaded lass in Edinburgh.
She was loving the accent.. WTF!!... So I believe the essex boy was laying the Mockney on a little think.
I had a friend who worked for parcel force a good looking lad who would sleep with several woman every week.
He said he had no secret, he said when I see a woman I like I say hello and ask them if they fancied a shag.
I said that worked, he said percentage wise, no, but he would ask 100s of women a week.
And he said there is no shame in a knock back and if you don't make any calls you won't make any sales.
And you would be surprised at the woman that took him up on his offer as no one else would know, and said you had a better chance with a woman if they thought that they could have no strings sex without it damaging their reputation.
I've seen this one go down a treat in a, err, documentary once:
<KNOCK KNOCK>
Her <opens front door>: Hello?
Him: I've come to fix your cable TV.
The documentaries you speak of used to have a story line, a beginning a middle and an end, an end which normally ended with audible noises that both parties had arrived.
Then they decided to do away with the plot completely and just replace them with a compilation of the action scenes.
But felt that to be able to cut from one action scene to another they had to underline the previous scene was finished. Thus the external money shot was born.
You learn something new everyday.
I have an absolute 100% success rate with "I was just wondering how bad an idea would it be to hit on you?" or variations thereof. To the point that I'm now afraid to use it ever again in case it doesn't work and ruins the run. Only really works with someone you know a bit, rather than total strangers though
scruff9252 - MemberThe classic from HEBS.
Seemed to work for him, he ended up in Band of Brothers
I thought the best way was to catch their eye, look away and then back again, smile, walk over and just start speaking. Saw it on TV once so it must work !
I honestly don't think I have ever used a chat-up line. I had zero interest from women when younger, so never dared.
Or if you find yourself catching the eye of someone at a club, smile and move somewhere else when they look away.
And watch to see if they look towards where you were standing and then scan the room when they see you are no longer there.
Also seen on the tele. 😀
I had a reputation with barmaids completely accidental.
I would go to a pub in the afternoon when it was very quiet armed with a newspaper and sit at the bar reading it.
I would then spend the afternoon discussing current affairs with the otherwise unoccupied barmaid.
And would end up tipsey in her bed.
now I am no longer young and handsome I doubt it would work.
TBH I wasn't feeling the vibe
They write themselves sometimes, don't they.
On a train to Manchester once, a Perfect 10 sat opposite me. I was reading the Times so it was a simple job to gaze at her over the top of the pages. We caught eye contact a couple of times... She blushed... She was beautiful.
I was getting off at Oxford Road, I guessed she was carrying on to the airport as she had a suitcase.
I got to the crossword page and started filling it in... I spent a bit of time making it look good - all the words crossing and joining in the correct fashion:
"I'M GATSBY, YOU'RE PERFECT. CALL ME. 07123 456790."
When I got off the train, I smiled and pushed the newspaper across the table, knowing that nobody can see an unfinished crossword without completing it.
I hadn't got as far as the Corner House when I got the text...
"I knew you were an arrogant bastard the moment I sat down. In Italy for next 4 weeks, call me when I get back".
I never did call her, didn't want to ruin a perfect relationship. 😉
G
I think Matt Berry has all bases covered in these clips.
Matt Berry =Funny 😆
Admittedly these are supposed to be good ones, but I don't know any.
Used on me a couple of years ago..
"You're only mildly attractive, but I find you fascinating. Fancy a blowjob?"
'A bit of a backhanded compliment, but an offer's an offer' you may think.
Unfortunately, I appear to be catnip to middle-aged homosexuals. In this case a portly, accordion playing busker I'd got chatting to in the local 'spoons. He seemed genuinely upset when I politely declined, bless him.
My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can't hold it in.
I once caught a girls eye across the club then stuck my tongue out at her. It actually worked!
Yeah, but not every one has an eight inch tongue.
One of my exs came up to me in a club and just said 'I saw you from across the room, I think you are gorgeaus' It worked, but she was a b**ch and it didnt last long.
You could use a negliment or a negative compliment. Like 'your hair would look better up' but this is for the overly confident for one nighters.
I never did call her, didn't want to ruin a perfect relationship.
You didn't have her number 😀
When I was 19 on a trip to Barcelona some girl from my art foundation course came up to me on a night out and said..."take me back and shag me". It was the 90's so people still said shag back then.
I did and we ended up going out. She was a super loon. The kind that would bang her head against a wall repeatedly if I said I was going to meet friends that weekend.
I escaped to uni but only just.
You didn't have her number
You know when someone texts you? That's their phone number that is...
Sounds like you might struggle with the Times crossword as much as me Euro! 😆
G
a mate used to just go up to groups of girls in bars, clap his hands together and say "Who's up for some casual sex then?"
he got quite a lot of casual sex. he also got told to **** off a lot....
You know when someone texts you? That's their phone number that is...
It's pretty obvious now some smart arse has pointed it out 😳
Sounds like you might struggle with the Times crossword as much as me Euro!
I'm more of a dot to dot kinda guy.
Haha, sorry Euro, couldn't resist! 😆
G
Surely just stroking your beard and saying "Yes that's my steel,rigid , single speed outside" should work, shouldn't it?
A friend's chat up line.
Him: Would shag me for £1?
Her: No!
Him: Would you shag me for £1,000,000?
Her: Yes!!
Him: Now we've established what you are, let's haggle.
It didn't go as planned.
There's a chap on here that I'm good friends with who has a breathtaking way with the ladies. Never for himself, mind. Every single time I've been out with him there has been at least one stunning lady approached by him and brought back to our table to talk to me. All because I once mentioned that I had a thing for redheads. Doesn't matter to him that I'm married, or that I've been with my wife for three years longer than the eight I've known him.
He's literally unbelievably good, and like a true master he won't give up his secret either. If only I'd known him in my early Uni days...