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Seeing as though it has already started in the other thread I thought it deserved a separate one.
Bayman Begins - Michael Bay biopic featuring tanks, guns, lazy racial stereotypes and half naked ladies for no apparent reason.
Doltergeist - inept ghost fails to scare the living.
The man with two trains - Finally an answer to why Trans Pennine is so shite.
Stat Wars - The universe collides as 2 forces do battle debating the pros and cons of 29ers and 26ers.
Pie Hard - story of stale baked goods
The Umpire Strikes Back. A dull movie lasting several days that will test your patience as one man gets fed up of holding jumpers ...
Austin Towers an art film about a scrap yard in the 1980s
Lawrence Of Alabia
(T.E. Lawrence embarks on a daring camel-journey)
Swatch
Mobsters, bookies and fighters converge on gangland London chasing a stolen inexpensive plastic swiss fashion timepiece.
Star Wart - Darth Vadar's Through The Keyhole virus-driven growth-based spinoff.
FT - An extraterrestrial makes a killing shorting the market.
Dinky Boots - The desperate beneficiary of a shoe factory enlists the help of a drag queen to design shoes for the little folk in order to save the business.
The Numan centipede
Having nothing to do since the demise of electronic music and still bitter at them knocking him off the top of the charts in the 70's Gary one by one lures all the members of the Police to his house and reunites them one last time.
Full Metal Packet, a film about canned fish.
The Italian Hob - because watching pasta cook is fun
Das Hoot - Jürgen Prochnow having lots of fun and games on a U-boat
Once Upon A Time In Hollyrood. A rambling tale of Nicola Sturgeon's time in government, culminating in a comedy of errors where she accidentally takes acid and rampages around the Scottish Parliament with a flamethrower (well, a can of hairspray and a lighter).
Avengers: Infinity Par. A bunch of drug-enhanced golfers take on the universe's longest hole.
The Shape Of Later. A bizarre half-human, half-cockney creature attempts to convince a deaf woman that niche music is worth fighting for.
Toker. An ex-mental patient tries to build a career as a party clown while gradually crumbling as the world increasingly turns against him, but eventually decides the only way to deal with this is to roll a massive spliff and let everything wash over him.
Murs Attacks - Olly doesn’t take kindly to the latest album reviews.
Those magnificent men in their Frying machines - lots of thrills and spills in Glasgows pop-up food industry
Slade Runner - A man runs downs cybernetic recreations of 70's pop brummie combo Slade...in the future.
The Cook, the Thief, His Wifi & Her Lover - Arty film about patrons of a restaurant trying to get a good signal.
Sorn on the 4th of July- a Vietnam vet attempts to get his car registered as off the road in July.
Sorry, bored at lunch.
Jokes - 122 mins of Tim Vine
Transfarmers - The story of struggle for acceptance in a rural Britain
Dude, there's my car - Much shorter than the original.
Slack Panther: Superhero can't really be bothered to save the world
Old Soy: Japanese chef gets locked away for many years with only one ingredient
Womb Raider: The long awaited feature length version of 'Call the midwife'
Bolo: The early years of one of China's best martial arts bad guys
(He's 73 now...)
Dig trouble in Little China: Kurt Russell takes the role of Tony Robinson in this Asian Timeteam special
Baws 3D- Viz's Buster Gonad bought to life, coming in an IMAX near you.
Drain Man - a not all that exciting docudrama following a day in the life of the chap from Dyno-rod
Allen - the story of Carrie's brother.
Jurassic Pork - A food inspector's fight against out of date animal products.
Wild Wold West - two Lincolnshire farmers go in search of the fabled giant weevil aiming to steal their crops.
Streamers - a dystopian nightmare set in a nursery where the staff struggle to get through the anti-fly screens fitted to the doors.
Goana: A monitor lizard sets off on a heroic mission to rescue her tribe with the help of a shape-shifting WWE wrestler
"You're welcome" 🙂
Skyfull - a retired 007 gets into trouble with the local constabulary for shooting down pesky delivery drones
Maxi Driver
To Hull and back - Audie Murphy faces his toughest battle during rush hour
Flesh Gordon - saucy remake of the sci fi classic...wait a minute
The Filth Elelement - In the 23rd century, a New York City cabbie, Korben Dallas (Bruce Willis), finds it difficult to get the 50 pound cleaning fee off (Milla Jovovich).
Past Away - The sole survivor of the flight, Chuck washes ashore on a deserted island. When his efforts to sail away and contact help fail, he dies.
Betty Glue - a 30 something aspiring writer falls in love with Betty - a volatile and impulsive Knackers Yard owner.
The Lady and the Trump - prequel to Gone with the Wind
Maxi Driver definitely winning so far 🙂
.
A Quiet Plaice - well, fish don't say much
Kindergarden Mop - someone has to clean up
Naked Nun - No explanation required
Rita, Sue and Bob poo - niche
Horse box gang band
Brassed-off sequel where small-town youths form a travelling splinter group and busk Christmas markets around yorkshire, using what transport they can find at short notice
Roker. A man descends into madness as his favourite stadium is sacrificed to corporate greed.
Spanners - see urban dictionary for a synopsis.
Mead Machine - Vinnie Jones returns in his later years for this honey-based alcholic-beverage romp.
Socketman - fantasy biopic charting a top electrician's rise to become one of the most famous electrician in the world.
Requiem for a bream, John Wilson's descent into madness as his addiction to coarse fishing leads to the death of his most beloved fish
Star Bars - documentary series looking at pubs and clubs owned by celebrities. In a galaxy far, far away.
Chitty Chitty Gang Bang
Mingin' in the Rain. A film about wearing double denim in bad weather
The Pound of Music. Julie Andrews gurns her way through 3 hours of techno.
Mary Poopins - the harsh reality of being a nanny with uncontrollable bowel issues
Pinions - an animated film about a bunch of mischievous small cogs
Shriek - An operatic Ogre goes looking for a princess
Beverly Hills Co-Op - fly on the wall documentary about a small supermarket trying to survive in a glamorous neighbourhood
Fart & Furious - a gang employ ridiculously complicated techniques to steal Picolax from fast moving lorries
Fart & Curious: Did he, didn't he???
Sladerunner - Noddy the Nexus-6 replicant belting out the greatest hits whilst the C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhauser Gate
She Blob. A period drama.
Snitch - a twisted tale of illegal fighting, travelling caravan salesman, diamonds, a squeaky dog and a great bit telltale tit....
The Jambusters - a daring raid on a German preserves factory.
High Toon - gunslingers in Newcastle.
Ice Sold in Alex - the tale of an ambulance in Egypt converted to a mobile refrigeration unit.
The Germinator - a green-fingered cyborg comes back from the future to grow some flowers.
The Mild Bunch - In 1913, with the Old West largely tamed and their existences seemingly destined for oblivion, an aging outlaw gang resolves to pack it all in and retire.
Back to the Furure - Dyslexic nazi apologist attempts to go back to 1933 to change the future.
Cool Tunnings
A group of jamaicans set up a microbrewery and against the odds walk away with the Camra gold medal.
Marathon Nan
Your Gran is unwittingly caught in the middle of an international conspiracy involving stolen diamonds, an exiled Nazi war criminal, and a rogue government agent. The dentist scene loses impact when it turns out all her teeth are false and they sit down for a cup of tea and a chat about the old days instead.
There Will Be Flood...the prequel to Noah, explores God's thinking ahead of the great deluge.
The Dork Knight Rises - an unfashionable medieval warrior foregoes his usual lie-in.
The Big Flue - Jacques Mayol's mystical affinity with the ocean drives his successful boiler upgrading career.
The Ham Busters - A profile of David Cameron's time at Eton.
The Moonies - a bunch of kids terrorise a small American town with their bare buttocks.
Man Cites Dog - comedy/thriller - the rise of a Chihuahua through academia to become the most famous professor in all the world.
'Bring me the Read of Alfredo Garcia' - literary piece discussing the contents of mild mannered librarian's favourite books
'Apocalypse, Not' - turns out everything's fine
'Crouching Liger, Hidden Dragon' - why's it always me?
'24 Hour Farty People' - the morning after the night before
'Sad Max' - poor bloke
From t'other thread
Hobocop - Mild mannered Accountant Barry Brown downs a bottle of Lightning at lunch and is transformed into the scourge of the underworld (etc and with apologies to Viz)
And more
Daddyshack - A psychopathic greens keeper builds his own garden shed
Rusky Business - Tom Cruise in straight-to-dvd remake of Three men and a Baby
Footsie - Dustin Hoffman in a dress plays under table tennis with Bill Murray
Flushdance - After a weekend spent necking WKD and dancing round her handbag, our young, female welder from Stockton spends most of Monday doing the porcelain pogo
The Taxic Avenger - Mild mannered Accountant Barry Brown tracks down and kills those tradespeople who have fallen foul of IR35
The Lost Starfighter - Top space pilot Alex Rogan decides to go to the football, but has to find his own way home after his satnav takes him to Stamford Bridge in Yorkshire
[EDIT] No, that's two letters!
Toadtrip - About amphibians who think it's funny to push people over.
Berminator - one man's relentless quest to add flow to his local cheeky trails
The Transpouter. Statham wears a frock.
EP.
That didn't really work did it?
Jars - Jam-making in Martha's Vineyard
Socky - a brain damaged boxer finds his voice via his sock puppet alter-ego
Boy Story.
George o’Dowd biopic. Rated R.
Jurassic Pork - A pragmatic butcher visiting an almost complete theme park is tasked with protecting a couple of kids after a power failure causes the park's cloned pigs to run loose.
Speltbound - a man arrives at a bakery assuming the role of the new head baker. All is not as it seems as he is rumbled when he insists that all bread contains a high spelt ratio
Curry On Up the Khyber - Kilted warriors of the 3rd Foot and Mouth attempt the spicy curry challenge at the Khasi of Kalabars new curry house.
Blazing Sandles - Australian remake of cowboy classic set on Bondi beach on a really hot day
There Will be Brood - a story of family, religion, hatred, chickens and madness, focusing on a turn-of-the-century poultry farmer in the golden years of the business.
Jurassic Perk. Fred and Barney open a coffee shop in Manhattan