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Been noticing a fair bit of this recently.
Cave-aged Cheddar has been around a while. Presumably the supposed selling point is that it's aged, or matured. Does the location in which this is achieved factor into this?
Would temperature-controlled-warehouse-aged cheddar or railway-arch-lock-up-aged cheddar not taste as good?
You get a lot in cooking too. Pan-fried Sea Bass etc. I don't know what else you would fry something in besides a pan. Deep fried I suppose although that would still tend to be in a pan of some sort. 🤔 Fried-Sea Bass would be enough of a description surely.
Today I saw a good one from a woodworker that I follow.
I give you, Barn-sawn Oak...
I mean, usually Oak is cut with a saw isn't it?. In this case it's a bandsaw/resaw, which gives you those distinctive cross-grain textured lines.
I imagine trying to cut it with a barn would be quite a challenge.
Is the cut somehow superior to one performed by the same type of saw in a small light industrial unit on the outskirts of Milton Keynes?
What other unnecessarily descriptive items you got?
Not the same but: Hand made crisps. Which part of the process? & besides get your ****ing hands off my crisps.
In the future people will be buying "light industrial unit aged coagulated cow lactate"
You can taste the cave in cave-aged Cheddar. It does make a difference. Whether it's to your taste or not is a different matter.
Barn sawn maybe typo band sawn, so the type of saw giving the surface finish lines.
Could be a typo I suppose. (It's not, I checked)
I don't know though. Anything is a thing these days when you apply the hipster filter 😊
Artisan welding = Can't be arsed to grind off the pigeon shit and let's pray there was enough penetration that it doesn't collapse before you get it home
Authentically aged / patina = New but battered
It is just to make it sound posh or crafted...people pay more - willingly - if something is sounds like it hasn't been mass-produced on a conveyor belt. Marketing and making more money from the punters...
Temporary Fix - Permanent fix until it bloody breaks again
No injuries this time babe, well just a few scratches = They released me from hospital before you expected me back so hopefully you won't spot this
You can taste the cave in cave-aged Cheddar.
What does cave taste like? 🤔
Normal wear and tear marks = Please don't look behind the wheel arch cladding
I had a mate who did the 'hand cooked' bit at Kettles chips, it just meant he had to stir the vat of immensely hot oil full of potato slices with a big stainless steel shovel instead of having a machine do it....
Sort of related but there's a lot of nationalistic branding now. Apparently a British flag makes all the difference to the product.
[img] 
[/img]
It's the world of Art-is-anal marketing: see crisps and other veg based snack food and beer, oh my god, beer....
cave in french = cellar... suppose cellar makes people think of spiders and junk
"barn sawn oak" is a cracker, though
"curated" can get in the sea, too, along with "artisan".
That said, I give you:
https://www.made-by-hand.co.uk/
We are a small business, a husband & wife team, based in Northern Ireland. Passionate about hand made products & especially the people who create them.
This online artisan family are stronger together and as we all begin to buy local we will see small business thrive.
Quality & uniqueness is guaranteed from all our makers & artists as each piece of work is carefully Made-By-Hand. For this reason our delivery times will take a little longer....
Thank you for dropping in and we hope you enjoy the collections that have been curated by us...
artisan, check
stronger together, check
buy local, check
small business, check
family, check
makers, check
artists, check
quality, check
uniqueness, check
made-by-hand, check
curated, check
yet perplexingly...
collective, missing
crafted, missing
Sort fo related but there’s a lot of nationalistic branding now. Apparently a British flag makes all the difference to the product.
I note that is 'British' water. So, might not be English... Could be Welsh or Scottish or Irish (but only Northern) then?
I'm no longer sure about the level of patriotism in the Co-Op. I think I will boycott them until they're a bit more obviously Brexit-y.
There's no such thing as a 'Sea Bass', it's a bass.
All of this Pan Fired/Hand Cut/Curated/Gravel/Workshop/£450 cycling dungaree marketing ****ery really puts me off a product.
If you can get a big bag of crisp for a quid where the potatoes have been sliced by hand then
a) the poor sod doing the hand cutting is a slave
b) they will have grobbed in the bag.
The most egregious example of this I have seen is on a few middlebrow restaurant menus: "Hen's egg".
Hen's egg!? What - do you eat at so many michelin-starred establishments your default expectation is quail? Emu?
*****ing hen's egg.
mahowlett
Free Member
I had a mate who did the ‘hand cooked’ bit at Kettles chips, it just meant he had to stir the vat of immensely hot oil full of potato slices with a big stainless steel shovel instead of having a machine do it….
Now I know! I will sleep a bit easier tonight, thankyou.
"finest" natural ingredients.
See this on everything from soap to shortbread.
I mean are they really the "finest" did they look at all possible options and only pick the "finest". Did 9 local farmers go home disappointed because their produce wasn't up to scratch and they really only picked the "finest"?
Or is it just marketing guff.
There’s no such thing as a ‘Sea Bass’, it’s a bass.
How low can you go?...
*****ing hen’s egg.
I done a lol 😂
" only the freshest ingredients " indicates poor stock control, they should be using the oldest stock first, not the freshest!
.
TBH I do get the union flag on things, although ice is a bit bizarre. We're all supposed to be reducing food miles and suchlike and that readily identifies something as local(ish), at least more local than New Zealand lamb or Spanish strawberries or whatever, it's only moved halfway across one country. We get a lot of it here in Scotland, the shops all go for Scottish on their packaging, even though something coming down here from Ullapool will have done at least four hours in a lorry whereas the English whatever from Morpeth a fraction of that. Although both probably came via a processing centre in Luton
The most egregious example of this I have seen is on a few middlebrow restaurant menus: “Hen’s egg”.
Was it from a happy free-range organic hen (fed only on finest natural ingredients) or just some poor thing in a small cage?
Can I just say that all this marketing guff is not necessarily a bad thing.
I know it goes against the grain on STW but if it makes people happier and causes no real harm then what is the problem.
When your little cherub starts playing the recorder at school and it sounds like a cat being anally violated you still compliment them and say how well they are doing. When your wife buys 'skin friendly soap' you don't kick her in the box and look for skin un-friendly soap.
I suggest you just look at the labelling, smile knowingly, and be happy that you are superior to those who things organic, natural spring water tastes better than all other bottled water that went through the same water treatment processes.
This shit matters enough to the EU to make laws protecting it. Roquefort for example has an EU law not only saying it has to be cave aged but aged in a specific cave and not any old cave. Protectionism or preservation of culture and traditions in the face of big global corporations slapping names on stuff and passing it off as the same? You decide.
To be fair if you’re a small producer competing against the big industrial companies like Kraft or something, and you can’t compete on price then you’ve got to distinguish your product somehow hence the marketing BS to highlight that this stuff is made differently and the way it’s made matters to the end product.
Does anyone not think a pork pie, for example, from a local farm shop made locally by a small producer who actually knows what is going in it, is nicer than something made abroad in a mega factory somewhere and shipped over in a plastic packet and sold for a few pence?
Not sure about barn sawn oak though. Maybe an example of it being taken to the extreme.
Stopped at the pub mid-ride on Monday and perused the sandwiches. Opted for this:
Homemade 6X Gold beer battered fish goujons, baby gem and tartare sauce
Admittedly it was a good fish ginger sarny, but a fish finger sarny still 🤨
Would temperature-controlled-warehouse-aged cheddar or railway-arch-lock-up-aged cheddar not taste as good?
Railway-arch-lock-up wouldn't be any good, too many temperature changes. Warehouse might work for cheddar (although you'd need to control the humidity too), but for blue cheese you definitely need the mould in the air.
There’s no such thing as a ‘Sea Bass’, it’s a bass.
You know there isn't just one species of bass, there are actually quite a few different species? Some of them being freshwater bass. So yes there are such things as Sea Bass. Bit embarrassing to be so confidently wrong!
Pertinent to this forum; 'Aerospace Grade Aluminium'. I've seen this on bikes/marketing guff since forever. It's complete bollocks, as the exact same type of alloys are used for all sorts of purposes. The'Aerospace' industries use a vast array of materials for the construction of aircraft, including wool, Brass, rubber and wood. Imagine; 'Aerospace Grade Wool'. For ****s sake.
'Designed in the UK/USA'; still made in a factory in China with terrible working conditions though...
There’s no such thing as a ‘Sea Bass’, it’s a bass.
How low can you go?…
Deserves recognition.
And recently switched to oat milk (i know alright - but makes me less bloaty) - the absolute guff on the various brands packaging is unbelievable. My wife seems to take great pleasure in buying whichever has the most ostentatious packaging. This is the latest - I mean what the actual f?
Edit - and
Surely the "pan fried" bit on sea bass is to differentiate it from battered deep fried fish? I know most people ordering it would know that but you bet if they didn't put it some dunce would ask the question at least once a night.
‘Aerospace Grade Aluminium’. I’ve seen this on bikes/marketing guff since forever. It’s complete bollocks
A Family Business Local to You, Providing All The Uniqueness and Individuality of Artisan Made Aerospace Grade Aluminium Hand Crafted by our Curated Collective of Makers Into a Personalised Made-to-Measure Adventure Ready Sunglasses Holder.
Practically every food product has at least some of this meaningless marketing rubbish on it.
See Tesco's "farm-grown" fruit & veg. Amazing! I thought they made it in a factory somewhere.
One of my favourite games is making up anti-marketing descriptions for stuff.
"Congealed, rotten bodily juices of a cow with green specks floating in it"
(cottage cheese with chives)
Mainly do this to myself as it drives my wife mad and I've been threatened with death if I get the kids doing it too 😀
"Wow, this looks exactly like pickled slugs! ...er, but in a good way dear"
Homemade 6X Gold beer battered fish goujons, baby gem and tartare sauce
Admittedly it was a good fish ginger sarny, but a fish finger sarny still
'Fish fingers' is a marketing term for goujons.
Funny shaped fish fingers, no less. Artisinal, you might say.
On a sainsbury carton of orange juice from circa 1995...
"This juice is made from oranges grown locally in Florida. It is especially juicy and easy to drink"
Oh FFS
Mediterranean sea salt.
Salt is sodium chloride. A chemist can make almost perfectly pure salt. Salt from the sea will contain impurities, if it tastes different to salt from a lab, that can only mean it has a lot of impurities. The Mediterranean sea is almost completely land-locked so most of the impurities in the water there are going to be the sewage and industrial waste that all the bordering countries dump in it. So, Mediterranean sea salt is basically crystallized Italian sewage.
"Pan fried" is mainly used where "deep fried" would be an option. I haven't seen pan fried eggs on a menu. Yet.
40mpg. You should check out the full fat version. They reckon it
‘heroes the true flavour profile of your coffee’
Hanging offence right there.
Heroes is not a verb. Heroizes is a verb. Heroes is plural for hero. My own grammar is awful but their (copywriter’s) job should surely depend upon theirs being at least competent?
As for the rest of the label - I’d maybe care about knowing that stuff if I was a barista. I’m not. But to be fair if buying it for cereal and making hot drinks I do want to know if it’s fortified with calcium and whether or not it splits.
I like a range of different commercial art on packaging. From beermats to milk bottles so have rarely complained about that.
What am I talking about? I’m a seventies kid.
It was different when I were a lad. Flavour had flavour. Men were men and drank men’s drinks. Women were women and drank women’s drinks. Milk were milk, meat were meat. Beer were beer. Lager were lager and all beer was ‘real’. The only thing ‘crafted’ was woodcraft at school (or random useless stuff knitted by old cat-ladies and sold in charity shops).
Food was proper. Snacks were a bit of harmless fun, not a ‘lifestyle’. All you needed back then to feel like a cowboy was a bag of salted peanuts, some denim, and a fag in your gob.
Busty Big D Nuts babes now - secret lives, jailed partners and a very famous husband
Remember the saucy minxes who used to adorn those cards behind pub peanuts? Here's what happened to them next...
Back when the only thing you could eat in the pub was a bag of nuts or a hazardous 'ploughmans' with a cheese triangle and pickled onion, peanuts were big business.
And to keep the punters gobbling, Smiths Snacks marketers came up with a cunning way to whet appetites by placing a picture of a scantily clad lady behind the packets of salted and dry roasted.
Imagine having pics of fit baps on nuts these days? It’d either be some kind of ironic/sarcastic hipster shite or it wouldn’t be allowed. Just like this post.
But why are they called ‘baked beans’? They aren’t even baked.
Yours,
Miss Informed
Customa,
Arily
BAH PFF
Novelty shaped crumpets like Xmas trees.
Heresy
One that gets me is the colour descriptions used.
Supposing I want a dark blue t-shirt Is it:
Sea Mist
Slate
Desire
Admiral
blue
slate
sky
navy
indigo
cobalt
teal
ocean
peacock
azure
cerulean
lapis
spruce
stone
aegean
berry
denim
admiral
sapphire
arctic
Our living room is painted in "Clam Shack" FFS.
Anyone care to guess what colour that is?
A sort of off-white/beige?
Nope. A dark blue/green.
That is apparently the colour of a shack where you would buy a clam from from.
I serve hand picked tomatoes and freshly poured water at home.
From the website of a renown local artist "Nick Clark is a challenging individual to define. His personality is defined as outgoing, happy, gregarious at one moment and then solitary, melancholic and distant at the next. His art too changes in style medium and concept with equal fluidity as the mood takes him. Simplistic paintings of flowers and trees followed by intriguing pure abstracts followed by sculptures in concrete and steel."
NicksArtStuff.com
Do you think I nailed it?
What does cave taste like? 🤔
Try some cave-aged Cheddar and find out. It appears you have ridiculed something you have never actually tried?
“Pan fried” is mainly used where “deep fried” would be an option.
In a chippy?
What does cave taste like? 🤔
Try some cave-aged Cheddar and find out. It appears you have ridiculed something you have never actually tried?
I have tried it as it happens. Hence why it came to mind too, after seeing the Barn sawn Oak.
Someone bought me some from, of all places, Lidl I think. One of those ones you get in the wax.
Tasted no different to your bog standard Cathedral City to me.
Ymmv
Salt is sodium chloride. A chemist can make almost perfectly pure salt.
Yes, but it's not all the same shape, some of it it pyramid shaped due to the process used - Maldon Salt
And rock salt is just crystalized Jurassic diluted sewage
Barn Sawn ... lols. What that means is its been cut on a circular saw (OK so probably a fairly fine tooth one) and not finished afterwards. Bet you pay more for that too. Rough sawn is probably a better description.
Our living room is painted in “Clam Shack” FFS.
Anyone care to guess what colour that is?
Fanny colour?
Hen’s egg
Well given that 'hen' refers to the female of most if not all birds then this feels fairly redundant. Chicken's egg sounds a bit.. coarse, don't you think? 🙂
Re sea salt - it is actually different, there are quite a few other natural things in seawater besides Italian sewage.
The thing that annoys me more than any of this stuff is 'natural' - like that's automatically better? Birdshit is natural. Hemlock - wild and organic, must be good for you, right?
Re cave-aged though - it's not unreasonable to assume that caves are full of microbial life and that this would affect the cheese somewhat.
Oh and 'pure' - that's not always a good thing, is it? I'd rather have honey on my toast than pure sugar, wouldn't I?
there is 100% a difference in flavour/texture with [I]any[/I] matured cheese (I grant you the "cave" aspect is probably just marketing guff) - even the "extra matured" (for 5 minutes probably!) Cathedral City tastes different to bog standard CC. You have just outed yourself as a cheese-heathen, is all 😃Tasted no different to your bog standard Cathedral City to me.
Nick Clark is a challenging individual to define. His personality is defined as outgoing, happy, gregarious at one moment and then solitary, melancholic and distant at the next.
Not that challenging, it turns out, as he only has two states.
Re sea salt – it is actually different, there are quite a few other natural things in seawater besides Italian sewage.
I'm sorry, but 52% of us did not vote for Brexit to continue eating Italian sewage in our sea salt, I want British Sewage in British Sea Salt thank you.
The thing that annoys me more than any of this stuff is ‘natural’
I can beat that with "wholesome" and "goodness".
In fact, let's go for the triple. Wholesome, natural, goodness. Game, set, match.
“Pan fried” is mainly used where “deep fried” would be an option. I haven’t seen pan fried eggs on a menu. Yet.
It's mainly used *everywhere*
I've deep fried eggs; it's an experience.
Pan fried = fried
Street food = our premises are located on a street
Pulled pork = barbecue sauce
Singletrack = there exists but one track
shallow fried as was.
I *thought* it was to differentiate the cooking process from that where everything is just cooked on a big hot plate.
Lycra Loony
I want British Sewage in British Sea Salt thank you.
Hmm you can get Welsh sea salt but I cannot guarantee there's no Irish EU effluent in it.
Oh, just remembered you can get 'organic' salt. Lol, chemistry fail!
As the creator of multiple award winning cave aged and clothbound mature cheeses, I can categorically state theres a difference and its not just marketing guff. 17 years of studying, research and cheese grading and I can tell you that the medium on which a cheese (wood, plastic, slate) is matured, whether its matured on a vac pouch, shrink bag, wax, cloth coated in lard or butter, smoked, flavoured, the time of year its produced as well as where cave,cellar, container, small warehouse, big warehouse and how long its matured for all matter and have an impact.
But yeah artisan can get in the sea.
To add typical aging profiles:
Curd - <1 month
Mild 1 - 3 months
Medium 3 - 6 months
Mature 6 - 12 Months
Extra Mature 12 - 18 Months
Vintage 18 months +
Thanks Benji, do you have any idea why the place it's matured makes a difference, given the same temperature and humidity?
@BenjiM cheese question for you. I like well aged cheddar, but I hate the crunchy bits they often develop. What are the crunchy bits all about and can it be avoided in Vintage cheddars?
@BenjiM. Yeah that’s what they all say 😉
Seriously though I find cheese confusing. I really don’t like the taste of Cathedral City Extra Mature because to me it’s quite generic, salty and uninteresting. But is that because my brain/eyes are tricking my tastebuds because of the packaging/volume/low price?
I recently tried Waitrose No 1. Cornish Quartz and it reminded me of the sharp cheddar I used to eat as a kid.
But then again the packaging is far nicer, the volume smaller and the price higher.
Then I read that are both made at the same creamery factory in Davidstow.
It seems that my tastebuds too are just more untrustworthy scammers, vying for my custom!
Sort of related but there’s a lot of nationalistic branding now. Apparently a British flag makes all the difference to the product.
Oh yeahhhh. Vauxhall was doing that around the Adam, I think, "Vauxhall, British since 1916" or similar.
Which, given the record of mass-produced British cars, surely would count as a point against it outside of Brexitland...
As the creator of multiple award winning cave aged and clothbound mature cheeses...
The expertise on STW never fails to amaze me. You start a thread on pretty much any topic and eventually, someone will come along who works in that very specific area.
What a well-curated, artisan site. 😉
Brexitland
I feel that I’ve somehow immigrated while remaining in the same abode. (Dreams of the day that ‘Brexitland’ is merely a small chain of shops competing against Poundland by selling more biscuits)
Thank you Piha.
just come in to say the same damn thing. Although.......do the Yanks have a fresh water fish that they call a bass?
Our living room is painted in “Clam Shack” FFS.
Anyone care to guess what colour that is?
Fanny colour?
Bravo!!
As the creator of multiple award winning cave aged and clothbound mature cheeses, I can categorically state theres a difference and its not just marketing guff.
Are you by any chance a member of a band called Blur? 😊
Although…….do the Yanks have a fresh water fish that they call a bass?
Google + Wikipedia tells me that there are many types of bass from both fresh and sal****er. The one we call sea bass refers exclusively to the European Bass, which is only found in the sea.
So yes, probably. At least someone does, if not the Yanks (who call the European Bass "branzino")
‘Aerospace Grade Wool’.
True story. There used to be a small farm near me where I used to go for goat milk and sausages. They supplied angora wool to Lear.
What a well-curated, artisan site.
That would explain the 100% free range eggs* (from a little farm near us), fresh natural ingredients, locally grown & stoneground flour and the finest, fair trade Belgian chocolate
COOKIES!
“Vauxhall, British since 1916”
Vauxhall, the car company owned by Fiat Chrysler and Peugeot, with many common models also sold under European-centric brand Opel? Just checking it's the same Vauxhall - maybe there's another one?
Kettles chips
I was extraordinarily disappointed, upon purchasing a bag of Kettle Chips, to discover that it actually contained crisps.
I had to send my manservant back out again to the chip shop to purchase some proper chips.
also
sea bass
Look here dear fellow, do catch up, the fancy places call it Patagonian Toothfish these days.
Then I read that are both made at the same creamery factory in Davidstow.
It doesn't mean that the cheeses are the same, or matured to the same level. Davidstow produces tonnes of cheese, of all sorts. When I worked in the cheese industry, we employed graders who would taste each batch of cheese coming from the various suppliers and they would assign different batches to different customers. M&S, for instance, would need a different taste profile compared to Nisa. One pallet of mature cheddar won't always taste like the next pallet of cheddar, even if they have been matured in the same warehouse. Cheese companies will aim for as much consistency as they can, but can't always guarantee that your Cathedral City - which is pretty rubbish cheese, btw - will taste like your next block, and probably won't taste like a different brand of equivalently aged cheese. But it might. 😀
Oh, and why the weird creamery/factory thing? Creameries are simply where milk is processed. Yes, they are factories in as much as any where that produces anything is a factory. They are as much creameries as breweries are breweries.