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There are a few career threads going I. So I thought I’d throw my out there for comments
I’ve been commuting between the UK and Norway for the last two years (old timers and regulars may remember by post at the time) and the two year arrangement is about to come to an end in April and there are choices about my future (which is nice I guess)
First an update on my experience. I am doing 3 days a week in Norway and work from home Monday and Friday and take my son to school and pick him up. I’ve got an apartment in Norway and don’t have to drag a bag to stay in hotels and have been well paid for the disruption to my life (I’ve managed to pay off the mortgage). The first year flew by with no issues - the family and I were happy with the balance of being home and away, the cycling in the evenings has been awesome and I’ve enjoyed work and the people. The second year has been more of a drag, the winter has been long and tough and my 7 year old son is starting to ask why I don’t live with him (which is starting to tug at the old hear strings).
When the existing arrangement comes to an end in April I will have to work out with my boss what happens next
1. Move the family to Norway on an expat contract for 2-3 years. This is an amazing deal financially and the company will pay for a house and for my wife to do an MBA or something similar.
2. Extend the existing arrangement for another year
3. Find a job in the company back in the UK
4. Leave (redundancy)
I’d go for the first option but the Mrs isn’t up for it as she’ll be away from her mum. I’ve said I wouldn’t put pressure on her to go
The second option doesn’t feel right now my son is starting to notice I am not around (although it’s eeally only 3 nights a week) and this isn’t my preference
The likelihood is that there probably isn’t a job back in the UK that suites my career level and path.
So it looks like I’ll be sliding towards the door (I’m 48 so not finding a job is at the back of my mind)
Any advice or views from the assembled life and career coaches?
You have paid the mortgage, go option 3, kick back for a bit, spend time with your family whilst looking at 4. See what you want in a year or 2.
a.- Do you 'have ' to be in Norway every week? remote working not possible?
b- Could you change the arrangement so you go eg. 1 week a month , 2 x 4 days a month ?
c.- What feild do you work in ? oil/ forests?
d- What is the job market like locally within your area, would you have to move to stay gainfully employed ?
You've proven the distance can be commuted. How often does your wife see her mother? You've said you won't pressure her, but does that mean you can't discuss it?
Do a pre-emptive test to try out option 1 between now and April.
What does the flight for the mum look like... I ask, as my mum flies EasyJet Manchester Basel and uses it like a bus.... it really is simple and she is 83.
Life opportunities in Norway for the family especially with your son, may open other opportunities.
1. Your wife can bring her mother to visit and go back and forth herself. It's not far and can even end up spending more quality time with her.
Option 1 with a possible variation at your or MIL's cost; do you get along well with her?
Is there a FIL?
If only MIL and you get along well, why not suggest she spends time with you - one week in four or two in six.
Are flights expensive? Can MIL get herself to UK airport without too much effort?
Great life experience for all if you go for option 1.
Let us know what/why you decide.
Give your child the opportunity to experience a new culture. I’d go option 1 as you say, it’s a great opportunity.
There is only a MIL and she lives near Gatwick and could easily fly with Norwegian. Itd be 5 hours door to door. Plus Ive always said that she could come for extended periods (the company would provide a large enough house for guests). I think that it would be a great opportunity for our son to experience something different for a couple of years.
I work in energy and should in theory be able to get a job back in the UK if I left the company but you never know especially post brexit (plus I am also way beyond "recent graduate" age).
It kinda feels like one of those career watersheds and I may end up kicking myself in a years time if I turned down option 1.
Whatever choice I make I need to be fully confident that it is the right thing
My dad many years ago while working for the MoD was offered a job in Portugal, doing the same job, more money and house paid for. My brother and I would have attended a local school.
He declined the offer. He said now it was one of his biggest regrets. Not due to him or the money, but giving my brother and I the experience of living in another country, immersed with another culture.
If you think your son would benefit from living in Norway, then do it for him.
Woody, where is your UK home in relation to your MIL? I ask as when I was living in the UK, a 5 hr dor to door journey would just get me to my mums house from my home in Edinburgh. Further away is ironically, quicker!
Plus, don't forget skype / WhatsApp and all the other tech tools for keeping in touch...
Whatever choice I make I need to be fully confident that it is the right thing
How tied into the 2-3 contract are you? Is it binding with penalties or can you leave 1 year in? If so how does 12 months at a time sound over there?
Depends on home - my MIL has been ill for 10 plus years and has just hit 83 - if we were more than 5 minutes drive, it would have been a night mare (she's currently at end of life). If she's a healthy 83, then think about being away, and pay for regular flights for her.
I gave up long commutes and working away a bit, nothing like yours. It's not sustainable in a relationship, or family.
Mil is about 90mins away at the moment and is a very healthy 79. We see her once a week at the moment.
I don’t think it’s worth the disturbance to school and the family and physically moving for less than 2 years to be honest (I’m not sure the company would want the overhead for that short a time as well). My experience so far is that 2 years actually goes quite quickly - basically once you’ve selttled it’s time to go home.
Woody, you laid out 4 options above.
Why not discuss each of them as a group with Mrs Woody, Woody jnr and MIL; pros and cons, honesty.
I would be surprised if Option 1 wasn't the winner.
You may have to accept that you can't keep everyone totally happy; don't ignore the fact that your employer is making this possible and it could be a true once in a lifetime opportunity.
Can you do a family swap with a Norwegian looking to come to the UK?
I have discussed this with MrsWoody and over the last couple of years they have been out to Oslo half a dozen times and at one stage I thought she might be up for it
But she has since regressed back to wanting to be close to her mum and for our son to be able to spend time with her (given that she won’t be around for ever) - memories and all that. Fair enough
MiL has poo pooed the idea generally with “Scandinavia is so boring why would anyone want to live there” comments. I found that a tad annoying
Sounds as if MIL is narrow-minded; possibly a generational attitude.
What does your son want?
I've been in a marriage where MIL exercised undue influence over her daughter and my then wife.
Scandinavia is boring? In what way is the UK a thrilling or exciting place to be?
That sounds like a real excuse.
It seems to me that there is 'emotional blackmail' at play here.
How will your son feel in 5/10/20 years tine if you don't go?
If I was in your shoes, and the wife was happy with the arrangement (probably the most important factor), then I would go for option 2. With regards to your child, he sees you 4 days of the week (most importantly the weekend for quality times). When I was working for an employer, I would be gone in the morning before they woke up, then back in time to say goodnight during the week. I expect that applies to a lot of people on here.
As said above, you have Skype / FaceTime / phone to communicate during the week.
What ever you choose, don't have any regrets, or they might build up over time and hurt your relationship.
MiL has been too bad to be fair to her but she has been less than enthusiastic which has undermined the case for option 1
I think that the balance of the commute isn’t massively disruptive. In previous jobs I’d be gone before breakfast and returning at or after bed anyway. So Monday and Friday of dropping off at school and picking up is actually a fair deal. It’s the three nights away that is the biggest deal I guess
Anyway let’s see where I get to this week...
Thanks to all for the views so far!
I'd see if you could alter the terms of your current arrangement, e.g. 1 week UK, next week split as you are now then 1 week UK again. Then hope your MiL pops her clogs soon and move to Norway...
Has the MIL been to Norway? Maybe you should take her for a family holiday & woo her, & then suggest she could come & stay & be very heavy on what a great opportunity it is for her grandson- 2 can play at emotional blackmail.
I think from your writing & responses option 1 is what you want in your heart of hearts, but the other options seem like the ones you will have to settle for...
Having worked and lived in Norway I’d go back today if my job was available again. The UK is a backward inward looking mess compared to my experiences out there. I appreciate that’s of no help but good luck making your decision.