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Hi unfortunately this is another cancer thread but I was wondering what options are available out there. My mum has been diagnosed with cancer and is now undergoing chemo. She cares for my dad who has advanced Parkinson’s and he can’t really look after himself anymore. My brother lives 10 minutes away and has been visiting regularly helping where he can. I live 300 miles away so have been coming down when I can but I can’t stay long term as I have a family with demands and I’m starting a new job. My mum is emotionally and physically struggling and while me and my brother are helping as much we can I can’t help feel disappointed with the lack of support available. It seems if you want counselling it’s via zoom and she struggles to talk on the phone. At her chemo appointment the nurse gave her a questionnaire and then she was left to get on with it. She worries about the inevitability of my dad going into respite and I was wondering what help is out there that we can explore together. I’m struggling seeing the changes she’s undergone. It seems the fight has gone which is hard to see as she was a woman that was not to be messed with and was quite assertive
https://www.macmillan.org.uk/cancer-information-and-support/get-help
They were very helpful with my dad. Good starting point anyway and will know what else is available locally.
Another vote for Macmillan - in some areas they have a partnership with Citizens Advice who employ caseworkers who specialise in working with people suffering from cancer and their families. They may be able to identify available financial support which might help your situation.
Macmillan as above - and also contact your local social work team - they have a duty to provide support for vulnerable people. You might have to make a fuss - social services are very short of staff but the squeaking gate gets the grease
Your local Social Work Team is another call as they are entitled to help - this can be permanent in the form of carers coming in to assist with dressing, meals, bed time. Even though FIL was 'able bodied' he couldn't move MIL on his own so had carers in 4 times a day, they also cooked food too. Fortunately this was all in place when FIL was diagnosed with Stage 4 cancer and died shortly after so the care was their, as well as family visiting every day.
Sorry to hear the news - tough times.
As above - phone social work and see what they can/should be doing to assist.
Macmillan for support and signposting to other services are excellent.
Best of luck with it all.
If you’re close to a Maggies centre they will help too, hope things get sorted!
Theother thing for you is to decide how much support you can give and stick to that with no regrets. You get sucked into caring roles if you are not careful. Everyone has their limits and once you have reached yours you have done all you can do and have to be content within that
There are local charities too that might be able to help. IN Sheffield we have places like
Cavendish Cancer Care,
Ashgate
St Lukes
Many of which offer treatments and services for the family and carers as well supporting those fighting cancer themeselves. Many charities have recognised that the wider support network also needs help too
Remember when a family member suffered everyone but macmillan was pretty useless. They were great, a very genuine organisation and people.
Macmillan.
They were very helpful and supportive when my Dad had terminal cancer.
You could ask your mother's GP about what support services are available and how to contact them.
Just a warning but I'm afraid to say that when I called Macmillan on behalf of a friend the questions they asked did seem very long winded & somewhat irrelevant, to the extent that I gave up with seeking help from them, the local care providers were however very good. Best wishes for yours and your families future, there is help available from many quarters but it can be a bit of a process to get it in place.
Another vote for Macmillan, have been brilliant through the treatment of my dad for all the family. The official support via the NHS is dreadful thanks to underfunding so charities are the go-to as they have filled the void.
We were also disappointed with Macmillan but Maggies were fantastic. We also used PALS (Patient Advice and Liaison Service) when things seem to drop through the cracks and they got involved swiftly and helped resolve the issues. Every hospital has a PALS.
Some good advice from tj re caring for loved ones
I am going through a similar non cancer related illness with my elderly father. He's several hundred miles from me.
Out of the blue I found incredible help and support from the British red cross. I can't thank the women enough who helped me out of the most horrendous situation, and continued to be a source of low key assistance. Just little things of who to call, what number to ring, what to ask for etc etc. And also visiting my father, loaning equipment and explaining how his bizarre and challenging behavior was actually quite common, and how to cope with it
Do you have an adult social care department at your local authority? Again when the situation was desperate they came to be an absolute life saver.
You have my sympathy, it is a very challenging period in your life and it's really important you look after yourself. I thought I was tough enough to handle it all but it turns out I wasn't, and sadly I don't think my relationship with my father will ever return to it's previous state
https://www.redcross.org.uk/get-help
Social Services can step in with a package of care if needed, which usually involves a carer visiting up to 4 times a day. Be aware though that they normally are there for personal care only- as in washing, dressing, toileting and basic meal, drink and snack prep, as well as prompting for meds if needed.
Macmillan are amazing, try them for everything else