Can I ask their GP to check on my parents?

You can over certain things - my wife got her mothers GP to phone her mother when they suspected Alzheimers.

The surgery made a phone call and asked various scripted questions that are designed to test for the early signs of alzheimers. She had no problem answering the questions and they concluded she was just being an awkward cuss!

If they know you too it helps of course.

In my experience, if you think a financial POA is required then get the medical one in place as soon as possible. If it gets to the point where it might be judged they are not capable of giving consent it gets a whole lot more difficult. We just slipped under the wire with my mum before the Alzheimer’s took a proper hold, my Dad died last year at 94, still able to hold a conversation but the medical POA made it far easier for him as we could help him make decisions, make appointments etc. If you need any more help then direct message me.
Hope this helps.

Parents in their 80s. Financial PoA in place but we left the health one while they sorted out what their instructions might be.

Dad is 85 this year and slowing down, starting to struggle when dealing with tradesmen or banks – not wanting to get a hearing aid doesn’t help.

Mum is 81, and starting to get a little forgetful, losing her thread in conversations, which frustrates her. She’s prone to anxiety and depression, and is quietly worrying it could be the start of alzheimers, but doesn’t want to raise her concerns with the GP even though reassurance or support would help whichever way it went.

Can I ask their GP to consider these issues when they next have their medicine review/check ups, even without a PoA? Or does it have to be led by my parents at this stage?

Apologies for slight brain dump, they gave me a fun morning!

I suspect you will find that your GP is all too familiar with this situation, and will be a dab-hand at handling it in a respectful and subtle manner.

As it was explained to me, we ALL suffer from cognitive impairment as time passes by. If you start off with an IQ of 130 and you lose 30 points, you are still able to function without too many problems. But if you start off with an IQ of 80 and you lose 30 points, then that's when the issues arise.

It's a natural part of aging.

The test can normally be conduced in an informal way - it doesn't involve a visit to the GP or a hospital appointment etc.

The GP can conduct the assessment in the kitchen over a cup of tea. Having watched the test being conducted, there are some bizarre things in there, like the inability to draw a clock face, even when there is an actual clock face within sight.

A good GP will be able to make an assessment without ever making your loved-one feel embarrassed or self-conscious.

You can go with your mum or dad to see a GP together if they're up for that.

There's a couple of good charities who can help you navigate this sort of thing better than a bike chat forum probably can

• Dementia UK helpline: 0800 888 6678 or email: helpline@dementiauk.org
• Alzheimer's Society's national helpline: 0333 150 3456 or email: helpline@alzheimers.org.uk

I think, from my experience, get the power of attorney in place BEFORE any diagnosis.

In my experience, if you think a financial POA is required then get the medical one in place as soon as possible. If it gets to the point where it might be judged they are not capable of giving consent it gets a whole lot more difficult

Absolutely - eldest, who is a joint attorney with me, is back from uni next week and I want to get the health one done while he's home over Easter.

We use the same GP in the villages where we all live, so I'll pop in to have a word.

She’s prone to anxiety and depression

Is this a relatively new thing? It may be worth getting a blood test - my mum experienced similar in her late 70s (similarly compounded by the worry of early dementia) and a vitamin D deficiency was detected which made a big difference.

Watch out for urinary infections causing temporary loss of faculties, can be reversed in hours with treatment, I can't remember (doh!) the name of the drug for it, but they should put it in the Werther's.

I think, from my experience, get the power of attorney in place BEFORE any diagnosis

THIS!!!!! So much of this!!!!!

In this situation now with Dad. Have financial, but not medical POA. But we have signed the form that allows us to discuss medical issues with his GP (needs his agreement and signature).

They were happy to take a call from me when I suspected dementia, which was referred to the local memory clinic who took it from there. Now have a formal diagnosis, and lots of help from memory clinic and social services (this is Somerset).

I'd love to get the GP to check for any other things that could be causing it, maybe a reaction to other meds, but I'm not sure they would start the conversations themselves.

Useful advice and links, as always

As others have said, do the welfare PoA, but it cannot become activated until the donor is judged to have lost capacity so has no impact whatsoever on your current interactions with GPs (*). Our experience: the GPs seem to be happy to bend the rules regarding confidentiality in a fairly sensible and respectful way when necessary. But if you have an obstructive and stubborn aged relative, there's not much you can do but sit and wait for the inevitable.

(*) this is a contrast with the financial PoA where you are allowed to act on the donor's behalf if they so choose, even when they have capacity. I'm currently helping my mum this way.

You can go with your mum or dad to see a GP together if they’re up for that.

Exactly. Or make a phone call while they're present in the room, or ask for their consent to act on their behalf however the consent needs to be informed- so ask them if it's ok to speak to the GP on their behakf because you have concerns about their memory

I lost my dad in Feburary due to cancer. He was self-neglecting for a while before the diagnoisis, but he slid downhill incredibly fast by the end. I was his primary carer, We discussed POA in early December (predominantly financial), but he dragged it out for too long. By the time he signed the forms and got it witnessed he wasn't mentally cuplable. I could have done so much to help him in his last month but it was too late. I could have done so much more to help him if I had POA.

I've discussed POA with friends, they all have the opinion that their parents are fine now, if its needed closer to the time they shall discuss then. They also don't want to have this conversation (understandably). But the thing is, as your parents age. The time is NOW. You don't ever have to activate it, but it is there when you both need it. Be open and go through the paperwork with them, let them understand that this doesn't take away control from them, but will enable you to help them.

I have since applied for POA for my mum. Its not needed now, but its there. You don't need a solicitor, it costs £84 and is fairly straight forward. You never know what tomorrow may bring.

Also from experience, its not easy but wills. Discuss them, where is the original, who are the executors. In my dads case both executors have passed away and makes everything more complicated.

The time is now, the inital conversation was very uncomfortable, but after that becomes much easier.

My wife and I are actually in the process of doing our own reciprocal PoAs, and we're only mid 50s. Like a will, once you need it, it's too late. There's no penalty for doing it early! (Though unlike a will, you may never need a PoA of course.)

But still not that relevant to the OP's situation, which just needs consent from the aged parent.

IME, yes.
They won't discuss your parents without their express consent, but they will listen to your concerns and take action if they feel that it's needed.
Surgeries have consent forms and it's always simpler to get your parents' consent, but it isn't an ideal world 🙂

I started sitting in medical appointments with elderly mother, far better as you can ask away. Before that I m sure my mum just sat there telling doc whatever she thought he wanted to hear.

I m sure we wrote a letter signed my my mum authorising children to be present. Best thing there's 2 people listening, so you can take notes too.

My wife and I are actually in the process of doing our own reciprocal PoAs, and we’re only mid 50s

We are waiting for youngest to turn 18 (18 months or so) and then we'll do reciprocal PoAs with the kids as joint attorneys as well.

There was an excellent Martin Lewis show this week about sorting wills, PoAs etc and having those difficult conversations

After months, probably years, of thinking about sorting POA, promising to sort POA, my Mum finally did it earlier this year, appointing my sister and I as joint attorneys for financial and medical.

It's going through the process now, it takes a while.

Absolutely get that sorted as a priority. It took my Mum a lot more hassle than it should have done to sort her parents out because by the time it came to it, my grandmother was too far gone with Alzheimer's to know anything.

Watch out for urinary infections causing temporary loss of faculties, can be reversed in hours with treatment, I can’t remember (doh!) the name of the drug for it, but they should put it in the Werther’s.

It's crazy how disruptive UTIs can be, and all too common in that age group. If Furosemide is involved, they'll be up 12 times a night to go to the toilet and then you'll never be able to sleep a wink for listening to make sure they haven't fallen.

Other things to watch out for are being awake all night (turning night in to day) and asking if it's morning yet, when it's only 10PM the night before. They just completely loose track of time. And clues, such as it being pitch black outside just aren't apparent to them.

The doctor told me that people with Dementia also experience pain differently. They go into a never ending feedback loop where the pain becomes the only thing that exists. I remember one night, my mum was screaming the house down and going into a fit because her hip was so painful. All it took was the GP or a member of the ambulance crew to stick their head through the door, and the introduction of this new novel element into the room instantly snapped her out of it, it was enough to make her completely forget about the pain. She then proceeded to pretty much do the Can-Can completely pain free. Weirdest thing ever. Pain killers can't treat imaginary pain (but it's very real to them at the time).