[Closed] Bullying at School

Yeah, bullied most of my school life. Suffered mild social anxiety/depression and had a lack of self confidence ever since, tend to go into 'work mode' until I get to know people properly.

Yeah i was bullied (by one individual) most of the way through school, staff didn’t give a shit, eventually i put him in hospital for a couple of nights, which, in my case, stopped it completely.
I still react quite badly to anything that I perceive to be bullying.

Yes. Although it was what I guess a lot would think of as low level (never violent, just always being teased and picked on by a particular group) in a way that made it worse because in those days I never felt I could go to a teacher and say that I was being teased because i had curly hair / glasses / whatever. You'd just be told to stop being a whiny little girl.

In turn however that has created a lack of self-esteem, and very high need for inclusion / affirmation. Undermine that and the low self worth returns.

In later years I was then 'bullied' (gaslighted, whatever) by a former boss - would IMHO deliberately undermine me and my opinions in front of others and behind my back so that 2 years ago I was suicidal; more than once stood on a tube station platform thinking '3 quick steps now and this is done'. Counselling has helped me to view it differently - maybe he was just a shit boss, maybe his opinion is just that and to stop reading negatively into it and view all opinions, all the evidence seems to be there that I am not worthless and indeed am highly capable. But that's not how it works. And I think it was deliberate - maybe to make him appear more important / cleverer rather than deliberately to affect me, but the result was the same.

In the end I walked out for statutory redundancy and that hurts. Because the advisors I had to consult when taking a settlement agreement reckoned I had a good case for constructive dismissal, but the effort of doing that despite the likely outcome was felt to be more trouble than it's worth. And once again because it was 'low level' the bully got away with it.

I'm now in a job with 30% less salary, more hours and in some senses more stressful, not least because of this CV19 situation. And oddly, in an industry I barely know anything about. After nearly 30 years in chemicals I was frequently the smartest person in the room and when that was undermined, it hurt. Now I lead a team in Quantum computing / communications research, and I know nothing about it in comparative terms and certainly not when sat in a room with folks that are dripping with Nature papers and visiting professorships on the subject. I don't need to prove anything because I know I can't, I just do the bits I'm good at, and ask the right questions every now and then. And I like it.

To paraphrase Confucius

"If you look around a room and find you're the smartest one there, it's time to find another room"

I was bullied at school. Never to an extreme extent but it was there. As a smart english kid with a lisp going to a comprehensive in glasgow it was inevitable - I really was the outsider / someone different. I did have a group of "outsider" friends and I learnt to talk to the girls earlier than many of my classmates which is probably what saved me from trauma. Why I have no issues from then I don't really know

A long time later I was bullied by a group of people where I worked. that caused a lot of pain. Again however I did not really recognise it as bullying at the time.

Sometimes those aspie traits of not really understanding others motivations works in your favour and I simply did not realise what was going on so did not worry about it any more than I worried about other interactions with people.

Sounds odd but thats how it was

I had a crappy time of it for a few years and teachers didn't seem bothered. Hasn't helped my (already dysfunctional) attitude to authority, amongst other things...

Couple of them in my sons year. Happily they're not in his class now he's moved to big school. He wasn't singled out for bullying, but was quite a bit of it against him.

Had a bit at primary school from what i remember then a really tough time in secondary. Was a pretty nasty school with a brilliant social experiment of posh kids and quite poor kids, that went well. One day I went a bit Martymac as well and one of the big protagonists had a pop so i knocked him out and kicked him up and down then stamped on his head, his bully buddy got almost the same. Proper red mist and I could really have done him some damage. Ended up having a relatively fine time after that but left when i was 16 as I hated the whole thing. Has been the pattern of my life and I definitely don't react well and am described as very blunt. In my mid 40s now and I'm even worse in terms of not giving a monkeys sometimes.

Bullying is awful and life-changing.

I'm a primary teacher and lucky enough to work at a school where it's both rare and, when it occurs, is taken extremely seriously.

Unfortunately, not all schools are in the same fortunate position. The parents of bullies, unsurprisingly, are often bullies themselves and so it takes strong leadership to back up the class teacher's actions. Sometimes the route of less resistance is taken and it's not dealt with but this is becoming far less common.

Worth noting that local authorities and OFSTED take complaints a school isn't dealing with bullying spectacularly seriously. If your child is being bullied and the school is failing them then this is the stick to wield. Suddenly that path of less of resistance is firmly on your side. No-one wants a safeguarding inspection landing overnight.

Fortunately, schools are moving in the right direction. Bullying seems to be be a part of human nature and so will never be eradicated but can be reduced more and more.

I was very lucky that I was good at sport so it seemed to ward away the bullies and I was always known to be able to 'handle myself'.
But I have a good mate that we re-found each other 30 years on, who had a completely different experience of school than me. And was bullied. It has definitely scarred him. We sat next to each other aged 11 for a school year and I was totally unaware.

A lot of what has been said above rings true for me.

Was bullied for as long as I can remember throughout school. Mostly by other kids making up stories about me and that leading to other rumours. Primary school was mainly the usual 'He stinks' level but constant through to secondary school pushing it up a notch to personal stuff about me and my parents, all of it untrue. Then the physical stuff started, small at first like being nudged in the corridor but the school didn't take it seriously until one bit ended up with me hitting the floor so hard I hurt my back and went into temporary paralysis in the middle of a class. Was taken to hospital by ambulance for emergency checks, thankfully no lasting damage, and was off school for a week while I got back up and mobile properly. Even then the school put it down to kids being kids and I just had to suck it up until I finished my GCSE's and went to college.
Didn't stop it there though as one or two of my school went too so the bullying followed quickly afterwards when the other kids had marked me out as an easy target. Uni wasn't much better either for similar reasons. Have also suffered with bullying in jobs too, one particularly nasty episode costing me my career, partner and in effect my future. It also led to me making a really bad career decision that has had a profound effect on my life's direction ever since.

Recently a bully has targeted me at work which the bosses are aware of but limited in what they can do about, this contributed to me having a prolonged period off work. Strangely being furloughed has given me a break from them so I'm actually in a good place right now!

Having gone through the counselling/therapy route recently I can list the effects bullying has had on me:

* Struggle to form relationships.
* Socially I'm a recluse.
* No desire whatsoever to have kids.
* Low self-esteem.
* Fear of planning for any future.
* Struggle to let people know the real me until I know I can trust them.
* Constantly putting up barriers to protect me, halifaxpete's work-mode is spot-on!
* The feeling that I'm just living an invisible existence and just filling time before I die is strong.

So if any teachers are reading this: Bullying is a serious issue and needs to be taken care of early before it escalates. Other wise you'll have lots of damaged individuals like me who's adult lives are effected by their childhood experiences. I know it is still a big issue at the school I attended as one of my friends, who was also bullied in school, now works there and despite parents raising issues refuses to acknowledge that it's an issue there. They also refuse to believe the school has a drugs issue, the silver canisters everywhere after the breaks would say otherwise.

I can safely say that the bullying I was on the receiving end of during my time at school has been the single biggest influence on my life and will continue to be.

Nothing significant at school, but only recently have I realised that I was quite badly bullied by one individual at work. It was someone who supervised me - we were around the same age, and looking back I suppose he may have felt threatened by me transferring in. I thought at first he was being friendly and it was just 'matey' jockeying for position, but in hindsight it seemed calculated and deliberate undermining. Led to a real low point and only when I finally 'blew up' about it did anything happen. I left fairly soon after and it's only working elsewhere in similar roles that I realised his behaviour wasn't normal.

I was badly bullied all through school, being an aspie, freckley redhead with an adopted sister they had plenty ammunition. It was a relief to get away from and I put it behind me pretty swiftly. That was until I met a narcissistic **** who brought it all back, which almost destroyed me. I'm now extremely conscious of my appearance and mannerisms which makes face to face interaction awkward as I'm so anxious. I avoid social interaction, being autistic means that I'm quite happy dottering about on my own and communicating online.
It's not only affected my social life but my work too, my most recent job ended when I was asked to leave when I put in a formal complaint against my boss for his treatment of me. I'm not sure what I'm going to do now, lockdown gave me a bit of a breather but now things are going back to normal I'm dreading having to go through it all again.

Being a teacher's son, and young for your year, marks you out for special treatment, and I wasn't equipped to deal with it. Suffered frequent bouts of bullying (belittling, threats, exclusion) up until about 4th year (15yo). I could build up a confident face for a bit, then crumble. I hated school. Still suffer from occasional declines in confidence and self esteem, easily undermined, often where there is no intent at all. Our son was also young for his year and got a bit, but he was able to deal with it better, became popular in his year group, tall and reasonably confident.

@reluctantjumper basically same story for me although luckily avoided the physical part and work has been OK but school was enough to eff me up for life

bullied most of my younger life at school. No lasting impressions that I know of (other people might have a different thought on that lol ) although my school days were shit and I left school with next to no qualifications. Was both physical and verbal.

A parent has a duty to take reasonable care to see that their child doesn't cause harm to others so if the bullying does not stop the parent can be held accountable. The school also has a duty of care as it would fall under child protection.

IME - particularly wrt my two kids at school, one of which is extremely vulnerable.

The schools take this very seriously and have reacted brilliantly, but they have processes to go through and unless backed up by parents those processes have limited impact, at least until it gets really serious.

Whenever I see a message on the school's parents FB page about "why doesn't the school do something about these bullies" it enrages me. These aren't random kids going into the school and doing it. They're 'our' kids, including some parents I know are active on these pages. If the school told me one of my kids was a bully I'd go ballistic; Gangs of London would look like kids TV. Yet parents of the bullies at best refuse to believe it / if the school taught them better it wouldn't happen; and at worst are the same sorts of people that ****ed my life up 40 years ago.

Parenting is a tough job for sure, but you volunteered when you dropped your pants that night

This pretty much sums me up

I can list the effects bullying has had on me:

* Struggle to form relationships.
* Socially I’m a recluse.
* No desire whatsoever to have kids.
* Low self-esteem.
* Fear of planning for any future.
* Struggle to let people know the real me until I know I can trust them.
* Constantly putting up barriers to protect me, halifaxpete’s work-mode is spot-on!
* The feeling that I’m just living an invisible existence and just filling time before I die is strong.

Only on the last one - what fixed it for me was embracing this. Filling the time before I die in the most fun way possible is my reason to be.

I've wasted (or drastically underutilised) a world class education, and am desperate to turn my back on what "society wants me to do" marry and have two and a half kids in a suburb and just replicate my own (very priviledged in the grand scheme of things) upbringing.