Can anyone recommend a good book on being a better leader/manager? I am a bit lost in my role at the moment, and I’m aware I’m probably not doing a very good job of it. I am one of 6 in the senior leadership team, in an engineering consultancy of about 40. I sometimes tend towards the negative and often find myself butting heads with one of the directors when it comes to company strategy, and where the balance lies between the needs of the business and the needs of the staff (I’m often standing up for the staff btw). Being a grumpy source of negative energy isn’t doing anyone any good, so I need to find a way to have a more positive outlook - and crucially, be seen as such. I tend to avoid conflict and this probably means I'm not coaching, developing and pushing the junior staff as much as I should.
We've had plenty of 'training' on soft skills, leadership, coching etc, but I struggle to apply it in the day-to-day. I hoped a book or some other resource might be useful in figuring out how to do things better in a way that works for me.
Fwiw, I think I’m decent at the technical side of things, and in managing and developing clients; the issue is fitting into the SLT better and working effectively despite differences of opinion on some topics.
Thanks!
From my experience of managing, there comes a time when your personality and/or moral viewpoint bumps up against more hardnosed business people or demands.
My people management view was "treat others as you'd like to be treated". When a restructure and takeover led the business to become less staff friendly, I/they agreed I needed to go to a different role. After a couple of years doing odd jobs I found my way back into management in the Civil Service where I felt my style of management fitted.
I moved away from management to a higher paid non-management role, but I'm now at the point that any promotion would have to go back into the management route and I'm just not sure, after all these years of under investment and increasing pressures that I could lead in that environment. I have a similar style to my current manager and I can see the toll it takes on her.
A couple that I have read and benefited from include:
Leadership on the Line, Heifetz & Linsky (2002)
First Break all the Rules, Buckingham (1999)
The Fearless Organisation, Edmondson (2018)
Not a personal recommendation, but the Cortex podcast episode released yesterday gave a glowing review to the classic "how to win friends and influence people" https://www.relay.fm/cortex/165
Might also be worth reflecting on if you/they are the best combination? Are you an inherently negative person or is the organisation/culture that brings that out?
Fwiw, I think I’m decent at the technical side of things, and in managing and developing clients; the issue is fitting into the SLT better and working effectively despite differences of opinion on some topics.
I bought a friend Sun Tzu The Art of Management as a gift when he commissioned into the Army. Not sure if that is really the right way for you to be thinking about being more empathic though.
Could you find something on coaching for sport? I coached Crossfit for a while and that was actually decent for improving how I encouraged people at work and brought up ways they could improve what they did.
Might also be worth reflecting on if you/they are the best combination? Are you an inherently negative person or is the organisation/culture that brings that out?
That's a fair question and one I've pondered a lot. I think I can tend to a negative response when faced with conflict, but that's likely to happen in any organisation and would likely be worse elsewhere, having seen the culture in other firms. I think this is something I can work on and improve with a bit of guidance.
First 90 Days, Michael Watkins - the audio book is quite good on audible (get a free trial?), with PDF for diagrams too, if listening on the commute/walks might help.
Don't let it fool you cos it's about onboarding into a new org/role (though might apply?) it covers clearly (IMO) a lot of the sort of things to think about in leadership roles. It's an easy read/listen to get you thinking about the right sort of things and maybe seeing problems in a new light.
Reading a book probably isn't the best way to change your behaviour (which is what others experience of you). Std advice would be to look at leadership coaching or courses. Sorry. I'm currently gritting my teeth to do this. (Related to a change of leadership culture from pretty good to pretty terrible, hey ho.)
Some years since I've done it but I have found coaching helpful in the past to think things over and work through some decisions.
I once read a book on positivity. It was shit.
I know, I'll see myself out.
Interesting comments about coaching. I lead cycle rides for a couple of groups and it's helped me deal with others better, I think.
I guess it's learning to pause and reflect before saying the first thing that comes into your head. Tricky if the situation doesn't give you a couple of seconds breathing space
I am also thinking of getting some cycle coaching, as age makes me less reckless I may need some actual skills.
Anecdotally I have seen some effective looking in the moment coaching, whereby the coach observes a meeting or whatever and right afterwards feeds back "do you see what you did there?" "What might you do differently next time" etc etc. As with bike, having a look at a book or YouTube clip is just not going to have the same impact
Hi there,
I don’t manage people any more but as regularly seen as the negative one at work. Apparently I am difficult to please and upset people. Entirely the opposite of how I see myself as a diligent focused engineer….. it turns out that people don’t like being told they are wrong (even if they are).
After a lot of people were made redundant last year and the lack of management direction I am just starting to come to terms with things its been emotional but things are definitely looking up!
Ive been through hours an hours of self help videos on you tube. I watch 2 hours every Sunday morning Very few of these actually do anything. Lots of folks saying do this and do that. It makes bugger all difference. Do people really get up at 5am and have 14 hour days of journaling, gym, satting up a new company etc etc etc. I don’t have time for that.
I have found that 2 books.
Who moved my cheese and surrounded by idiots have allowed me to process things a lot better and manage myself as well as other people more effectively.
The big thing for me was understanding that I wasn’t a failure for not being able to read the situation right every time and also coming to terms with how I was as a person vs how I thought myself as a person. Also that what I saw as negative traits are not me or others being a failure but a difference of opinion.
Try them and see how you get on.
When I took on management positions, I personally found 2 books really handy
1. The chimp Paradox - helped me to understand why I was reacting in certain ways to problems and the team members presenting them and coming across as a bit of negative git.
2. Let my people go surfing- Yvon Chouinard helped me realise that you can run a very successful business, whilst trying to be more people focussed and operate in as ethical manner as possible
In the profession I'm in it's quite common for companies to be utter Bstards and/or be owned by venture capitalists sweating assets, so I've always strived to make sure we operate differently, and it's worked a treat.
It's odd (but ace) seeing new employees trying to acclimatise to a positive work culture and being invested in, rather than being ground down and having to deal with a cesspit of bellends
You don't want a book on positivity, it's bound to be 5h1te!
Maverick - it may look bonkers, but if you can find a secondhand copy it's actually very good.
The Phoenix project was also good, sounds like Radical Candour might also be good for you (although there's a youtube video/TED talk by the author that's as good as the book).
OP, I'm a leadership and performance coach and am happy to try and help if I can. We can chat offline over coffee, beer or even a ride! PM me if you want a chat.
Books and training courses can help for sure but one to one help identifying blockers and strategies to embed new behaviour is the only way to achieve sustainable change.
I've been in various management positions with an array of engineering firms over the years and I've never found books on management to be particularly helpful. A lot of self analysis and observing others to see what I like in how they manage gets me through.
However, this approach doesn't seem to work for me break into board level in a decent sized firm (1000 folk). Everyone I work with day to day is full if praise for how I interact with them and help "steer the ship", but this just doesn't seem to change board level thinking.
I do think you come to a point where you have to sacrifice what you hold dear to yourself to "progress" to board level, but that is likely lingering bitterness speaking.
In the end, do you really want to be on the SLT and, if so, why? When you can answer these questions (and them not to be around cash/prestige), then you can look to see how to inspire and lead people. Leadership is very different to management, that is for sure.
The Rules of Work, Templar - excellent aid for navigating corporate life and working out how to get on.
