[Closed] Biscuit bamboozlement

Are sports biscuits still around? And was there a chocolate version with a jagged edge?

They’re “flavoured” with coconut. I don’t think I need say any more really.

That's why they are good.

Are sports biscuits still around? And was there a chocolate version with a jagged edge

They were just MaltedMilks with pictures of sports on for vegans …

That’s why they are good.

You monster

Custard creme is the king of biscuits

100%

only one use for bourbons though
https://flic.kr/p/7kcwCv

https://flic.kr/p/7kh4s5

We've done the research as an office team. We concurred with Houns' findings.

We have discovered a selection pack which, although wrongly named, does taste just like the separate packs and confirms our office as a bastion of middle class Guardian readers.

maccruiskeen
Full Member
I used to be a food technologist working in the biscuit industry ….

…. when I met you

I picked you out,

I shook you up

And turned you around

Turned you into someone new

Posted 4 hours ago
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IHN
Full Member
Don’t, don’t you dunk me…

It was worth trawling through the thread for that moment of genius!

If the Tesco Express opposite the village hall does not have Rhunarb and Custard creams when I go to walk LittleMissMC back from Rangers, there may be a riot

Them Borders up there. "Sharing Pack". Yeah, right.

For what it's worth I'm a total tramp when it comes to biscuits. Anywhere, anytime and what ever I can get me mitts on. I'll even eat pink wafers.
Oh, and digestives dunked in orange squash is fab.

They were just MaltedMilks with pictures of sports on for vegans …

Does anyone else try to eat around the stick men or cows? Those background cows are a right bastard. You have to use the bottom edge of your incisors to get the legs right. I’ve had many a stressful moment as I get close to snapping off the hindquarters.

What’s the worst biscuit? My vote is a three way tie between Rich Tea, Digestive or those god awful loaf shaped things. All three were invented by someone who hated fun and had their taste buds destroyed as a child. Colourless, tasteless atrocities. I often think party rings were launched as a desperate measure to counteract the beige biscuit invasion.

Pink wafers are strange. I reckon you could be locked in a room with a never ending supply of them and still perish of starvation. They are the void of biscuitdom.

Schoko Leibniz

A great biscuit, but the insistence on putting them into that moulded inner tray wastes space that should be taken up by biscuits marks them down in my eyes.

And is it only me that is offended by a few (two I think, plus requotes) that is appalled by calling them Custard Cremes. Allez vous dans la mer, if you're going to pretend they're a continental biscuit.

One of them is even trying to pass himself off as a biscuit scientist. Faker, I say.

@cougar exactly what I was going to recommend.

Can't believe there are multiple Custard Cream abstainees!

Rhubarb Custard creams not quite what I had hoped for.
Chocolate Malted Milks surpass expectation though.
Chocolate chip digestives for dunking without chocolate smudges.

Allez vous dans la mer, if you’re going to pretend they’re a continental biscuit.

And yet, we're told that Nice biscuits bear the name of a French city despite being very British.

I will eat any biscuit except shortbread, and those weird piped Danish butter biscuit things. I even love the French biscuits des sables (sand biscuits?) that come in a huge bag for 10F or whatever it is now.

I'm struggling to think of a biscuit that I wouldn't eat (or dunk) 🤔

Maybe one my wife made (shhhh! Don't tell her!) 😉

Biscoff, anyone?

The wife sometimes buys (rather expensive) nuttela biscuits, I have to fight the kids in hand to hand combat to get one. 😂

King of the dunking biscuit is the Ginger-nut.

King of the dunking biscuit is the Ginger-nut

only because it's completely desiccated to begin with - you have to practically soak them for 24 hours anyway to make them edible

Personally, I am of the opinion that the cheaper the biscuit, the better it is.

Cheap and nasty ginger nuts, nice, malted milk, etc, all go wonderfully with a cuppa at about 20.30 of an evening.

Lidl custard creams fine.

Drool…

Mrmoofo ruined this thread by definitively knowing the answer to the OP.

Cougar has identified the ultimate dunker. Cantuccini a close second.

Nice and Ginger Nuts are abominations.

Hob Nobs are a very poor substitute for the Abbey Crunch

Milk Chocolate Hob Nobs are disgusting - you might as well sit there spooning white granulated sugar into your mouth, it would have just as much flavour

The plain chocolate digestive is Top Biscuit, and the Aldi variety is Top PCD

batfink

King of the dunking biscuit is the Ginger-nut

only because it’s completely desiccated to begin with – you have to practically soak them for 24 hours anyway to make them edible

I distinctly remember badgering my folks to let me make a recipe from one of those annuals you used to get at Christmas - you know, the A-Team/Dukes of Hazzard/Knight Rider ones that used to be everywhere.

The recipe was dunk ginger nuts in orange juice, then sandwich them together in a line using whipped cream or, in our case, instant whip, then cover the resulting monstrosity with more instant whip and finish with crumbled up flake.

My recollection is that it was delicious, but I suspect that is coloured rose-tinted by the passage of time...

Wow, amazing - some vestige of the recipe still exists:

https://www.taste.com.au/recipes/ginger-cream-biscuit-log-recipe/a6npsjx3
https://justamumnz.com/2016/12/01/gingernut-log/

🤢

I have a fondness for ginger shortbread.

I will eat any biscuit except shortbread, [  ] I even love the French biscuits des sables (sand biscuits?) that come in a huge bag for 10F or whatever it is now.

Right, so you do know that Biscuit d 'sable are shortbread? It's the same recipe. And yeah Sable is sand but translates to English (in this instance) as breadcrumbs, although they do have a word for breadcrumb (Chapelure) why? Because: French

Nice and Ginger Nuts are abominations.

Gingernuts are much nicer when they've gone stale - like chewy gingerbread mmmmmm

Schoko Leibniz

The Lidl dark choc version are my current fave biccies for dunking.

After pacing up and down the biscuit aisle in Sainsburys (cba going to Tesco) for a good 5 minutes I decided upon these to cleanse my palette after yesterdays ‘biscuits’.

Yes I’m combining this thread and the Lego thread

[img] [/img]

I have a fondness for custard cremes – but they have been cheapened so much that they are pale imitation of what they were.

The other biscuit that used to be wonderful and is now a pale imitation of its former self is the Cafe Noir.

When I last bought a packet, I was sorely disappointed at how rank they were compared to the crisp and moreish coffee flavoured goodness that I had as a child.

Cheaper the better in most cases I find. Meeting/training course unbranded numbers are always amazing but perhaps the invariable stultifying boredom of the circumstances in which one encounters them is a skewing factor.

Upper boundary of the prole biscuit class is generally marked by the chocolate hob nob IMO. Someone is bound to chip in with "But Tunnocks!" and while Uddingston's art deco biscuit palace has a strong repertoire, I'm not counting anything individually wrapped here.

I find it best to avoid the type of grasping, transparently aspirational, white-4x4-on-a-lease sort of biscuit made by the likes of Borders. Their dark chocolate ginger masterpiece aside, all those lemon drizzle type things can get in the sea. Too sweet, too fancy - if I have to think twice about eating eight in one go, it's not going to work out.

Choco Leibniz occupy a strange position - undeniably great, but quite expensive and not enough in a packet make them an obvious target for scorn but they have biscuit-of-the-people roots in Germany where, unadorned with chocolate and in a far more generous pack, they can be found naked as butterkeks. With two cups of tea and an 80 mile winter road ride in my legs, I reckon I could do a hundred of them.

If one wishes to climb the biscuit ladder of aspiration then don't fanny about, just go straight to your massive northern oat-based things you can get a Booths, Tebay and the like, those plate-sized monsters, often gingery, bearing some fictional granny's face on the packet that retail at about 25 quid for 8 biscuits. Much as I'd love to back myself to do a whole packet in one go, I know my limits.

And whoever said they don't like shortbread, WTF mate? See a doctor.

so you do know that Biscuit d ‘sable are shortbread? It’s the same recipe.

I've eaten plenty of shortbread, and plenty of biscuits des sables, and I can verify that the ones we used to buy do (or did) taste and feel very different to typical shortbread. So I would dispute that the recipe is the same unless you mean flour, sugar, fat and water which is pretty much the case for all biscuits.

Yes I’m combining this thread and the Lego thread

Excellent taste @Houns. Excellent taste.

Having read @2tyred post at least twice, I now find myself a) educated on the subject of biscuit hierarchy and b) really craving a plate sized biscuit and a large cup of tea.

To be consumed separately of course. We're not all savages 🙂

Love shortbread fingers but they're crap at dunking, must be the butter based water (tea?) Proofing.

Found the rhubarb custard creams in Tesco. A little heavy/chemically on the rhubarb maybe, but may need to consume the rest of the packet to be sure.

Solid biscuit acumen there 2tyred.

The point I like best is that individually wrapped biscuits cannot really be biscuits.  Street biscuits anyway. I think things like Tunnocks et al occupy a strange mid ground between chocolate bars and full-on council biscuits.

Can our resident biscuit scientist explain why bourbons are shit? And the meaning of the term ‘reworked’. I’ve always been a fan of the bourbon but when I went to pick some up at the supermarket earlier I was overwhelmed by a crippling doubt.

We know about the Bourbons, Garibaldi and Jack McVitie but who was Bath Oliver?

Yes I’m combining this thread and the Lego thread

Thanks to you I think I've just broken a tooth.

Right,
Those biscuits with oats and raisins and butter and bits of apricots? So extravagant and exquisite and indulgent that they could only really be justified as birthday fare.
They are the best.
Not as an everyday biscuit, but as a pound for pound best biscuit, these reign suoreme.
And anyone preferring the chocolate coated biscuits, just grow up, we're not kids anymore.

Oh, and does anyone even eat rich teas and butter anymore? That behaviour is unacceptable and should be reported to the authorities.

And has anyone ever seen a barsix, except for in a vending machine? Are there vending machine -specific treats, like those pack of 16 ciggies you could only buy in nightclub vending machines back in the 90s?

Just seen off a pack of Ginger Nuts and remembered this thread. Thankfully no fake biscuit selection boxes at Christmas so I couldn’t complete a rigorous scientific investigation.

Ginger Nuts have been noticeable by the absence in the Inverness Aldi for the past couple of weeks.

I hope this isn't the start of an impending Ginger Nut supply crises.

A few years ago I was working on an old lady’s house

Is this some sort of euphemism?

with a couple of other chaps

Got to be

Oddly enough my mum bought us a box of family circle and only yesterday, during a family game of pictionary we came to the same conclusion. Mixed biscuits = shite

Thankfully no fake biscuit selection boxes at Christmas so I couldn’t complete a rigorous scientific investigation.

We had M&S selection pack, a cut above, in both taste and taste. Perhaps having so many slathered in a protective casing of chocholate helps?

I think you’re right. Chocolate covered biscuits only, all other biscuit selection boxes need to be banned by the Geneva convention

Just seen off a pack of Ginger Nuts and remembered this thread.

Ah you've just reminded me that MrsP got a pack of artisan ginger biccies in a work-related Xmas swag hamper. I thought I'd eaten all of we'd run out of Xmas treats but they're still sat in a cupboard downstairs. For now.

Depends whether is goes soft or hard when stale.

Isn't that a slur on us older folk?  Pale male and stale?

@thepurist I’m glad this thread will bring joy

Ginger Nuts have been noticeable by the absence in the Inverness Aldi for the past couple of weeks.

I hope this isn’t the start of an impending Ginger Nut supply crises.

I can't see that ever happening, not in Scotland anyway. 😉

Mixed biscuits go in a box marked 'nails' in the shed. This actually makes them taste OK.

Current is Morrison's the best all butter stem ginger cookies. They're pretty hard baked so watch that teeth.

Though a bit on the hard side that does make for a good dunker.

Mixed biscuits go in a box marked ‘nails’ in the shed. This actually makes them taste OK.

It stops the rats and mice stealing the nails ....
If there are ginger nuts in there, it ill stop any living animal stealing them.

almond shortbread.  thinnish, one gobfull in diameter. Waitrose, I think ( - why yes, yes I am)

and if that wasn't thin-enough ice, Grasmere gingerbread (clue is not in the name IMO)

McVities and Oreos are vile; mass produced and stuffed full of emulsfiers, humectant, flavour enhancers and other chemicals which should stay in the lab test tube.
Puke.

I'm a reformed Biscuiteer.

My Dad worked for Trebor when i was a kid and after a stint with Philip Morris (!) went to United Biscuits for the rest of his career. I was subjected to endless badly hidden stashes of factory seconds of all types of biscuits, cakes and intermediary products (yes, you know the ones).

Anyway, i'm here to explain that there is a chronological/intellectual hierarchy of British biscuits:

For the young and the simpletons there are (in order of youth and simpleness
-pink wafers
-custard creams (it's not creme - there's nothing fancy about them)
- bourbons

For the old and infirm, there are
- Rich Tea
- Rich Tea
- Rich Tea
- Plain Digestive (with Horlicks)
- nice

For those inbetween, but with impeccable taste and high IQ there are:
- Chocolate Hob Nobs
- Chocolate digestives
- Hob Nobs
- Ginger Nuts
- Chocolate Ginger Nuts (it's been a while if they don't exist, they should)
- Club
- Fig Rolls

For those that have lost their taste due to COVID19 and so it doesn't really matter
- Oreos

And who remembers this website? 14 years since it was updated!
http://www.nicecupofteaandasitdown.com/

And it has a key too:
http://www.nicecupofteaandasitdown.com/biscuits/index.php3

Oreos are nice. Chocolate covered more so.

Just discovered Biscoff Creams

Perilous yet manageable, I feel.

Luckily also discovered Nairns Stem Ginger Oat, which have a number of benefits (at least for my weak will)

- Less sugar
- Robust
- Satisfying
- Very tasty
- Expensive (so I eat less of them)

Milk Choc Homewheat OTOH are basically a Class A drug. That much salt and sugar is inhalable.

Oreos are nice.

If you like flavourless lumps of sugar + fat, I guess. Not something anyone in their right mind would choose if custard creams or bourbons were available, though. Or pretty much any other biscuit.

If you like flavourless lumps of sugar + fat,

What's your point, caller?

It's a shame this thread came about before TOTW... unless its recent revival qualifies it?

I’ve so far avoided passion fruit Jaffa cakes, but they are down to 60p a box so thought I’d try them

🤮

Has to be a TOTW.

In defence of Chocolate Bourbons, my children used to manage one every 2-3 miles on the back of the kiddyback tandem. Useful dry chocolate flavoured energy. I did try real chocolate biscuits once and soon reverted. They do have their place. Fig rolls FTW.

Ginger Nuts have been noticeable by the absence in the Inverness Aldi for the past couple of weeks.

I hope this isn’t the start of an impending Ginger Nut supply crises.

Interesting, been none in Ilkeston or Long Eaton this week, prompting a crisis at my parents house.

Nairns Stem Ginger Oat

Health food. Not saying they're not ace, but you're never reaching the "I really shouldn't eat any more of these" point with them, are you?

Chocolate Ginger Nuts would be gilding the lily.

Now these on the other hand:

Picked up at Innerleithen co-op the other week and more or less demolished by the time we got home. I seldom approve of messing with a stalwart of the biscuit world, but they were flippin great. Could only be improved by darkening the chocolate and doubling the pack size.

Fox's Golden Crunch Creams > Custard Creams

Prove me wrong...

There will always be a home for toffypops.

Mmmm, biscuits. Finally finished off Christmas hamper stuff this weekend so was in the biscuit aisle in the supermarket. No sign of either lemon puffs or Abernethy, haven't seen either for ages. Is this just an Asda/Morrisons issue or should I venture upmarket?

2 hours I’ve sat with an open box of Jaffa cakes beside me, aside from that one cake they remain untouched

Any packet of biscuits once opened must be consumed, this is unheard of

Mmm toffypops, haven’t had them in years. Could do with a pack to get me over this Jaffa cake debacle

In defence of Chocolate Bourbons

Is there any other kind?

prompting a crisis at my parents house

Gingernuts/snaps are insanely easy to make and massively lovely when homebaked.

Anzac biscuits, look them up, make a batch, join the chub club thread as you'll be needing it!

Those gingerbread digestives - they did mince pie ones too before Xmas. Used them to make s'mores with the Cubs. They don't know they're born.

Anzac biscuits aren't the same as ginger nuts! Are you mad! A similar base maybe, but they're all about the coconut.

... However, as biscuit inspired beer goes, 10 years ago a Queensland brewery made an amazing beer that tasted of Anzac biscuits - Fanny Gertrude's Bickie Beer. It was spectacular.

Are you mad!

About biscuits, yes. Sorry, these were 2 different biscuit plans, they are very much not the same, both easy to make though 🙂

Today’s (non) biscuit disappointment is caramelised biscuit kitkat. I thought a kitkat tasting of biscoff would be nice, these sadly taste nothing like them

These are something of a weakness.

Edit: As is the ability to easily post images on this forum.