[Closed] Biscuit bamboozlement

They've probably been in the box for a while

Even a freshly opened new box contain biscuits made from a sawmill’s floor sweepings

Bourbons/Custard Creams

These taste like crap regardless of packaging receptacle.

Because, in a tin, everything equilibrates - so any flavour / aroma in the biscuits slowly absorb into all the products in the tin. Plus tins get left opened / non-consumed for along time ...
Packaged biscuits have abetter quality barrier around them and are all the same type of product.
I used to be a food technologist working in the biscuit industry ....

Plus tins get left opened / non-consumed for along time …

Not round here they don't!

mrmoofo
Full Member

Great post.

I was going to try to say the same thing in a much worse way.

Also some of the biscuits will have been made in diffent factories at diffent times and poorly transported to where the tins are put together... Don't think that helps either.

These taste like crap regardless of packaging receptacle.

I have reported you to the moderators. This sort of talk warrants a lengthy ban - we cannot be having people with such views round here!

😉

Plus tins get left opened / non-consumed for along time …

I admire your self control!

*adds IHN to the list*

I appreciate the cross contamination etc but these are definitely different biscuits to their standard offerings, the choccie digestive isn't even the same size

Bourbons/Custard Creams

These taste like crap regardless of packaging receptacle.

are we just going to ignore this?!?

Custard creme is the king of biscuits (am with you on the bourbons tho)

Mrmoofo - experts are overrated

Can’t we have some conspiracy theories please

I appreciate the cross contamination etc but these are definitely different biscuits to their standard offerings, the choccie digestive isn’t even the same size

Custard creme is the king of biscuits

They are my biscuity kryptonite.

We should have a post-Xmas biscuit swap-shop.

I've eaten It now, well, I say eaten, I actually fished the mush out from the bottom of my mug so I can't give photographic evidence of a size comparison. I'm not going to buy a box of substandard 'biscuits' for this cause, we'll have to wait until Christmas.

These taste like crap regardless of packaging receptacle.

Reported.

Lidl custard creams fine.
Aldi custard creams, taste like flower.

Don't know how they can screw up custard creams.

A bit of biscuit thread nostalgia - who was it who said ‘if the custard cream is the king of biscuits, the fig roll is more of a shady political adviser’..?

I’m paraphrasing of course, but it still makes me chuckle…

I love this place sometimes.

*starts a thread about biscuits*

"Well, I'm a former biscuit technologist and..."

I used to be a food technologist working in the biscuit industry ….

Biscuit scientist. Only on STW

Bourbon creams FTW! Especially the 3 packs in those things that used to happen in ancient history....work meetings and conference type things.

As an aside my first long distance ride as a teenager was fuelled by fig rolls! Yum!

Is the fig roll a biscuit or a cake?

Feels more like a cake to me

Is the fig roll a biscuit or a cake?

You mean is the fig roll actually meant to be edible or is it really an unholy abomination against the great gods of snacking, an act of biscuit blasphemy, a pastry pariah never to be welcome in the house of any true believer.

Is the fig roll a biscuit or a cake?

Depends whether is goes soft or hard when stale.

Important thread, thanks for posting OP!

choccie digestive isn’t even the same size

Just to check, do you mean not the same size as a chocolate digestive from a pack of only chocolate digestives? I have noticed that Chocolate digestives are smaller than normal digestives.

Both still epically good with tea or a glass of milk however

Fair point, not sure of the status of fig rolls, but I like them. I also really like garibaldi biscuits and Eccles cakes 🤣

Aldi custard creams, taste like flower.

Why have you been eating flowers?

You should clearly be buying fox's biscuits selection boxes, that's where it's all going wrong.

Custard creams meh, bourbons FTW! Also I'm of the opinion currently that the christmas only white chocolate covered oreos are the greatest thing EVER!

white chocolate covered oreos

... and you were doing so well until then, too.

Garibaldi.. GAHHH!!!

white chocolate covered oreos are the greatest thing EVER!

is disappoint. All credibility lost..... so sad

Oreos are made from monkey bums. Fact

I'm with IHN, custurd creams and bourbons are poor subsitutes for biscuits.

Pffffht you both probably like Rich Teas

Is it just me that will eat a whole packet of biscuits without drawing breath?

Needless to say; I don't buy them very often, But I love a good ghetto-biscuit.

AMUSING CUSTARD-CREAM ANECDOTE -

A few years ago I was working on an old lady's house with a couple of other chaps. The lady was absolutely lovely and kept furnishing us with pots of tea and the stalest, rankest, oldest custard creams that were ever served this side of the war. Now we didn't want to appear ungrateful and were eager to keep the tea lines open, so after every break, one of us would pop up the ladder and deposit the biscuits onto the roof. I often wonder if they are still there. Might check Google Earth.

Dunking biscuits in tea is wrong. Sure mixing liquid with solids is fine if you're eating a rusk or a weetabix. But they should be kept separate when enjoying a cup of builders.

Custard creams should have been outlawed when we went decimal. A 1960s biscuit if there ever was one.

A few years ago I was working on an old lady’s house

Is this some sort of euphemism?

Yes it’s impossible to open a packet of (good) biscuits and not finish the lot. Even those extra large packs of choccie digestives 🐷

*also adds Alex and nickc to the list*

Dunking biscuits in tea is wrong.

Now that's a very bold position to take.

Dunking biscuits in tea is wrong. Sure mixing liquid with solids is fine if you’re eating a rusk or a weetabix. But they should be kept separate when enjoying a cup of builders.

Bite the ends off a Twix and drink your tea through it like a straw. Messy but good.

Bite the ends off a Twix and drink your tea through it like a straw.

It's not just me then?

* fist bump *

Dunking biscuits in tea is wrong.

You know I'm right. You're just not admitting it in public.

Honestly, who has not suffered the disappointment of a much anticipated biscuit soggily decapitated in a now grainy tea soup? Ruins both the biscuit and tea experience.

I'm a traditionalist when it comes to tea. It should be served with something appropriate. A slice of fruit cake and a strong cup of tea are a basic human right to a Yorkshireman. But you wouldn't see us dipping that in the tea! Biscuits are the slippery slope here...

Bite the ends off a Twix and drink your tea through it like a straw. Messy but good

I cannot decide to be impressed or appalled. On balance, the latter I think!

i think we need to get the big fire going for some members here...

I've just polished off a 300g pack of bourbons, just because they were sitting in front of me, they also enounted hot tea, and not one accidental sloppy discharge was encountered...

I treat all biscuits equally, yom yom yom.

Also, I'm a big fan of Tesco Rhubarb & Custard Creams.

Re dunking - I think it very much depends on the biscuit. I would never, for example, dunk a chocolate digestive. For a start it’s often too big, and ends up leaving a messy smear on the side of the mug. Rich Tea on the other hand, well the clue is in the name, and in my opinion a drink is simply too wet without one.

I am still traumatised by the sight of a frenchman dunking a fresh crumbly croissant into a mug of black coffee. What followed was a flakey explosion like a leper had dived into the cup.

Distressing to put it mildly. This is how your biscuit dunking will end.

and not one accidental sloppy discharge was encountered…

Everyone gets lucky once 🙂

Bite the ends off a Twix and drink your tea through it like a straw. Messy but good.

Very popular in Australia I believe. They do it with diagonally opposite corners of Tim-Tams (essentially a Penguin).

Though, sucking tea through a Penguin might get the authorities called.

Alex
Full Member
I am still traumatised by the sight of a frenchman dunking a fresh crumbly croissant into a mug of black coffee. What followed was a flakey explosion like a leper had dived into the cup.

Distressing to put it mildly. This is how your biscuit dunking will end.

err, this is a continental thing, my missus folks (Italian) do some weird shiz, coffee in cornflakes, breadsticks in coffee - weirdos..

Also some of the biscuits will have been made in diffent factories at diffent times and poorly transported to where the tins are put together… Don’t think that helps either.

And this is also very true - and they don't get stored in laminate wrapped packs either - but great big , easy to stack plastic boxes. So humidity isn't a friend.

Just to add fuel to the fire - bourbons are rubbish - and a lot of rework goes into them. I have a fondness for custard cremes - but they have been cheapened so much that they are pale imitation of what they were.

BTW Mince Pies and Christmas Puddings are made about 6-9 months before you buy them. In the case of Xmas pudding it it likely much longer ...

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=11CvBKpKbn8

Tea drunk through a Tunnocks caramel wafer with the ends bitten off kicks the but of similar with a twix, or a kitkat! Eating the hot soggy tea soaked caramel wafer is amazing.

Tea drunk through a Tunnocks caramel wafer with the ends bitten off kicks the but of similar with a twix, or a kitkat! Eating the hot soggy tea soaked caramel wafer is amazing.

Do not google "soggy biscuit"

but they have been cheapened so much that they are pale imitation of what they were.

I've never thought much of them TBH, same as Nice (however you pronounce it) and Rich Tea both of which are clearly a piss poor effort, (the sickly pale children of the biscuit family) but the damning thing about custard creams is that they lure you in with the promise of a tasty filling, when in realty, nothing...merely a schmear of...well, faux-custard. It's bad and wrong.

^ and it would be a piece of piss to make them taste nice , not really affect the cost - and they would sell loads more!

Fair comment about Rich Tea - they are for people who smell musty and of piss. Unless that the the ginger nut eaters ?

I used to be a food technologist working in the biscuit industry ….

Biscuit scientist. Only on STW

Hello from an ex-food technologist who worked in the cheese industry. I used to dream about the high-flying life a biscuit scientist must lead. And I used to smell of cheese, as well.

Pffffht you both probably like Rich Teas

I do actually. And ginger nuts. And Nice biscuits. And Garibaldis. And Fig Rolls.

Is it a biscuit if it's German - but dunking a Schoko Leibniz in a good strong cuppa is pretty bloody good

Hello from an ex-food technologist who worked in the cheese industry. I used to dream about the high-flying life a biscuit scientist must lead. And I used to smell of cheese, as well.

Just to rub salt into the wound, I used to design / commission cakes for Mr Kipling!

Cheese plants do have a certain aroma to them ...

Bite the ends off a Twix and drink your tea through it like a straw.

Don't do this - instead, drink hot chocolate through a Twirl.

Nice biscuits are nice. It says it on the packet and it even says it on every single biscuit. How can you ignore this?

Oh, and with rich teas - it should be illegal to sell them without chocolate on one side. Chocolate rich teas are fantastic.

Is it just me that will eat a whole packet of biscuits without drawing breath?

You’re not alone.

I once told some colleagues at an old job that I used to be a biscuit designer. They believed I was responsible for some of the sports biscuits designs. Gullible fools!

I love a good cheap biscuit. Those unbranded packs of various creams (custard, orange etc) are gone in one sitting. Love a Jammy dodger too.

Cheese plants do have a certain aroma to them …

I used to feel sorry for the cheese graders. As much as they loved cheese it can't have been the most pleasant job in the world. And their breath stank of cheese as well as their clothes. 😀

coffee in cornflakes

Mindbleach has been ordered.

I just asked my (20 year old) daughter about biscuit dunking. From her answer, I am considering putting her up for adoption.

I used to be a food technologist working in the biscuit industry ….

.... when I met you

I picked you out,

I shook you up

And turned you around

Turned you into someone new

Don't, don't you dunk me...

Nice biscuits are nice. It says it on the packet and it even says it on every single biscuit. How can you ignore this?

They're "flavoured" with coconut. I don't think I need say any more really.

Oh, and apparently it's Nice (like the city in France) so you've been saying it wrong all this time...

Don’t, don’t you dunk me…

This one here, that's your coat isn't it?

susepic
Free Member
Is it a biscuit if it’s German – but dunking a Schoko Leibniz

good bloomin call that - they iz wunderbar

Seems like people are blinkered biscuitically too.

http://www.nicecupofteaandasitdown.com/

Best biscuit out there - Tesco Chocolate Oaties

But I have seen you can get French LU biscuits now, they're pretty good

Oh, and apparently it’s Nice (like the city in France) so you’ve been saying it wrong all this time…

I've been there, it's nice.

the ginger nut eaters ?

Is that some sort of venereal disease?

Anyway. You're all doing it wrong.

Anyway. You’re all doing it wrong.

Says the person using some sort of weird, non-matching mug/saucer combo. In fact, that may not be a saucer, it could be a small plate..

#threadoftheyear

After years of looking, the best custard creams, (so far) are Waitrose essential Custard creams, 30p a pack..

I can see this might be contentious but I miss coconut creams, wtf happened to them?

Oh on topic, don’t see the point of biscuit selection boxes, just buy a couple of packets of the ones you like instead

A biscuit thread that doesn’t crown choccy Hob Nobs the king of bikkies just shows how out of touch all the custard cream worriers are.

Anyway. You’re all doing it wrong.

wait, my drink needs a hat now? When did that become a thing?

sirromj
Full Member
I treat all biscuits equally, yom yom yom.

Also, I’m a big fan of Tesco Rhubarb & Custard Creams.

Never seen those before. Will have to go to Tesco!