This is as much a post following on from a few others on here about being aware of your own mental state. As it is the BiL is in a pretty horrid place right now. We have suspected that he's been struggling but were not aware of just how bad things have got for him.
He is one of life's social creatures but has found himself living in a nondescript and pretty lonely flat on his own in London away from his family and friends and coupled with lockdown and a high pressure job his drinking has steadily been increasing over the months and more recently he has found himself hooked on a huge variety of 'prescription' uppers and downers to try and block life out.
I have seen the list of what he's been obtaining - I am not joking, he's on about 15-20 different meds - all of them pregabalins and opiates. They are, by all accounts frighteningly easy to get hold of (and trust me I am not naïve when it comes to the supply and demand of drugs but this has really shocked me).
Last few weeks he's been slowly getting worse and has ended up in an out of A&E and with friends and family trying to look after him and keep him safe. Unfortunately Wednesday he properly OD'd and has ended up in intensive care. Luckily he seems to be out of danger and the hospital look to be trying to find him the help he needs but it is still a pretty dicey situation.
It's hard on Mrs D as this is pretty much what she went through with her mum who was an alcoholic and ended up with alcohol induce brain damage and slowly deteriorated and died and it's almost impossible to try and get an addict to see the harm they are doing to themselves until it's too late.
So please people look after yourselves. If you have an inkling that you are not coping try and talk to someone ort at least be aware of your own feelings. One tip I have been taught when I was having counselling for severe depression was to check in with yourself mentally. It feels a bit odd at first but so often I missed the signs I was dropping back into the pit of despair and now I can notice when it is happening and work to level things out.
Check in with friends and family also. And if you think your drinking is getting a bit heavy take notice and don't ignore it. If you've been relying on meds to help you cope make sure it does not get out of hand and think about getting any help and support you need. Sometimes a post on here is genuinely helpful and talking to stangers is easier than talking to someone you know so reach out. If you think a friend has an unhealthy relationship with drink and drugs try to talk to them. Just don't suffer in silence.
Partner is an intensive / critical care consultant and said the other day they are seeing many more accidental and deliberate ODs, a lot of alcohol issues (seems many women in their 30s drank A LOT during lockdown- they had one they withdrew on last week, very sad), more hangings than the norm.
All very sad 🙁 a consequence of Covid and lockdown they think.
Best to your family.
Nothing concrete or useful to add, but I can only imagine how hard it can be.
If it's you suffering, reach out, even to us on here. If its a friend or relative, ask that difficult awkward question.
It's always been an issue, support isn't always easily available, and lockdown - however necessary at a societal level - has made things worse for so many individuals.
It’s always been an issue, support isn’t always easily available
I think (and this is speaking from experience) there is a real gap in the system when it comes to addiction. Every time it looked like we would get some help for the MiL, the moment they saw the word 'alcoholic' all of a sudden no one was interested.
With both the MiL and the BiL - they had psych assessments but were deemed to have capacity as they could say what day of the week it was and said they were happy to go home and could look after themselves. In both cases this is/was so far from the truth but again - addict = no one is particularly bothered.
Conversely I understand the underlying difficulties - you cannot help someone in that position unless they want help but it is becoming clear the BiL is asking for help, just in a way the system does not understand.
I don't know what the answer is and it makes it almost impossible for friends and family to reconcile their worries and feelings whilst being utterly helpless.
I think (and this is speaking from experience) there is a real gap in the system when it comes to addiction. Every time it looked like we would get some help for the MiL, the moment they saw the word ‘alcoholic’ all of a sudden no one was interested.
I think there are probably gaps everywhere but yeah it can be quite shocking.
5ish years ago my friend fell off the wagon in a big way. He had lost his job and was about to lose his place to live. We went to the local drug and alcohol support centre who said they'd put him in the queue for a telephone consultation, waiting list 2 weeks. We asked about homeless shelters he might be able to get into - no-one would take him unless he was sober. Rehab? Dreaming. Any support he'd get wouldn't be for weeks or possibly months, and he was likely to be homeless in days.
I was pretty shocked. I've made a monthly donation to that drug shelter ever since, it was absolute ****ing chaos in there, and the people working in it were total saints.
(postscript: Friend had some shit times but he's now been clean for 3 years 🙂 )
taught when I was having counselling for severe depression was to check in with yourself mentally.
Can you please go into detail as to how you do this?
Have found myself in the past being very unhappy, but managed to catch myself. Currently the GF is having a tough time of it and isn't her usual self.
lockdown – however necessary at a societal level – has made things worse for so many individuals.
My cousin works for an undertakers in mid - Essex. He says they've dealt with more suicide deaths than they have covid.
Every time it looked like we would get some help for the MiL, the moment they saw the word ‘alcoholic’ all of a sudden no one was interested.
It was probably due to you (a third party) seeking help for someone. Unless the addict sees there is a problem and acknowledges they need help it ain't going to work. (Having watched Mrs S best friend drink herself to death in her early thirties leaving two kids under 12 without a mother).
It was probably due to you (a third party) seeking help for someone. Unless the addict sees there is a problem and acknowledges they need help it ain’t going to work
It was more the attitude toward her in general. Everyone was friendly, concerned, helpful etc until the A word was mentioned and then they couldn't wash their hands of her quick enough. Assessments were rushed, normal day to day care standards by staff went from very good to very poor etc.
As per my closing comment to that particular post, yes absolutely the addict needs to admit the problem and want help but that is no reason to treat them as sub-human in the meantime and sadly the system does.
The service is underfunded nationally and it comes down to where will the available cash do most good.There are better ways to pass on that without the addict's commitment there will be no treatment plan without using disdain.
We (the electorate) need to vote where mental health provision is promised improvement. Having a department head say "lessons will be learned" for 10 years or more isn't good enough (NE&S PCT I'm looking at you). Resign or be sacked and let someone who's prepared to fight for the funding and effective treatment in.
It's going to be an ever increasing problem which isn't going to go away. The lifestyles of a proportion of the population are becoming more chaotic and unsustainable, I would expect Covid has made this much worse. We have two choices really, say sod em if they can't keep their lives together(and it's easy to say this but has bad outcomes for everyone) let them reap the consequences, option 2 is to put the services in place to deal with the issues, which will involve a certain amount of returning to the old in patient model which is now so out of fashion.
Option A is superficially appealing but has ongoing implications for everyone.
In reality we're going for option C which is stick our fingers in our ears ns sing La La La.
say sod em if they can’t keep their lives together(and it’s easy to say this but has bad outcomes for everyone) let them reap the consequences
The main issue is that this ignores the underlying driver to addiction is often depression and other mental health issues. This is certainly the case with both the BiL and the MiL.
And to be fair Mrs D was on the slope but pulled back from the brink and I too have been close. I think many people are close to the edge particularly at the moment after the last year and a bit and it doesn't take much to tip someone over completely.
This is why I say not to ignore early signs of trouble, both in yourself and in others. Whilst still very hard, it's easier to deal with depression etc before it leads to addiction than pull people back from over the edge.
Of course I appreciate the cost on services etc but in the car of the BiL we're taking about someone in their mid 30's with what should be a good long life ahead of them yet the system seems designed to scrap him.
Luckily he has friends and family willing to fight for him but so many people don't and they are the ones that just get dumped.
It's an impossible problem in some ways and I don't have the answers, I wish I did!
The main issue is that this ignores the underlying driver to addiction is often depression and other mental health issues.
And I think one of the underlying issues that cause mental health problems is simply modern society.
There aren't enough meaningful jobs anymore. The ones that are meaningful are poorly paid and the ones that are well paid are either meaningless or actively make society worse. Like it or not we are defined almost entirely by what we do.
Unfortunately, until there is a radical change to society, I don't think that getting the support in place is going to work.
We are effectively arguing over the cost of sticking plasters for a patient who has had a limb cut off.
My cousin works for an undertakers in mid – Essex. He says they’ve dealt with more suicide deaths than they have covid.
Keep hearing things like this anecdotally but seems to conflict with limited "official" reports that come out. Genuinely interested in the facts and figures - I suspect/fear that suicides will rise when job losses really kick in.
This specific example I guess it depends if the number of suicides has noticeably gone up, or has been steady and just very few Covid deaths.
There aren’t enough meaningful jobs anymore
So all those manual factory jobs where people repeated the same action every 2 minutes or all those repetitive clerical jobs people used to do were fulfilling?
It's a combination of people's expectations have risen and awareness of mental health issues is much greater. The mental health problems were there in the past, they just got ignored, people had to keep functioning or they died, grim times.
