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Leaving for a pre-arranged family lunch and not staying in bed with EY on a Sunday morning, until her mum left the house, as she wanted me to.
Deciding I definitely had to head off as usual to the boldering wall one Wednesday night when EG wanted me to stay over at her house, while her fiancée was away.
Not picking up on the fact, until many years later, that SM was the girl who sent me a Valentines card when we both worked in the same small office room together.
I'm sure there are a few others. I just don't seem to be able to pick up on the signals... 🤦♂️
I'm so bad at picking up any signals that I don't even know I've missed an opportunity until someone tells me! Worst one is a lady I met through a friend about 2005 and we hit it off immediately but as she was taken the thought never crossed my mind. Fast forward to 2014 and she was single and I didn't go and see her when in her area for some odd reason, probably out on the bike instead, and it wasn't until her wedding day in 2018 that she told me that it could have been me with her that day if I'd visited her that specific time. We're still in contact and her husband (who is a properly sound guy and perfect for her) knows and teases me about it as I rather like the Caterham she got him for his 40th, usually by saying 'Look what you could have won!' whenever I see it. At least I got to help him build a few bits of it.
Next time I’m down your way I’m bringing the bike and booking a day off so you can wait for me at the top of every hill. Besides we need someone to keep Jon in check and you’re closest.
Currently I'd probably be just behind you! Tim and John are closer but they're probably more likely to encourage him, especially Tim!
Peter Keen badgered me to join the local cycling club - I could have been a contender 🤣
I’m sure there are a few others. I just don’t seem to be able to pick up on the signals… 🤦♂️
I even miss wide open invitations..
Not sure its a regret, as I took every opportunity I could, but not dancing enough with my kids at family/friends parties
There were nowhere near enough parties ... 🙁
My biggest one I don't fancy posting it on a public forum just incase anyone manages to tie my account to who I am IRL. Lets just say 10 years, a lot of money wasted and a landmass sized amount of crisps and sweets consumed. As a result the ages 25-30 were quite tough learning to cope without a crutch and having to learn new methods of dealing with normal emotions.
Other than that probably my efforts in school, I didn't care for it and my life ambitions were unrealistic, had a bit of a wake up call when I'd dropped out of uni at 21 and had to sign on and found it really hard getting a job, I was lucky however and managed to land an apprenticeship through a friend of my dad which started a career in IT. Not something I would have picked if I had a choice though but I don't mind where I am.
I try not to look back and regret things too often as there is nothing that can be done about them, and a part of me likes to think that everything happens for a reason
Going walkabout as a kid. Those 5 years left me with complex ptsd, hardly a day goes by without some memory popping in.
But hey, thats life and nobody can really know if you should have zagged instead of zigged. Hindsight is always a wonderful thing.
My regret is a bit strange and still eats at me to this day.
Back in about 2004 I was working with a “crafty cockney” geezer down in London. Both of us were IT Contractors, but he had his fingers in lots of pies. He was always showing me how to invest other peoples money, regularly buying small companies that were dying and he would turn them around. I was always too scared to invest, even though he had shown how to ensure my investment was safe, I just didn’t have the nuts to do it. He is now retired and living in Dubai (he’s younger than me and I’m 50). I know he made a fortune from a small CCTV company (before CCTV over the internet was big). With his banking contacts he managed to get some really good contracts looking after car parks and private garages in and around central London. The company was then sold for a good profit. He asked me to invest £30k with him on that project and even though I could see the use case for private CCTV I didn’t do it!
Women I regret….that list is endless and as I’m still single, even to this day it’s being added to….and long may it continue!
I tried wildly unsuccessfully to breed herons once.
I have no egrets.
Life was so much easier for the few years we didn’t speak at all, even if I was broke at the time! Anyway… Everyone always says they regret not having spent more time with their parents when they die… That’s one thing I can guarantee you I won’t regret when my Dad croaks! Not that I wish him ill… But when he goes, he will simplify my life fairly significantly again.
Why bother?
It took me half a lifetime to realise that my dad simply didn't care. He shouldn't have had children (though I probably should be grateful that he did...) If you don't get on then who benefits here, everyone else?
Being born. Dunno why im here at all really.
Dude, are you OK?
me not ever existing at all would make no difference whatsoever to anyone.
For what it's worth, I enjoy (both of) your contributions here.
Not following Lissie Smith back to her place for ‘a coffee’ in late 1998…
I'd have gone "thanks but I don't like coffee," suddenly understood the scenario about a decade later, and laid awake at night beating myself off up about it two decades after that.
I had a night very much like that.
I mean, I wasn't a virgin. I knew what to do in the eventuality that we'd, uh, started doing anything. It was the transition from x to y which legged me up.
Sadly no one has tried to contact me yet.
I wonder how many tried and failed, then never tried again?
That's probably not comforting, is it. Can you contact the organisation and put yourself out there somehow?
Being born. Dunno why im here at all really.
me not ever existing at all would make no difference whatsoever to anyone.
@singletrackmind and @reluctantjumper, I tend to feel similarly, and I find the arguments against feeling this way quite weak (I mean, if we'd never been born, no one would miss us, as the idea of us existing wouldn't have entered anyone's mind).
I am convinced there is a way to reconcile those feelings with a good life though. I actually find meaning specifically in the act of not having kids, for example.
Also, this little animation helps. It's absolutely brilliant:
Bear with it to the end
Well, yea, since turning 40 (and only because the perceived significance of the number) I feel less and less connected with living, if that makes sense. It's not a regret, it's just how it is.
My other regret, which is the biggest one, one that I never mentioned in my first post, is not being there for my mum who has suffered with dementia since I moved away 9 years ago. She is now in the final stages of that horrible disease and I haven't been there for her or for my dad, other than going home through the years for short periods. I have no idea how to deal with it, basically grieving for her for the last 5 years as she became a shadow of herself.
For what it's worth,
I reject the notion of 11th Hour Guilt. You've had 40 years with your mum, if she didn't know how you felt by that point then a final ten minutes ain't going to make a fig of difference.
Do what you can, don't beat yourself over what you can't. Woulda coulda shoulda changes precisely nowt.
If I was to have a regret it would be that I wish I had learned to weld off my dad.
Although like others there's a few women from the past, some I regret not going further with, some I regret going anywhere with
YTS at the local Audi dealership as a mechanic at 16 ... decided to start full time employed at the company I now manage some 35 years later ..what if?
Fast forward to 19 had apucation papers to join West Yorks police with reference from friends father high up in the force .. never took the plunge as at the time it was a £8pa pay cut ... now same money if I had progressed but I'd be retired ,not going back in work Tuesday .
My biggest regret would involve my daughter never being born ..let leave it there.
Karen