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On holiday in Spain. The apartment has a bidet as does pretty much every holiday apartment I've been in.
In the UK I don't think I've seen one in 20 years. Do Brits just have direct arses?
Bidets are great.
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I think we have better plumbing and prefer paper.
I think we just have tiny houses.
I love using a bidet on holiday-feels so much nicer than paper. Could be that I have a hairy arse crack that like to cling onto nuggets.
Budets can save a situation if you've got a really hairy arse crack.
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I wish it was culturally acceptable to have a bidet in the UK. 🙁
I'm not even particularly well endowed in the arse beard department and even for me it represents a decent upgrade over TP.
I'd like one of those Japanese contraptions with the heated seat etc really but even the hose setup they have in Asia would be reet.
The hose set up just means water everywhere as far as i can work out!
Thing is, are they actually any more convenient than just having a shower? They were probably useful back when a bath was the only option.
My criteria for 'making it' in life is to have a bidet.
Not there yet.
We have one. Don't use it for post-number-twos but fantastic to ensure the crack is freshly clean before donning cycle shorts (infections down there are nasty).
they are for ladies to wash their post coital bits. no contraception in catholic countries, but douching is acceptable.
the things you learn on an mtb forum.
[url= https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B00HLJJS4C?psc=1 ]Cost-effective solution and good name...[/url]
🙂
They where the "in thing" to have in the 1980's - absolutely useless imho. We only ever used ours to wash feet (as above) or put dirty clothes in. When designing a bathroom you can have 1) larger shower or 2) bidet ? No brainer
@bigrich, as a Catholic we where taught abstention, withdrawal or rhythm method. I can't thinkmfor a second anyone Catholic would believe a douche is a reliable method of contraception.
I've never fully grasped how they are meant to work. So today's the day that I find out - please comment on how I assume one uses one:
1) Have a poo
2) Fill up bidet with warm (?) water (how do you judge the level?)
3) Stand up from loo and transfer to bidet (does this not clench the cheeks meaning any residue is 'ground' in more?)
4) Wiggle bum to dislodge any poo residue (do you get your hand involved? how effective is just a dunk?)
5) Dry bum on something - a towel? I'd be worried about having just wet the poo rather than removing it? Or do you just use an already brown towel?
@bigrich, as a Catholic we where taught abstention, withdrawal or rhythm method. I can't thinkmfor a second anyone Catholic would believe a douche is a reliable method of contraception.
you were taught about sex? we were just told we were going straight to hell for any form of sexual activity whatsover by a wild eyed irishman with a beard and granite faced nuns.
I didn't say it was a good idea, just that's what they use em for.
Sponge on a stick soaked in vinegar?
That's what the Romans did for us.
I want one! I think they're brilliant. But I do like a clean arse.
I made a turbo bidet the other day...well actually I took a close coupled cistern of the toilet to replace the flush, when I refitted I hadn't seated the doughnut washer properly. It was an impressive jet of water delivered right at bum level
we were just told we were going straight to hell for any form of sexual activity whatsover [s]by a[/s] except with wild eyed irishman [s]with a beard and granite faced nuns[/s].
FTFY
I was thinking "I use a bidet most times I'm out on a bike". Then opened this thread and remembered, that it was a bidon.
TP always seems a poor solution to me, surely your just smearing it around a bit.
Aren't they for throwing up in?
Ewan's post is LOL funny, but also gets to the point - HTF are you meant to use them? Excellent questions that require answering!
*Likes*
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@ewan you must give your arse a good wipe with paper first. Why on earth would you want to clean your dirty arse with your hand instead of paper ? 😯
Personally plan A is to use the bathrooom before my morning shower. Plan B would be wet wipes if necessary/desire to finish - note do not get confused with bathroom cleaning wipes with bleach - been there done that, too invigorating for me 🙂
I was thinking "I use a bidet most times I'm out on a bike".
Aye,roadies without mudgaurds 😉
The Japanese seats are great, i get them entirely, just not bidets.
Why on earth would you want to clean your dirty arse with your hand instead of paper ?
Some people choose to - a chappie I work with told me the other day: "that's how we do it". He is British born, of Bangladeshi parents. I'm aware that it's the norm in some parts of the world, but it had never occurred to me that it would be a tradition/cultural/whatever thing that would persist through generations.
The guy we bought our house from was openly homosexual. In addition to the bidet there was a tiny sink outside the toilet at an unusual height that had a blind around it. Whilst the bidet was removed to make space for a washing machine the little sink has remained, very useful it is too.
How decadent, a cock sink.
@ewan you must give your arse a good wipe with paper first. Why on earth would you want to clean your dirty arse with your hand instead of paper ?
What's the point then? Wiping works quite well I find...
Ewan - TP, running water, hand, soap, towel.
Ask your wife/girlfriend/boyfriend/husband, Ewan.
It's just right for cleaning everything below the waist, On an On.
Bum gun all the way here
Can't believe folk don't know how to work a bidet! Thats funny. Think of it as a shower for your bumole not a bath. 😆
I'm sure the invention of the bidet was greeted with great joy by French geese:
https://en.wikisource.org/wiki/Gargantua/Chapter_XIII
is the right answer.Bum gun all the way here
Love bidets....do the normal wipe wiv paper then refresh in the bum hole bath..for ultimate freshness.
What's not to like 🙂
I must be a wrong 'un. I love bidets. 🙂
http://www.livingmadeeasy.org.uk/toileting/toilets-with-integral-wash-and-dry-facility-1717-p/
how about one of these,first time use is an experience to behold.
As a bloke.... I always find them very useful for a wee
It's good to have a clean gonga before cycling!
flap_jack - Member
We have one. Don't use it for post-number-twos but fantastic to ensure the crack is freshly clean before donning cycle shorts (infections down there are nasty).
Lovely... 😡
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😯
no beakers in this house then!!!!In addition to the bidet there was a tiny sink outside the toilet at an unusual height that had a blind around it
We looked at a house to buy that had the toilet and bidet in separate rooms.
Across the landing from each other.
I never did figure out the protocol for that set up.
[url= https://c6.staticflickr.com/8/7333/26752525413_865aea0397_z.jp g" target="_blank">https://c6.staticflickr.com/8/7333/26752525413_865aea0397_z.jp g"/> [/img][/url][url= https://flic.kr/p/GL2FLa ]WIPES[/url] by [url= https://www.flickr.com/photos/jimmygrainger/ ]jimmyg352[/url], on Flickr
Bidets are good for washing feet though, getting sand off for instance.
I mean, you wash ya bum in a bidet then dry it on what exactly, copious quantities of bog roll, kitchen wipes, a towel (!) ?
Morrisons bot wipes for me!
Bidets, what's not to like?
Spare basin for when spouse is using the other.
Spare urinal, easier to reach than the sink.
Great for dumping grotty gritty clothes in after a ride without blocking the bath or basin
Clean bottoms upon demand
Post sex freshening, yes
Chases clingons away!
Ace for washing babies in!
I'm so pleased we have one.
You chaps do know that bidets are not self cleaning? So what ever residue the last person left will be the first residue shooting onto your bottom.
PS
If you haven't expelled your poop completely when going to the loo, adjust your position on the toilet (i don't be doing Yoga 🙄 )
What's the point then? Wiping works quite well I find...
@Ewan none, that's why most of us don't bother with them
On the Bangladeshi comment a lot of Middle East (& Muslim ?) countries have a pressure hose by the toilet instead of a bidet.
Weird things when you consider many ski resorts in Europe that have the no bowel, squat and shit in a hole in the floor type toilet. Okay, mostly in Italy 😉
Really difficult to use when wearing ski boots BTW !
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a tiny sink outside the toilet at an unusual height that had a blind around it
Nice a private urinal for the vertically challenged
This is like watching 12 engineers screwing-in a lightbulb.
Good grief it's not hard to understand. When you have had a sticky number two, you simply wipe your arse on the family pet then wash that in the bum-fountain.
that bidets are not self cleaning? So what ever residue the last person left will be the first residue shooting onto your bottom.
Like a bath or a shower you mean?
Poop is not shooting anywhere. Unless your housemates stick the tap up their bum. In which case the problems are deeper than shooting poop.
thanks ewan, was about to ask similar questions myself 🙂
ive used the 'jetwash' things in thailand and er.... quite enjoyed them but never knew how to properly use a bidet.
ive always assumed you just hover, press a button and a little jet shoots up like a drinks fountain and its just for a rinse. but then i think well how do you dry yourself after? surely toilet tissue just tears into loads of little pieces when wet and youd end up with little tissue balls stuck to your botty-fur? and surely a towel would be unhygienic for multi-use, and you wouldnt use a fresh towel every time someone went to the crapper......
Yep. We use ours fro storing towels on.
Whilst living in Thailand in the mid 2000s I had the misfortune to meet a rather obese American from Kentucky who carried around a sponge in his pocket for wiping his ass after taking a dump.
He claimed that he had picked this up from Asians who lived in America Koreans, Thais and Cambodians or so he claimed.
I was rather disturbed by the fact that this man kept a sponge in his pocket that had been used for cleansing himself.
The fact that the sponge was dry in his pocket also concerned me. I was unsure if he wet it before going to the toilet or afterwards. It must have meant that he had to at some point put it damp into his pocket.
Have you ever heard of anybody else doing this?
What is worse is I also remember him wiping his forehead with when he used to sit and sweat in his unairconned office.
A piece of foamy sponge much like one of those yellow scourers but it didn't have any souring bit on it for obvious reasons.
We had a bidet in the 80s but I was a kid so having a dirty ass was de rigeur. I was at a conference in Japan three years ago... or rather I should have been at a conference but was actually in my hotel, sat reading a book on the heated bog with a permanent stream of quite hot water doing its merry business, bliss. This one had a (hot) air stream for when I eventually decided to get up.
No wonder the Brits have a reputation for being filthy, if half of us don't know how to use a bidet.
About drying: you don't use paper. Post wash, one's derriere is sparkly so the usual practice is to have special ittle bum towel for all to use. After all, it's just family & friends who use it.
My mother had one installed in the 80's. The fountain used to reach the ceiling.
Oh ,how we laughed.
Have you ever heard of anybody else doing this?
Yes the Romans, a very long time ago - they would use a sponge on a stick.
A Roman defecating whilst holding a sponge stick :
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Plus they had cameras in Roman times!!
In the toilets.
They had no shame.
I'm surprised Quirrel. I live in Thailand and Thais use a bum gun. I never have but there's one in every loo in our house and every one I've been to.
Long term ex-pats swear by them. I've had to turn ours off at the wall as my young boys love squirting each other with them! It was when the 2 year old drank from it I decided they had to be stopped!
[img] http://ciee.typepad.com/.a/6a010536fa9ded970b019b01069f29970b-pi [/img]
No more Brown Crayon.Bonus!
I'm surprised Quirrel. I live in Thailand and Thais use a bum gun. I never have but there's one in every loo in our house and every one I've been to.
I'm still here, I assume the fat kentuckian is not, he was so obese he had little arms like a tyranosaurus rex.
I love my bum guns, although with the high pressure from the pump it can often lead to internal and external cleaning.