[Closed] Bereavement and Loss Of Confidence?

No experience of the exact circumstances you describe, but if your anxiety is affecting you then def talk to your gp.
Plus keep posting on here if it helps lots of us have posted things on here and pretty much everyone is supportive

First of all sorry for your loss.

I think I suffered something similar when I lost my mum about 33 years ago. I was at university at the time but was home for summer hols when she passed away a couple of years after having a brain tumor removed. Me and my and brothers and father were at the bedside when she passed so there was proper closure in that respect. All was fine following funeral and I went back to start my final year in Uni. I met a lovely girl, things went OK for a few weeks and then suddenly I just started to break down. I developed a stammer I had never had before and lost loads of self confidence. By the middle of that first semester I knew it was pointless me trying to tuff it out till my finals, and after a few visits to a campus counselling facility I was able to defer my final year for 12 months. I spent the next 8 months working as a pony-trek leader and I must say it was not the worst thing I could have done. The complete change and the dependency of the horses and the constant interaction with people in nature was great therapy and helped me get my head together.

Definitely try and talk to someone about it. I am no expert on anything involving emotions or the like (just ask my wife!), but talking about things like this always seems to help. I am sure someone will be along just now with more practical advice

Yes I have had a very similar experience like yours. When I was 21 (15 year's ago) both my parents passed away 5 months apart from each other. I ended up drinking heavily and taking tons of cocaine. After trying to kill myself unsuccessfully and after a year and a half of abuse to my body and mind I went to see a doctor and they put me on anti depressants as well as doing alcohol and drugs anonymous courses. It took me ages to get my confidence back until I decided to go backpack around the world. Traveling for me really helped me improve my confidence around others as well as seeing the importance of life<span style="font-size: 0.8rem;">.</span>

Sounds like the kind of thing I went through after a load of stuff caught up with me.
I used the NHS self referral online and had some counselling sessions, which were a massive help.
Not sure if they will be doing that at the moment, but there's a lot of mental health help on the website
https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/stress-anxiety-depression/

Grief and loss effect everyone differently, certainly knocked my mental health 6 months after my mum went.

No harm in speaking to your GP or looking for other support.

Another one. My folks died within 10 months of each other and, looking back, I can see that it led to a great deal of anxiety, which still affects me 10 years later. I'd put it down simply to getting older but I can see that it's much more complex than that. It has affected my work, the amount I drive, and the sort of activities I undertake. Knowing it and recognising it definitely helps.

I never really got on with Dad and when he died then well, he died. I was surprised how it made me feel over the following few months. Not what you are describing but a very real and very deep effect.

Check out DezB link. That will do no harm and might help, even just to reassure you that it is normal, or one of the million normals that different people have.

Thanks. As others mentioned above about their own experiences, a lot went on last year and I do feel as though the bill has come in for how hard I was pushing myself / being pushed.

My brain is screaming at me to get out of the new job as it has been the final layer of stress which I think has tipped the balance. I just can't get that message through to other people though and I need them on board. I could be unemployed for a while and it would involve giving up a pension. People close to me dismiss it as the usual new job jitters but I know this is different. Just a gut feeling telling me it's all wrong. Can't get HR to engage with me which is making things a lot worse. I'm feeling very trapped to be honest and that I have no control over my life at the moment and it's not getting any better.

I've tried the usual stuff of walking, meditation etc which helps a little but I think it might be time to speak to my GP.

Really sorry to hear about your position and how you are feeling. Definitely chat with gp, also have a look at these guys - https://www.cruse.org.uk/
They are a counselling / support charity specifically dealing with bereavement. Not used them but in my role have signposted many to them and hear great things. Likely to have local(ish) group.

My grandma's passing was the straw the broke the camel's back with regards to depression. I'll never completely 'get over' it....he was my absolute hero. Within 18 months of him dying I'd been through CBT through the NHS as well as a few months on anti depressants and I got divorced. The latter although a very tough period was for the best. Currently as happy as reasonably could be given the current pandemic etc.

Asking for help is the hardest part.....and it's not a 'failure' or anything to be ashamed of.

Five years ago this week my sister died. Then my mother. 2016 was not a great year. I’m pretty resilient and confident about what I do at work. But only when the weather has passed can you look back and see how bad the storm really was. It was pretty bad.

It will pass over time. Your skills have not changed, only your perceptions. Some counselling may help. But I did not go down that path. I rode my bike. A lot.

Thanks. Some pretty helpful and honest stuff there.

Noticed on the Cruse website loss of confidence / panic / anxiety are part of the grieving process. I think I've made life particularly hard for myself by changing jobs / disciplines where I'm almost completely de-skilled.

I think I’ve made life particularly hard for myself by changing jobs / disciplines where I’m almost completely de-skilled

No bereavement involved but having just done that bit, I can totally understand the extra pressures your loss has put you under.

Took me a few months to come to terms with the loss of my nan who I was very close to. Had a really bad time and ended up having some counseling through work.

It's a pretty common problem, and GPs or groups like Cruse will hopefully point you in the right direction.

It will pass. The key thing is that you've recognised the issue and started considering getting help

Yes. My confidence is at an all time low right now. It actually started in 2008 when I lost my best mate who was working in Bali at the time. Then within a year we lost both grandparents in mums side and the family dog.
Fast forward to 2014 and we finally lost mum after a long fight. Then just short of a year ago we lost dad also to a long fight.
It's been gradually getting worse and I have dropped many responsibilities at work. Trying to move house in current times is bad enough and we are trying to sell mum and dad's place too.
Very much looking forward to being able to go out riding more easily and also have the motivation to do things for myself in the evenings.

I’m glad I’m not alone. I lost my dad a few days before Christmas. I knew I’d be upset and all the lockdown stuff means that I can’t go to be with my mum in Germany, we can’t have a proper funeral so there’s no moment when we can remember him together.

I am quite practical and enormously grateful that I was able to visit him in hospital in September (he was hit by a car and miraculously survived for a while).

I had kind of thought that the series of stress related things that had happened were to do with the lack of being able to do anything (mouth ulcers so bad I thought I was losing a tooth, recurrence of generalised anxiety disorder I had about 20 years ago and thought I’d seen the back of, and a migraine) rather than him leaving the world. I suddenly run out of steam some days and my brain just says no. I work for myself so the question of how sympathetic my employer is a the subject of an internal fight between self-management and deadlines from clients.

Sorry for your loss Shooterman. And thank you for posting. I will go and do some bereavement research. I thought it was just me.

I'm so sorry to hear that Marky. I hope the situation improves for you soon.

Thanks Clover and sorry to hear about your Dad. Covid definitely hasn't made things any easier.

I think I need to make a decision about the work thing. I was told by my GP a few years ago I was burned out after years of chronic stress. Stupidly I interpreted that in the everyday sense ie been burning the candle at both ends and was over tired. Didn't take anywhere near enough time off and I think I probably didn't fully recover. It was a rotten place to be and I'm afraid of ending back there again.

Bereavement can lead to many things. Not necessarily permanently it just takes time.

Anxiety/ loss of confidence is one of those.

My experience is that initially things did get better because I was busy with admin and everything was explainable. It never really went away though and came back months later.

Struggled at work, was stressed, anxious about things that I never used to be. I wouldn't think twice about big solo rides and all of a sudden I was crippled by the idea of being stuck miles from home.

It's normal, I learned to accept it and things get back to normal eventually. Bereavement is a difficult one. There's no fix, time helps but there's not a timeline that works for everyone.

Talking helps so contact you GP or find a sympathetic, patient friend.

Thanks Shooterman. And you. As mentioned by others, we all have our ways of dealing with things. Chatting on here definitely helps me.

I'm not one for platitudes so instead I'll give you two pieces of advice.

1) People deal with grief and loss in different ways. Sometimes it's fast, sometimes it's delayed, sometimes it's slow. None of these things are wrong so don't you dare feel guilty about it. We all have to muddle through however we can, there ain't a manual.

2) Make your HR department aware. They will be able to make allowances for you not bringing your A Game rather than work wondering WTF is going on, and they may have some sort of employee assistance programme they can refer you to for support.

I started a new job soon after my brother's suicide in 2018.
I suffered with crippling anxiety and real imposter syndrome. Was sure I wasn't pulling my weight and felt out of my depth.
Took me a while to get through it.

Wise words from Cougar

I will add that I am a big fan of counseling, the critical thing with counseling is how well you get on with the counselor. If your leg was broken you would not hesitate to get help so don't hesitate if your head is broken

Thanks everyone. You've hit the nail pretty much on the head Scott.

@shooterman - sorry to hear that - it's not a nice experience.
From my perspective, it really was mostly in my head. I was actually performing very well, but had convinced myself it wasn't the case. I also suffered with memory issues - I'd go into town or to the supermarket and then not remember why - it is obvious now that I was in shock, but things like that added to my insecurity.
Good luck with it - and look to counselling if possible.

Thanks to all. Yep my memory is shot to pieces as well. Not a nice feeling. Took the steps recommended so hopefully things should start to turn for the better.

So sorry of your loss. I don't have any wise words for you but can wholeheartedly relate to the situation you describe. Sadly my wife is extremely close to the end of her long brave battle with Cancer and I am currently bouncing between "Its ok we'll get through this" to "Sheer panic".
I don't know if you have followed Gnusmas on here and read about what he has been through, how he has got through the last few years is amazing. He also has a blog https://brighteststarinthesky.com/ have a read and see if any of that helps.

It's very common, not just bereavement but in general, I see this over and over, people go through hell, get out the other side and then it's as if their body and mind looks round, confirms they're in a safe place now, and says,
"Ok, right, NOW you can have a nervous breakdown"
and you just fall apart like a comedy banger at the end of the journey.

There's an excellent book called "The Body Keeps The Score" about how stress and trauma affects memory, emotion - e.g. the neurology of why memories of a traumatic situation seem vivid but disjointed and not "settled in". Proper science. Might help.

I'm so sorry to hear about your situation Muke. I wish you the strength to get through it.

Very interesting point you raise Stripeysocks. We went through a difficult situation a few years ago where my wife and I had fairly major surgery a few months apart. My wife lost a lot of blood and was in high dependency for a few days. There were other stressors at the time too. I just seemed to turn into a robot and become emotionally numb to get through it but then a year or so later it hit me what could have happened. I think I will check out that book.

Thanks shooterman, sadly my wife passed away yesterday and I know we now have to go through the bereavement process and things will eventually get better over time but I have never felt so broken and scared in my whole life.
If you can go hug someone you love, you don't fully realize what you have until its gone.

Peace, Love and **** Cancer.

Yep - i can identify with this OP.

My younger brother died 7 years ago after a long battle with bowel cancer - i think loss of confidence is linked to anxiety and i've struggled with that a bit.
Things came to a head at home last Autumn and my wife gave me an ultimatum to get some help - making the call was very difficult but the counselling sessions have really helped.

Sorry to hear of your loss. If I can give one piece of advice, then that would be please talk to someone, you have made the start by coming onto STW.

I experienced a huge loss of several family members, I couldn't process it all, therefore I couldn't talk to anyone, it destroyed me and some of the relationships around me.

I lost all my confidence and closed myself off from nearly everyone around me for a long time, it still haunts me to this day, but not all the time, it does get easier and that's down to time.

I found a counsellor a few years back and that was my release of all the emotions, anger, anxiety, sadness etc.

Like I say find someone to talk to, it will help.

shooterman - I'm so sorry to hear about your loss.

I've experienced similar and hope this helps ... I had open heart surgery for a congenital heart abnormality which had been completely undetected until then (at age nearly 40). It was a shock, and the hospital experiences were extremely stressful. I was still recovering emotionally from that when, two years later, my OH died in a road accident. I soldiered on for a few years thinking I was very strong only to find myself unable to function normally due to severe anxiety. When it was first suggested to me that I may be suffering post-traumatic stress, I initially thought this was unlikely; however, after much reading, and the help of good trauma therapist, I now have a lot more insight. Along similar lines to The Body Keeps the Score, I think (I'm aware of it but have not read it), I have found Peter Levine's books extremely helpful. The body-oriented approach to trauma recovery has really helped me. I'm wishing you well.

stripeysocks - sounds like my experience entirely! Thanks for that - it's always good to understand why we react the way we do, and reassuring to know we're not alone.

Muke - I'm so sorry to hear you lost your wife yesterday. I'm wishing you strength.

So sorry to hear about everyone's losses, my condolences go out to you all. Going through it all again is really tough, especially when you haven't been able to deal with the first lot of grief.

Grief is handled differently by everyone, but from people I've spoken to the feelings and experiences surrounding it are pretty similar for us all. Depression, anxiety, loss of confidence, low self esteem, lack of motivation, second guessing everything, hindsight is definitely a bitch, I tend to waffle about crap now too, etc.

I've been fairly open about it all here and in my blog, lots I haven't said but I think there has to be a limit to it at some point. If anyone wants a chat, vent or anything please drop me a message. Whether it be emotional or practical, I'm happy to help if I can. I'm not an expert by any means, but can give my opinion and experience if it might help.

There you go again Alan being so bloody thoughtfull of others 🙂
You helped me when Carolyn died by showing how its OK to get angry and vent not something that comes naturally to me.
Now Muke(Marcus) is sadly in the position of losing someone young (I'm making assumptions here) made even worse by Covid.

@MrOvershoot happy to help anyway I can, hope you're doing OK at the moment.

@Muke please get in touch if you want or need to. I know we've briefly spoken previously but if you need a chat or anything please let me know.
This is an open invitation for anyone else too, saves tagging everyone and makes it easier this way.

This video I think has the best explanation of grief and its quite easy and simple to watch.

https://twitter.com/BBCiPlayer/status/1027459464859971584?s=09

It is generally said that there are 5 stages of grief.

[url= https://i.postimg.cc/NMmxxYfk/Screenshot-20210121-195823.jp g" target="_blank">https://i.postimg.cc/NMmxxYfk/Screenshot-20210121-195823.jp g"/> [/img][/url]

Some people believe that the stages happen in a particular order and takes a certain timescale to complete the cycle. That is a load of crap, each person is different and time is not a factor for grief. I don't think I've been 'lucky enough' to reach acceptance once in 2 and a half years. I live a constant battle bouncing between anger, depression, bargaining and isolation. This website clearly explains each stage.

https://psychcentral.com/lib/the-5-stages-of-loss-and-grief

Again, I hope everyone is doing as best as they can at the moment.

gnusmas
Full Member

@MrOvershoot happy to help anyway I can, hope you’re doing OK at the moment.

@Muke please get in touch if you want or need to. I know we’ve briefly spoken previously but if you need a chat or anything please let me know.
This is an open invitation for anyone else too, saves tagging everyone and makes it easier this way.

This video I think has the best explanation of grief and its quite easy and simple to watch.
https://twitter.com/i/status/1027459464859971584

@gnusmas Not great at the moment Alan but nothing like your going through.
That video explains it so well, I can be having an OK day, work is bearable (the expanded life) then you get home and some little fragment of a memory of Carolyn in something I'm doing will set me off (the bit that stays within)

I'm slightly worried that this forum is possibly the one place where I can be honest about my feelings and not be judged, is that a good or a bad thing, perhaps good for this forum and bad for me in the wider sense?

this forum is possibly the one place where I can be honest about my feelings and not be judged

That's got to be a good thing, keep venting, STW can be a tough place at times but there is also a lot of love to go around. On a personal note thank you all for your messages of support, I feel a bit bad about barging in on shootermans thread with my own problems but don't feel I'm worthy of my own thread, please tell me if I get in the way.

I was aware that our first weekend was going to be tough. I have been keeping busy with the important admin, some of which can only be done during the week, which therefore leaves the weekend free and if not careful it could become easy to drift into the negative spaces that have been left by our loss. So the plan was to keep busy somehow but that kind of fell apart a bit once the procession of couriers started with flower deliveries, some people are very good with their tear provoking words, so much for trying not to cry so much today.
Lockdown is difficult for everyone but deffo not helping in that we are unable to visit people, places and do the things that we would like to but we intend to keep as busy as possible whilst remaining focussed on the positives.

Stay safe people, virtual man hugs all round.

bad for me in the wider sense?

I would have thought not. The anonymity on here can be helpful in feeling able to say things and that in turn may help you put some thoughts in order.

its not a substitute for real life but sometimes its close and experiences shared are beneficial

I feel a bit bad about barging in on shootermans thread with my own problems but don’t feel I’m worthy of my own thread, please tell me if I get in the way.

I would have thought it fine to barge in so long as you don't do a TJ and take over the thread arguing about minutiae 😉

Of course you are worthy. all folk are. It might even be best to have one combined thread as then you can share and support each other.

I have had no real tragedy in my immediate family but some in wider family and I thought I could cope especially given my professional background but I learned a lesson the day I had to go home from work in tears when it all hit me.

There is no right and wrong, there is no normal and abnormal reactions - there is just what you are feeling.

Muke - I would say let it out if you can. I cried every single day for 3 months after my OH died. I know it's hard. It will get easier. Take as much time as you need to grieve, and look after yourself. Same goes for everyone here who has lost someone. I'm wishing you all well.

Thank you to everyone for your kind words and sharing your own experiences.

Well its 10 months on and how are we all coping?

Sadly TJ's words were very prescient, I know this time of the year is very hard on those left behind so cut yourself some slack if it all seems a bit much to be jolly.

From a personal point I had one more death in the family which just leaves me and my younger sister as survivors.

Next March will see a big change in my life that will give me a sense of freedom without guilt (I hope) cant officially say till the paperwork is signed in 2 weeks time.

Thankfully I have regained my confidence but I still miss Carolyn so much 🙁

I’ve been struggling recently, especially at the end of October, the weekend of the 19th to the 21st, which was exactly eight months since I lost Joey, my partner of three and a half years. I also had a number of health issues, nearly tripped down the stairs and twisted my arthritic knee and aggravated a back injury from years ago, dealing with the development of cataracts and also macular degeneration in one eye, then I had what turned out to be a trapped nerve in my right arm, possibly by catching the bannister rail to stop myself falling down the stairs, which was stopping me sleeping, and I just crashed, I couldn’t deal with things anymore.

Fortunately work is very understanding, even before we were taken over by Cazoo, but they are very keen on their staff taking care of themselves, and I was given two weeks at home, no questions whatsoever, and I managed to get a doctors appointment at the end of the first week, and her diagnosis was pretty much what I thought, and I was put on a four week minimum dose of Amitriptyline, which has sorted the problem after two weeks. Back at work, which is much quieter than it used to be, and stress-free.

Really not looking forward to Christmas though; I only have my brother and sister-in-law, and they have people they go away to, and while I was always rather indifferent to Christmas, Joey loved it, and put decorations and lights up, so it’s going to be so very quiet and empty without her. My mum died ten or eleven years ago, and my step-dad five years ago, just when Joey suddenly re-appeared after twenty-odd years, so she brought light and life back into the house, despite having some issues, which we were getting through.

And now she’s gone, and I miss her so very, very much.

Just wondering if this is normal

Everything is normal, nothing you will ever feel in relation to anything that ever happens to you has not been felt by countless others over time. My way of dealing things is to accept knowing that I'm not unique, by knowing that things will get better but importantly in accepting that right now I can't feel they will ever be better.

Finding this thread has been a revelation for me,since losing Mum in March after a long drawn out illness, dealing with the estate,solicitors and accountant had kept me busy and as this has gradually faded into the background I have been overwhelmed with anxiety,depression and anger...exactly what others have found..I didn't understand what was happening,everything I enjoyed doing before became toxic,I didn't dare ride my motorbike,driving was a chore mixed in with bouts of anger,my 2 days of work a week became an exercise in frustration and anxiety and a mildly annoying home situation got blown out of all proportions.
This prompted me to talk to a counsellor who, whilst helping, didn't really nail this down for me but this thread has,it appears I am normal after all!
I have made some changes,more downs walking,less work pressure on myself (not sure if the business will survive this winter) and to try and avoid stress risers...not sure how Xmas is going to pan out,looking forward to see my children but a large family gathering may not be the best place for me,I may just stay at home and look after the dogs instead.
I might even get a bike down from the loft!!....crazy I know!
Thoughts to everyone missing someone today..everyone's journey is different but places like this forum provide a safe haven..Thank you.

Mrs Sandwich lost her mother at the end of last year as a result of COVID isolation. As an Ulsterwoman everything was bottled up until we saw Tim Minchin recently. He sang "Carry You" as his last song and I had to prefer an absorbent shoulder while it was all cried out.
Grief affects us all differently, at some point you'll be an emotional mess and that's ok.

I actually went further downhill regards confidence. Both home and work suffered but my team leader is very understanding. I think I'm turning a corner with being able to get a few jobs done around the house. This is helping my mental state. I just need to get through one major milestone at work and I can put some baggage behind me. It's been a rollercoaster 18 months for me (us) and I can just see it improving if only slightly.
The advice and support on here is so valuable so I can only say thanks again. And to those who are still not feeling right, it does get better. We come out the other side as different people so don't expect life to be the same.

I don't remember this thread from first time around but as you know my partner of 40 years went and died on me 6 months ago.

The first few months passed in a bit of a daze enclosed in "brain fog".  Decision making was hard and I survived by delegating 🙂  I retired from work before Julie became ill so I have not had to worry about that.  I had a couple of sessions with the counselor at Maggies which if nothing else validated how I was feeling

I few weeks ago my brain " rebooted" and the worst of the fog lifted which then let in the "black" which then resulted in me having a panic attack.  Ive had a couple more sessions with the counselor which with hindsight I could have done with a week or two before.  I have recovered my equilibrium but I am far from the end of this.

Cycling has been an utter godsend.  Not been out the last few weeks much but I have done a lot of miles.  I have also had the most incredible support from people and I have both asked for it and accepted it.  I took a decision at the beginning of this journey to just be totally honest and open.  I have asked people for help when I need it.

I have scattered her ashes in some of the beautiful corners of scotland in accordance with her wishes. Yesterday I gave an old university friend of hers the chance to scatter some Very early on we discussed this and I wrote out an outline plan.  I wrote in bold at the bottom - " this will help me heal"

I am plodding down my path.  " One step at a time, one day at a time, one foot in front of the other"

There are a few things I have done which have helped me.

I am proud that I nursed her to the end and that I did it well and anytime I now think about those weeks I tell myself that.  "I am proud of what I did"
When I get what I call a " thud" moment where a memory triggers and my heart goes thud rather than thinking "oh no - we will never do that again" flip it to "what a great time that was" and fix it to a happy memory

I've gone to a counselor 4 times now.  I have found it very beneficial.  remember that as ever the key thing its the relationship between the two of you.

I have been open to the point of bluntness.  People ask how I am I tell them and I don't sugar coat it

I have asked for help from friends,  I have not waited for them to phone me

That's very well put TJ a "thud" moment is exactly what its like, just sometimes it takes a real effort to turn it into a happy memory.

I'm so happy for you that you could put your professional training to good use and be proud you gave Julie the best possible last few months, not many of us could say the same.

This afternoon I will be digi scanning a whole load more pictures of my mum & step father, he could be a right pain in the arse sometimes but he was a bloody good photographer!

Thankfully I also was an avid picture taker so have loads of Carolyn, plenty where she was giving me that "I think that's enough pictures of me" look!

There’s little things that make me upset, Joey loved having flowers in the garden, something that I never had anything to do with in the past, because that was my stepdad’s domain, he didn’t even really like my mum to intrude,  but Joey loved having a part of the garden of her own, and in particular having lots of pots and wall sconces she could put plants in, and in particular petunias, and she found some unusual ones that had dark purple/blue flowers with white spots, so we bought some of those and other colours, and I really grew to appreciate having them on the back wall of the house, they added vivid colour and scent, especially as it’s south-facing. After she died, I spotted some for sale where she used to work, so I bought some, and divided them up, but I still had a couple of wall sconces to fill. I went back, but they’d all gone. I’ve looked after them just as she would have wanted, and there was one last plant that’s kept flowering right up to now; I went out tonight to sort out the hedgehogs and bird feeders, and the very last flower has dropped off. I just feel so empty, I’ve sat and cried, I’m heartbroken and lost without her. Losing her so suddenly, it never gave me any chance to become accustomed to the idea, like with my mum, who’d suffered gradual heart deterioration over ten years or so, and she was in her 80’s, but Joey was twelve years younger than me, and it was a thrombosis that killed her.

I think it’s going to take me a very long time to get over her loss.

CountZero

I think it’s going to take me a very long time to get over her loss.

In a good way I hope we never get over the loss of our loved ones as to do so would seem strange IMO?

My In-Laws are near to you so expect a message from me and visit next year even if its to sit in a pub garden and make each other cry for the loss of our partners.

I think it’s going to take me a very long time to get over her loss.

I am determined to heal and to have a life again but thats not really the same thing.  I too miss my Julie so much.  She is constantly in my thoughts.  We will all be forever changed and I don't know if you ever "get over it"

I am afraid I have not grasped everyones story in detail - too preoccupied with my own.  However Christmas day is going to be tricky for many of us. I intend to go bike riding - any of you wish to join me?  I have no idea where everyone lives!

Thankfully I also was an avid picture taker so have loads of Carolyn, plenty where she was giving me that “I think that’s enough pictures of me” look!

All of us have at least one of those somewhere in the archive!

All of us have at least one of those somewhere in the archive!

Many of my pictures of Julie!

I think it’s going to take me a very long time to get over her loss.

I dont think we do ever get over the loss of a loved one if im completely honest.

Was nice to read this thread 10 months ago, and to reread it with all the updates today.
I lost my mum 17 years ago now and my old man went 2 and a 1/2 years ago thankfully just before covid had really started as we got to spend the last days by his bedside.

Christmas is a real struggle for me every year, my mum loved christmas to the point where she would start buying presents in January, and each of the last 17 years has been hard without here making jokes, burning dinner or doing something stupid just to make us all laugh or smile.

It just isnt the same and wont be at any point, i usually put a brave face on and make it as fun as a i can for my own kids as thats what she would have wanted, but i just want it done and dusted so i dont have to remember what a hole she left behind at this time of year.

And i do have some fantastic memories of christmas time with her, just cant find the "joy" in this time of year anymore.

Thoughts are with anyone who is struggling.

Just to clarify here is a "that's enough pictures look"

[url= https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/48925332926_e6f78a1802_k.jp g" target="_blank">https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/48925332926_e6f78a1802_k.jp g"/> [/img][/url]

Taken on one of the islands on Loch Awe