Being Stalked by ex wife

Talk with the police and ask them to have a word with your ex.

how do you imagine she's doing it - your phone, itags (or whatever they're called), something old-fashioned like sitting outside yr house, ... ?

Report it initially and make sure that she doesn’t have access to any of your accounts - Google, Appleid etc and make sure all the privacy settings/location sharing are locked down. Also even if she was tracking your location she would also have to be following you to know if you were with someone else so it’s quite possible a mutual acquaintance did actually spot you. 

Does your ex have a sister? Could the kids be miss representing it and she meant her sister had seen you. Maybe she just said auntie to them?

I'd ask her before reporting anything. Or set her up Coleen Rooney style!

The kid filmed the incident, primarily because their mum was drunk and abusing them, so seen exactly what was said, the rest of it is an issue for the family court though

Shit, sorry to hear that. Sounds awful. Maybe reporting it a good idea, just so it's all logged if nothing else. Hope you get it all sorted out.

You might feel safe at the moment, but if you think that there is any risk that your new partner will face abuse/threats or even violence, probably a police matter.

You need to be open with her, it's something she should be aware of. How would you feel if you got harassed by her alcoholic ex-partner out of the blue with no forewarning?

Hope you can get it sorted out, and keep your new partner well out of it. Consider getting off social media for a bit, or flipping your accounts so you can lock them down and control access.

If it's got to the point where your kids are filming their mum because she is being drunk and abusive, then her stalking you is prob the least of your problems

You are right though, you probably do need to start having conversations about your ex with your new partner. It's a kindness to her, and also avoids you being in a position where she finds out in some other, less pleasant way. I'm not sure you need to tell her that you she's stalking you, because you don't know that for certain yet, but it might be useful to mention what you do know about her, ie the drinking and the situation with your kids.

This is awful. Check your phone settings to make sure they haven't been set to "Find My" -> "People" -> check the list. (iPhone). I am sure Android has something similar. If an Airtag has been attached to you or your car etc, you should get an alert but it might be worth checking.
Personally, I'd have a word with the police about the "what ifs". Formalise your concerns. If it escalates, you already have a "paper trail".

Do you still have her on your social media? Mutual friends? If so, time to lock down your settings.

Good luck.

Going back to your original thread, did you ever talk to Al-Anon? This sounds really tough for the kids and they run support groups for teens. 

My immediate response would be to get a message back, by whatever means, saying a) so what, and b), this stops now, or there will be legal repercussions up to and including a court appearance.

the most concerning part is to my new partner, I feel obliged to disclose this information

I would.

All other things aside: if it does come out in the wash which by the sounds of things it's likely to, then it's better coming from you.

you probably do need to start having conversations about your ex with your new partner.

Screw that, it's none of her business. That's what "ex" means.

Did a post just disappear? Have we got that old bug again?

Regardless of any other considerations (and assuming you're accurate in your report of what is going on), what your ex is doing to the kids is at best neglect and at worst abuse, and as such needs reporting to social services.

Not to downplay them, but your worries about being stalked are secondary to that.

But yeah, I'd be honest with new partner. If they stay interested that says a lot about them, if they cut and run then that says just as much. Either way, you need to know where things stand.

You are right though, you probably do need to start having conversations about your ex with your new partner.

I'll post this anyway in case the missing posts appear. I misread this. Yes, you need to talk -about- your ex, not -to- your ex. Apologies.

Assuming your report about what's going on is accurate, this is at best neglect and at worst abuse by your ex towards the kids. As such it needs reporting to social services (as part of my job I work in safeguarding for young people).

I'd be honest with the new (potential) partner about what's going on. If they stay interested then that says a lot about them. If they cut and run that says just as much.

Not to downplay your feelings here, but the kids' well-being needs to be the priority.

Apologies if I seem to have replied multiple times. The forum seems to be messing me about.

(of course, if none of my responses are showing at all, this post will seem totally nonsensical).

That's awful. I assume you've mentioned this to your legal representation at family court and that you have got the videos of your ex from your children. I'd like to think that you'd be getting sole custody of the kids soon and that she will get a firm talking to by the court. But my experience is that the court tends to give many chances.

I have a friend that has been going through an acrimonious divorce and that resulted in several court appearances, the Mum ignoring the court and in the end breaching a court order. The kids, unfortunately, want nothing to do with the Mum anymore.

I hope that doesn't happen here, but stay strong and a constant for them. Try and keep your frustrations with your ex away from your kids and let your new partner know about her. If anything so that you get some morale support.

Oh, and ride your bike.

The custody thing is a bit of an aside 

I applied to the family court for sole custody in December and before the hearing she she granted it, also she pays me maintenance etc.

This event (unbelievably) came about as the kids reached back out to her for reconciliation, with a view to sharing custody. Kids are almost 15 twins for reference 

I had a coercive partner for several years. It took me ages to work out he was tracking my every move. One of the things I didn’t even think about for years was that we both used the same email provider and the default password was our postcode… I had naively let him set accounts up for me so there was a whole process of auditing digital things he might have access to. Good luck (obviously do all the reporting people are suggesting and honesty is the best policy with your new partner). 

@Clover has a good point, time to go into your social media, google and the like and find the log out all devices options!

Also when this happened to me in the past it turned out a third party was either relaying everything I posted or was just letting my ex use their phone to see my profile. So be prepared to cull your friends list to only ones you can trust!