I'm generally comfortable with my own persona but it is fair to say I'm pretty spineless when it comes to dealing with confrontation situations. My anger threshold is pretty high & I'd prefer to just walk away from situations rather than deal with them head on.
However, there are times when that just isn't appropriate and my body just doesn't know how to cope. I don't know how to describe it but it just becomes a flood of emotions that I don't know how to channel.
I feel like I want a drill sergeant to stand and shout at me repeatedly and reduce me to a gibbering wreck until I'm used to it. Any tips on coping?
My anger threshold is pretty high & I’d prefer to just walk away from situations rather than deal with them head on.
I wish I could do that more of the time.
Being able to walk away is a great attribute,
When the shit really really hits the fan you will probably be the one leading from the front with a clear head.
Don't worry about it 👍
^^ this!
To many lippy ,angry confrontational people already in this world. It's a massive PLUS to be able to just turn around and walk away!
Maybe worth talking through with a good councillor if it’s causing you concern.
What's happened?
Join the prison service, you'll soon find your feet. (*)
Really, I'm not the most 'robust' person when it comes to confrontation, but when I was at HMPS I found I could face any situation the job involved. I could go face to face with the most demanding & aggressive prisoners & be little fazed. Yet at home I find it hard to phone up & even complain about something!
* Do NOT join HMPS.
Plus what Wrightyson said.
What’s happened?
Parenthood I guess. Don't get me wrong - for the most part I'm comfortable with myself, but don't want to be seen as a walkover. If 100 people pushed in front of me in queue I'd probably smile at them all hoping karma balances life out a bit. If I could control it I'd prefer to strike a balance between being assertive enough, but without straying into angry shouty man.
Just wait til the Gatling boys come calling on Beccy.
Op, I am the same as you. Recently I had a course of CBT. Prescribe for Flying anxiety, its techniques touch on your thinking patterns, causes and psychology. On my day to day personality issues we determined that my cause was about being shouted down by my parents continuously, in that I'm conditioned to back down in confrontational situations as the oppressor is assumed as the "appropriate authority". I can only "lose it" if I'm pushed beyond emotional control.
As above, my councillor says thats not a bad thing, in that unwittingly I'm able to walk away albeit for the wrong reasons. My challenge and perhaps yours is to then find a safe channel for the retained anger.
She gave me an advice sheet about assertiveness.
I’m with you OP, it will take a lot of sustained rudeness to raise my pulse. To deal with any irksome toe rags I ride my bike and go as fast as pain stops me. Shouting out the odd rude word to trees and roots. Mates who are also escaping their wives also make great sounding boards.👍🏻
Fight or flight? Think it's the way we're all made when the adrenalin kicks in.Flight is the safer option ime,you can always fight another day.
I'll be honest I have to have many buttons pushed before I go, everyone at work knows me as fair to the core, I perhaps have one blow out every 6 months with some irksome shit bag of a brickie etc..
However the really big loud look at me man who stole my spot in the toast queue at the Alton towers hotel at breakfast a few years ago received both barrels of the **** off tablet. Your time will come and it will be justified.
I used to be like that too. I got older. Don't take shit from anyone these days.
[i]..queue at the Alton towers hotel at breakfast a few years ago received both barrels of the **** off tablet[/i]
Should've seen me in the Cars queue at Disneyland Paris. German bloke got it and didn't invade my space again! 😆
This is why my superpower of choice is to be able to make people poo themselves 😀
As long as you can laugh several times a day you will be fine !
Did`nt do Ken Dodd any harm 😉
being confrontational brings a whole lot of trouble i have found.
nowadays i like to stand back a bit and listen and judge. it seems to be working.
I’m the same.
riding into work this morning I saw a young woman about to step on to a pedestrian crossing, I slowed to stop and she saw me so started crossing. Just as she did another cyclist overtook me on the inside and rode across the crossing just missing her.
I decided I was going to catch him at the next lights a tell him what a twunt he was.
i did manage to catch him but when it came to it I decided not to bother. Not in the slightest bit scared of him (I was much bigger) I just don’t like confrontation in my life.
then spent the rest of the day annoyed that I’d not said anything (still am)
Just wait til the Gatling boys come calling on Beccy.
Now I feel old, not angry 🙂
Sounds to me like you already have balls OP. I wish I were brave enough to walk away from confrontation. It takes a better type of person to walk away, nothing to be ashamed of.
being confrontational brings a whole lot of trouble i have found.
Very much this - if someone's being a **** let them be the ****, don't let them make you the ****.
Very much this – if someone’s being a * let them be the *, don’t let them make you the ****.
bloke like this at work i nearly posted about here. i can ignore him most of the time but every so often the steam blows the lid off. and exactly that ^^^ then makes me out to be the prick. then he had the temerity to PM me saying he doesn't like confrontation conversations and to either email him or go through colleague if I had something to say to the prick. best salesman tho so don't want to dent his ego too bad (not that I could anyway as it's ****ing bigger than the ****ing sun).
being confrontational brings a whole lot of trouble i have found.
PSML!
Cheers guys-reassuring words Maybe assertiveness course is the way to go as per Kryton just to learn some techniques to deal with things.
Any tips on coping?
Assertiveness is directed and useful anger, and most men struggle to control their anger sufficiently well to be usefully assertive. congratulations you have skill many people will never develop or have the self awareness to objectively look at their own behaviour and modify it
It's good to be able to walk away (eg random aggression in pubs, driving 'incidents') but also good to be able to stand up for yourself when appropriate (eg workplace/professional disagreements). Missing an opportunity for the latter can lead to long-term stress that would have been settled much easier by lancing the boil at the time. At least that's my experience.
