[Closed] Baguette and/or sandwich aesthetics over functionality rant

You make a good point. The baguette can promise so much yet deliver so little. A well constructed sandwich however is a true delight.

it is marketing to make you believe you are getting lots of ingredients in your baguette .

The french know how to make a proper baguette sarnie. Greggs, definitely do not. In fact Greggs have completely lost the plot in making anything even half edible*

* sausage rolls and steak slices excepted

^ That's a picture of a sub roll not a baguette

A well placed grill can seal the most recalcitrant fillings inside a sandwich, though the risks from leakage do go up.

Baguettes are actually a pretty poor sandwich body, especially if, as is typical, a hinge is maintained. The Ciabatta would soon take over thanks to its superior structural integrity if only people weren't determined to bake them to the palatability of shoe leather in order to make them go extra crispy when toasted.

On an separate note my bread-geek side takes umbrage with calling that a baguette. It appears to be some kind of enriched dough baton.

You never have this problem with a pasty

baguettes also tear the roof of your mouth to shreds.

tis but a tiny irritation when compared to the horror of eating a soft filling in a crunchy baguette.

Was half way through an avocado and crayfish abomination when an attractive woman starting engaging with me (rare enough). The ensuing carnage as I tried to stop the baguette contents slithering into my lap showed up as utter revulsion on the poor victims face.

You want it all on the inside?

Have a wrap.

Or a pasty.

Or (mostly) a sausage roll

Edit: See also: samosa

You never have this problem with a pasty

Was half way through an avocado and crayfish abomination

I think I've spotted your problem.

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Have a wrap.

BAN HIM MODS! BAN HIM. Bloody wraps...

scotlandthedave - Member
baguettes also tear the roof of your mouth to shreds.

+ 1 this ^^

Currently flavour in Town is Twice Baked Baguettes with pesto replacing butter and then all sorts of crap as a filling.. Nice that may sounds, twice baked bread is a stupid idea.

Thankfully you don't get Sushi in a bun. 😀

spawnofyorkshire - everyone knows that a steak bake or cheese and onion pasty will contain a pocket within that is hotter than the surface of the sun

BAN HIM MODS! BAN HIM. Bloody wraps...

Woooooah there. Not so fast. Not all wraps are the same....

[img] [/img]
[img] [/img]

Brie? = fat
Cranberry sauce? = refined carbs
Bread? = refined carbs

Ooooo. You'll never burn all that off, ranting like that ^^^ go for a run..... now, NOW! Before it's too late. Aargh!
😉

spawnofyorkshire - everyone knows that a steak bake or cheese and onion pasty will contain a pocket within that is hotter than the surface of the sun

It's like they looked at the McDonalds Apple Pie and thought "That's just not evil enough, how can we scald everybody on the highstreet"

[i] That's just not evil enough, how can we scald everybody on the highstreet"[/i]

Napalm?

I remember buying a prawn sandwich from a café in Cornwall. There was a nice neat line of prawns along the visible edge of the sandwich and bugger all else further back.
It must be quite a skill to build a sandwich in such a stingy way.

Nigel Tufnell would agree

binners, honestly, why would you get a breakfast wrap when you get a mcmuffin?

You never have this problem with a pasty

You've been going to shit sandwich shops.

Ooops! Sweary video removed.

Baguettes are only any good:

Cut widthways, garlic buttered and baked crispy.

Broken by hand and eaten with chunks of proper butter.

Hollowed and stuffed full of bacon and brie.

DaveyBoyWonder - obviously no sane-minded person would forsake the unbridled joy of the double sausage and egg McMuffin for a mere wrap.

But I just thought I'd highlight the existance of the Heart Attack Wrap for the uninitiated who thought that all wraps must be some abomination that contains sundried tomatoes, roasted peppers and goats cheese

Baguettes are only any good:

[s]Cut widthways, garlic buttered and baked crispy.

Broken by hand and eaten with chunks of proper butter.

Hollowed and stuffed full of bacon and brie.[/s]

[b]In France
[/b]

[i] Hollowed and stuffed full of bacon and brie[/i]

During my time in France I witnessed the preferred condiment for baguette consumption was Stella artois.

If you really want to bespoil a shirt, may I recommend Greggs Five Bean Mexican flatbread.

The bits that get in your mouth taste devine. The bits that fall onto your shirt out the other end are a bugger to get out in the wash.

And combining five types of bean, salsa and jalapenos does wonders for the "other end" of the person eating it as well, about 3-4 hours later

baguettes also tear the roof of your mouth to shreds.

Now here's a top life tip... up there with not drinking in a flat roofed pub, never eating yellow snow and stand where the "stay back" line is worn away on a rail platform edge.

I only recently learnt it myself... it's brilliant in its simplicity and effectiveness.

Eat that roof of mouth ripping baguettes .... UPSIDE DOWN !!

The hard crust is now on your tongue where it does no damage.

8)

baguettes also tear the roof of your mouth to shreds.

WTF?

baguettes also tear the roof of your mouth to shreds.

Some baguettes are over filled,a faff to eat,and (as a clever person up there^^ noted)the hinge is a bad design.So what you do ,is ask for another empty baguette,then shovel half the filling in to it.
Almost two for the price of one an a bit. 😉

good point binners. I guess I just automatically associate wraps with humous eating hipsters.

A friend of mine once "had a word" in a Little Chef about the toast being sliced diagonally. Posh looking but useless, he argued, for piling bacon onto. Exit waitress, nonplussed.

But I just thought I'd highlight the existance of the Heart Attack Wrap for the uninitiated who thought that all wraps must be some abomination

I don't know about that, Pret do quite a nice avocado+rocket wrap. Had one at Gatwick a couple of months back.

Pret do quite a nice avocado+rocket wrap

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[b]OFF! [/b]

DaveyBoyWonder - at least we're not getting into paninis, which everyone knows are just inferior, overpriced, poncey toasties with delusions of grandeur.

[i]paninis[/i]

Panini is a plural 👿

[img] [/img]

don't get me started on [i]panini's[/i]

Anyway, the correct answer is a cheese salad sandwich (cheshire cheese ideally) on nice thick brown bread, with a little bit of salad cream. No, repeat, no pickle.

Salad ****ing cream with cheese?

Panini is a plural

[img] [/img]

A Greggs steak bake is the most promising, yet disappointing of foods in it's complete failure to deliver any 'steak'.

Like pulling Holly Willoughby and waking up and finding subo lying next to you...

I've just made myself a posh wrap. Bockwurst, fried egg, melted cheese, fried mushrooms and chimichurri sauce.
*burns mouth*

paninis

Panini is a plural

Singular is [i]Paninus[/i]

HTH

EDIT

In fact it is Panino but that doesn't sound as funny...

Just pop out the office, round the corner to the roach-coach and order a full Englardish, served ready for transport, in a polystyrene tray?

Sorry, what is this "baguette sandwich"???

Baguette + Camembert (or similar) + small knife + torn chunks of bread

Sorry, what is this "baguette sandwich"???

From the description I assume it is a baguette served between two slices for buttered bread.

Carbtastic

Exit waitress, nonplussed.

"baguettes also tear the roof of your mouth to shreds."
The risk is somewhat reduced if you turn it up side down before shoving it in. The belly of such a bread like object tends to be smooth and less damaging.

Blast beaten to it.
Must read all of thread first.

don't get me started on panini's

egh?

[img] [/img]

Singular is Paninus

The singular is penis. Allegedly.

That looks like Clive Allen up there

49 goals in all competitions in 1986-87.

One day in sunny Brentwood I saw him walking his dog in my local park .... ran back shock his hand, just said "Legend" to him and carried on my run... while shouting C'MON YOU SPURS over my shoulder.

It is a well known fact that sandwiches which are sliced @45 degrees taste better than those sliced @90 degrees.

Just back from the morning meeting and Greggs have their 1h figs out this morn.

Sales 400m up 6.4% .... growth in Breakfast and "balanced choice" range
Pre tax profit £25.6m (£16.9 2014)
interim div of 7.4p and a special div of 20p ... sweat

Looks like Binners has been hungry this year.

We reckons they'll be up about 3% this morn.

Is this a thinly veiled metaphor for the French vs English way to approach winning the TdF?

The baguette is all style and promise. It's golden crust, it's fancy frilly lettuce spilling out of the jauntily sliced side. It's all about the fancy mayonnaise and the aesthetically curled slices of jambon or salami. It's a breakaway attack, a sudden whirl of the pedals, a flash of FDJ white or Europcar green. And it's just as likely to end up clipping a pedal on the descent and ending up in a soggy mess in your lap.

The sandwich - is two slices of bread, enclosing a slice of cheese or a square piece of ham. There might be a scrape of pickle, to add panache, but no more than is necessary. The bread is solid, square, dependable - it's Geraint Thomas in baked form. The cheese is Froome; matured, a hint of spiciness, maybe a nod towards foreign ways but solidly traditional. And just enough pickle to add a bit of bite. It's not a breakaway type of condiment; it's more like a kick for the line with 50 yards to go just to remind you that it's there. The bread is only there to deliver the yellow filling right to the point it's needed, and you know it's going to do that job and not crumble under pressure. Stand proud you cheese and pickle winners!!

^^^^^^^^^ It's only a bread roll. 🙄

^^^^^^^ it's only a bit of fun 🙄

and I enjoyed it theother .... ty

It's only a bread roll.

Are you sure? It could be a teacake. Or a barm, or god knows what other word those weirdos up north use to describe it.

For filling properly - the inside of a baguette is a poor choice. Wraps are the way to go.

I like baguettes but prefer to enjoy them at leisure rather than try and fill them, tearing bits off, butter said bit, grab a piece of cheese, cooked meat, tomato, eat together, repeat.

Either make your own or frequent far better sandwich bars. Anyone who edge loads a sandwich rather than fill it where its counts (between the bread) is a stingy misleading scumbag of the highest order.

When I was a carefree and young i imagined a sandwich filling of such greatness that it actually made 'the menu' and remains to this day.

All this talk of Brie and cranberry or bacon and brie is only half a filling...

I present

Brie, bacon, chicken, cranberry and mayo.

Simple and effective - prawn cocktail and bacon. Godly.

That's just not evil enough, how can we scald everybody on the highstreet"

Napalm?