Baby talk (Dads give me some hope)

Whether it's good or bad, it's probably a phase. Hang in there.

It will get easier, you just have to accept that you don't have a much free time for the next year or so. After that you actually want to spend time with them, so you still have less free time but you tend to not be annoyance and want to give up some of it

Forgot to add, during bathtime he soiled that too! 🤣 he also has a cold which may have a bearing on his body clearing it out? I have no idea, sat here so long with his 7kg on me my arse is going numb!

So just got him into a routine at 3 months

At 3 months the baby doesn't have a routine and will change its mind based on its immediate needs. You have a routine your trying to make it fit into.

So I basically lose 2.5 hours of my night getting him to sleep and that’s if he doesn’t wake up! If he does when going to put him down it’s drawn out even longer.

This is relatively normal at this age. Been there done that.

It does get better and it is worth the short term pain.

Wait till teething starts.

As I say… any tips most appreciated 🤣.
I just end up watching GCN, GMBN and Pinkbike videos sat in bed just waiting for him!

Exactly what I did. Ours is three now and asks to go to bed. We now have to run round the park chasing her on her bike.... Soon be MTB.

You soon forget about the lost time every night.......we have another on the way in may.

It might get better!

At two months- a year ago- I was considering a minor nervous breakdown from the ‘sitting up late with a baby who wouldn’t sleep easily and woke up all too easily’. Into month three we really managed to get a routine sorted out and things calmed down*. Since then I we’ve been pretty lucky to be honest. Some NCT friends had it quite a bit worse and for longer though.

*For us it was getting a routine in the day that worked that made evenings click into place.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Sensational-Baby-Sleep-Plan/dp/0593062817

This worked for us for #1 and #4. (Twins don't count)

At 3 months the baby doesn’t have a routine and will change its mind based on its immediate needs. You have a routine your trying to make it fit into.

so much this - if you thought you’d nailed parenthood after 13 weeks then you’d be a god to every other parent out there. You will have challenges in one way or another for a long time yet so strap in and enjoy the journey.

At 3 months the baby doesn’t have a routine and will change its mind based on its immediate needs. You have a routine your trying to make it fit into.

Now that I find interesting as that’s the exact opposite of what we had. We weren’t expecting a routine to be something to aim for at all at that age, but ours was really not great at sleeping in the day, got to the evening tired and then didn’t sleep. Getting some more stable sleep time in earlier in the day at the right time meant she hit bedtime at about the right amount of sleepy.

Thank you so it sounds like it does get easier! Yes we try to make sure he doesn’t sleep too much during the day or go out and keep his mind active out in walks etc to tire him out.

Kudos to anyone who’s had more than one child, if I’m totally honest because our biking lives has changed so much in the first I’d say 2 months both of us found it incredibly hard due to sleep deprivation, him having no personality and you feel like you’re just there to supervise a blob with legs…. I was waiting for a bit of an personality to show which it finally has but genuinely I look forward to when I can get him on the weeride so we can go on gentle rides and when he can eat and feed himself, I’m sure it’ll be Carnage but being able to chat to him and teach him things is what I’m most looking forward to!

As above it'll be a phase. You're probably sick of hearing that though as I know I was but unfortunately it's the truth.

I remember your thread about the reflux, we had similar with no2 which we managed to get cleared up so there is light at the end of the tunnel. Took us a while but we figured out it was a reaction to soya, cut that out of mum diet (breastfeeding) and it seemed to clear up fairly fast.

Yep, sounds similar to ours. “Routine” comes and goes. They keep you guessing. The constantly changing landscape played with my head quite a bit.
I used the late night shift to watch The Soppranos. I hope the violence doesn’t leave a lasting impression, on them😂🐴

Top tip for getting exercise in is...... Parkrun. It was our saviour.

Baby in the pram loved running along the beach promenade - I did wait till 6 months though.

There is no hope🤣. Once you get the hang of things the second one comes along………

I look forward to when I can get him on the weeride so we can go on gentle rides and when he can eat and feed himself, I’m sure it’ll be Carnage but being able to chat to him and teach him things is what I’m most looking forward to!

Try not to wish the time away - they don’t stay small for long and before you know it they’ll be moving into their own place.

At 14years I'm still sat with my son watching pink bike videos at 11pm...

Yep, sounds similar to ours. “Routine” comes and goes.

+1 to that, as they develop they will change needs and 'routines' - next phase I recall was as they grow bigger and more active (even if that is just wriggling for now) they will also get hungrier....means waking more often again and so on. That'll persist until you can start weaning.

Sorry, it will all pass but better be prepared for the 2 forward and 1 back that is your destiny for the foreseeable.

As above, it's common to get a routine then it goes out of the window. Babies change all the time, kids change all the time.

Our youngest was a terrible sleeper. I used to sit with her in a chair by her cot, and then as soon as we could we put the sides down and I lay in it with my legs over the back. This continued until she was about ooh, two or three. Then she was always up in the night until 7 or 8 and we just gave up. She's just an extreme night owl. However your kid is far too young to have a circadian rythmn.

You could try a later bedtime. So many parents are putting their kids to bed at 7 or even 6 but I really don't think it's necessary for all kids. Same for naps. Our youngest never needed much in the way of sleep and stopped taking naps at about 9mo. My mum says I was the same. Some parents are still trying to force their kids to sleep at 3 or 4, but really - can you imagine someone walking in, stopping you from doing whatever you were doing and attempting to force you to sleep? You cannot force anyone to sleep, that's not how it works.

I just end up watching GCN, GMBN and Pinkbike videos sat in bed just waiting for him!

If that's what you've got to do, then that's what you've got to do. But I'm a big advocate of flexibility with routines. Try to find what works for the kid, don't just do what you think should work.

12 weeks is a classic time for a growth spurt (ours fell into that pattern, and came out of it with some new talents, such as playing more with toys). We found The Wonder Weeks really useful for both knowing what to expect, and what to do.

Our first child settled terribly at first - what worked for us in the end was using a bondolino (a soft body carrier) in which he would sleep until the early hours before I’d hand over to my OH with whom he’d co-sleep for the rest of the night. The key point, as others have said, is that this was a phase and things eventually got better. Other sleeping tricks: slinging and walking up and down the stairs; taking a short walk outside; and a nursing chair in which he could be rocked to sleep.

I just end up watching GCN, GMBN and Pinkbike videos sat in bed just waiting for him!

Luxury - didn't have that in my day!

Firstly, well done for taking on the bedtime routine and giving mum a break. Though if you are working full time, getting disturbed at night etc, maybe mum could do one night a week so you get a mental break - I got one midweek night ride a week.

Secondly, as others have said, at that age, there will be no easy routine. Sorry.

Thirdly, it never gets easier, the problems just change. Mine are 19 and 16.

You're welcome.

Has anyone said it's a phase yet?

Eldest here is 4 1/2. He was a terrible sleeper until bizarrely we took the cot sides off and boom that was him.

Youngest is a worse sleeper. At nearly 2 he is still in with us. Made worse just now with a cold that he keeps choking with.

They do grow up very quickly and we're now looking at school starting this year, it seems like yesterday I was a blubbering wreck in the maternity unit.
Youngest tries to blame his brother for farting which is funny.

Ours is not much better for getting to sleep at 5 months, we have a very similar routine with bath time at 7, feed and sleep. We can't really go any later as she is in full fussy 'witching' mode by then where nothing will placate her.

Make sure you get plenty of bibs ready for the teething stage. (Started seeing this around 4-5 months) They drool constantly and if you let it slide at all with damp on their tops you get a dribble rash which is hard to get on top of.

It does get a bit easier and more fun over time. Less household arguments too... when you're getting screamed at it can be easy to lose your filter!

I also have found it challenging in these early stages of not being able to ride! We’ve both given each other one ride so far for an hour each at the weekend once which felt amazing!

I do miss the early morning rides I used to get in, nowadays my morning just exists of 30 mins to be able to shower, eat and change and then start work as I work from home.

We’re both bike nuts, so maybe will be able to find a way to bring those back in on occasions!

I suppose another thing that takes up the time is that she’s trying to express until he’s at least 6 months so every morning she has 30 mins of doing that so only gets the same 30 mins as me to get ready…

What a commitment having a child is 🤣

whats up with you man, it is so so easy the first time round, when you are young and healthy and mobile.

just imagine it 25 or so years down the line and you are looking after grandkids 4 days a week.
that is when it is hard and the fun starts.................. ;o)

We're also both bike nuts. On weekends we've found a way to work it so we can get a ride in each on both days (unless we go for a trip somewhere). This really helps with sanity. This morning while I was on duty I took her out for half an hour in the pram and she then napped for a couple hours which was a nice luxury!

When I work from home we tend to alternate lunch hours where I'll either taken the baby reigns for an hour or go out for a quick spin. Can't do it everyday or I'll turn into a right grumpy git at work.

Does your other half have any sort of social circle with other mums yet? We've enrolled in a few baby classes - 'sing and sign', and baby swimming which is a nice thing that takes up a few hours with something fun and the mums get to socialise a bit afterward. Takes some of the strain off.

Oh yes thank you, she gets out a few times, baby yoga on a Friday. Off to see her friends at least once a week… she gets out more than I do in all honesty but I tend to manage easier.

Some days i get three days into the week and realise I’ve not even left the house so going to try and make the most to have a full lunch hour and time to walk around the village at the very least!

Some great advice/words here from you all though so thank you. Don’t get me wrong i’m smitten on him it’s just been such a huge adjustment

If you’re blessed with one, neuro-divergent kids tend to need a lot more support for a lot longer.

I've done the same recently a few times when WFH, staying in for days - particularly when the weather isn't great. It's aggravating an old back injury which I need to get on top of before it gets any worse.

I've made it a new years resolution to make sure I get out everyday.

Don’t get me wrong i’m smitten on him it’s just been such a huge adjustment

Are you suggesting you weren't aware of that before you dropped your trousers? It's a bit late to reconsider now 😉

Totally agree Commencal! Also I have a back issue I HAVE to keep on top of which means regular yoga and in some cases I’m just struggling to find the time to do it, we don’t live in squalor or anything like that but the floordrobe is a real thing as I just don’t get around to putting some clothes away 😂

I will say this though, a lot of this is because he sleeps in our room as he’s meant to for 6 months. Soon as that time passes and he has his own room to sleep in then that should make life easier! We won’t have to tiptoe in every night avoiding waking him, or not watch South Park in bed for fear of waking him or not be able to put clothes away at the end of the day for the fear of you guessed it…. Waking him!

We also always sleep with the window open to get fresh cool air in, had to stop that too so he doesn’t get too cold in our room…. So it’s the countdown to when he sleeps in his nursery so we get some normality back!

Haha, I've long since stopped getting undressed in the bedroom. Had to use another room for months. Undoing a belt with a baby in earshot was like defusing a bomb.

You sound like you've got him sleeping in a cot? If so you can count that as a win. We have to co-sleep, she never sleeps for more than half an hour in the cot at night so it isn't practical for the time being. It won't be forever but just have to go with what works sometimes.

Haha I sure was, but we have both said actually how little we knew about certain things and people never discussing it but clearly had All gone through it. My friends who have nearly all had kids never said in the beginning they’ll need to be fed every two-three hours. You lose your bedroom for 6 months and you will have to learn to be so quiet, so many other things as well as whenever my friends started talking about babies (female friends) I’d just turn off and find the guys (who were dads but never said anything) to chat about everything but babies!

I realise I really should have paid more attention back then, but yes we both knew it was going to be challenging but don’t think we realised how much. I remember my friend saying to me “will you be trying to carry on biking when you can then” and me saying “yes we’ll take in turns at looking after the baby and still get out on the trails”. What a load of bull that was, more to keep the relationship strong for a while biking ceases to exist to give full support to Mum especially after recovering from the episiotomy and there isn’t time inbetween the sitting up after feeds and the crankiness trying to settle little one to the constant nappy changes and taking over when she’s worn out or can’t take the crying bouts anymore and needs to have some space. Not to mention in the early days any time I even thought about biking was spent thinking “I could go to sleep now” even in the middle of the day, which of course also never happened as there’s so much to do, washing, pots, cleaning, more washing oh and more washing 😂

If I’m getting deep and meaningful it’s just love that rules overall and you do whatever you can to get through whatever is thrown at you 👍

Kids, they are hard work but are very rewarding. Hang in there, it does get easier. Try to enjoy as much as you can with them especially when they're young as they grow up and change so fast.

It won't be long until you're being beaten at FIFA by them and chasing them down the trails.

So ruddy unpredictable as well! He’s just guzzled through 120ml of food showing no sign of stopping….I stick a bunch more food in his bottle, go to carry on feeding and he refuses to drink it!
So it’s going to go to waste now and it’s not easy to get it in the first place…. He never only just drinks 120ml argh!

Our eldest starting sleeping through at 3 months, few blips along the way but nothing bad.

The 2nd (and last!) nearly broke me, he's three now and still doesn't sleep through very often.

No two are the same!

BiL just had a little girl that just seems to sleep all the time, barely even has a whinge!

Our youngest, now 5, was a terrible sleeper and it was horrendous. Both me & MrsFlyingOx spent months full-on sleep deprived at our wits' end, made worse by having friends around us with kids that all seemed to sleep through from around 10 weeks. We were second-guessing our parenting methods and those bedtimes are not something I look back on with particular fondness. It was around 7 months we finally gave the "timed crying" method a try, where you first go and settle after 30s crying and then leave & close the door, then 1 minute, then 1m 30s, then 2m, then 3m... you get the idea. It's hard to do as a parent as it goes against every instinct you have to ignore your child when it's crying, but at that age it can just be about how they attempt communication. He wasn't needing fed, wasn't too hot or cold, wasn't ill, wasn't needing a fresh nappy, he probably just wanted reassurance and was making a sound he knew that would get it. We only needed to try it that one night, think we got to about 7 minutes waiting before he finally got the message and he's slept through ever since. Absolute snooze machine now, will be zonked about 30 seconds after his head hits the pillow.

I'm not saying it's what a 3 month old needs and I certainly wouldn't have tried it at that age, but it's worth keeping at the back of your mind for when all else has failed.

It'll get better. For the first year, they need constant attention. Your life is just a daze of lack of sleep and frantically trying to keep up with things. Once they start talking and walking, it gets much easier and they start being fun to hang out with. Then they turn into teenagers and all you get are grunts and sulking in response to anything you say and you wish you could reset them to being 3 years old again.

I preferred mine as teenagers, much more interesting than babies. Which as the OP is discovering are demanding and lead to sleep deprivation and you can't even have a decent conversation with them.

Of course being 18 doesn't stop mine from messing with my sleep: I got up at 4am today to take her to the airport... Anyway try and enjoy them while they're small, as others have mentioned it really does go by in a flash.

I will say this though, a lot of this is because he sleeps in our room as he’s meant to for 6 months. Soon as that time passes and he has his own room to sleep in then that should make life easier! We won’t have to tiptoe in every night avoiding waking him, or not watch South Park in bed for fear of waking him or not be able to put clothes away at the end of the day for the fear of you guessed it…. Waking him!

Lol, the difference with shifting them into their own room is you lose half your nights sleep bedroom hopping trying to get the blighters back to sleep when they wake up.

3 and 6 here. Not sure 'gets easier' is the right expression. 'changes just when you start to get the hang of it' is probably more accurate!

good luck!

I read your long post in response to mine and think that should be the preface to all these perfect baby books. "If you thought it was going to be easy, you've not been paying attention. Put it away again, and have a long hard think what you're about to do"

It will be worth it, IDK how or when but it will change and while it never gets easier, just different, there are rewarding times to come.

One comment, about tiptoeing around. Don't create a bad habit like that, eventually you'll want them to be able to sleep anywhere (and they can if they're tired enough) - ours have curled up in the corner of rooms at parties and weddings and dozed. And at some point in the future it will completely change where not even 3 fire engines outside when the house next door's shed catching fire woke them. Genuinely amazed, and that's an 18 year old, slept through it all.

So mine (3.5) still won’t sleep through, we’ve accepted he’s just not a great sleeper. Doesn’t wake up for long though.

And it does get better - he loves building Lego sets now, and sat building Lego with my son is one of the best things ever. Or riding round the park with him on our bikes. Or exploring some woodland etc.

We're at 6.5 months and sleep training has helped us massively. A little bit of crying has created a baby that sleeps through the night.....mostly.

Over the christmas period she learned to pull herself up and blow a raspberry at you. It's amazing the pride you have at the smallest achievements!

f I’m totally honest because our biking lives has changed so much in the first I’d say 2 months both of us found it incredibly hard due to sleep deprivation, him having no personality and you feel like you’re just there to supervise a blob with legs…. I

I felt the exact same, but then they start drip feeding you things like smiles, giggles etc. as rewards!

The little man is now 3.5 years old…
He’s now riding his proper singlespeed bike and the sound of him laughing when he first got it was amazing. Bikes, Lego, ‘helping’ with DIY and gardening, it’s all good.
Doesn’t stop him being a little so-and-so sometimes, but it does make up for it.

Yep first few months can be divorce tackle:)

Ours is now 10months old and its only really in the last 1/2 months that her character is really coming out

Dinner 5:30pm; Bath 6pm; last bottle, 2 teeth brushed, nappy changed and story 6:15pm, asleep at 6:30pm

We know how lucky we are with her sleeping through till 7am unless shes poorly with a blocked nose

We've never tried to keep quiet and always had lots of noise

For the fist 4months she was in a crib next to our bed and woke every couple of hours - put her in her own room at 4 months and she started sleeping through instantly

EDIT - with regards to biking and missing out on it, you'll get back there in your own (baby's) time - we found that planning and making best availble use of time is key - it's amazing how much redundant time you really have before children

As others have said, don't wish the time away to quickly. My almost 3.5 year old has refused to use the potty and toilet and has an issue with going for number 2s, holds them in until he's in huge amounts of pain (6 days at a time). You cannot reason with them at this age so we just have to grin and bear it. Due to school in September we've taken the plunge with potty training anyway as various professionals have said he's ready physically at least, he's just refusing. It's been a gut wrenching nightmare in all honesty. He's in hysterics asking for a nappy and we just have to say there are no more day time nappies. He's not stupid, he then asks to go to bed and have his night time nappy on. 4 days in a row this has happened after holding a wee in for a ridiculously long time. Last night was a sort of break through as he had a major accident, we got the potty underneath him to catch half of it. We cheered and laughed and got him to smile and laugh while he did it (keep the oh **** it's on the sofa/carpet etc in your head and just smile) Back to square one this morning with getting upset wearing pants and off to the child minder who was also prepared as she is amazing. He's managed two wees on the potty, very relieved he hasn't held it in. Issue now is he expects toys in return which we will just have to accept for now to move forward. The next test is home again. He is much better in considering the potty at the child minder, at home it's a different story.

He's extremely stubborn and always wants to do stuff his own way (when with us), been like that since forever.

However since 7 he’s on his third nappy and also his second bottle and then as he has reflux have to rest him for 30 mins at least sat up! So I basically lose 2.5 hours of my night getting him to sleep

It comes and goes. Thankfully our 6 yr old sleeps like the dead now (and has done since she was 5 i guess.

the 2 yr old is up and down several times a night

and this idiot now has a 5 month old like a FOOL

It will break you. But it does get better- but it’s a new normal. No one ever tells you how horrifically hard it can be. Or that one child differs completely from another. Or that most guidance you read is total BS in retrospect.

Our saviour was drive thru coffee places. Child would fall asleep rocked by the motion of the car, you could get peace/caffienated for a hour or so before the next round of chaos.

I'd forgotten potty training, and TBH don't remember it being that difficult....but they're all different.

It did however remind me with our second; they didn't seem to have any issue doing it (this was in nappies) but for some reason didn't want to be watched. So they'd disappear into the corner of the room or behind the door (if i can't see you you aren't there was still kind of a thing) and do it there.

Except there was almost always the most terrific grunting and straining sounds, and of course we knew what they were doing and had to try to not laugh at the emanations from behind the door.

I might remind him of that when i get home......

There are some soft lads on here 😉

For those that think it's hard try having one and 20 months later having twins - it changes your outlook on life!!

(I'm sure the others with multiples will agree)

My wife and I started to introduce a routine to our newborn baby at about 8 weeks old. From then on he has been a dream with only the occasional bad night. I count him up the stairs at about 18.20 then we bath him, get him dressed ready for bed (always used white baby grows), give him a bottle and put him down. He then sleeps until anywhere between 6.30 to 8.30.

We had a few rough nights when he learn't how to sit up and thats about all. Even when we moved him into his own room and big cot he took it all in his stride. It was harder for us then him!

^ you won't be making yourself popular with that. Are you planning a second, because statements like yours are the equivalent of saying 'I haven't had a crash for ages' when out riding!

If it’s any consolation, it’s impossible for anyone to explain to you quite what it’ll be like once you having a baby blessing your life.

Somehow having two is more than twice the “fun”.

My eldest is almost nine and still doesn’t always sleep through or occasionally climbs in bed with us. Youngest is five and still wakes most nights too. Can be tiring but on the other hand they won’t be cuddly forever so as long as they’re okay it’s all good.

There can be too much pressure nowadays to have them doing certain things by X age. Just roll with it, each one is different.

We do a similar bedtime routine but it’s pretty standard and hard to see that every night without fail he’ll cry either that I’m not quick enough to feed him or stream because I’ve fed him and he wants more, refuses the bottle. Asks for it, give him it, spits it out and cries like crazy…. Just drink and sleep baby! Life is much easier that way!

The reflux seems to have gone though, I just miss doing yoga and cycling now. Used to do most mornings and need it to keep my back in check, so I end up if I can doing a half arsed session at 9:30 at night…

In all fairness he’s sleeping 5 hours about now, so is a godsend in that regard it’s just so hard to get him to sleep and there’s no telling a baby “you’re tired and go to sleep it’ll help you” 😂

There's no telling a 3 year + that either sometimes, you just get a worded reply back instead of baby noise 😂
My son did really well today on the potty in the end, got home and held it in again and wanted all the potties and toilets "thrown in the bin"
We do not pressure him or get angry at him if we are lucky that it gets to a point he has an accident rather than him causing great pain to himself.
Truly upsetting and infuriating in equal measure. It's these points you doubt your ability at being a good parent and that you've let down your child that they are so angry and scared of just doing a wee in something a bit different. I know he's scared but he trusts the childminder more than us is all that goes through your head.

However since 7 he’s on his third nappy and also his second bottle and then as he has reflux have to rest him for 30 mins at least sat up!

I mean, I don't have kids, but if I did I would expect that at aged 7 they could at least brush their teeth and dress themselves..... And be eating solids.

he trusts the childminder more than us is all that goes through your head.

That doesn't change. There's some stuff I just can't discuss with my son because I'm his dad and 'you just don't understand!'

Live with it and find a different way to get the message through.

The number of times we've come back from parents evening and thought they were speaking about a different child - polite, engaged, helpful..... compared to the sullen door slamming monster that lives upstairs. I've said it so many times it's boring but 'would you speak to a teacher like that?' = 'no but you're not a teacher you're my dad!'

My daughter who's only 2 years older can say stuff to him that the exact same words from my mouth would cause a riot. Which since she went off to Uni has created some friction because i can't easily drop a hint to have a word. Sometimes I think it's unfair to ask an 18yo to do the job for you - but parenting isn't about following the rules and playing fair, it's about getting the job done with any means at your disposal.

Very much recognise the above. I’d also add YouTube as another rival source of information less loserish than parental utterings.

Oh yes. How did i forget. Of particular note, despite having spent my life in science, lectures on validity and reliability of sources fall on stony ground. If it's on Youtube, and particularly if it suits his narrative, then it is 100.000% correct.

(I don't think this is restricted to teenagers, TBH)

Echo all of the above 😁

I have 4... the oldest is 8 1/2. Number 5 coming soon. Must be mad.

Like many are saying, it's probably just a phase... but then pretty much everything is "just a phase". At this point yes you have to work around them, once they're a little older they get into habits which can be tweaked.

For example my 2yo tends to wake up at around 4.30 every morning at the moment. This could be stopped if I took the time to settle him back into his own bed straight back to sleep... a week or 2 and he'd get used to it and sleep through the night again. However I'm too lazy/sleepy to mess around for half an hour at that time and just let him crawl into our bed instead 🙂

I would like to say you are inspiring in your understanding & caring for your mrs. It seems to me that this time with all its stresses is, sadly, a common time for breaks in the relationship between the parents. It often needs a lot of extra work & understanding from both sides and due to the heavier physical & emotional burden on the mother, a lot of this falls on the father to keep it all together.

As for your immediate situation in the OP, all I can say is that as you have this period of forced (semi) rest while you are settling him, might as well make the most of it and treat it as some timeout, partly to relax as much as possible and enjoy your bike vids (which you might not otherwise normally have time for) and partly to spend time on your own with baby.
It's IME extremely easy to fall into frustration & resentment here. Resist the urge to fling him out the window! Have a look at the Ogmios zen driving videos and incorporate the same attitude 🙂

Routines will develop eventually and they do go through phases. Found these were more impactful when younger, e.g. sleeping through at 4 months, but up all night again at 5 months vs not liking Broccoli anymore aged 3 years.

There is the inevitable comparison chat with other parents, e.g. Bedtimes. Seems our children go to bed later than others. Ours are 2 and 4 years and go to bed around at 8 pm. The look of horror on other parents faces when they hear this usually fades when, unlike their child who is up at 5.30 am, I point out ours sleep "in" to 8 am, sometimes 9 at the weekend. The takeaway being comparisons aren't always useful!

He’s woken up after feeding tonight, now flinging his head left and right violently! Won’t eat, won’t try to just nod off…I want him to be old enough to tell me what’s the problem, sorry to say it but these dumb baby days I’ll be happy when I get something back in return….the constant guessing game of wtf do you need is time consuming! We started bedtime routine at 7:30 and still have an awake baby now, he may be drifting off though fingers crossed

Just wait till they hit late teens. 19 and 22 year old, **** me, a sickly baby is easier to deal with. Good luck folks. It gets easier for a while, then boom, teens/young adults.

You are doomed ! 🙂

Good luck with that. My youngest is five and will tell you utterly mad stories rather than what’s actually wrong with her. Woke me up last night at 12:30 to ask me “why we have to wash plates”. Put her back to bed and was woken again about 02:00 and asked “how did great Gran get to be so old”

Easier said than done but just try and chill out a bit. They are utterly time consuming and cry or freak out for lots of reasons in the first couple of years. If he’s suffered with reflux he could have silent reflux. May explain the head shaking and waking soon after eating.

our first was a terrible sleeper, very difficult to settle, but one thing that calmed him was the noise of the cooker extractor fan, so many many evenings were spent holding him in the kitchen next to the fan, once he'd nodded off it was into the cot, where almost immediately he'd wake up and start crying again, so back down to the kitchen, repeat... that was fifteen years ago!

the constant guessing game of wtf do you need is time consuming!

They have very limited needs at that point..... too hot / too cold / hungry / windy / nappy / too tired. Just cross them off one by one.

Longer term, have you heard of baby sign language. Before they can speak they can learn to sign and that helped us greatly, both from the understanding and being able to address the needs effectively but also in dealing with the frustration of 'I KEEP TELLING YOU I'M COLD, WHY DO YOU KEEP TRYING TO WIND ME YOU F***WITS!'

+1 on signing. We did sing and sign.

By the time he went to nursery at 14mo (pandemic got in the way) he had 60+ signs. He could sign for milk/drink/food/more etc before he was 1 and well before he was speaking.

He still does it occasionally, when he says and signs thankyou you know he really means it 🙂

Also I had some really enjoyable dad time with him when he was under 1 watching a sing and sign video for 20 mins together most days.

We started bedtime routine at 7:30 and still have an awake baby now

In the first few months, we found putting them to "bed" at that time almost pointless because they'd be up again before we went to bed ourselves. They're really just having an evening nap. We had a moses basket or baby box in the lounge and they slept in that while we ate dinner, watched a bit of TV or caught up on general house work.

I remember as my son got older when we could transfer him to our room without waking, it was a clear sign they were ready for a proper early evening bedtime.

yoshimi

Yep first few months can be divorce tackle:)

Ours is now 10months old and its only really in the last 1/2 months that her character is really coming out

Dinner 5:30pm; Bath 6pm; last bottle, 2 teeth brushed, nappy changed and story 6:15pm, asleep at 6:30pm

We know how lucky we are with her sleeping through till 7am unless shes poorly with a blocked nose

We’ve never tried to keep quiet and always had lots of noise

For the fist 4months she was in a crib next to our bed and woke every couple of hours – put her in her own room at 4 months and she started sleeping through instantly

I mean you no ill will, but to me that doesn't even count as parenting. 😄

Here's our little bundle of joy's routine at 9 months.

Dinner 5:30pm; Bath 6pm; last bottle, 2 teeth brushed, nappy changed and story 6:15pm, asleep at 6:30pm

Awake at random time between 9 and 12, feed and then refuse to settle for approx 1 hour.
Awake at random time between 1 and 3, feed and then refuse to settle for approx 1 hour.
Awake at random time between 4 and 6, feed and then she's up for the day.

We are so effing tired!

The worst bit is that we had a "false summit" of sleeping through for about 10 days around the 6 month mark where we thought we'd cracked it (LMAO!)

Mine was always a very late sleeper and slept in our bed, still does mostly to my annoyance.
Bedtime for him was 10pm and then up late. Even now he's in bed at 9 and up at 8ish.

After my massive worry about potty training further up in this thread, it is now going much better after he'd realised that forcing it out still counted as enough for a surprise toy. 9 surprise toys yesterday. Today we had to limit it to 1 after lunch and 1 around dinner. We will see if this has a detrimental effect, he's been yelling about it and upset but still using the potty, sorry toilet as we are not allowed to say potty now according to him.

The worst bit is that we had a “false summit” of sleeping through for about 10 days around the 6 month mark where we thought we’d cracked it (LMAO!)

Oh yes, classic SF training tactic. It's a horrible 40 mile hack with gear over mountains in Wales in winter. But you know that's what you signed up for and can predict when it'll be over. Then as you come over the last rise and see the wagons, with the tea urns out and ready..... they load them in the back and **** off. Sorry lads, another 5 miles.

It breaks far stronger people than you and me, and the wagons might actually only be round the next corner, but at this point you just don't know.

We know how lucky we are with her sleeping through till 7am unless shes poorly with a blocked nose

another blase older parent story. We were just the same with our first, with the second you're now immune to that shit. We were out doing kiddy swimming and overheard the new parents discussing the troubles with snuffly kids: "I use Karvol drops under the cot; I've heard if you put a damp towel on the radiator to stop the air being too dry; we've heard that tilting the head end up a bit helps.....etc.

As we got in the car I said to my wife, 'what will we do this time if they get all snuffly?'

'Turn the baby monitor down so they don't disturb us'

theotherjonv
Full Member

As we got in the car I said to my wife, ‘what will we do this time if they get all snuffly?’

‘Turn the baby monitor down so they don’t disturb us’

Cheers we laughed out loud at this, chapeau!

So after the health visitor came for the routine appointment she confirmed that he does seem incredibly difficult.
She tried many things and at one point he was on her stretched out screaming in what looked like pain so we have decided to cut milk out of Mum’s diet completely so that’s been done.

Weirdly today he has been incredibly placid and seemed a lot better as has had a rotten cold so it may account for current mood but he’s been difficult for months pretty much since he was born. With the health visitor even telling us this isn’t normal it was a bit reassuring that at least she was taking it seriously. We all know babies cry for what they want, but they also have lots of time they sit or lay playing or looking whereas he would spend likely 70% of his day crying.

So hopefully should see some difference around 2 weeks or sooner if it’s milk, poor bugger I just got him to sleep on me too… go to put him down and wakes up and the tired crying starts…

Never nice hearing them cry like that but know really it’s just them talking to you, likely saying “I’m really tired, I need to sleep but I can’t really do that so will just keep telling you I’m tired then maybe I’ll nod off!”

In all fairness once asleep he seems brilliant and last night slept for 7 hours, it’s not even the nights that tire Mum out it’s the days tbh…

Will update in due course

We have a 3 year old and a 7 year old and both were pretty good sleepers(sorry) and slept through from a pretty young age. They both had an “Ewan the Dream Sheep” which seemed to massively calm them down. The 3 year old still takes hers to bed.

Don't be too hard on yourself mate, It’s easily been the hardest thing that I’ve ever done.

Immediately googled Ewan the dream sheep…definitely going to keep that in mind thank you.

So strangely though he was like a different baby today, I went down at 10:30am and she looked fresh faced did the missus and he was calm just watching her doing the washing and he’s been chilled all day with no real crankyness until it was 6pm and he was clearly tired.

Literally like a different child! Will see how he is tomorrow as daddy will be out the front knocking ten bells out of the porch making a whoooole lot of noise!

Fyi - if your Ewan the dream sheep breaks, get in touch with them and they'll likely replace it. We've had three replacements free of charge. (The buttons in the feet break.)

Ewan the dream sheep is ace. Before we got one we had recording of the vac and washing machine on our phones to help Funk Jr sleep.

Ewan the dream sheep

LOL I vaguely remember that thing. Didn't help one bit. Maybe it was the budget version we had.

@chrisyork could be early teething? That can be very unsettled then suddenly calm behaviour.

My wife also did the milk exclusion for our daughter. Whatever caused the issue, it resolved itself without further intervention. Seemed quite drastic at the time, but we subsequently heard from other parents they'd been advised to try it too.

V interesting thank you!

Oh also and this might make some laugh, her breast pump noise sends him to sleep so a few times I’ve played him over an hours sound of breast pump from YouTube 😂