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At work we have a lack of car parking.
One delightful chap has taken to parking his Jag on the pavement next to a disabled spot, using the disabled ramp/dropped kerb to get up there and park. This blocks the egress from the disabled parking spot and rest of the car park to anyone in a wheelchair or pulling trolleys (a couple of companies at work, including us, use them). It is irrelevant that there are parking spaces - they are elsewhere in the complex, he doesn't 'do' walking to his building apparently.
After direct request from management company to move the car means he now manoeuvres the car along the pavement, allowing access to the dropped kerb/ramp, but leaving everyone to walk around the car to get onto pavement, to doors and bike racks.
WWSTWD?
Bonus points for ingenuity and humor, especially as I am sure I could rope a few more colleagues and other building tenants into some fun...
buy/find a crap old motornike and park it in 'his' spot permanently?
Is it warming up there? fun sized mars bars on top of the windscreen?
Fish in the air intake?
Or just take a piss on it.
Failing that I'd just pay in cash to get it towed
buy/find a crap old motornike and park it in ‘his’ spot permanently?
Oh, I like this. While some work goes on around the site, there are some spare pavement furniture items kicking around like benches...
Catapult.
Choose whatever you want to put in it.
Soft and messy, or hard and smashy.
there are some spare pavement furniture items kicking around like benches…
One either side of it while parked, bonus points for bolting them to the floor
Got any Post It notes?*
*If not, I can hook you up, bro! 😉
Pavement?
Pockets bulging with keys and ensure you stay on the pavement as you walk past.
We have a "park over two spaces guy in our neighbouring office. Its just an average mazda.
Its currently sporting a stowed wheelarch which is most gratifying 😂
Something nasty on/under his door handle - dog sh1t? or Marmite if feeling really aggrieved. A forged, official looking ticket, stuck to the screen, with a note telling him what a **** he's being inside.
Catapult sounds awesome idea.you could experiment with different fecial matter.
Alternatively do the cock piss partridge thing
Bread on the roof if there's a lot of pigeons around..
leaving everyone to walk
aroundover the car
FTFY.
A4 sized note stuck firmly to his windscreen with Pritt Stick, directly in his line of sight. It’s a bugger to get off, and will smear for weeks.
*Actually perhaps not in his direct line of sight, in case he mows a cyclist down on the way home. You’d feel pretty bad...
Get a group of mates to lift it / bounce it in to a position where it's unable to go forwards or backwards e.g. across the full width of a narrow bridge. Seemed funny when we did it to our flying instructor at Lydd although to be fair a) a Mini is light and b) we helped him get it out again.
More seriously, an A1 sign pasted across the windscreen with a non water soluble glue.
Even more seriously, you and your mates all log trip incidents due to the obstruction on the pavement in the accident book - remember, there doesn't have to be an injury to log an incident. H&S gone very reasonable.
And a banana in the exhaust even though it's busted.
That's not a bad idea siwhite. Couple it with a photo of him driving it with the note in place to the local police force.
Clamp
or block it with very heavy obstacles
Local authority are doing a wee experiment soon, ticketing pavement parkers and double parkers (anyone over 500mm from kerb)
Gonna be fun.
Matt, I'd get your company to get some bollards fitted, and hatched area painted. If he keeps doing it, block the **** in with two work vans.
Don't really see the issue.
*Pockets BMW keys*
Walk your bike with the very spiky set of flats down the side of it.
Make some nice sticky bread paste/porridge/chip sludge etc type stuff, smear on roof hope that seagulls notice
Dog shit is just boring, if you really want to ruin his day find some fox shit. That smell never leaves.
If you have a bike rack available bolt it down and run a chain and lock through a wheel? Ball bearings hammered into the hex heads of course.
Find some old boxes and have an arts and crafts morning?
Check who owns pavement and if it is la call them.
or classic parked on pavement approach around me is to still use pavement with trolleys etc and if it gets scratched so be it or sit on the car at lunch.
One thing I have seen from the work car park is that rucksack and handbag zips etc. scratch cars just by people squeezing by.
edit: just had a thought. If you or the management company know an officious HSE person I am sure blocking pavement access to an entrance (or fire exit) might prompt a visit... if punishment is having to attend an hse seminar he won’t do it again
Do you know when he arrives? Is it regular enough?
Be there waiting when he turns up. Take photos of his parking. Take photos of him walking away. Be very overt about it. If he says anything, it's "for the records" or "for evidence". He knows he's being a twit and you might shame him in to reasonableness.
Attach the smallest padlock possible to one of the passenger side wheels (ideally with the lock bit on the inside of the sheet).
It'll shake like mad when he gets going and will be a swine to get off (if/when he finds )
Glue and birdseed all over the car. If enough birds land on it and get stuck they might be able to lift the car and fly away with it.
A4 sized note stuck firmly to his windscreen with Pritt Stick, directly in his line of sight. It’s a bugger to get off, and will smear for weeks
They used to do this to cars that weren't parked in official parking areas on our uni campus, although they used something a bit stronger than pritt stick.
It seemed quite effective.
Is there room in front and behind his car for a couple of people to box him in by parking likewise, just until he gets the message.
Park a couple of wheel chair users there dressed as human traffic cones
Old trainers, paint (maybe just emulsion for now...) and just make like someone’s walked over the car.
Rene59 wins!
Hmm, not sure you should actually damage it. My suggestion, cling film. Over, round and under. Doors wrapped and the windscreen completely covered. Think there was a picture of Hora's car being done over like this on here a few years ago.
This is stupid. The management company should be specifying where you can park (i.e in marked spaces).
Attach the smallest padlock possible to one of the passenger side wheels (ideally with the lock bit on the inside of the sheet).
It’ll shake like mad when he gets going and will be a swine to get off (if/when he finds )
They did that with a 2p IIRC on Top Gear once.
Ooh, exhaust whistle riiiiiiiight up there.
Matt, I’d get your company to get some bollards fitted
The site belongs to Uni. Currently I'm favouring seeing the security guys later this week with a cake and a suggestion they visit the office of said Jag driver to personally deliver the parking ticket...
This is stupid.
Errr Durr... obviously, It's STW man!
This is stupid. The management company should be specifying where you can park (i.e in marked spaces).
They have. For 2 years with this guy. It used to be when there were no spaces, it is now a daily default whether there are spaces are not...
Hide an actual Jaguar in his car. A good old fashioned mauling will sort him out.
I think the forum can russle up a panther
You good just advertise it for sale on gumtree
Oh and these look good
https://www.ebay.co.uk/bhp/car-transfer-stickers
You good just advertise it for sale on gumtree
Now this would work - easy to get pics, I've got the office phone number for his company...
Would an ocelot do?
Makeral up the exhaust pipe
Give it a liberal sprinkling of icing sugar on a damp day.
dot 4 + supersoaker
Would an ocelot do?
I'm not feline it...
You good just advertise it for sale on gumtree
Or just stick a for sale sticker on it. Nice low asking price and put the number of his office on there.
Every time he takes it off stick another one on there with 're-advertised due to time wasters' and reduce the price
Advertise a shoe shining service in his building and then he somehow wins a free polish if he leaves his shoes out.
Have a couple of beers, relax and ...
The site belongs to Uni.
Then there definitely is an HSE person... you should report that you hurt your ankle stepping off the pavement due to this parking...
Ignore it and get on with your life, if it is affect you then tell the driver to stop doing it. Maybe that's common sense or a Stupid comment.
Ignore it and get on with your life, if it is affect you then tell the driver to stop doing it.
Then the kid in the wheelchair is forced onto the road, or the person with a pushcahir, or it's in the way of somebody doing their job.
Always time to get the lazy shits back in line
Use a wax crayon to write/draw all over the windows... they will only get the message when it rains, but it stays on for ages!
Call somebody out and get it wrapped...... I'm sure you can download some suitable images off the internet for the wrappers to use.
water soluble paint and draw a cock'n'balls parking bay ?
then get security to go round to his office and announce that his rear wheel is outside the scrotum area
Little squirt bottle of mineral oil. Squirt on the windscreen as you walk past. He will try to was it off using the wipers and washers. It will smear everywhere and the oil will cause the wiper blade rubbers to perish.
Slight detract - apparently it’s possible to move a vehicle by placing a McDonalds tray under each wheel (jack up, tray under wheel, jack back down). It’s supposedly relatively easy to push the vehicle in any direction with no harm to the vehicle. Not that I’m suggesting you do that without permission, just an interesting observation. If I had the time to waste, I’d be tempted to try it on my own car one day to see if it’s really true or just an urban myth.
leaving everyone to walk
aroundover the carFTFY.
+1
And a potato in the exhaust pipe.
Or remove the valve cores from his tires...
Handful of bread over the windscreen/roof,for at least a week,then let security do their job.
If it's dark paint then a white wax crayon down the side, will look like it's been keyed.
Oi!
Leave my ****ing car alone ya bastards !!!
I’ve got a litre of fish sauce in the back of the cupboard that must be ten years old.
I reckon it’s quite pungent if accidentally spilled.
Slight detract – apparently it’s possible to move a vehicle by placing a McDonalds tray under each wheel (jack up, tray under wheel, jack back down). It’s supposedly relatively easy to push the vehicle in any direction with no harm to the vehicle. Not that I’m suggesting you do that without permission, just an interesting observation. If I had the time to waste, I’d be tempted to try it on my own car one day to see if it’s really true or just an urban myth.
Alternatively, do you know anyone with a 5t forklift/baler with long forks?
Know what time he leaves?
Half hour before 6 of you, lots of hazard tape, paper overalls and face masks and somebody with a clipboard......
Jam some nails up against his tyres.
Broom broom. Bang.
Half hour before 6 of you, lots of hazard tape, paper overalls and face masks and somebody with a clipboard……
Do it on a cold day, those things made me sweat like a Jaguar driver on the pavement.
If it is genuinely a problem and he is just deliberately being a nob I probably actually would "accidentally" key it. Anonymous and I doubt you'll have to do it twice.
Valve cap off, small stone inside, screw it back on. As many tyres as you like, as often as you like, takes some working out...........
If it is genuinely a problem and he is just deliberately being a nob I probably actually would “accidentally” key it. Anonymous and I doubt you’ll have to do it twice.
What a cock.
^ Bit hard to accidentally scratch in a cock'n'baws.
leaving everyone to walk around the car to get onto pavement, to doors and bike racks.
Is this necessary? Just walk over the roof and persuade as many others as possible to do the same. You could even place a sign next to the car
That said, I'm normally one to fantasise about vicious pranks, but in reality believe something non-confrontational is far more effective -- i.e. a note devoid of passive aggressivity, expressing genuine concerns.
But you say it's been two years so perhaps something more is needed that doesn't do major damage -- glue on the windscreen and/or disgusting stuff under the handle sound good candidates.
think the forum can russle up a panther
Surely a Cougar?
Pump expanding foam into all the panel gaps on it and sit back to watch as it expands. Resulting in a very big mess.
Borrow a wheelchair and a stunt double, tip wheelchair on side, get stunt double to lie on floor and tip some tomato ketchup on floor and on stunt double, take loads of pictures and send around office, stating a disabled visitor fell from wheelchair yesterday, due to inconsiderately parked vehicles.
Vaseline, smeared on the wiper blades. Makes a lovely mess when he tries to wipe the screen.
Purely down to your moral discretion as to wether you do passengers side only or drivers as well......
Update: two nice security men apparently visited the offices yesterday and were seen escorting the Jag driver to his car. 😂
Today the Jag was parked correctly in a space. 👌
We also got emailed the details of a new parking permit system, that includes fines for parking outwith proper or appropriate spaces. 🤗
Bit late to the party then but curry powder in the bonnet vents is reputed to be quite inconvenient when you turn the heating on.
I cant really advocate damaging someones car, even though it may be tempting.
Perhaps a large heavy planter located on the pavement, not large enough to prevent people walking past, but large enough so its no longer a viable space. Clearly the guy can't be reasoned with. Is he in sales?
Spray it all over with contact adhesive then cover it in earth destroying glitter.
Or remove the valve cores from his tires…
Do do you work for Kwikfit ?? 😂
Two neighbours were involved in a spat. Someone poured honey over on of their car's windscreen.
Seemed to be very difficult to remove.