[Closed] Anyone just given up on finding love?

I love Pimms and I also love Snowballs.

I have given up, I try to get enthused and think I should start trawling dating sites but I have learned a few things that just make the small talk and chat a bit tiresome

1) men my age (41) seem to be looking for something much younger - so does that mean I should be looking for someone much older (but then I want someone who is fit and can keep up with me - so that narrows the field down)

2) admitting to having four children makes men run away faster that anything else I know - maybe they mistake 'yes I have 4' with 'yes I need you to become dad and provider for my four children' when they ask if I have children.

Some of my friends say I shouldnt mention them - but they are not something I am ashamed of or believe I should hide

I guess they do complicate issues and mean I am very busy at times, so I have pretty much put myself on the shelf. It is upsetting though as I think most people just want someone to unwind with at the end of the day

I hold a glimmer of hope that when the last has fledged the nest and I set off riund the world on my bike I will bump into some like minded soul and pedal happily ever after

Edit and I drink Pimms - so there really is no hope

I know what you mean, adjustablewrench, I just can't quite pluck up the enthusiasm for the dating sites. Tried it a couple of times but get tired of the generic nature of the people I seemed to find there.

Now finding I'm happier to just kind of spend a bit of time learning to be me again. The happier I am in myself, the more comfortable others seem to be becoming with me. 🙂

The hair is just another one of those things I *had* to do to find me...

Rachel

Being true to yourself is always important - even if you do lose sight of what that is occasionally it is crucial that you always take the time to find you again. And there is an added bonus with your hair as you have found yourself looking great 🙂

I am happy - and cringe slightly when I read my outpouring on the previous post!

Just the Friday night feeling of not having the energy to go out and be actively sociable - and missing there being someone around to 'just be' with.

Will woman the f up and go to the gym

men my age (41) seem to be looking for something much younger - so does that mean I should be looking for someone much older

I just went 5 years either side of my age

As for kids mention them its not like they wont be the most important part of your life

I see mine most weekends so that makes things complicated but it is not negotiable
It is harder than when we were younger - then again I guess fewer of us are single and we dont all go down the pub at the weekend

As for Pimms you are on your own there and I can offer no help or advice

Rachael good to see you find yourself and your feet. given your scenario I doubt it is any easier for you but at least you have found/are finding you.

Firstly you have to be comfortable with yourself, secondly don't see everyone you meet as a potential partner; the rest should follow. Eventually. Possibly... 8)

Ha ha true - a good way to spot ones to avoid. But the age issue is also made worse by the fact that loads lie about their age anyway.

I guess its the same in real life, but it just makes the whole thing a bit more ridiculous when you cant even be straight from the start.

I am happy to admit my age - it doesn't bother me, and to be fair I get complimented on not looking my age (but I think this is because lots of women who admit to being in their early 40s are actually in their early 50s - so I probably do look good next to them! 🙂 )

I think more direct dating sites should exist

Female
Brunette
5'6"
Mother of 4
Keen rider of bikes
Camps
Reads
Cooks
Can be forgetful
Grumpy if I dont get enough
Tells bad jokes
Tries to accept that there are many ways to skin a cat (but knows mine is the best way really)

What more do you need to know? And when they ask what are you lookibg for in someine else - well someone who can cope/get involved/tolerate the above qualities and hopefully share some mutual physical attraction with

See it seems so easy in principle 🙂

My penis won't let me

Grumpy if I dont get enough

My penis won't let me

I feel a problem being solved...

Wont let you what?!

Firstly you have to be comfortable with yourself

Bugger 🙁

Do something about it, Jamie!! Whatever it is, no matter what the consequences - sort it!

Rachel

Do something about it, Jamie!! Whatever it is, no matter what the consequences - sort it!

I think I might try something more achievable....like nailing fog to the wall.

Cheers,

Danny B.

And there's me thinking that I drink Pimms because I like the taste of it. How wrong I was

And there's me thinking that I drink Pimms because I like the taste of it. How wrong I was

**** 'em, Houns.

I drink Toffee Apple cider, and I'm sure that's against some hipster rule.

They can tear my refreshing and fruity beverage from my cold dead hands.

Ha ha - I've got to try this direct thing! 🙂

Female
Pink-ette (temporarily, I think!)
6'2"
Mother of 0, Godmother of 2
Enthusiastic but ultimately useless rider of bikes
Camps
Reads
Cooks
Is often forgetful
Grumpy if I dont get enough
Has unreasonably last minute ideas and wanders off into sunset for adventures
Follows heart, not head, in most things
Has some amazing, if diverse, friends
Signs-off posts on STW

Rachel

That profile needs to be accompanied by a pic of you in
1. fancy dress
2. Soft focus professional ish quality from at least a decade ago
3. Pulling a face pissed up in a pub

Apparently blokes takes pictures of them with their cars 😯

FWIW riding ones dont attract much attention IME 😉

Lots of unfit looking women go the gym a lot as well
yes its not easy as folk try to sell themselves and if you do something honest like that it would look out of place

Its weird its like writing a CV about how awesome you are whilst listing all the qualities you want from someone - as if you have this list in the real world
I was ok up to this point

Tries to accept that there are many ways to skin a cat (but knows mine is the best way really)

I think I might try something more achievable....like nailing fog to the wall.

Don't bother trying water-based adhesive; I've tried, it doesn't work.

@Houns - I don't think you are allowed to 'just like' something round here - everything is a reflection of you and your personality traits/flaws you should know that by now . . . Did you forget which forum you were on 🙂

male
shoulder length hair - going grey but not that obviosuly
5'9"
Father of 2
Enthusiastic rider and fettler of bikes - there are no carpets downstairs in my house 😉 [ its not plain floorboards either
Camps- i love camping
Does not read - i awlays think that is bit like going i am moron but really I just dont enjoy it
Cooks
Is unreliably forgetful 😳 annoying that
Copes ok without geting any but really would prefer to be getting some
Has problems sticking to one idea at a time and wanders in thought and action
Follows head, not heart, in most things
Has some diverse,if not frankly bonkers friends
does not sign of post but if he did it would be copy and pasted and spelt incorrectly

Sneaky edit there....

Could have been embarrassing to have got my own gender wrong so thanks for not mentioning it 😀

it's a slippery slope, Junkyard...

Not to worry houns.......up to last year, not only had I given up on finding someone, I was actively avoiding another relationship (not that hordes lust filled women were beating my door down)

Now with someone and [b]very[/b] happy 😀

Woody (age 53)

So...Junkyard. Wanna hook up?

Do it!

Is it too early to nip out and buy a big hat??

wonders if jamie is a girls name 😉

Androgynous is my middle name . 8)

1) men my age (41) seem to be looking for something much younger - so does that mean I should be looking for someone much older (but then I want someone who is fit and can keep up with me - so that narrows the field down)

It crazy because within a range of ten years people can seem plus or minus 10 years. I'm 43 and seem more like 35 to most people. Would happily date older if they seemed younger!

2) admitting to having four children makes men run away faster that anything else I know - maybe they mistake 'yes I have 4' with 'yes I need you to become dad and provider for my four children

Plenty of blokes with or without children would happily be a dad for your kids. Some if us missed out first time around.

I hold a glimmer of hope that when the last has fledged the nest and I set off riund the world on my bike I will bump into some like minded soul and pedal happily ever after

You will. And so,I hope, will I ! Meanwhile there are trails to ride

Mums too. I'd be quite happy with someone else's kids. Never had my own and it's definitely not going to happen now.

Rachel

After a failed first marriage, I waited another 17 years for my lovely man to appear - and he'd waited even longer for me! And it was a pic of me on a bike that he spotted. You can find love in your, ahemm, [whispers] 50s [/whispers].

Houns my aunt didn't even date men, she had friends and went out socially but just didn't meet anyone she wanted to be more than friends with. Until she was 60. Then she got married and had 17 wonderful years (then he croaked). A woman I used to work for didn't date either, when she was 40 she met and married and lived happily ever after. Plenty of time for you.

Desperation is a major turn off. Self confidence very attractive.

Where do you live? There's a CC London social tomorrow night in Winchmore Hill.

Maybe it is me and not my children thats the problem then :-0

But I have honestly only had one guy who has really wanted to be involved with all aspects of my life (including kids) since I split up with my ex - and that was a while ago. Unfortunately I didnt fancy him enough so im probably not desperate enough.

And yes, buzzlightyear until then there is definitely lots of riding to be done - no doubts about that whatsoever!

Desperation is a major turn off. Self confidence very attractive.

Cocky **** not so!

Junkyard - lazarus

male
shoulder length hair - going grey but not that obviosuly
5'9"
Father of 2
Enthusiastic rider and fettler of bikes - there are no carpets downstairs in my house [ its not plain floorboards either
Camps- i love camping
Does not read - i awlays think that is bit like going i am moron but really I just dont enjoy it
Cooks
Is unreliably forgetful annoying that
Copes ok without geting any but really would prefer to be getting some
Has problems sticking to one idea at a time and wanders in thought and action
Follows head, not heart, in most things
Has some diverse,if not frankly bonkers friends
does not sign of post but if he did it would be copy and pasted and spelt incorrectly

You had me at 'fettler'.

Not so much given up but never started. Being single is great, no commitments etc. If something happens it happens but I'm really not arsed at the minute. The thought of marriage and settling down is terrible, I can't think of much worse. Mind you I'm only 24. Was kinda with someone I'd really liked for ages late last year, looking back I thought I was really happy but I've realised I actually wasn't really, wasted so much time doing stupid stuff and not enough time doing the things I enjoyed.

Just about worked out my dating website profile.
Male
5ft 11
38 and 3/4
House trained and will use litter box
Smooth coat, so no moulting or shedding problems
Great for long journeys as tattoos can be used for "dot to dot" so far I've made a dinosaur, a pony and a kitten with a pogostick
Loves long hard dirty rides

Seeks : lady with affectionate labrador and white stick

here's mine:
Single female almost 58

Apparently I don't look my age

Not bad looking I suppose (at least, babies don't cry when they look at me)

5' 4" and 62kg - could be slightly more

Loves all kinds of cycling, offroad the best

(a colleague described me to her husband as "fit as ****")

Loves dogs (has two Greyhounds)

Interested in cars, trains, everything really - but time is a limiting factor

Not keen on housework

Rabidly independent

Likes to be alone when unwell

Likes sherry and red wine and Jack Daniels (not all in the same glass though)

Likes own company, Star Trek, Terry Pratchett

You might look a bit interesting after a blind lady has attempted dot to dot on you . . .

Adjustablewench- I look "interesting" anyway : ) and the ammount of metal work in me may make for amusing Braille. Knowing my luck it'll probably say something like "will blow donkeys for money"

Male 39 (40 in a few weeks), no previous owners, 6' tall will fit in most garage doors, 65kg so keep out of strong winds.

Never been in a relationship the whole time since manufacturer, and not really interested, just happy tinkering with spanners/lathes/bikes/motorbikes.

Never been in a relationship the whole time since manufacturer, and not really interested, just happy tinkering with spanners/lathes/bikes/motorbikes.

Benji is Guy Martin, and I claim my £5 worth of ready meals for 1.

You have revealed bits of yourself on here Tazzy so I appreciate that - may not look so arty after a dot to dot session
Im sure the donkeys are happy to know that . . .

[img] http://db.tt/Bv7V3Rp5 [/img]

Strange arrangement of metal work though!

I'm loving the "open" honesty on this thread, who needs a dating site??

The image of Tazzy's tats and Braille has now been imprinted on my rear cortex 😯

Thanks for that 😆

And no matter how old you are or indeed feel, fit folk are a huge turn on... No?

The thing is me and Mrs Zip would never have answered each others adverts.
We don't have any shared interests but we do share the same values.
Just madly in love and there's not much you can do about that!

Zippykona that's ace. Can't imagine that working for me as if they don't like bikes/outdoors/ climbing, loud musicand tattooed loons any ammount of shared value just won't work (its one of the problems with being a taz....u don't appeal to about 90% of the general populace which are normals)

I just find its a time issue, I don't have much free time and I already feel i dont ride as much as I'd want to, so if I was in a relationship where sharing that with someone wasn't an option I really don't think it would last long

I did find myself ignoring the advances of a nice chap I met in a bar a few weeks ago just because he looked totally confused when I said I ride bikes. Probably as bad as guys who switch off when I say I have kids but hey ho - we can all be blinkered!

Time is an issue, if a man didn't ride, or like walking dogs I wouldn't see much of him.

My last boyfriend once said to me in desperation "Don't you like ANYTHING apart from mountainbiking?" I thought for some time and said "Well yes, I like road biking too".

This was not the correct answer 🙂

oops double post

Ladies look on the bright side the ratio of male riders to females is firmly in your favour I didnt even think about meeting a female cyclist tbh
You could have hundreds of us fighting over you we just need pictures 😉

Karin - brilliant answer!!

Stw does seem to be where the normal / Sensible ladies reside.

I'm glad my wife doesn't bike. It gives me some quality time on my own and if she did bike I'd be worrying about her all the time.
Ps we work together so some time apart is a good idea.

There are pictures of me on here somewhere junkyard - all quite scary tbh! 🙂

[quote=zippykona ]I'm glad my wife doesn't bike. It gives me some quality time on my own
+1

This is one of these threads where I realise I am not a cyclist, just someone who rides a bike sometimes. I have other hobbies and interests too, many of which I share with my wife. It does seem that some folk are actually now so set in their ways that they have no time for love.

I get that you wouldn't want to do every ride together, and neither would I, it's a bit claustrophobic. But what IS important is the understanding of the way riding permeates one's life . . . Thus, bikes in the lounge/kitchen and bedroom; Saturdays are for bike prep as you are riding or racing the next day; when going to Wales for a week you are OBVIOUSLY going to take at least one bike - and expect to ride it; visiting bike shops; going on bike forums; oh, you know.

Oi you lot, stop sharking on my thread 😡

Oh dear. I bet that feels a bit like rubbing it in?

I dunno man, I'm not single now but I have been for fairly long times. Both have their advantages.

Right now I'm with a young lady that's totally devoted to me [note - not in a submissive/servile way] and I met her while on an unusual night out with some new friends at uni.

AFAIK the only way to be sure to meet someone is when you're not expecting it.

So my advice to you is - give up, by all means on LOOKING; but don't give up on the notion that finding someone you're really compatible with is possible. Because that could very well be when it happens.

Meanwhile, be you. You being you is what the other person will see - in other words if they like that, then you're off to a good start for sure. So if you want to eat pizza every night, feel free. If you want to dress up like John Revolta and boogie on down every thursday at the cheap night in Flares - hit that dance floor, man.

And if you start to see the same lady there every thursday too [Perhaps with a little smudge of Margherita arounds the chin] then it'll be a good sign that you should start doing the Electric Slide - but maybe not thrust the pelvis too much to start with, eh?

[img] [/img]

Look, build yourself a lovely life. Do the things you want to do.

Do this exercise three times a day (WARNING: at first it feels very strange). Look in the mirror and say out loud "I love and accept you exactly the way you are". 10 times, three times a day.

No-one else can love you if you don't love yourself. And I don't mean [i]love yourself[/i] like being cocky and smug and thinking you're always right. I mean a quiet self assurance and self acceptance, it's a really nice vibe and will attract the right sort of friends and potential girlfriends.

Keep busy, keep active, and interested in everything/different stuff. Do some charity work? It's very rewarding. You'll forget all about 'looking' and that is when you will meet someone and it will be right.

Where do you live? (Not trying to tap ya, just that there's a social tonight with a high potential that laydeez who ride bikes will attend).

Kx

^^ +1

Despair and Deception, Love's ugly little twins
Came a-knocking on my door, I let them in
Darling, you're the punishment for all of my former sins
I let love in

Not that i'm bitter of course 🙂

Well said karinofnine, wheres you social btw? Not for picking up boys but it would be good to meet some other women who ride

"Don't you like ANYTHING apart from mountainbiking?" I thought for some time and said "Well yes, I like road biking too".

Proper lolled 😆

Junkyard - lazarus
FWIW riding ones dont attract much attention IME

I went for the 'attract the right attention' approach...although no joy yet (couple of dates with some lovely ladies but nothing serious) - it's actually my profile pic. Mud, tea and bike 😀

[img] [/img]

Holy cow that's a bigger picture than I was expecting!

adjustablewench: Winchmore Hill, at a new bike shop called The Bike Boutique, near Winchmore Hill Station. You local?

No unfortunately not - I'm in sheffield.

OP- looking for "the one" may cause you a lot of heartache, sometimes it works that way sometimes not. Enjoy what(and who) life brings your way more the merrier could be just as nice a life.

Sheffield! Think I need to move....

I decided on celibacy after splitting up with my ex.

Three weeks later I met up with a friend that I had known for a few years, since we used to work together.

We got engaged two years ago 😀

Enthusiastic but ultimately useless rider of bikes

Despair and Deception, Love's ugly little twins
Came a-knocking on my door, I let them in
Darling, you're the punishment for all of my former sins
I let love in

Not that i'm bitter of course

Hi - I used to enjoy wallowing with a bit of Nick Cave - my favourite lyric

Here I am, little lamb...
Let all the bells in whoredom ring
All the crooked bitches that she was
(Mongers of pain)

Met a nice girl 11 years ago after I had just about given up hope. Have lived with her and her son for eight years and our daughter is now six.

We do not share many interests but do values (as per Zippykona) and complement each other well.

Still enjoy a bit of doomy music though!

No no no!

Best Nick Cave Lyric of all time has to be:

I hear stories from the chamber
Christ was born into a manger
And, like some ragged stranger, he died upon the cross
And might I say, it seems so fitting in it's way
He was a carpenter by trade

Sorry should have qualified:

My favourite Nick Cave lyric that expresses disenchantment with the former partners!

To all the singletons at leats you stand a far better chance of creating some interesting art/music/literature than someone in a happy relationship!

No no no no no!

Best Nick Cave lyric ever ;

I was walking around the flower show like a leper
Coming down with some kind of nervous hysteria
When I saw you standing there, green eyes, black hair
Up against the pink and purple wisteria

For the op 🙂

Caught a bit of nick cave at Glasto, appeals to me on some level but I dont listen often - but my sons were shocked by the lyrics - as you would expect at 8&10!

@karinofnine - I have posted a link to a charity ride ending in Winsor, let me know if you or anyone you know fancies it 🙂

Not to detract from the majesty of Nick Cave, but I like to listen
to Gentlemen by the Afghan Whigs when feeling down about relationships
followed by 1965 by the same band when convincing myself to give them
another go.

I'm meeting a Swiss-German girl in 4 hours, will see what happens.

I give you the definitive newly single lyric from the Cave-meister:

You told me you'd stick by me
Through the thick and through the thin
Those were your very words
My fair-weather friend
You were my brave-hearted lover
At the first taste of trouble went running back to mother

#wonders if bravohotel8er is tied up and gagged in some hotel room somewhere#

I doubt he got that lucky on a first date

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