[Closed] Anyone just given up on finding love?

I gave up when I met Mrs Danny. I got to know her a bit and thought that's as close as I'm going to get - she'll have to do...

I do think my standards are high, I just don't want to make do (no offence like)

Its not me who will be offended - it'll be Mrs Danny if she ever reads this!

I know what you mean, think I might be going down that road myself, having missed an opportunity 7/8 years ago, and taking a (proverbial) kick in the plums a couple of years ago. Im 28 now.

I'm trying to stay positive, you never know when Ms Right might just appear from nowhere.

Being serious - I was in a similar position before I met Mrs D, I really was although I never even got as far as meeting any that were remotely interested in me.

I met Mrs D completely by chance, in a night club when considerably worse for wear and we've been together nearly 12 years now so it can happen...

Cheers

Danny B

when you are single you dream of a relationship, when you are in a relationship you dream of being single.

Doesn't really matter if you've given up on it or not. Either you'll meet some foxy babe who gets your awesome coolness and rad MTB moves or you won't... I reckon you will. 😉

And when you do meet this babe, try not to be all miserable and wan - don't tell her you're 'off the market' and get into that whole enigma thing. Just switch back into Love Gear IV and schmmove her, dude.

This might be good advice.

Ha... am wondering about it just now 😕

But in a few months time, I'll be right as rain again, enjoying life and then I guess I'll give it just one more go... (and I've got a few years head start on you).

Maybe you should give up - that when everyone tells me it happens 🙂

EDIT - just remember there are some of us birds out there still, who are in the same boat. I don't have two heads, can ride a bike, hold a conversation and rarely dribble - just haven't met the right guy yet.

I don't think there is a "the one". If there was then what are the odds, out of the 3.5 billion women on the planet, of you meeting her at such a time and place that you're able to realise that she is "the one", and that you're also "the one" for her?

Have you made it into such a big thing that you've then made it impossible for anyone to live up to it?

Ha!

28 is still v young, you'll be fine

Go on plenty of fish website, mates just split up with his mrs, its free apparently and he's having many a good night thanks to that site.
Sure it'll help refocus your mind...

I saw a tweet the other day along the lines of;

"If you never seem to meet the right woman then drop your standards. A lot"

No idea if it's relevant in the OP's case, of course.

Love finds you when you're not looking, so stop looking, load up a bike full of kit and ride around some far flung country, just not Thailand, unless you want that kind of love 😀

Bails, possibly, but have met women who have. They just then **** off to someone else leaving me feeling crap

Bails, Tim Minchin fan?

Badnewz is pretty much a lifelong bachelor now - I was never bothered about having kids but it would be nice to have a stable, attractive lass to share life with. If I was to put more effort into it I'd get a foreign lass - your money goes further abroad, but you have to be prepared to constantly admit that their country is better than Britain. And no country is better than Britain! Grrr....

mdma ftw

wrightyson, already there and been for sometime, think its not helping

Wors, no, not my thing, though may try Scandinavia

wwaswas, fear I may have to

For Danny

Badnewz....... You're on to something, time to check the Russian brides out

I was just about to say go here http://www.pof.com/

Been beaten too it 😀

Reality check # (1) No one on the planet will be "perfect" in every way life an't like that so once you have swallowed that one down read this

Reality check # (2) Your not perfect either. 😀

Personal experience says if you go out [b]not[/b] looking for it you will find it. If you go out looking for it you will never find it.

Mix with new people do new things see what happens. 🙂

@Houns - no luck with women? There is another option, you never know! 😉

(that's a cheeky "this is a joke" wink and not one that implies anything other than a blokey bonhomie)

Ha!

28 is still v young, you'll be fine

Houns - 35 is still very young, too!

I'm 48, and haven't given up yet. But "actively looking" is, I think, always doomed, for all sorts of reasons.

Mostly, I believe that you need to get happy on your own, then there's a better chance of someone finding you attractive (and then it's over to you!). If no-one does come along, then you've found out how to be happy on your own, so it's all good...

Go on plenty of fish website, mates just split up with his mrs, its free apparently and he's having many a good night thanks to that site.
Sure it'll help refocus your mind...

I have a mate who recently did this. From my limited understanding the girls on there are not keepers!

I've been out with a Pole, an Italian (long term - Italian women complain like crazy), a Peruvian, a Taffy, South African, Japanese, the list goes on...my favourite was the Pole as she was hot and traditional, but also a bit of a slag so marrying her would have been a nightmare unless you're into wife sharing.

Thought the same as you Houns.

Make sure you're happy with yourself first. Sort that out!

Don't give up. Change strategy.

She's out there somewhere. Don't look too hard.

Never used a dating site myself. But friends go on plenty of fish to meet mingers for a quick fling. Don't date women in nightclubs either.

Agreed, Italian women are nuts, I did date a lovely Ukrainian girl once.

Many a true word said above, agree I'm not the perfect catch, I'm far from it, and yes need to work on own happiness (but the only thing that would make me happy is to be in love)

You could give this a go: [url= http://www.cyclingsingles.com/ ]http://www.cyclingsingles.com/[/url]

Houns - Member

Ah roger, if you ever change your mind.....

Hang out with Ski for a bit?

(but the only thing that would make me happy is to be in love)

I'd be careful with that - I've known enough people who are head over heels and then six months later hate each other with a passion.

If you can find happiness on your ownesome then you will probably find the birds flock to your tree more - confidence is the thing they find most attractive, with a bit of mystery at the beginning to get them interested.

Hmm good point, I 'do' need to join a gym

Yup Poles are VERY out going IMO as well, Taffs are mad a foook (the South Wales ones I had fun with anyway, Ausies are good fun ( communte was a killer though) 😀

badnewz in my experience all women complain eventually depending on the time you have with them it's whether you can put up with it defines whether they stay or go 😀

[i]No one else going to suggest meeting girls at the gym? [/i]

*does the 'reverse whistle that's a bit close to the mark' thing*

I may just start giving myself some love right now

*does the 'reverse whistle that's a bit close to the mark' thing*

I dunno, I went traveling shortly after the thread started, did it end well?

Ha! You think you lot have it difficult? Just get out and meet people - if it's going to happen, it will..

(I keep telling myself)

[i]did it end well[/i]

judging by the subject of the thread it could have gone better 😉

As mentioned the othe week that was 8 years ago 😯

Saw her a little while ago, I had a lucky escape

Houns - Member
Ah roger, if you ever change your mind.....

I am notoriously fickle, so..... 😀

Good advice re happiness, it is a very attractive feature.

What was the gym thread then?

Yep been in this situation in my 30's.

Completely and utterly fed up with men messing me about. So.... I start to live life for myself, sort my business out, skiing more, riding my bike more and guess what?
I meet up with a chap, who at first was a friend and became someone I fancied like mad, but with my laid back attitude (at that time) and not being bothered if it worked out or not, it turned into a serious relationship and we've been married for over 10 years.

The best advice is what others have said above ^^. Be happy in yourself because women find that very attractive and just enjoy life.

Also at 35 you are far from over the hill and have plenty of time for meeting someone and bringing up mini Houns.

Was way back in the glorious ashes summer of 2005, I started a thread asking about the etiquette for asking a girl out in the gym

Houns, have you considered dancing at the other end of the ballroom? Doubles your chances, you see.

Somehow performance would be severely lacking if I did. Shame as the only people I hear that are interested in me at work are men

Ahhhhh, I was here rarely then. That was back when choccyfoot still existed.

badnewz in my experience all women complain eventually depending on the time you have with them it's whether you can put up with it defines whether they stay or go

You're quite right Sir. I think it also applies to a lot of people these days irrespective of gender. Italians Do It Best, though.

i got divorced in my early thirties and settled down to be happily single. One saturday night i was spending the evening in with my happily gay mate we were drinking wine taking the piss out of crap movies when i got a call randomly inviting me out to a work aquaintances birthday . my mate was tired and ready for home so i went. i sat next to a girl in the group spun her a pack of obvious lies about being a criminal client of my aquaintances. we have been together now for 10 years we mannaged to accidently get married despite agreeing it was not for us, our son is two on saturday. i am sickeningly happy. It appears not to be about the "looking for love "

Right, off to work, I shall look in in the middle of the night for further pearls of wisdom

Kind of like Danny B on page 1, I'm happily married but I've always said if suddenly I'm not for any reason I wouldn't go through the whole "love" and definately not another wedding.

Tbh I just couldn't be arsed, I rather sit about in a nice flat, drinking beer when I wanted and admiring / riding my bikes have the odd hopeful incidental fling here and there. I'm not an emotional person so I can't rely describe a reason for my lethargy on the subject.

Sack it. Get a subscription to pronworld or some such and while away the lonely evenings counting all of your lovely money.

I haven't read the whole thread so this may chime/clash with what's already been said.

Having had my heart broken in my mid 20's by someone I thought was it, I settled on someone who I thought "I can make it work, it'll be ok". This resulted in 12 mostly miserable years. I was 43 when I met the right one, the divorce was horrible, but 5 years later the ex and I are [b]both[/b] happier now than when we were together.

I'm now married a second time and ridiculously happy.

I do sometimes start to resent my ex for the "wilderness years", but mostly I can't bring myself to regret the first marriage, it gave me a wonderful daughter, and led me where I am now. Who knows what my life would have been if I had taken another path?

The moral of this story: F***ed if I know, I'm just wittering on really.

I do think my standards are high,

Most of us would love a McLaren F1 (or something similar), but would it get up the local country lanes, can you afford the fuel or the servicing or the insurance, can you get the family in it, would you feel comfortable parking it round your mate's dodgy neighbourhood?

Sometimes we have to check whether our goals are realistic. Nothing wrong with a man's reach exceeding his grasp, or punching above your weight, but there has to be limits.

My partner of (well, over 10 years) is awesome, and I realise now that I couldn't be with anyone else, she is what I've needed all along. However, when we met (I was 37) I told a friend that she definitely wasn't my type!

Yep. Too chuffing old now to give much of a toss, either.

Me, stopped looking, but have the attitude of if it happens it happens, however if you know of any single girls in central scotland who don't mind someone who rides an Orange Five (probably not many :D) let me know.

just coming out of a 19 year relationship..I am now way too damaged to think about stuff like love. So at 38 I think that's me done really. Strangely having seen mates go through must find love routine there seems to be three types of ladies out there:

1: those with a massively high expectation of what a man must do and whole adherence to the sex in the city style dating rules

2: absolute emotional wrecks with more ghosts from the past than you can shake a stick at

3: actual normal people(well as normal as ladies get, so basically bonkers within socially acceptable margins)

3 is very very rare!

3: actual normal people(well as normal as ladies get, so basically bonkers within socially acceptable margins)

3 is very very rare!

I know loads of three's but they only ever want to be friends, can be a bit frustrating.

 

just coming out of a 19 year relationship.

🙁 Sorry Tazzy that's crap, but that makes realise I should stop moping.

I got handed back the engagement ring on Wednesday after a very protracted break up from a wonderful woman. Yesterday would have been an anniversary. Not been my best week. I'm also 35.

Oddly, I'm managing to be quite logical about it despite inner self doing it's nut. No children were involved. Neither hates each other. Both have health and both learned lessons.

Similar to you, I'd like the whole family, stone floored kitchen and building tree houses for the kids. It's all a bit raw though so I won't say much more, but 35 is not all over territory! I'm not sure that age even exists any more!

Also, blatantly abusing any 0% credit cards you have to buy materialistic objects helps*

*no it doesn't.

Chin up fella 😀

Hey singletons....It's the E harmoney free weekend from today until Monday. Only problem is if you start right now you might just get done filling the forms in by Monday.

The really great thing is though they will carefully select 3 perfect matches for you in the whole of the country. In my case I would not have poked them with a sh***y stick.

Just join POF. That is free and you will get loads of messages from fat chicks, not only that but all your messages to the women you like will be ignored. Then when you do meet someone you like you will date for a few weeks, have some nice meals out and some very kinky ahem...just to get a text a few days later to say she has met someone else!

Dating at 38 isn't easy. Probably isn't at 20 either but at least you are not as bitter and jaded.

😛

28? 35? 38?

Life isn't over boys, far from it...

Top tip: STOP wishing your life away lads!

I'm 42, very nearly got married about 4 years ago. It didn't happen, my life didn't end, the World kept turning on it's axis. I just went out & rode my bike a lot till I didn't hurt anymore (& believe me, I was hurting...)

I may not get married, I may never have kids but so what. Thats the hand life has dealt me, now deal with it & get on with your lives. As the USMC say: "Adapt, overcome & improvise".

I'm still dating girls & having fun. Stop being so "Oh woh is me"!

Firstly I think all this stuff about 'the one' is a load of bollocks and is essentially just nonsense told to 7 year old girls, along with how they're a Princess and will be swept off their feet by a Knight in shining armour. It's funny how out of all the people in the whole world 'the one' always seems to be somebody you meet in your local boozer or at the office Christmas Party 3 miles from where you were born.

Secondly, an awful lot is made out of falling in love and finding 'the one' like it's the holy grail of life or something. Frankly it's not, and there are many other worthwhile, worthy things to pursue in life.

I'm happily in a nine year relationship so I'm not just saying this to justify my empty, lonely life or anything. I just think there's an awful lot of bullshit that gets spouted about this stuff and people just seem to accept it.

I can't imagine life without my g/f but it would be ludicrous to think that if I had't met her in the club that night that I wouldn't have met someone else in the meantime in the previous nine years, and felt that way about that person.

There, I said it.

3 is very very rare!

Whereas I know loads of 3s which are far from bonkers in a socially acceptable way. Lots of them are married to mates, one of them was bonkers enough to marry me though, 🙂 and plenty more have been friends for years. But for a few twists of fate or coincidence, any one of them may have ended up being mrs deadly (I'm also a firm non-believer in the concept of "the one"). There are loads and loads of perfectly normal, lovely, sane women around. If you're not finding them, it's very unlikely to be their fault.

To the original question...yes.
And I've been married for almost 10 years.
Two amazing children, who are the only thing that keep me around. She sure as hell doesn't.
If the children weren't here we'd have split for sure.
The only thing that keeps me going...the thought that one day it will end, for whatever reason. In my head it's the day after the youngest is 16. That will be my release date.

Houns, don't pine for it chap.
If I was single now I'd be the happiest chap in town.
Women...they could **** right off. I've had my fill of them.

I think the notion of finding love is somewhat different these days. Expectations are probably higher than ever, but compromise seems to be in short supply. If my marriage goes down the pan I'll never go looking again, for sure.

[i]When I was just a young boy,
My mother said to me,
There's only one girl in the world for you, son
& she probably lives in Tahiti[/i]

(Courtesy of Wreckless Eric sometime in the early '80's)

Chin up fella

chin is up, (about the only thing that will be for a while :wink:)

selling my bikes to afford to live however is killing me!

These last few weeks
I've been confused
sometimes I wonder if
I'm better off alone.

You fall in love
then break your heart.
you fall in love again
it's never ending.

Basically, you've got a bit pop-punk, snap out of it.

Has anyone done the Bontrageresque bit yet?

Bike stuff; Cheap, light, strong, pick any two...

Women; Single, Sane, Attractive, pick any two...

I can't be doing with all this angst stuff; stop whinging and sulking and go out and get trapped off, or live the rest of your life as a lonely sad thingy, but do keep quiet about it.

I can't be doing with all this angst stuff; stop whinging and sulking and go out and get trapped off, or live the rest of your life as a lonely sad thingy, but do keep quiet about it.[s]

bit like 29er threads or what tyre threads, don't like? don't looky 😛

 

Go for a fat bird with a good job, she'll be more grateful for the attention, will generally be a good mum and you can always slim her down later down the road. Also, avoid women with poor parents. Hth

Stop looking for the "perfect one", very few people have anything absolutely perfect in their lives (job, house, health etc) so why should partner/girlfriend/boyfriend be any different. Took me way too long to fathom this out, but now I have I am as happy as larry. 🙂

Women; Single, Sane, Attractive, pick any two...

TBH I struggle to manage one!!

Rachel

Not bothered if it never happens as i'm very happy living on my own and doing what i want, when i want without having to ask or clear it wi someone else first, did have a semi serious relationship 5 yrs ago but that went tit's up due to catching her humping someone else and there's been now't since, not even a one night stand as i just can't be ****ed or bothered wi the hassle despite having at least a dozen opportunities this year so far.

I've never wanted kids and being 41 and not owning my own house along wi having two badly paid jobs doesn't help as i guess women expect someone of my age to be able to afford holidays and a certain lifestyle but i tend to shun all that and i couldn't give a flying **** bout' having money so that tends to put them off, i like my work that i do (chocolatier & bike shop mechanic) and i like and really get on wi the folk i work with - i get to make up my own hours and if i want a day off at anytime to go riding or something else that's fine - no probs in the slightest, so what if i get paid very poorly? - i enjoy going to work so i figure that counts for so much more than having cash in the bank (of which there's now't), i have a good life, good friends, nice bikes, live in the middle of nowhere in Galloway and i can't honestly say when the last time i was unhappy/bored/fed-up/annoyed was.......

.....although after saying all that there is someone i have recently started to ride with that is fitter than me, can ride just as good as (or better) than me, is very-very fit (as in wow - she's fit!), a really good laugh, is very independent herself and similar values and wants...........she's a good few years younger (10ish) but i dunno?....i'm very happy wi just myself and doing things my way so it's kinda threw me a curve ball as i have actively not gone out my way to encourage or put myself in any situation where the opportunity to perhaps take it any further would ever come up and to be honest i dunno if i will but i'll trundle on as it is at the moment as it's a good laugh and a break from the norm.

So......have i given up? - not as such but i'm certainly not searching for it.

Brownside

Searching for "the one" is a fruitless exercise, it does indicate you take things too seriously & it's probably this intensity that turns the opposite sex off.

Anyway, I was 40 when I found happiness, via one broken marriage so don't give up yet, just don't focus all your energy on it, it freaks people out, relax and let it come

(chocolatier & bike shop mechanic)

Marry me?

My Mum got a new boyfriend when she was 62, I think you need to MTFU and get out there.