[Closed] Anyone had one of these? (Parenting content)

1. Try to be a bit understanding

2.dont sweat the small stuff

3. Find a non parent adult role model (gym boxing, some other organised stuff)

4. It will pass

yup, pretty much that - disappeared into his bedroom aged 14 1/2, reappeared at 17 quite a reasonable chap - made head boy, currently at uni and coming skiing with me in february.

We gave him his space, didn't let him get away with much cheek that was stronger than 'banter' and ensured he was invited to everything that went on, even if he was a miserable sod.

Number 3 .... (based on me at that age)

I swear my 9 today year old has been watching Kevin ... his behaviour recently is getting really bad and every conversation an argument .  He'll argue his way out of doing something nice... just for the sake of arguing and sadly he's intelligent enough to argue but doesn't have the emotional intelligence to understand the consequences.

I'm hoping this will pass ...

Cheers! Nickc's Number 3 is straight out of that "Raising Boys" book, isn't it - not an easy thing to do when he spends most of his spare time on the Xbox.

Think SteveXTC has just described my 11yo.

I swear my 9 today year old has been watching Kevin … his behaviour recently is getting really bad and every conversation an argument .  He’ll argue his way out of doing something nice… just for the sake of arguing and sadly he’s intelligent enough to argue but doesn’t have the emotional intelligence to understand the consequences.

I’m hoping this will pass …

My 9yo is exactly the same, especially the conversation piece.  Generally a really good intelligent kid, but seems to struggle with play vs beating up his younger sister, tolerance of what he wants to do vs what he's told and general boundary's.

I'm assuming from what I've read its the start of testosterone increases and a state of independence.

Hard work!

Achieving independence innit? Lots of love and support with lots of tongue-biting needed

Show an interest in their music, films (an opportunity to sit together around a film that they couldn't afford a tenner for) and friends, if they'll let you

Make a meal at your normal time, tell them it's on the table, they'll come when hungry and there's an opportunity for learning. Give them space, and instructions for the microwave 🙂

Some ground rules too; if they want to eat in their room then they bring the plates down, did I mention that lots of tongue-biting will be needed

My 9yo is exactly the same, especially the conversation piece.  Generally a really good intelligent kid, but seems to struggle with play vs beating up his younger sister, tolerance of what he wants to do vs what he’s told and general boundary’s.

I’m assuming from what I’ve read its the start of testosterone increases and a state of independence.

Hard work!

It's also really hard to be positive and do stuff together when he ruins it.  It's the boundaries and doing as he's told, especially on safety issues or affecting everyone else.  (Or he simply doesn't care about everyone else so long as he gets what he wants... and apologising vs getting permission is rife)

That might be doing up his waterproof BEFORE he's soaked or actually taking the same trail as me etc. ... he suddenly decided to do GBU by himself after insisting I went first.... I then have the decision do I go and look for him or wait by the uplift.

His independence is off the scale (in his head).... and whilst I'm all for it he doesn't understand the boundaries or why they are there.  He used my Amazon account last week then worked out I'd know... he'd spent £15 on 3 books... when we tried explaining why he shouldn't do this its straight into Kev and Perry ...

I’m assuming from what I’ve read its the start of testosterone increases and a state of independence.

This isn't that new... but he has got exceptionally hairy legs for his age.... for years now he's been almost impossible to tell if its him on a text message... his gran thinks it's hilareous  but she doesn't need to live with the daily stuff!  In some way's its good, he'd have no problem for example getting a taxi to an airport and flying by himself and changing flights... and me picking him up at an airport.  My problem with it is he might decide not to wait for the escort when changing flights!  I wouldn't trust him not to be independent and try and do the transfer by himself.

That might be doing up his waterproof BEFORE he’s soaked

To be fair, that might be a case of letting him make his own decisions.  My daughter likes going without a jacket and doesn't much care about being wet.   My wife tries to make her, but I personally don't care.  She can get as wet as she likes as long as she doesn't whinge about it.  Then next time she'll make her own choices.  A little independence goes a long way.

We have our moments, and it worries me to say, that ours are generally a balanced and lovely set of lads.

Yes we have barnies, yes they can swither back and forth with the wind, sometimes the hormones mean the behaviour is out of order. Add in one with some additional needs, and it really can be a stress. Mrs_OAb and I have had to learn to not tackle head on, to try and work with, especially as they hit 15/16/about to be 17, they are now heading for adulthood..

Thankful ours are more bothered by bikes, Magic The Gathering, cooking, walking, computer games and such like, with a pretty good bunch of pals. That said, I am sure the drink/girls/rock n roll is to come...

They all tower over mrs_oab now, but then most folk do...

[url= https://farm1.staticflickr.com/835/29654223178_7eff373b3e_b.jp g" target="_blank">https://farm1.staticflickr.com/835/29654223178_7eff373b3e_b.jp g"/> [/img][/url][url= https://flic.kr/p/MbrDpY ]Gubalowka[/url] by [url= https://www.flickr.com/photos/matt_outandabout/ ]Matt Robinson[/url], on Flickr

Big difference there I think matt - "Kevin" is an only child. I think his mum and I rather overcompensated when we split up and spoilt him a bit. But, as I say, he's mostly great with me, but then I'm his mtb buddy 🙂

Yeah, don't worry your turn will come. 😁

Yeah, don’t worry your turn will come.

X3 I am sure....

I have 3 of those.

It's very difficult.

Last nights "Empty bottle of Vodka hidden in 14 year old daughters wardrobe" incident was particulary trying.

I'm also not looking forward to tonights " 13 year old  son gets detention for pissing about in class with that troublemaking kid we told him to keep away from"

Unfortunately, using a taser on your own kids is "not cool" with social services.

Unfortunately, using a taser on your own kids is “not cool” with social services.

Can I taser yours if you taser mine?

Can I taser yours if you taser mine?

Do you have a taser?

I used to know a guy but , i've not heard from him for a while. 😉

I have boys aged 8 and 10.

So I have all this to look forward to then!  Great!

My lordy, he was a joyous creature to behold at 10! 😆

I used to know a guy but , i’ve not heard from him for a while.

Self "tazering", teens seem to lots of it 😉

To be fair, that might be a case of letting him make his own decisions.  My daughter likes going without a jacket and doesn’t much care about being wet.   My wife tries to make her, but I personally don’t care.  She can get as wet as she likes as long as she doesn’t whinge about it.  Then next time she’ll make her own choices.  A little independence goes a long way.

Yeah ... it is but then there is the knock-on effect when he does whinge.... for example last year I drove him 2 hours to a race he wanted to do... he unpacked his jacket (on the quiet whilst I was loading bikes in the car) ...  then I drive him there, pay £12 quid parking... he does the race and its cold and miserable, collects his medal and we have to come home...

We usually ride the venue afterwards and in fact despite the drive I like the venue as we ride with other parents and kids... but I was chilly in a soft-shell (would have been wanting to get riding to warm up) and I couldn't in good conscience make him ride in a t-shirt...  so his sneaky removing his jacket meant he got to ride but I didn't.

That might be doing up his waterproof BEFORE he’s soaked

Mini_OAB has been learning this on a paper round each morning. Nothing I would say could persuade him. So he has shivered more than a few mornings...

It’s also really hard to be positive and do stuff together when he ruins it.  It’s the boundaries and doing as he’s told, especially on safety issues or affecting everyone else.  (Or he simply doesn’t care about everyone else so long as he gets what he wants… and apologising vs getting permission is rife)

That might be doing up his waterproof BEFORE he’s soaked or actually taking the same trail as me etc. … he suddenly decided to do GBU by himself after insisting I went first…. I then have the decision do I go and look for him or wait by the uplift.

His independence is off the scale (in his head)…. and whilst I’m all for it he doesn’t understand the boundaries or why they are there.  He used my Amazon account last week then worked out I’d know… he’d spent £15 on 3 books… when we tried explaining why he shouldn’t do this its straight into Kev and Perry …

Again Stevextc, same.   I was very unhappy during my upbringing and have/am, trying really hard not to let that reflect on him by default to my past life - constant arguing resulting in bitterness and a poor relationship with my parents.   He's a lot more opportunity than I had growing up, and I spend a lot of time explaining the "why" to him in the hope he learns something.  We often have great times riding together, reading books, helping with models and so forth.  But then last night we (3 of us including his 5yo sis) went shopping together, bought and cooked dinner - all going well until we had the K&P moment over who got to cut the mushrooms.  In the end I had to tell him off and that makes me sad as it ruined a moment.

Also because he's older, is in this stage and his sister isn't, he comes out with the "its always my fault" statement and goes off to his room to sulk.  I'm very aware of causing sibling rivalry and find this very difficult to manage, as most of the time it is his fault - although we have caught lil' sis winding him up at times.

I often say to my wife after bedtime I never know if I've done the right things and do worry about how things pan out.  I guess we all do!

Last nights “Empty bottle of Vodka hidden in 14 year old daughters wardrobe” incident was particulary trying.

I found a pack of condoms in my daughter's room the other day.  That came as a shock.  I didn't even know she had a penis.

I couldn’t in good conscience make him ride in a t-shirt…

That was your first mistake.  If you can't tell him anything then it's an ideal opportunity for him to learn the concept of cause and effect.  (I'm not a parent.)

So, only one safely out the other side story. Is disappoint 🙁

If you folk are having problems at 9/10 yrs, I hate to think what they'll be like at 15! Lord 'elp ya. 😀

DezB - I think I was in a similar situation to you but with 3 boys to contend with, luckily only the oldest was a pain in the arse & he came through the other side relatively unscathed - unlike his best mate who ended up in boot camp USA!

Once after trying to give him some fatherly advice my son's most "Kevin" outburst was to shout "but I just want to make my own mistakes" which probably shouldn't be repeated at his wedding next year 🤔

Does the groom's father get to do a speech?? 🙂

I think it all sounds worse than it is.  I'm assuming for Stevextc as it is for me, that its our first time dealing with this age and its challenges.

I've said it before and I'll say it again - having kids is the hardest but most rewarding job there is in my opinion, this is just another part of the process, as is nappys, lack of sleep, unidentified baby illness, impacted finances, homework, dads taxi, and so on...

It'll never end!

My oldest is just starting to come out of the other side of it. He'll be 17 next month. I am of the opinion that you need to let them make their own mistakes and be there for them if they need help and support. Mrs Stern, seemingly like most German parents; thinks it's better to interfere, which created massive friction between her and No1 son. But on the grand scale of things it has been fairly plain sailing so far. Son no2, who is 14, just locks himself in his room the whole time and i is quite difficult to get anything other than grunts out of him, but he has never been a particularly communicative person anyway. My daughter will be next as she will be 12 early next year so with our foster child too who is 13 we'll have three pubescent children in the house! 😮

edit:  when I say plain sailing ....I still found a bong under no1 son's bed last year which prompted some stern words. ...Mainly that if he was going to do such things he had better take more care of hiding it from his parents! 😉

It’ll never end!

Grandparenting is where it ends - you get to hand them back when* they are a pain

* only two months in and been nothing but bliss so far, it's like being a parent but with none of the downsides 😀

@dez - I think the bestman will be tapping up his sources

so his sneaky removing his jacket meant he got to ride but I didn’t

Now I <span style="text-decoration: underline;">am</span> a bastard dad (so I'm told occasionally - daughters, 18 & 16 !) but I'd definitely have gone for a ride.  Let the ****er shiver a bit more; unlikely to kill him

I found a pack of condoms in my daughter’s room the other day.  That came as a shock.  I didn’t even know she had a penis.

I don’t have kids, but can I tell you about my sister ??

Ok then. Aged 13.5 she had an affair with the school drama teacher. Mother found out when she found condoms in my sisters knicker draw. On confronting her about them, she turned inward and refused to engage or converse or go to school.

Allegations and recriminations ensued which drove my sister to retreat further from any social engagement, the friendships that she had flittered out and she then found solace with two proper rough girls who were from “the wrong end of town” and the inevitable drink/drugs became her release.

Then, we moved back to the U.K. and she tried to settle into a new school and promptly had an affair with....

Ey ya guessed it... the drama teacher.

Booted out of school, on the social register for wayward girls and rebels she became a proper rough piece of work.

Then she ran away to that LunDun, slept rough for a few months then entered a Nunnery in a most swish part of Kensington (there are two there BTW) and she entered the life of what she termed a HalfNun.. not fully committed becuse she still liked a drink..

But within 8 months she’d gone from being a rough stray into a reformed pillar of society. One who would man soup kitchens and provide support to the homeless and drug fuelled waifs and strays.

The main reason for the change was two Nuns who helped her, took care of her and she saw them as role models who she could identify with. She fully admits her mistakes, is open about that small part of her life and how she decided to turn her life around with a light touch guidance from someone other than my parents.

Now then, we’re were brought up in a loving happy and money no object lifestyle. We wanted for nothing and had everything including support and love and material goods. To any one looking upon us you’d think from the outset we were a model 2x2 white picket fence/two car owning tanned family out of a 70’s issue of Tatler..

Yet sometimes, in our little world, siblings or your kids have to form thier own path. Right/wrong or indifferent it’s just the way some people choose their path.

And yes, we did try to search for her when she ran away. She became one of the first kids on the Childline search that Estha Ranson started up BITD, and was famous for 11seconds when her photo appeared on an appeal on TV (with three other girls known to have run away)

Shes now a pillar of society, a Maths Professor who reached the heady heights of being in the top 1% of Cambridge Unis alumni and now is a headmistress who not only runs a Comp in deepest Cambridgeshire but teaches Maths to the unwieldy and rebellious kids who require special needs attention in her spare time.. oh, and has brought up 4 of her own kids who are utterly fabulous.

Stick with whatever you’re going through, it’s a passing phase and deep down your kids love you to bits but sometimes fail to express those feelings.

All the best.

All i can remember from one of my two was 7 years of mumbling words although whatever was always clearly spoken

We had two of those, one was the original bedroom boy who would never go out but was quite sociable so his social life came to him. This meant our house was always full of loud teenagers smoking dope in his bedroom. The other one drank more before he was 18 than I drank in my whole life! They are now in there 30ies and are doing fine  and are really good company . However they are still not averse to accessing the bank of mum and dad particularly the famous one way loan system!

Lad is 15, about to start his GCSE year. Fussy eater/drinker, no issues with alcohol yet, first brief relationship last year but didn't get "that"far. Taller than me, cleverer than me, but not as clever as he thinks he is.

He needs bringing back into line sometimes, he knows the boundaries, but likes to push it. He does at least understand the time and money we put in to supporting him and his sister.

She, on the other hand, will be a bloody nightmare....

The lad was great to watch growing, the girl was a bit of a 'mare. I went with full adult mode for her (from transactional analysis), Mrs S supplied the extra love and support. We used to talk through her decision making and why she made the choices she did. She's now a reasonably well adjusted member of society with some mental health problems that she has the tools to manage. It was a very tough 4 years.

Why did I open this thread (apart from the unclear title)!

My daughter is only coming up two and although I get the odd terrible two tantrum, it seems a walk in the park as to what might come in future years!

it’s a passing phase 

@breadcrumb - it's just a passing phase, til she moves on to the next one.. 🙂

Same distribution of spawn as BillOddie.

The 8 y.o is pretty easy going, and good fun. He's also the best negotiator that I have ever met- in ten years time, please don't buy a used car from my youngest son.

The 10 y.o is a stubborn, argumentative little sausage, just like both his parents. He's painfully bright in some ways, and his head is screwed on the right way, but is pushing really *really* hard for more independence. We have to keep on reminding ourselves that he is only 10, and doesn't yet need a sim card for his phone, or a laptop in his room- despite the howls of anguish that emerge every time his request is denied. I'm really not looking forward to the next seven years...

Oh dear and we were wringing hands over our two daughters claiming to be Vegetarian, thankfully after a timely/tactical visit to the Chippy this has been demoted to Pescatarian. PHEW!

All joking aside, It's not been without challenges and I have 4 nephews now all in their late teens and twenties. Communication is key, lip biting as mentioned above and then choose your moments, even if you have to engineer them and wait a few days, bit don't dodge the issues. Sometimes putting the ball back in their court a few days after any incidents when they have had time to reflect on something works well - ask them how they feel about the incident now and put your POV forward. Good Luck!