[Closed] Anyone else's partner not get the 'working' part of working from home?

Working from the utility room, you mean?

Justification is typically of the form “Can you just...”

my mate had this. His wife continually asking him to do stuff and he said 'look i'm working from home, just imagine I'm not here'.

A couple of hours later she sits down to lunch with a cuppa and he says 'ooh nice, where's mine?'

He's a southerner, she's a gritty yorkshire lass from Leeds. You can guess what she said...

The luxury of having a study is being able to close the door.

The luxury of having a study is being able to close the door.

^^THIS!^^

Door shut = At work

Best of luck.

I'd "go to the office" if I were you.

Laptop, cafe, job jobbed.

Headphones FTW. That or a spare room as an "office" with a lock on the door.

Failing that, woffle's patio.

It's one of the reasons I rarely work from home.
It's not bad if she's busy or out and about. There's no way I could do it during school holidays when there's three kids home as well - not a chance of getting a thing done!

Frankly my Wife doesn't get the 'working' part of working from work!

Sometimes I think she thinks I'm just sat around chatting shit on the internet all day.

Hang on....

My wife often works from home as its the only place she doesn't get distracted by office nonsense or people wasting her time. When the door of the dining room is shut you can 'knock and announce your business in a low voice. If the house is burning down, the threat of nuclear war is imminent or there is an earthquake warning you might get a gruff reply...otherwise......well suffice to say we have all learn't not to even approach the door.

I guess busy people understand other busy people.

I only work at home on the days my wife is at work.

woffle’s patio

Sounds like a congenital disease

I feel your pain OP. I can be out in the garden with table saw, drill, grinder, cutting tiles, painting doors etc. because she's made it perfectly clear that the speed with which I'm completing the house renovations is unsatisfactory, and she'll still then ask me to make lunch or look after the youngest while she "pops out to do a big shop".

I 100% understand why trades never work on their own home.

yeah we used to have this. Still happens but not as much as previously. We moved into a new house with a purpose built office/study, so I'm no longer working at the kitchen table.
I actually had to have a chat with Mrs W about it. It took a while, but I've been working from home for a long time now so it has finally been understood that I'm just as busy at home as I would be if I was in the office.
I used to be given a list of jobs to do while I was at home. Some days I could do them, but the majority I couldn't. I don't mind popping to the local shop as I still like to take a lunch break, same as walking the dog - he tends to get an hours walk sometime during the day - but this is all managed around my diary and subject to last minute changes.
I even managed to work from the turbo trainer the other day - was a recovery ride and I had some documents to review - worked well....Apart from Mrs W then saying "you didn't have time to do the school run but have time to train!"
To be fair though she does understand now and tends to leave me to crack on with work. Even bringing me the odd cup of coffee if I don't pop my head out of the office for a few hours.

I talk to myself incessantly. One advantage of this is that my wife never knew whether or not I was on the phone so she'd not even come into the study.

When he was made a home worker, my colleagues' solution to this was to go down to the end of the garden and build 'Shedquarters', and a fine job he did of it too, it's nicer and better equipped than both my living room and our actual office 🙁

Me and Mrs Binners frequently end up working from home at the same time and have done for a good few years now.

We stay well out of each others way, with any communications limited to occassionally sticking your head round the door and enquiring if the other one needs a coffee

...right up until the point when we're both getting cabin fever, then we hit the ejector seat with the magic one word text...

"Pub?"

😀

Just use your Skype headphones to listen to podcasts/music/whale song to drown out the "Can you justing"...

Yup, for some reason my wife can't seem to grasp the fact that I need my sandwiches ready to eat at the start  of my lunch hour

We have a large bedroom, within which at one end is our desk arrangement - I could happily use a separate office.

Failing that, woffle’s patio.

Bring your trunks, an inflatable desk and a head torch and you're all set. There's free wifi*

*not tested once the manhole cover is back on but sure it'll be fine.

It can be a nightmare, especially on the two days our daughters are not at nursery. If I refuse to do anything during work hours she gets in a right huff and says I never help with parenting stuff. Just this morning she left the sleeping baby with me whilst going out, luckily she slept but other times she woke the moment the door was closed and I lose 2 hours of work and she then gets in a huff that I have to work late in the evening.
I'm also expected to clock off at 5pm precisely despite having no commute, regardless of whether I'm in the middle of something, I know that's what they do in her local authority job but you'd think she'd understand that as I'm self-employed.
The best is when I need to visit somewhere and don't tell her despite the fact that I'll be back before 5pm. 'Oh, why didn't you ask me first? I wanted to leave baby asleep at home with you whilst I go for coffee with X' Oh I'm sorry, I'll cancel that factory visit, I didn't need to to do that QC check on that project that will pay the mortgage for 3 months!
Yes, it's very irritating. Still, so is commuting in the car.

My wife does, my kids don't tho. I'm on a call now, and my daughter just came in (she's just got home from a school week away) to asking me something about No Man's Sky (video game). I shooed her out, then she came back with a written note: 'Which alien race do you like best?'

We have a large bedroom, within which at one end is our desk arrangement

Glad someone else does this. I think I need a screen for my video conferences.

Have to say my wife’s very appreciative that I work from home & I get no stick. Normally I’m the one roaming about looking for a chat

One of the criteria for buying our current house was an office space so I did isolate myself but when the kids were on summer holidays in the old house *shudder*

Not only was my wife not able to differentiate between working hours and non-working hours, she also struggled with the concept that not all cash in the house was available for her shopping trips. I had to be very careful where I put it if I'd just had a large job paid in cash or she'd liberate some of it. Thankfully I'm a wage slave again now so it's not an issue, although and cash left lying around tends to end up in the holiday money pile.

My husband sometimes works from home. One morning on my day off I announced I was going to hamsterley with my friend after walking the dog. Thought no more of it. Then walking back I bump into our son walking to school who tells me that dad has got changed into his cycling gear and is coming to hamsterley too. He did some work later tho

My husband sometimes works from home. One morning on my day off I announced I was going to hamsterley with my friend after walking the dog. Thought no more of it. Then walking back I bump into our son walking to school who tells me that dad has got changed into his cycling gear and is coming to hamsterley too. He did some work later tho

This is exactly why a significant other should not be in the house why you are working from home.  Good grief retrogirl, you could get him fired 😉

‘Which alien race do you like best?’

Well? Which one?

Ms Beej is pretty good, especially as she studies at home on days off in the week. If I'm WFH those days I hide upstairs.

Works well usually as she does too. We have a nice office with two desks - both have offices to go to also so generally rare to both be at home at same time. She seems v studious though to the extent where I seem to crack first all the time on the drinks making front...and no sign of STW type chat either!

I've made the mistake of being flexible with my WFH days before and this now means its a day off in her eyes.
Some days this is fine but it is tricky to balance.

hmmm, i built a house big enough to not be distrubed and to doubly make sure i built a cabin, that once we finished living in, would be my office. Suffice to say my cabin is now housing the father in law, my alternate "office" is now a spare bedroom for guests nd the other bedroom, well that's my office but still a bedroom..

I often potter around the house doing bits in the day, these bits usually go unnoticed inadmissable during chore arguments..

Well? Which one?

Korvax obviously.

I think *I* sometimes don't get the working part of working from home.

This is exactly why a significant other should not be in the house why you are working from home. Good grief retrogirl, you could get him fired 😉

I'm fortunate enough to be measured on performance rather than hours. I started work at about half 10 today, yesterday it was about 7am. So long as the job gets done, no-one cares. I've often had email conversations with my boss at 1am, so if I disappear for an hour no eyelids are batted.

Today will be a POETS day as I'm away for the weekend, I can catch up on Monday as I've booked the day off.

Works OK for me mostly.

I do have a dedicated office space with a door that shuts, which helps a lot.

School holidays can be a bit of a nightmare, of course, and our toddler obviously doesn't get the idea of "I'm working" and can also open doors, so it's typical to get her bursting in on and off during the day (luckily I don't do a lot of conference calls currently!).

Weirdly, I find I can do chores better when no-body else is in. If I've just kicked off some lengthy batch processing thing and could do with a bit of moving around, I might take the bins out, or hoover up, or stick the washing on or whatever. That's fine if I can do the short job, then get back to work. If the family are in I'll inevitably get railroaded into some other task, and it's better to just hide in the office.

My workroom is tucked away on our large attic.

Hubby doesn't bother me as he's at the office. However some relatives have been known to phone, thinking I can drop everything and go round. With deadlines its not possible.

yup. especially when she is at home with the kids. To be fair she tries to not ask me to do much but it's an inevitability. I'm also really easily distracted. For that reason, I rarely work from home. And then I get grief for taking my job too seriously. Which is kind of weird as if i didn't take my job seriously I wouldn't get paid. But let's not go down that rabbit hole.

As it happens I am taking a month of parental leave next week and she is going back to work. Very much looking forward to seeing how that works out!

Pluses: close to fridge, decent coffee
Minuses: close to fridge, too much coffee

Nice to be time the washer/dishwasher for when sun's out and the solar panels are working for free. Bit too easy to 'just finish this' and work spills over into evening.

I’m fortunate enough to be measured on performance rather than hours. I started work at about half 10 today, yesterday it was about 7am. So long as the job gets done, no-one cares. I’ve often had email conversations with my boss at 1am, so if I disappear for an hour no eyelids are batted.

Yeah, that worked for me (mostly) too. Occasional conference calls aside I had a lot of flexibility. Start early, two hours for a ride at lunchtime etc. There's also the logging on to email/IM early then having breakfast etc. I can't say I ever kept a track of my hours but I'm pretty sure I was doing a lot more than I was contracted for. A someone already pointed out, I was happy to include commute time as work time, knowing my employer was equally flexible when I needed a bit of time back.

Mrs D_J and I both work from home - she several days a week, me one or two. It took a little bit of time to get into the swing of things, but now we’re both pretty disciplined about not interrupting the other. We’re fortunate that we have a big enough house that we each have our own office space - hers is upstairs, mine is in our converted garage, so we’re out of each other’s way. If possible, we’ll usually have lunch together, although sometimes she has endless phone/video conferences that tie her to the desk for most of a day.
The dogs on the other hand, do not get the concept of “sorry, I’m too busy to pet you/play ball / feed you / go for a walk” - the wife’s colleagues find it hilarious when she’s trying to lay down the law on a phone call, and the dog is incessantly nagging her in the background.

I only work at home on the days my wife is at work.

+1

David Hasselhoff --> Tony Slattery

stomp stomp
“I do everything round here”
stomp stomp
“can you just go and get me this”
stomp stomp
“I’m not a slave”

Hmmm... is it 2003?

Just explain, ”I’ll come to work with you one day...”

See how she takes that.

Politely telling your partner to piss off is one of life’s simple pleasures...

What is this weeerk, worrrk, work, you speak of? sounds bloody tedious.

Buy her a new dolly tub, that'll keep her in the scullery

Tbh its worse when Im at work and she's at home, concocting lists of items from shops that are geometrically selected to ensure the most convoluted and irksome journey home

Elsewhere, on mumsnet:

‘My so won’t talk to me when he works at home, even though every time I go in the study he is on some sad cycling forum or else w**nking. I don’t actually mind the w**nking, but the bike thing is getting weird’

"My so won’t talk to me when he works at home"
Almost right, but on mumsnet it's DH not SO

Hence why I stay late at work...

All ok here. I've had the odd Skype meeting interrupted by the boys but they get that headphones on means don't start yabbering at me.

Mrs G-d is very good.

BUT the **** cats. No bloody respect for my keyboard. Ironically the furry *** leave the mouse alone completely. I am still waiting for the day when I come back from making a cup of tea and find my user account locked out due to one of the scratchy clawed irritants walking 3 times over the enter key.

My missus works a lot from home these days- she hates it when I come home from early shift and disturb her peace.
Benefits my cycling no end. 🙂

Call me an old fashioned traditionalists, but isn't "work" the place you do work ?

Why should it be?

Technically my desk is in a building 2 hours away. Why should I have to move house? Or take a job I don't want in Cardiff?

Why should.my company restrict itself to hiring people who live nearby?

Why should we all spend an hour or two a day travelling to an office to sit and work at a desk when I've got a desk at home and I can talk to everyone I need to on the computer or phone? Especially when most of them are in other locations anyway..

Sorry mate but yes you're old fashioned 😉

Indeed. My team has someone in Plymouth, one in Manchester, one in Hertfordshire, couple in Norwich and me in SE London. Sometimes we also work with colleagues in the US and Australia. Where is “work”? Notionally there’s an office where some people in the company go (at least some of the time) but we certainly don’t.

Old fashioned? Has there ever been a time when some folk didn't work from home?

Good point. Offices and factories are a relatively recent invention in human history.

Current employer encourages flexibility and works on an occupancy ratio of around 60% for our real estate (large worldwide engineering and environmental design firm). That means that when we refit offices we have around 300 desks in an office with a 500 staff headcount for example. Lots of flexible space though, people all work agile, most work at home or elsewhere regularly. It works well for most, self included.

Has there ever been a time when some folk didn’t work from home?

The kind of work you might do at home has changed a lot though and it used to be more manual work (my aunty used to do piece work sewing shoes) that people used to do at home as employment  - if they weren't self employed. Anything administrative or managerial really needed you to be in face to face contact with your co-workers. The kind of work people did at home was more obviously work to people they shared a house with. Sitting quietly in front of a screen doesn't give off the same 'I'm working' aura.

During the last few months me and my brother have taken turns caring for my mum at her home - setting up a little hot desk in the corner of the room so we can get on with our work, keep our respective businesses running and keep her company. The strange thing is though - for her with dementia - is there is work we can do around the house (laundry, tidying. cooking etc) that she can relax and let us get on with. But sit down infront of a screen , even though you can engage in conversation and we'd set up the room so we could see each other -  and to her mind you're pointedly ignoring her and she found it really aggravating- as if she's being deliberately excluded. It actually reached a point where she was getting violent if we sat at the desk. Although thats an extreme example I can see how people's partners can get frustrated by someone working from home - it creates a weird kind of loneliness for them.

Interesting tangent this has taken. I work for a civil service agency that traditionally had a wide spread of geographical offices as we physically need to look at things to do our job properly. Office rationalisation then meant fewer offices but our experienced staff could work from home if their office closed.

Now we aren't allowing any more staff to work from home, as we continue to shrink the office network. So experienced staff are having to be made redundant. And we get managers panicking because we have HUGE gaps in our geographic coverage, staff travelling 250 miles a day, even now having to stay overnight sometimes.

"We want staff to work more flexibly blah blah". Yes, we'd like to work more flexibly as well to allow us to do the job properly, but hey,.....

Women are mental, simple as that.

I can walk in the front door and be greeted with something along the lines of 'i'm so lucky to have you' and then 24 hours later, doing absolutely nothing different i can walk in and she is ready to teara strip off me becasue she's had a bad day which is nothign to do with me i hasten to add!!

I'll never, ever understand them andhave give up trying. In fact if i ever did split up i dont think i really could be arsed starting over again!!

When i worked from home (i dont anymore, instead i go into the city centre to one of those places that charge you by the minute) i had the same sort of thing....i could be in the middle of a call and she'd be stood there to tel me that the dishwasher was making a funny noise or some crap!! 🙂

Why should it be?

The whole thread albeit tongue in cheek suggests why it shouldn't 😉

I’m dreading this weeks half term, if it’s not my wife sitting down for a chat it’s my son asking me about how things work, or my daughter asking to give her a lift.  To the point I have diarised a few days in one of our offices an hour and a half each way.  I am creating an office space in the spare room!

I can be out in the garden with table saw, drill, grinder, cutting tiles, painting doors etc. because she’s made it perfectly clear that the speed with which I’m completing the house renovations is unsatisfactory

I found the difference between the unsatisfactoryness associated with the speed I could achieve whilst being interrupted by constant requests to mind the kids and pop to the shops and whatnot, to the unsatisfactoryness associated with doing absolutely no renovations whatsoever, to be so small as to be undetectable. However, the second one was a lot easier.