Anyone else super down right now?

I'm hoping that next year I'll be working a shift at work. It'll solve all the, do this, do that requests. Save me the hassle of trying to organise myself. I'm currently sat wasting my day off. 

Not great. Been ill for a month seem to have developed asthma and generally just feel knackered.

Which is bringing my mood down further.

Need to do something to sort it!

Yep. Starting the New Year with some sort of spasmed low back, despite taking time off the bike specifically to try and address low back issues. Think I did it belaying my 6 year old son at the climbing wall, of all the innocuous activities.

Low back incidents always send me into a spiral which takes a day or two to dig out of. Wife losing patience so there's generally a marital thawing out required that takes longer again 🙄.

Always seems to happen just as I'm considering foreign riding trips, riding the Pyrenees in September seems laughably optimistic right now

I just wanted to hide under the bed on christmas day. The only thing that really got me through is having my daughter over with her partner and watching the sheer joy from them both opening their gifts.

lots and lots of rubbish things this year. it actually started last year, with a drowning in the canal at the bottom of my garden, trying to assist, and the aftermath dealing with grieving relatives at the site. then it just seemed to continue, one thing after the other. wife had a lump removed from her neck, so rehab and disruption, daughter (ADHD/ASD diagnosed) having to deal with pretty devastaing skin condition due to allergy, meant lots of coaching and crisis management, nearly losing the dog (sounds silly, but she's helped us through the above!), then dealing with 6 months of rehabilitation, restricting what we can do and pretty much exhausting my wife and I through a strict routine that a lot of the time conflicted with working and our normal methods of coping with the world (I'm ASD and my wife is ADHD).

Turns out the lump my wife had was atypical, so not aggressive, but not benign. that was a bit of a shock we're still managing. it's a case of when it comes back we'll deal with it, not if.

Then I became unwell, thinking it was the stress. diagnosed with heamochromatosis, but with sidleline GI problem. still have lots of GI distress, which impacts the mood enhancer (AKA riding).fitness plummets, strength plummets, riding becomes less enjoyable, motivation drops, dread creeps in and I became nervous about going riding, wondering if I'm going to feel OK, or feel like I'm going to collapse. it's shit.

in between all of this, I have relatives who have varying mental states, several attempts on their own lives and no one else around to help them as they try to repell us with viciousness.

However. even though my intestines feel like they've been kicked from whatever GI thing this is, I have another week off work. the weather looks to be improving, and mentally I can now deal with just going out and accept that it may feel rubbish. it's rubbish riding regularly that will bring me back to a good ride in a few weeks.

Feeling it a bit here too

We got back from my in laws yesterday. Too much time in the car and sleeping on a camping mat has given me hip pain and general fatigue. Today we went out for a bike ride, my other half on her new ebike, that was pretty tiring. I'm also done with socialising for a bit. So we're going over to the neighbours tonight. That I could just about handle but my other half has invited another neighbour and her partner over before that. I just need a night off. I don't consider myself to be in a bad place but I'm tired and fed up just now.

Really hope the coming year is better for all you suffering at the moment.

All the best for the new year.

I should really add my name to the list of people that are a bit down. I'm not a christmas fan and this time of year is always difficult, even more so when I feel I need to be cheerful for other people. My girlfriend likes to buy a million presents and I feel guilt with every gift I get that mine are not good enough and that is despite me asking her to please, please stop spoiling me.

NYE is a similar story. I can't remember the last time I celebrated it and last night was a great example of me getting grumpy for the smallest of reasons and then just being a miserable shit for the rest of the evening. It hurts her and then I feel worse. I drove to town and back with her to visit a friend in hospital (climbing accident, broken back and leg) and barely said a word there or back. Lots of thoughts, no speaking.

I hate this time of year. i feel isolated in the house and that I can't just do stuff I want to, but then I immediately feel guilt for not doing stuff with GF or helping, or looking at the internet. It's bad enough that I can hear her cooking lunch now and I realise I need to stop typing this shit and go and help and be social, but I know it's BS andf anything I say will be chit-chat.

I'd rather by skydiving; then I wouldn't have to think. But that would mean being away somewhere warmer and then guilt for being away. Etc, etc

Double post?

Ive had my better and worse times.

Currently, all is good.

A couple of years back, i could never have imagined being this happy.

Hang on in there.

Things DO get better.

Slighty off topic, but "Random Acts of Kindness" help me; yesterday i complimented a 'girl' (who i assume was with her mum) how fantastic her hair looked in the sun. 'oh, thank you', she said, 'i did wash it this morming'.  She took the genuine, but very light, comment in the spirit it was meant. I think i made her day. Knowing that, made mine.

Jeez Willard…I could have written that post myself. Very similar over here - I want / need to have some freedom to do what I want to do, but I know that if I try, I’ll feel selfish and guilty, which in turn makes me not go, which in turn makes me bad tempered, monosyllabic, withdrawn etc….so I might as well not be around her or the kids. I also echo the present giving mismatch, and the dislike of celebrating NYE - she stormed off to bed after I said I wasn’t interested in staying up until midnight and watching a film but would prefer to read the book she bought me for Christmas and go to bed…I ended up in the spare room and she’s not spoken to me today. FFS…

I’d also add that this time last year I opened up about mentally struggling with work, life, kids, lack of fitness, lack of time etc and was feeling very, very low and depressed…not to the point where I would do anything drastic but when someone asked me the question, I broke down in tears. In January I contacted a GP and self referred to get mental health support, resulting in a diagnosis of Generalised Anxiety Disorder. Simply giving it a name validated the maelstrom of negative thoughts in my head and helped me plan a way to manage it. I can feel myself slipping back now so am trying to arrest the fall.

Stay strong people, get help if and when you need it and remember that ‘this too shall pass’…

Interesting reading a few of the posts above and it got me thinking about this that I was reading over Christmas.
https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2023/dec/30/the-healthy-guide-to-being-selfish?CMP=Share_AndroidApp_Other
That need to recharge with "do something for my own benefit".
Many of us are parents, carers, under pressure at work etc.  Finding a little "me" in that can be quite hard ime.
We had a busy and very sociable Christmas but there was almost no quiet time, which I find tough after a few days. The large chunk of the 3+ hour drive home on NYE when everyone else nodded off or stuck their face in their phone was oddly refreshing.

To those feeling down, anxious, overwhelmed my sympathies.  Christmas/NY is a time of a lot of artificial pressure and I'm pretty sure consumerism and mandatory merriment has the opposite effect on many.

Really hope the coming year is better for all you suffering at the moment.

All the best for the new year.

Well 2024 is starting out as a continuation of the shit I had through the last 1/3 of 2023.

Spent all last night in the local A&E after suffering a rather large anxiety attack. Severe chest pain, shortness of breath and nausea meant I had no choice but to go there. Had all the usual checks to rule out a heart attack and finally got sent home this morning with strict instructions to get a GP appointment and that they would leave a message with my surgery to make sure I got one. Phoned up earlier today and have got one for tomorrow morning, earliest they could do. Hopefully I'll be put back on the 'Happy Pills' but I have to be careful as some of them are on the list of Notifiable Medications that means I can't drive a HGV while on them and seeing as I need to find a job (most likely going back on agency) in the next week or two I really don't want to jeopardise that. Will have to discuss that with the doctor at the time though as I didn't have that worry last time I was on medication. About to jump on Zwift and just aimlessly pedal to try and take my mind off things, would go for a walk but it's wet and windy outside.