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For me, it's not about the time of year. At least I don't think so; I normally LOVE Christmas. But holy smokes, I am in a worse place than I have been for a good few years, and I can't seem to pull out of it. Extremely anxious, but not about anything in particular; distanced from everything, although I've got my kids around, and plenty to be grateful for.
I'm on 50 mgs of sertraline, and have been for years, although in the past I have been on a dose as high as 150.
I know you can't do much, but spare a thought for the inexplicably depressed. 🙁
At least the shortest day is done. We're on our way back ☀️
Mixed mate. Very up n down.
I'm not a huge xmas person anyway.
However think everyone is just fatigued with the level of shithousery out there
Been there; not fun (obviously). Thoughts spared, and if I was one for prayers those too.
Yep. Not sure why, though the constant grim weather and short days won't be helping.
Vitamin D3, you take it? If you look up vitaminD deficiency symptoms anxiety and depression are listed.
Yep, felt down last night, drank too much, blubbed my eyes out. It's been a hard couple of years, I've lost both my parents which brought up the death of my brother in 1980 when I was 15.
apparently the brain is wired so that if you have the choice to look at one of 2 pictures, one is of a good scene, the other is a bad scene, you are more likely to pick the bad one. which is why we have so many bad images like war etc on our screens, they are targeting us.
which makes you think, I dont have to see that, to be like that
try slowing your breathing down, to 6 breaths a minute
Yep. Big time.
I would have never admitted it prior to this year but life appears to be taking a toil.
I’ve had a really active year - last Christmas does not seem five minutes ago.
I have a tremendous amount to be thankful for so every time I have a sad/dark thought I get severe pangs of imposters syndrome as why should I be down?
I’ve stopped engaging in the news, not head in the sand but it really doesn’t help.
I question sometimes if I really know what I’m doing. Mark of 20 years ago would be shaking his head.
The really sad thing is one of our boys was reluctant to tell me something earlier as he didn’t want to add to my worry 🥺
I don’t enjoy winter but that’s no different to any other year.
Roll on summer.
Yes.
My Christmas anxiety is just kicking in big time right now...
My GF, love her though I do, STILL doesn't ****ing get it at all! We've both had a shit year health wise, topped off recently when I was just about to book a few days away over Christmas to North Wales (we went a couple of years ago, was the only Christmas I'd enjoyed in years) she tore her calf muscle and so basically that was totally off the cards... So she has at the 11th hour, without consultation with me, booked to go to her folks...
I'm currently looking at the weather forecast, hoping it will improve. If it's good enough, I am gonna go out on an all dayer on my motorbike I think...
I'm not usually very good at this time of year thanks to SAD, the Christmas build up being ruined after multiple years working in retail and the general crappiness of the weather but this year is already particularly bad. It's not one thing, it's the cumulative effect of multiple levels of shit. Dad passing away a few weeks ago, not currently having a job, all my hopes for 2023 coming to nought, no certainty about anything for the future and various other little bits of crap all add up. I can safely say I'm already at the lowest point I've been for a few years and I normally get worse right until March, worrying about that doesn't help!
However think everyone is just fatigued with the level of shithousery out there
It's been a non-stop assault of it since 2020 started if we're honest, the cumulative effect of that has got to be taking it's toll on a lot of people. There's a mental health time bomb ticking thanks to the lockdowns and a virtually complete lack of support for people suffering thanks to govt cuts and ideology.
How much alcohol do you drink? A lot of folk who are down, drink, not realising the cause of their mood is the drink. Gut health is also proven to be important. Sauerkraut and Kerfir may help. Lots of vit D also and exercise. But, you’ve got to want to change. Hope this helps.
It’s been a non-stop assault of it since 2020 started if we’re honest
Yeah. I don't think it's just me - there's a lot of it about...
Been teetotal for over 12 years now so don't have to worry about that side but I do know people who use it as a crutch, they worry me sometimes.
I was just about to book a few days away over Christmas to North Wales (we went a couple of years ago, was the only Christmas I’d enjoyed in years) she tore her calf muscle and so basically that was totally off the cards…
I'm up there right now, having two days to escape everything and just mooch about. Last day tomorrow and I'm in two minds whether to just stay up here, not helped by I really like it here anyway but when it's all moody and full of weather it's spectacular in the hills. Been rather cathartic driving past people piling into the shops for festive food etc and heading off to the wilderness.
Whilst I am currently having a beer I do not drink all that often and when I do it’s maybe two beers/glasses of wine.
Yes I am pretty down, my boss has been an absolute ****er and I can't seem to shake it off.
You're not alone. Life seems like hard work just now what with everything that's going on in the world. I cut ties with my best mate almost a year ago, he's fallen down the anti Vax rabbit hole and I just can't deal with it but it doesn't stop me from thinking about it. But we can't let the bastards win or get us down.
Yeap. Thou better today, finished work yesterday. Generally feel pretty rubbish this time of year, short days, rubbish weather etc. This year not helped by a someone at work forgetting rule one and creating a brown whirl wind that served no purpose, the week before Xmas.
Today I had a late start, walked the dog then had a mega house work day. Feeling like I've achieved something today. The boss was happy when she got home from work. Walked the dog, caught the sunset, chilli and a beer.
It's the little things that matter.
Just in response to the drinking question: I have a drink from time to time, but I am definitely not a drinker.
Just the usual recommendations of healthy diet, vitamins, hydration, good sleep, regular exercise and keep the sugar, alcohol, caffeine, nicotine and drugs to a minimum.
For myself, I find myself working frantically up to Christmas trying to get as much done as possible and ensuring that everything is in place for when work starts again on the 8th Jan. I just need to start to relax now, this normally takes a couple of days.
Treat yourself and mates to a proper curry.
Try to ask the chef to cook the fruitiest curry possible.
Wash it down with a can of Lewis Hamilton energy drink.
Grab some ear plugs and seek out some extreme death/ black metal concerts.
Try to keep the upper body moving.
Invest in a basketball hoop?
The Nike basketball that Argos sells is actually really good. But if you want to push the boat out, the £45 Tarmak one from decathlon is the absolute nuts👍
Always smear some Vaseline around the hole where you stick the inflating needle.
Yep. Mum died 6 weeks ago and I've been doing ok, until the last week or so when it's all got a bit much. She loved Christmas and I know she'd have wanted the family and grandkids in particular to enjoy but I can't sum up enthusiasm and even more everyone else with their ****ing lights and jumpers and home made mince pies in the office and.... and I just want to tip it all out the window.
And now to cap it all I have started to have a recurring dream, in which I'm sat next to Mum, in her favourite chair, holding her hand and I can feel how small her hand is and how soft the skin is. And then I wake up and just for a moment I don't know it's a dream and then I realise. And I just break down because I have to come to terms with it over and over.
I would be absolutely fine if it wasn't for this shit
Yeah I know switch off and don't listen to the news, I would certainly recommend that to someone struggling and feeling down. But I don't have that excuse really and the more people are aware the more the pressure. Tomorrow I'm on a Palestine solidarity bike ride across South London.
But yeah, I find it totally heartbreaking. Children going through this shit.
Yes
Nah. Life is life.
Just got to take a deep breath and get on with things. Keep going, just keep going.
Really down at the moment. Permanently stressed out, not sleeping and just generally fed up of life
Thoughts to my fellow sufferers - this really resonated:
I have a tremendous amount to be thankful for so every time I have a sad/dark thought I get severe pangs of imposters syndrome as why should I be down?
The seasonal aspect hasn't been as bad this year, just the constant nagging anxiety and negative thinking.
The days are about to lengthen, plans are being made. I turn 55 this yearvl and aware I need to be making the most of things.
As a wise person keeps saying "This will pass".
Keeping talking and venting, even just on here.
I’ve had mild depression and anxiety for years. I can usually manage it, but it’s got on top of me this year. Starting CBT in the new year.
Imposter Syndrome is a big part of my issues, has been an almost permanent part of my life and depression and anxiety is a big part of it. It affects everything I do and I've become incredibly good at hiding it under a persona that a lot of people I know think is 'Me' but is actually a shield I have built up to protect myself. It's not healthy to do it, has elements of bipolar about it, but at times it's the only defence I have against the world. Strangely when I'm out on my bike or with people I ride with regularly is one of the few times the 'real me' comes out, doing almost everything else means I have to put on my 'Public Persona' as a coping mechanism for stressful or unfamiliar situations.
Not healthy I know but that's what a lifetime of bullying does to you, coping mechanisms become 'Normal'.
Started feeling this over the last few years, although this one not as bad having had a big international work trip earlier in December. It’s a thing though and Xmas doesn’t help. Appreciate good times are made rather than found (if we stop say “Merry Christmas”, we’re screwed!) but when you’re not feeling it, the insincerity is hard work. Lucky enough here to live in N.Wales so lots of space to escape too. (Those coming to N.Wales, don’t forget the Anglesey beaches.)
On switching off news (and social media) yes, but as Ernie notes, I think important to <i>do</i> something - donate, write to MP, or otherwise be active in trying to bringing about wanted outcome.
You could collate all those anxieties into a journal and call it ‘danger illustrated’.
Just this morning, I booked a holiday.
Parted with the cash, but no confirmation email or text. Not a bean.
Just a chunk out of my balance.
I called the parent company, and somehow they located the transaction.
Just as well. It was the wrong blimmin month😛
So, sheer panic for a moment, morphing into serendipity, of a fashion.
Point is, within this forum, there must be loads more examples of panic and anxiety…not necessarily bike related.
Which may diminish any anxiety or fill your heart with icicles.
Yep. Not sure why, though the constant grim weather and short days won’t be helping.
yep, rubbish weather and general bad news globally etc, it's not great at all--I hate this time of year, the short gloomy days just drag on.
I've got the 2024 diary out planning rides and trips for the better weather, it sort of keeps me going, plus pondering over maps and books.
I hate to say it, but I’m not sure this forum helps?
There’s a lot of gloominess in posts, and if I were feeling down then I’d be cutting down/out how much I visited.
Learn to say NO.
Get out, even if the weather is s**t.
Talk to strangers when out and about and stay away from family and people who drain you, take away confidence and only think of themselves.
Do a good deed (even a tiny charitable act can make one feel much better).
Don't look in the mirror (joke).
Do you need professional help? If your leg was broken you would go get it fixed so why not if your heads broken?
I had a load of counselling this autumn. It helped hugely.
Personally I am still in the two steps forward oneback. Had a couple of shit weeks but this week has been good
Go see your GP, get your Sertraline upped in dose or changed to an alternate SSRI/SNRI, get your bloods checked for Vitamin D, testosterone, iron, full blood count, thyroid function, see if any are deficient and your GP can treat/investigate them all. Speak to your local mental health team regarding CBT/talking therapies - these really do help some people.
Get some beers down ya and some tunes, it helps for a few hours. 😂
I hate to say it, but I’m not sure this forum helps?
There’s a lot of gloominess in posts, and if I were feeling down then I’d be cutting down/out how much I visited.
Whereas I find reading about stuff in here gives me perspective on the bad stuff and I like reading about the positive stuff people post. Far better than Facebook etc.
Go see your GP,
Seeing as I've been trying for well over 6 months to do just that for a consultation about my asthma (and that they send letters out every month asking me to make an appointment) and every time I can't get one then that's not always an option for everyone. My surgery is down to 1 GP instead of the 5 it should have after 4 left thanks to racist abuse after the Brexit vote.
Think that goes in the 'General crap' file.
what the doctor ordered...
malt n maps
The really sad thing is one of our boys was reluctant to tell me something earlier
On the plus side you're raising a young man with empathy, good on you.
As others have alluded to "this too shall pass", while it's passing though things can feel a bit off. Talk to friends, find and pay for a counsellor (if your CAMHS team are better than ours you may not need to pay as they should see it right quickly).
Bonne chance, mes braves.
It’s really hit me today. Autism makes any social occasion draining, especially when it’s not just people whose company I actually enjoy. This year compounded by a knackered back and no sleep. Feel like a failure as I want to be jolly and Christmassy for the kids, but I have zero energy and just can’t face being around anyone apart from my wife and kids. Since my wife’s family are all here, that means hiding myself away - they’re all of the extrovert extra jolly type, which just makes me feel like more of a failure.
I get the opposite. I'm a natural introvert but I can express extroversion, and some would I'm sure really dispute my natural preference - when entertaining, or visiting, I work really hard to do that and AFAICT do a decent job.
And then I'm exhausted and mardy for the people that really matter.
Saxonrider sorry to hear this.
Music and exercise always for me. Went down a little punk worm hole on YouTube, Viagra Boys, Amyl and the Sniffers and Fontaine DC. Just as well as I shagged my ankle so no exercise here. I actually find lifting heavy weights gives me a nice buzz.
Unfortunately yes. Been off work sine early October with problems, meds upped and start some treatment next month. Also awaiting an assessment for PTSD.
It is what is and something I now lived with for at least 10 years but probably longer, struggling badly this time though. Just have to wait to see if the therapy works.
Drac - I had PTSD type symptoms after my recent "troubles". Counseling helped greatly. I assume yours built up over time? That will make it harder but using some CBT style techniques and person centered counseling and its 90% gone
I hope it works for you as well. YOu know the drill - engage positively with the counselor and so on
good luck
Yes, this. Selfishly, helping other people can make you feel better and less helpless.
Very much this. I have been playing "the white knight" to a couple of folk and its left me feeling all warm and fuzzy inside. I do not believe in altruism. I believe we do altruistic stuff because it makes us feel good
Yeah it’s decades of exposure. The treatment EMDR treatment this time, focuses more on trauma experiences.
I’m a natural introvert but I can express extroversion, and some would I’m sure really dispute my natural preference – when entertaining, or visiting, I work really hard to do that and AFAICT do a decent job.
And then I’m exhausted and mardy for the people that really matter.
Its bloody hard work faking being a people person. I use up all that energy at work and struggle to find it afterwards for social stuff. Most of my friends are used to me now, and understand if I skip a meet upad I'm all peopled out. Frustrates MrsMC sometimes though.
I do not believe in altruism. I believe we do altruistic stuff because it makes us feel good
Interesting point and you may be right. Got back into helping with the local health rides in the last couple of months and enjoying how it makes me feel about myself as much as helping people get out and enjoy riding.
Since my wife’s family are all here, that means hiding myself away – they’re all of the extrovert extra jolly type, which just makes me feel like more of a failure.
I quite like being around a group of extroverts - it means I don't have to do any work and can just surf along their energy...
I quite like being around a group of extroverts – it means I don’t have to do any work and can just surf along their energy…
I do that all the time... as I'm generally slightly introverted but do have moments of the opposite.
It's a fine line though... a good balance will bring out the best in everyone, personally for me, I just can't tollerate people who won't stop talking or even worse, talk over other people just for the sake of it, it's a real pet peeve of mine.
Just to say to those feeling down - its worth taking vit d - everyone should be taking it in the UK in winter and most all year round. Vitamins and minerals as well are worth trying. cost very little, no real downsides, sometimes makes a difference.
This is also not a good year for me.
Slightly down but not down down but generally nothing much to cheer about if I look back into my life.
Therefore, I try to avoid recalling the past as much as I can but can be difficult at times.
@tjagain, two years ago my bloods showed that I had no vitamin D in my system. As in none. So they put me on a regime of 50k IU three times a week for six weeks, and told me to keep taking a daily supplement daily afterward.
The off-the-shelf chewables seem to max out at 25 mgs (I haven’t looked at how many IUs that is), but the dose is not high. Do you know if, like vitamin C, you can’t really OD on the stuff? In other words, could a person take two vitamins a day for a 50 mg dose? Or is this a question for a pharmacist?
Not in a great place here. The entirety of my wife's family (her two sisters, each married with 3 kids), plus our 3 kids, plus her parents are currently at our house. It's hectic, which I find difficult to cope with at the best of times, with no space to escape. Meanwhile my mum is about to have an op for her kidney cancer and my dad has to go into respite care for a couple of months.
Really not helped by consistently shit weather, a shoulder injury which doesn't seem to be getting any better and zero motivation.
Point of correction.. You can actually overdose on vitamin C.. It can cause all sorts of problems.. None of them are pleasant.
https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/vitamins-and-minerals/vitamin-c/
Some OTC vit-c are more than 1 gram per dose which is frankly crazy...
So if for example you are getting half a gram passivley through diet, or whatever, you really don't want, or need to be taking an extra 500mg in pill form.
its worth taking vit d – everyone should be taking it in the UK
If you are considering taking up VitD consider magnesium alongside it. Without the correct levels of Mg, (about 380mg-420mg for men daily) you won't be able to metabolise the VitD, alternatively if you don't like the idea of supplements, dark chocolate, avocado, nuts and seeds, legumes, and leafy green veg are all good sources. Magnesium deficiency has been studied to show fatigue, aches and pain, cramps, mood, anxiety, migraines, Irregular sleep patterns as well as other chronic diseases.
Big hugs to everyone struggling, it does get better, I promise.
You can OD on both Vit D and V it C - but you do have to work fairly hard and take ludicrously high doses.
Interesting point about magnesium. A few weeks ago I got hit by awful fatigue - sleeping 16 hours a day and feeling totally lifeless. Its something that has troubled me on and off for years but since taking vit d it stopped. I took a scattergun approach - I took a load of electrolytes, minerals and vitamins - and 24 hours later I felt fine. I wonder if that was magnesium shortage.
The conversion between a metric unit and International Unit for Vitamin D is straightforward, 1 IU equals 0.025 mcg. Going the other way, 1 mcg equals 40 IU.
I believe everyone in the UK should take vit D but in the recommended doses not the daft high doses some folk take.
https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/vitamins-and-minerals/
I’m pretty sure that taking multivitamins has been consistently associated with increased mortality, but I may be wrong.
Certainly possible but is that because chronically ill folk are more likely to take them? dunno
When I was in a dark place I was out on the bike 3-5 times a week and getting smashed in front of the speakers. Now I'm in Happytown I cycle a bit less and the music doesn't sound quite so good but hey ho. Another vote for magnesium, like oysters it gives all-round benefits IYKWIM.
Get out in the weather, cold face wash/shower, random kindnesses, phone calls/facetime, loud music, vitamins, ride the bike, all good stuff.
Memories of injecting cows with magnesium. If seriously deficient they exhibit symptoms beyond the nightmares of John Gummer and drop. Takes about five minutes to turn them around and become healthy again. You can guess the size of the needle and as is the gluconate salt the solution is very sticky.
Cannot ride just now, this place does me a lot of good. Perhaps that is why I am reacting so badly to being chucked out my other haunt. Today is always the pits.
Really hitting me as we close out the year. 12 months ago I was full of optimism and looking forward to a decent future, now all I can think of is how I'm way, way back down the path I've already been down. I'm further back than I was 2 years ago for various reasons and it's really getting me down. No job, fitness is horrific (struggled doing 2 miles of an easy blue trail this morning I used to race round for fun) and so many other little things are making me wonder why I should push and challenge myself when I make no progress.
Maybe Monday will bring better times.
Maybe Monday will bring better times.
It is the beginning of another day. Take it as the beginning of a step to change for something new .
I was supposed to clean and to clear my flat of junks but never got to do it as I was tired in mind.
I have decided I will clean it on 31 December tomorrow/today and give me one day to do it. Hopefully, the new year will give me a lighter or brighter perspective.
I don't care how I clear my flat but I am going to clear it. Am going to stuff all the junks into one room.
I’m fed up at the moment. A 2 year old kid (we have twins) who doesn’t acknowledge my existence most of the time and a psychopathic perimenopausal wife makes life particularly difficult at the moment.
Well I'll jump in here as well to say the las day of 2023 isn't going great either. My partner fell out with me on the phone at the stroke of midnight, and I've just spent the last two hours composing emails to try and finalise my divorce, hoping daylight brings some relief.
But if it all turns to shit I'll be riding my bike a lot more again. Really want to head out now, but three kids will be waking soon and I'm on parent mode this weekend...
Another not doing great here. Suffered with depression for a long time and haven’t been myself for years. Dreading going back to work on Tuesday and just can’t see anyway things will improve. Just find life extremely difficult in general.
Hugs to all. It'll get sunnier soon.
Not sure which one I hate the most. Christmas or NYE.
Can't get past regression and focusing on negative previous experiences. It's seems to be the way my mind is wired. Remember something from 5 , 10 , 20 years ago and my brain just slots in a memory that's of a bad thing , it's very rarely a fun , happy memory.
Which is a shame, lots of regret about things that have or didn't happen which is totally pointless as you can't change the past , stuff isn't going to unhappen.
Not riding just now , mix of CBA and the level or Muppets on their phones seems to be at an all time high . people literally careering down the road staring at their knee, often laughing at some stupid memes or gif or 8 second tiktok vid of a digger falling over.
+1 singletrackmind
And this new climate of ours also.
50mg sertraline is basically a placebo dose. Either get it bumped up to 100mg or get your GP to switch you to an alternative - Citalopram works well IME.