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My 23 year old daughter back home has been on self destruct mode for nearly two years and is going through the nightmare of ADHD assessment.
I'm trying to assist her from a distance and she's dragging me deeper and deeper into financial black hole by literally blowing her months wages in 48 hours then spending the rest of the month begging me for money to feed her, fuel her car etc etc.
I've looked into LPA and on face value, it looks as simple as filling it online and paying £82.
Her employers won't send her salary to me and this month she's excelled herself and gone from hero to zero in record time. She's in full agreement that she needs to allow me to manage her finances now as I've basically told her I can't afford to fund her lifestyle and mine, so she's got to work with me for once.
Has anyone done this route themselves and is it easy as it appears on the Gov website?
Yes it is pretty straightforward. You will need someone independent to certify that she is able to agree to this - we used a doctor.
Only thing to watch is be very careful that all the signatories and dates are in the correct order - my sister had one rejected because the dates were wrong, so one was before the other. Read the guidance carefully and it is pretty easy.
We arranged it for my parents with no issues last year, other than the backlog all government departments have at the moment.
My mate witnessed it to confirm it was all in order, not sure if that would be sufficient in your circumstances
Yes - my Mum arranged one so that my sister and I have access / can control her finances and healthcare as and when she becomes too infirm to do so.
It takes a LONG time - although it was relatively straightforward it took 5 months from date of us signing to confirmation.
It does not allow you to just go in and stop them spending money - if your daughter is determined to blow her wages in a couple of days then she can still do that and you need to look at other options like a joint bank account or some sort of discussion with her bank on spending controls.
A simpler option would be for you to sit her down and set up a Standing Order from her account to yours on payday so all the money goes into hers then straight out again. Then set up a weekly SO back to her so you can drip feed it back in. Again, it relies on her actually going along with this and not cancelling the SO without your knowledge...
OP, I don’t think this is going to do what you want it to.
A Lasting Power Of Attorney only applies as long as the subject is incapacitated and unable to make their own decisions, or is with their consent.
If they’re not incapacitated then they can rescind the Power of Attorney at any time, which is what I suspect that your daughter is likely to do.
Basically she can say “I change my mind, I want my money now” at any point, and you’d be obliged to give it to her.
It doesn’t sound as if your daughter lacks capacity to make her own decisions, no matter how poor her choices may be.
If she truly wants you to manage her money for her, then she could just set up a standing order so that the money goes into an account controlled by yourself on payday, or arrange with her employer to pay it directly into such an account. I do wonder why she hasn’t done this?
As above, LPA only gives the attorney powers in addition to the subject, not instead of.
Just be clear, 'Finance' and 'Health and Welfare' Powers of Attorney are separate. A Finance one can be used at any time, not just when the donor no longer has capacity to make their own decisions. The Health and Welfare one only kicks in when they have lost that capacity.
But, yeah, even the Finance one may not do what you need/want it to do and they are taking ages, like months and months, to set up.
It will be much quicker for you to be added as a joint party on her bank account, then you'll have full control of the funds within it (although as others have said it won't stop her spending them).
A few random thoughts,
AIUI here are two POAs, health and financial. She has to agree to it/them. Granting POA is easy, taking it is hard. From application to acceptance takes months (IIRC gov.uk quotes 20 weeks).
Does she actually want financial help, or does she want free money from you?
You can't instruct her employer to send her wages to your bank account, but she can.
What the hell is she spending a month's wages on in two days? Coke and hookers?
Learn to say no.
How about a Starling card account ? I have one and then my daughter has a card for a 'Space' which you can administer put limits on and get notified of purchases, transfer funds etc
As long as she can demonstrate that she has the mental capacity to freely agree to such an arrangement, then there is nothing to stop you both applying. She can revoke it at any point though, so I wouldn't view it as a cure-all procedure.
If she's prepared to agree to something as drastic as LPoA, why hasn't she already agreed a similar informal arrangement where she transfers you her salary, or changes the destination account for her salary to your account? If she's resisting that, then she'll likely revoke the PoA fairly swiftly as well.
Just to reiterate what has already been said, you can only make decisions for her when she lacks capacity to make the decision for herself. Whilst she has capacity you can only act on her directions.
One of the main five principles of the Mental capacity act is that someone shpuld not be treated as not having capacity just because they make an unwise decision.
Sorry that doesn't help.
Nothing to add to what's been said other than - we applied for my mum in October last year and it has only this week come back. Huge delays, lost paperwork etc. I'd imagine it's not the quick fix you need. Getting her to put her salary in your bank account sounds the easiest way forward. Good luck 👍
Echoing the above, if she has mental capacity she's legally allowed to make stupid decisions.
My mother wrecked my brother by never saying no to him. It sounds like you've been stopping her failing by bailing her out. As long as she has free money coming in from you she'll never change her ways.
I'm of the opinion that if she lives at home that needs to end. One bed flat, stand on her own feet Zero financial help.
If it's this bad only actual reality can prepare her for when you're not about any more.
LPA is not the answer.
Nor is any other agreement/arrangement which she can unilaterally opt out of.
There is the 'tough love' approach suggested by chevy - not one that I would endorse without exploring other options first.
Have you considered talking with a solicitor about what legally binding options exist to give you either sole or joint control of her earnings?
Have you asked why she has a compulsion to spend her earnings immediately - and what she is spending on?
What about counselling for her to understand her destructive behaviour and develop a plan to help her change. I understand fully this will only work if she really wants to change.
You could explain - clearly and firmly - that unless she commits to and is seen to be working towards behavioural change your financial support will end.
It's a shit situation and no parent would want to walk away from a child but there is a large element of your self-preservation in this.
Good luck.