[Closed] Any hairy buggers on here?

With as much haste as I could muster I hobbled into the shower and applied cooling water to the conflagration in my crotch, which only served to spread the napalm to my perineum. I am not a church-going man but as I felt the flaming horror trickle across that tender inch of no-man's land, I confess that I prayed aloud to Jesus and his host of angels that the advancing agony would not stray into my buttonhole. However, my prayers went unheeded, and as I felt the liquid inferno sizzle its way into my most private of eyes, I lost consciousness, but not before grabbing the shower curtain and collapsing, in a disturbing echo of that famous scene from Hitchcock's "Psycho".

As a research assistant working at CERN, the large hardon collider on the Franco-Swiss border, I have neglected the upkeep of my Wookie-esque man garden and pencil sharpener for several years - this has never been a problem before given that I naturally enjoy nothing more than taking part in full scale reenactments of Star Wars each weekend.

In order that one day I might be able to lure a non-male back to my mum's house, I decided to invest in a tube of the above creme, and with laissez-faire gay abandon, began dunking my entire lower body in bath of veet and matey bubble bath.

Having regained consciousness from an induced coma a mere 5 days later I returned to work despite the gently pulsating patch of ultra dense biomatter that had formed where my foliage had been growing unchecked just a few hours earlier. Having of course completed the occupational health screening that is mandatory with this product, I resumed my role at the LHC, whereupon I was somewhat surprised to find that a small but distinct gravitational vortex had formed around my balloon knot.

Upon further investigation I was surprised to find that the contents of the creme have the same density and particle structure as anti matter, and are responsible for the creation of a gravitational singularity in my (now billiard-ball smooth) ringpiece, when in close proximity of the LHC, through which the known universe is likely to pass in the coming few hours.

In summary, a slightly more dignified option than a back sack and crack wax, offset by the distinct potential to cause the cataclysmic implosion of the universe and to end all life on earth.

Would buy again.

"I like the clean shaven look down in my gentleman's log cabin, so for the past few years I've used a shaver. However the hair keeps growing back which means every 6 months I have to spend 20 minutes trimming again. As I'm sure you've realise this is valuable time I cannot waste. So I decided to get to the root of the problem and purchased this product.

Probably the first thing you will notice after using this product is the pain. Although as a man I lack the required experience, I'm going to estimate that using this product is at least eleven times more painful than childbirth.
Imagine sticking a rusty razor blade into your favourite eye, before tying your hands behind your back. Then imagine that you use the entrenched razor blade to slice open a raw onion. All the while being butt naked. This product is slightly more painful than that.

However if we ignore the blinding, crippling and debilitating pain I should point out that this product is remarkably effective. Before, all manner of organisms great and small lived down there, now nothing can grow; not even on a cellular level. Sadly this includes my genitalia; I've spent the last four hours staring fixedly at Carol Vorderman's arse, all to no avail. My tinkywinkleton hasn't even so much as perked up, so if my review seems a bit harsh, it's only because I wanted children.

All in all an effective and reasonably priced product - 3 Stars."

I'll not be qualifying as a "[i]Hairy bugger[/i]"

But I followed the link and LoL'd at this comment by Andrew:

[i]Being a loose cannon who does not play by the rules the first thing I did was ignore the warning ... [/i]

Priceless !.
😆